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20 Nov 12 00:05
Date Joined: 20 Dec 05
| Topic/replies: 1,852 | Blogger: evski's blog
I've not been on her for a while due to messy life.Let me explain so that you wise betfarians can advise:

Early last year I went to work in San Fran. I was there 3 months and after my fiance coming to visit me I fell in love with a girl from the office and had an affair on my fiance of 9 years. Unfortunately, when I got home I left my pc open and my fiance read my emails and saw all the gory details. As you'd imagine, she was both furious and devastated. I was confused, I lied to her and kept on talking to my SF bird and planned on seeing her again. Despite her giving me another chance, I got stupid and left my phone in her possession at christmas and she saw a shed load more emails.
We split up then but recently I stopped speaking to SF bird and everything has been going great with my fiance. Unfortunately, I've got to go to SF for 6 months in april and my mrs can't accept that ill be working 20 feet from her and that we will have to socialise together. My question is: how the hell do I get her to realise that she has to trust me and that me and SF bird can be friends. I've told her we won't be best buddies or anything but she's going mental just because I'll be socialising occasionally. This is driving me mad cos I love her but I can't deal with this lack of trust. What would the wise betfarians do?

thanks for your helop :)
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Report Dan Chipowski November 20, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
You love her so much you thought nothing of giving the SF girl a portion?

Yeah, right. Plain
Report evski November 20, 2012 12:18 AM GMT
I just made a mistake. I realise that now. She was hot and I just thought I'd get away with it.

So you think that I should get rid because she's too jealous? People in love make mistakes. I'm not proud, I just got stupid. Should I just accept I f****d it up and now she will always be jealous or can she trust me. Someone here must have experience of this sh*t! I cna't be the only one ffs!!
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 12:18 AM GMT
hmmm ,.. what if it all went well with SF girl though ?

Trust's difficult to rebuild imo
Report David Fishwick Minibus Sales November 20, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
terrible bait
Report MisterBadger November 20, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
if your bird is so grate she'd kick you into touch now imo

ps even feeding the ducks in mansfield toon was a better effort
Report HRH The Lager Khan November 20, 2012 12:21 AM GMT
Remove your genitalia before you go to regain her trust. If that doesn't show her you love her, then she is clearly wrong for you.
Report Dan Chipowski November 20, 2012 12:22 AM GMT
Report evski November 20, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
this isn't "bait". What is supposed to be my trap? I really don't have many friends outside work and I can't talk to them about this. wft is supposed to be my motive? I'm a c**t who made a terrible mistake. Sopme people think everything is fishing. I actually thought the guy with the duck story was genuine, granted, I thought it was hilarious, but that;s by the by.
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 12:25 AM GMT
Just one question though evski if you don't mind ...

What colour knickers did she wear Confused
Report evski November 20, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
okay, this isn't going to work. I thought I could reverse my story and pretend I was the cheat but here's the truth. My fiance whom I've been with since I was 20 (11 years ago) cheated on my with some cu*t from SF. She carried on cheating and i took it. I had a mental breakdown and for about a year I couldn't drink, couldn't socialise,couldn't see family or friends. she lied constantly and even tho we stayed together I found her plans to meet him at a conference in december. Iam so desperately in love that I was prepared to forgive. Now she's got to go back for a year and she's saying that she can't refuse to socialise with him because they have shared friends. I think that's unreasonable and if she wants me she should be prepared to tell him to get bent whenever he follows her about. Basically, this guy is a slimy tw@ and I think she knows that but I fear that the more time she spends getting p1ssed around him the more likley she is to get p1$$ed and let him shash her back doors in.

Am I a mug? I know the likes of HRH are gonna take the p1ss but this is driving me mental. I've never cheated on anyone and I lopve this girl. I just thought we were happy and now I don't know what to do. She really is everything I ever wanted and now I don't know whewther to trust her for a whole year or to just accept that the only girl ive ever known is gone. I feel like i'm on the verge of slipping back in to mental meltdown and I have no oine to turn to. Sad
Report MisterBadger November 20, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
ok then, if you're genuinely serious, bin the job and get a different one... no way your bird will ever trust you again otherwise
Report MisterBadger November 20, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
foysc nomfs
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
Report evski November 20, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
abreviations explained. I think i get the first one but wtf is the second? O hve to say, I doubt it's advise and If i think the first one is what i think it is, it's abuse. although I think she should take your advice forom 3 posts back, so thanks.
Report Burton-Brewers November 20, 2012 12:44 AM GMT
it's a difficult one for sure and I am thinking of 2 scenarios here. Could you post some nude photos to help concentrate my thoughts, that is of the bird by the way not you.
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
I hope for your sake you're messing mate Sad

