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There once was a queen of Bavaria
Whose f anny grew hairier and hairier
When the Prince of Peru
Came round for a $crew
He'd hunt for her c unt with a terrier.
Whose f anny grew hairier and hairier
When the Prince of Peru
Came round for a $crew
He'd hunt for her c unt with a terrier.
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There was a young lady from Horton
Who had one great big t1t and one short 'un And on top of all that A big hairy tw@t And a f@rt like a 650 Norton |
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There's a young girl from Carshalton just like that.
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There once was a boxer called Bruno
Whose catchphrase was 'Do you know What I mean, Harry?' But Harry didn't tarry To find out if he don't or he do know. |
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There was a young girl from Devizes
Whose tits were of two different sizes One was quite small And was no use at all The other was huge, and won prizes |
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There was an old man from the sticks
Who enjoyed making up limericks But he failed at the sport Cos he wrote them too short |
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There was a mathematician named Hall
Who had a hexahedronical ball, The square root of its weight Times his d1ck minus eight Was 4/5s of 5/8s of feck all. |
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A randy young man from Nantucket
Had a p3n1s so big he could suck it He said, with a grin Wiping $punk from his chin 'If my ear was a c**t I could f**k it' |
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Ohhhhh, that was a terrible song
Sing us another one Just like the other one Sing us another one do .... |
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There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling She sat on a mat opened her pr@t and pi$$ed all over the ceiling |
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There was a young girl from The Azores
Whose fánny was covered in sores All the dogs in the street Would sniff at the meat That hung in festoons from her draws |
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A mathematician from Devon
Was trying to get to heaven On the strength of his try At the value of Pi 3.1415927 |
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A mosquito was heard to complain
That the chemists were poisoning his brain The cause of his sorrow Was para-dichloro Diphenyltrichloroethane |
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A better maths whizz from Kuwait
Said he had more digits, too late: 3.1415 926535 89793238 |
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There was a blond boy from West Ham
who hastily boarded a tram when he had embarked the conductor remarked 'Your fare sir?' he answered 'I am' |
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There was a young man fron Balsheen
who invented a w*nking machine on the ninety ninth stroke the facking thing broke and whipped his bollocks to cream |
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There was a young man named Ghandi
who popped into a pub for a shandy he lifted up his loin cloth to wipe off the froth and the barmaid said 'Blimey, that's handy' |
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There was a young man from Belgrave
Who found a dead **** in a cave 'Although it's disgusting she only needs dusting and think of the money I'll save' |
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**** = wh ore
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There was a young black man named Dre
who went off to his first job one day he didn't like work so he started to shirk and now he's on J.S.A. |
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racist reported
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although not a limerick, a poem. but still makes me laugh
Roses are red Violets are blue I've got tourettes Cheese on toast. |
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There was an old man from Bombay
Who moulded a Cu*t out of clay The heat of his pr1ck Turned the clay into brick And wore all his foresk1n away.... |
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There was a young fella named Paul
Who was extremely tall Whilst lying in bed He would stretch out his leg And turn out the light in the hall |
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A fella named abattoir Dan
Came up with a cunning plan A post and a tweet About obtaining Horsemeat But didn't reckon on kenny mann |
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There was a young man from Dundee
who was stung on the nose by a wasp when asked Did it hurt?' he said 'No, not a lot, it can do it again if it likes' Bert - c 2006 |
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Walked into a shop known as Corals
A place of dubious morals Can i have fifty at eights? When were you born mate? So began the inevitable quarrel. |
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Bert - c 2006
 The Bert bit is almost right anyway. It's a very slight variation on a limerick written by the Gilbert half of Gilbert and Sullivan in the late 1800s |
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There was a young man from Rangoon
Who was born a fortnight too soon It wasn’t his luck to be born by a fruck But a rack off put in by a spoon |
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there was a young man named Bill Hunt
who went on the river to punt the punt sank with him but the tw*t couldn't swim what a facking great useless idiot I was stuck for a rhyme there |
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there once was a vicar called sims
who dreamt of sexual things his secret desire was a boy from the choir with an arse like a jelly on springs |