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27 Mar 12 12:10
Date Joined: 01 Mar 03
| Topic/replies: 13,044 | Blogger: rogerthebutler's blog
On the wag from work this morning (it's my birthday - yeah, thanks) and went for a walk around the local National Trust forest.

Im 49, sound of body and I'll leave you to judge about my mind, however my balance and perambulatory ability has never been in question.

But my God, the number of - what shall we call them? I know. (unts! - who have bought and then actually use walking poles in order to, umm, put one foot in front of another! WTF is that sh1t all about?

Fair enough, if your old and infirm and you need a walking stick. I'm talking about these things that are basically, ski-poles. Young and fit-looking people breaking these things out at the drop of piece of Kendal Mint Cake.

Folks. It's just 'putting one foot in front of another' repeatedly. **** Sapiens has been doing it since we crawled out the priemeval gloop. You do not need anything else to improve your amplitory efficiency. You do need your heads examining.

What a 'Dragon's Den' that must have been when they pitched that idea.

"We take an everyday function and charge people money to add some meaningless fol-de-rol"

Peter. " Well swelp me! Money you say? I'm in!!"

Theo. " Genius! Where do I sign up?"

Deborah. "Nom, nom, nom....(belch). I'm in (the closet)"

Duncan. " (unt off the lot of you! I saw him first. never understimate the crass stupidity of mankind! I'll give you a million for 1% of the company!"

.....and, relax Roger.
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Report Ken Masters March 27, 2012 12:16 PM BST
Very handy for pointing at things imo, until you've pointed at something with a magnesium tipped, carbon-fibre ambulatory enhancing apparatus you've not really pointed at something at all.
Report DONEMYLOT March 27, 2012 1:52 PM BST
very funny, rog. good work
Report HH Sultan Vinegar March 27, 2012 1:59 PM BST
Very good Roger and many happy returns.
The canes and sticks preferred by some of our upper class ancestors seemed to be a handy accessory though.
I'm sure if I were to don a monacle and point firmly at a bunch of hoodies exclaiming, "I say you there, stop that this instance", it'd be all they'd need to disperse and be on their merry way.
Report Poppydog. March 27, 2012 2:18 PM BST
We have a shiny metallic green Gipron Trekking Deluxe one

Comfigrip handle, telescopic adjustment

Although my little boy uses it 95% of the time (he's currently planning Antarctic trip with Helen Skeleton)
and it's tied to his sledge, you're willing to borrow it anytime RogerTheButler?
Report Poppydog. March 27, 2012 2:19 PM BST
* welcome (and willing also)
Report naydam March 27, 2012 2:21 PM BST
Without wishing to be accused of disagreeing with anybody, I HAVE got the idea from somewhere, (possibly something I read, Possibly something I saw on TV), that they are very useful, especially on uneven terrain. It might well have been a programme about walking the Scottish Thingies. Happy
Report rogerthebutler March 27, 2012 3:04 PM BST
Munro's - mountains over 4,000 ft, where you need your hands for scrambling not for clinging onto some superfluous phallic symbol.
Report rogerthebutler March 27, 2012 3:07 PM BST

That wouldn't be snow and ice your lad would be walking on would it, it being Antarctica and everything.

In which case, they become SKI-POLES and then as vital as a top of the range Helly Hansen jacket and a Goose-Down sleeping bag.

These (**** were walking round the badlands of the Ashridge Estate in Hertfordshire!!
Report twomatchpoints March 27, 2012 3:08 PM BST
How about picking up the stuff from the forest floor that falls from trees, and selling it as Pot-Pourri Laugh
Report rogerthebutler March 27, 2012 3:15 PM BST
Yeah how about it?

Fk it, I thought (back in the '80's) Evian Water was the ultimate con, but that looks the British Kite Mark standard of honest ethical produce in comparisom with some of the toot that's followed since.
Report Ken Masters March 27, 2012 3:22 PM BST
Still think the no-touch soap dispenser takes the cake in the pointless stakes.
Report Asparagus Man March 27, 2012 3:22 PM BST
Can anyone honestly explain the benefit of these please?