but you shouldn't lie/trick the forum like that as nobody'll know what to think now ...
Report evski November 20, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
LOL! Surely you've seen your own mother naked before?
Report evski November 20, 2012 12:52 AM GMT
MC Moonbeam, sadly i'm not messing now. I suppose i thought i'd save face not admitting that it was me that had been cheated on but I suppose I'd rather be that than the opposite. I promise you that this is not a joke. In fact, it's worse: my restaurant closed 3 months ago and I'm skint and jobless too. Basically, I'm not in a good place and i'm so f*****g lonely that my only option is to talk to strangers on a forum I barely frequent anymore.
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
that makes 2 of us then ... i'm virtually homeless & lost any faith i had left in life .. but i never had a bird to cheat on me in the first place ...
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 12:57 AM GMT
tbh everybody i know seems to split up .. so i kinda think what's the point !
Report David Fishwick Minibus Sales November 20, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
it's a victimless crime
Report evski November 20, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
moonbeam, I'm the opposite. All my friends have wives and kids and good jobs and I'm alone, paying off debts for my failed business and feeling so low I don't know where to turn. I know that all im likely to get here is ridicule, but wtf do you do? All im thinking is I'd love to trust her for a year but I keep thinking she's bound to end up with him. Idon't even know why I'm here. What would you do? A friend of mine that was also in a ten year relationship found out his mrs cheated about 2 weeks before me. he dumped her and moved on in weeks. I wish I had that strength. How do you do that? Anyone had something similar and got any afvice for moving on? Anyone had their mrs cheat and is now happy? How the F**K does one deal with this kind of sh*t!!!
Report MisterBadger November 20, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
Could you post some nude photos to help concentrate my thoughts, that is of the bird by the way not you.

Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
You've been together a long time though , that counts for a bit .. don't compare with your mate he might not of cared too much anyway .

Personally i'd be gutted .. but it sounds like you're constantly trying to 'keep up with the jones' a bit ?

Maybe that's just not you .. life can be cruel & brutal but i believe it teaches you along the way & people end up the way they're meant to be eventually
Report erse2 November 20, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
take up masturbation and ignore anyones calls for your attention.
Report Mc Moonbeam November 20, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
he needs advice .. not me erse !! Laugh
Report DonNo1 November 20, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
She really is everything I ever wanted

A cheat? I don't care how long you've been together, this woman didn't make one drunken mistake she persistently cheated and lied to you and caused you to have a mental breakdown.  How could you possibly want her in your life?  She clearly has no respect for you, you need to cut ties and start a fresh however hard it seems.  Unless you want a life of an untrustworthy relationship with someone who will likely continue to take other **** on the side.  IMO you are a mug, but you don't have continue to be one
Report Joel November 20, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
Why is she still only your fiancee? Why don't you marry her? And go with her....
Report erse2 November 20, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
i wouldn't go down on her when she comes back from san fran...
Report desperatemunter November 20, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
"..I fear that the more time she spends getting p1ssed around him the more likley she is to get p1$$ed and let him shash her back doors in."
no-one ever ever spoke like this in their life : but in their dreams oh yes all the time.
Report JamesBlakesHugeArse November 20, 2012 7:04 AM GMT
only answer is to get rid of her as soon as possible and try to never see her again - there are so many people better than her in the world
Report Angel Gabrial November 20, 2012 9:01 AM GMT

Leave her.

Report Angel Gabrial November 20, 2012 9:08 AM GMT
Same thing happened to me over 10 years ago. At a conference as well . I also forgave her for a year, but then decided the sleepless nights were an indication that enough was enough. So i walked out on her.

She actually went onto marry this guy and has 3 kids with him. It was obviously meant to be.

Time for you to accept it and move on.
Report DONEMYLOT November 20, 2012 9:15 AM GMT
If your gf had cheated on you with a laidee, would you have wanted pictures and not been so upset?

Nothing to do with it really, I just keep trying to suggest it to the wife
Report Winner_Winner_Chicken_Diner November 20, 2012 9:55 AM GMT
Its only sex, we are animals....rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr and its animal nature to f uck things. Go out to Cali, you will see all these beauitful people to and want to do it
Report raspberrybottom November 20, 2012 11:17 AM GMT
Just one, straight decision to make:

If you want to keep your girl - don't go to SF.

What's more important, your job or your life with your girl?

That's all there is to it really.
Report Biscuit1979 November 20, 2012 11:38 AM GMT
So she cheated on you, lied to you and caused you to have a mental breakdown.........but she's everything you've ever wanted?

Seems to me like you're just with her out of habit because it's been a long time and you're afraid of starting again.

If you really love her then give her an ultimatum. If she goes to SF then it's over. She either wants it to work with you or she doesn't. Let's face it, if she goes there for a year then there's not a hope in hell she won't start her affair again. And even if she says she won't, how can you know she's telling the truth?
Report Mr Eboue November 20, 2012 11:46 AM GMT
Biscuit nails it.

To me she sounds a horrible person. I know you've been with her a long time but that obviously doesn't mean anything to her.

Good luck whatever you decide.
Report flushgordon1 November 20, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
que sera sera,whatever will be will be,
the futures not ours to see que sera sera.

it is amazing how quickly your life can change from bad to good, do what you feel is right make your mistakes and learn and move on.

ps good can go to bad just as easily, just dont stagnate do what you feel is right for you and things will eventually work out.
Report Nocash November 20, 2012 12:05 PM GMT
Have you thought of starting at the bottom again and opening something else, a burger van for instance?
Report SqueezeFirmly November 20, 2012 12:13 PM GMT
Dump her.

Move on.

Report dizzydavid1 November 20, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
Evski, serious question, not taking the you get off on being a cuckolded man? if yes, you're in clover. If no, dump her, she's taken the **** too often and every night she's in San Fran you'll be wondering and some of those nights she'll likely be getting shagged .
Report dodgybettor November 20, 2012 12:44 PM GMT
Cuckold was indeed the word that came to my mind while reading your posts. It's quite clear that you need her more than she wants you. If you are really desperate, then you should consider moving to SF with her. Maybe just suggest to see her reaction. But, all in all, it's game over. You better move on.
Report posy November 20, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
my take is that if you're not married you can't be criticised for having a fling with anyone else....once you're married you'll find that within a few years you'll have the opportunity to conduct an affair and if you do suggest you don't let spouse get onto your computer and certainly not your phone....a duplicate phone is often required.
Report DONEMYLOT November 20, 2012 12:47 PM GMT
If you want to shagg about, don't get married. If you're fed up, say 'I'm fed up, want to play around so best we split up'

Or don't and stay loyal.
Report howardisawinker November 20, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
My ex wife was similar to what your fiancee sounds like.
Trouble is we had a kid.

My advice: run a million miles, never have anything to do with her again, and be very grateful that you can get away before it's too late.
If you marry this woman I guarantee she'll take whatever you manage to build up once you've got over your current financial situation.
If you have kids with her you'll regret it forever.

Run. And if your 1st version was true, then I'd give the same advice to her.
Report Angel Gabrial November 20, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
Wise words Howard.
Report Ivor November 20, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
SF - stand for Science Fiction maybe?

Seriously :- one of BF chit-chats finest moments.
Report MRGRUMPY1 November 20, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
Everyone cheats, fortunately few get caught.
Report The Bhoys November 20, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
hes right everyone cheats.
Report Early Morning Riser November 20, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
If your partner does go back to san fran its 1.01 she will end up back in the sack with him. And thats a FACT. They work too close together for this not to happen. The chemistry between them is still there and will never go away while being so near to each other. Sex Hormones are a powerful thing. Her mind will race with the thoughts of them together making the urge to get together again tooooooooooooo strong. I'm sorry that you didn't want to here this. But thats how it will be.
Report Angel Gabrial November 20, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
The sex with the other will be dangerous and exciting, and she will not be able to forget it!

It don`t mean his meat has extra girth compared to yours. It just means mentally and emotionally his shlong hits the spot.
Report howardisawinker November 20, 2012 5:57 PM GMT
Everyone cheats, but not everyone carries on after they've been caught out, then expects to be able to go back and spend the year working with the person they were cheating with.

She doesn't care about you in the slightest. You desperately need to end this relationship straight away you'll be very well rid.
Report dizzydavid1 November 20, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
All this everyone cheats stuff is nonsense. I've known many that do, many that don't. Very short odds that she'll cheat on you again though. You need to learn to let go of all the negative insecurities and learn to enjoy it, or, ditch her.
Report page-413 November 20, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
The SF girl must be as thick as a plank you cannot spell
Report Blades November 20, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
Evski, you're a mug. When you wake up, clear up the dribble in your pants and go to a dating agency...set your standards very low and you might eventually get lucky. In the meantime, get some porn!
Report Nocash November 21, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
dizzydavid1     20 Nov 12 18:36 
All this everyone cheats stuff is nonsense. I've known many that do, many that don't.

.......and the only reason they haven't is because they have yet to be given the chance.
Report dizzydavid1 November 21, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ not true in many cases, in my experience. true in others.
Report bongo November 21, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
In difficult circumstances ask yourself - what would Joey from Friends do - suggest a 3-way.
When the cards have landed even worse than that some people ask themselves what Jesus would do in the same situation - he'd forgive them both
But tradition has it that when times are really gruesome the true chit-chatter asks themselves 'What would Bob ( Mugabe ) do?'

So tell the girl she will rot in the den of homesexuality in the country that is applying illegal sanctions, and go take a white farm.
Report fkqmz November 21, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
Laugh quality thread

only thing missing is a thread off someone claiming to be the pimp in SF, 5 years ago there would have been dozens by now!
Report Tommy Toes November 21, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
I think what's missing is the Calvinator.
Report mob-racing November 21, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
fkqmz Ive not been in chit chat for a few years now and i noticed that. came in looking for a giggle, got a bit of one but not the quality of replies I was expecting

The burger van one is probably the highlight so far
Report Angel Gabrial November 22, 2012 8:39 AM GMT
This sounds like a Les Dennis situation.

[from Big Money]
Les Dennis: Name something people take with them to the beach.
Bob Johnson: Turkey.
Les Dennis: The first thing you buy in a supermarket.
Bob Johnson: [laughs] Uh, turkey.
Les Dennis: A food often stuffed.
Bob Johnson: [laughs again] Turkey!

Moral of the story - Once you come to a decision never look back..
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