One of my mates who considers himself a serious mountaineer brought them on a walk a few years ago. Obviously we relentlessly took the pish all the time about when he was going to start skiing etc.

On the plus side they were might handy for drunken fencing fights after the pub closed.
Report Clouseau March 27, 2012 3:37 PM BST
I use one.

Although I look fit and healthy, apart from a slight limp that most don't notice, I smashed 20+ bones up and did severe ligament and nerve damage to my legs several years ago.

Am I supposed to wear a sign around my neck stating these facts so I don't get called a "(unt"?

Report Ken Masters March 27, 2012 3:42 PM BST
I also have 2 Poles and if I don't walk them they get restless and refuse to undercut our own home-grown tradesmen's prices for far superior work done in double-quick time.
Report rogerthebutler March 27, 2012 3:46 PM BST

You are the exception highlighted in para 4 of my original post (please forgive my tarring you with the 'imfirm' brush - though you clearly fking well are!)

Let President Rodge exclude you now, and in perpetuity, from all nomenclature of you, and your bloodline, as '(unts'
Report twomatchpoints March 27, 2012 4:08 PM BST
He may be a w@nker though...
Report madsimon March 27, 2012 4:10 PM BST
Both Bear Grills and Ray Mears (who would you want beside you stranded in the jungle? - I would take Ray personally) recommend walking sticks so there!!!!!!!!
Report Facts March 27, 2012 4:54 PM BST
There is also evidence that they actually do you harm. In that your balance is distributed incorrectly whilst using them - and so put incorrect pressure on the hips and spine. using them whilst walking on the pavements/roads is pathetic. Like dropping kids off to school in cities whilst driving a 4 x 4.
Report rogerthebutler March 27, 2012 5:04 PM BST
They certainly make you look like a complete fking sp@st1c
Report GoOnThen March 27, 2012 5:20 PM BST
I'm currently in northern majorca in a countryside location, impossible to drive the 6km(flat terrain) to the nearest town without passing a group of krauts out walking, brandishing said items with a sense of purpose and determination etched on their faces reminiscent of Brian Blessed storming the north face of the Eiger.Krunts!
Report moisok March 27, 2012 5:28 PM BST
personally I prefer a taxi
Report naydam March 27, 2012 6:55 PM BST
I see now why none of you understand the benefits. You don/'t do any proper walking! Just because you encounter some people on the Ashridge Estate, in Hertfordshire using these walking aids, doesn't mean that you know the full story.
YOU were the only one spending his time on the Ashridge Estate, Hertfordshire. THEY were setting off on a trip to Whitehaven. Laugh
Report Mr Eboue March 27, 2012 7:09 PM BST
Fantastic thread LaughLaughLaughLaughLaughLaugh
Report GoOnThen March 27, 2012 7:17 PM BST
Ashridge is a prime dogging location.Maybe the poles are the walkers equivalent of turning on the interior light?
Report BonVivvy March 27, 2012 7:44 PM BST
The walking pole to the weeeknd walker has become what the hot steaming bucket of milky mulch is to the city dwelling office drones.

Both are now thought of as essential to the act.

Now if your going up a very serious incline in Nepal or your mountaineering well of course you'l need poles..but i saw huge groups walking around Tarn Hows using them ffs!
Report allpoints March 27, 2012 10:48 PM BST
I use a stick regularly & the sweetheart uses one of these poles.If you walk over some of the ground we walk over they are certainly very useful.We don't prat about walking around N.T. forest trails when we go out it's usually the moors we go on.When you're on the moors you don't know what the grounds like & how much weight it will take etc.A must for serious walkers.Last week for example we were on the tops above Middleton In Teesdale & despite all this dry weather we've been having it was still certainly wet enough up there.The ground was still very wet & without using the stick & pole we would have been struggling at times to get over the wet patches which in places the water was still coming over the boots.They certainly make our walking a lot easier.
Report shiraz March 27, 2012 11:03 PM BST
I do a fair bit of trekking (tramping).  A couple of years back a group of us did the Milford Track in New Zealand and one of the guys developed an injury after the first day.  There is no going back on that track, it's either finish the track or get a helicopter.  I've never used them myself, but it was very lucky that someone from another group had a spare set that they could lend our friend.

Having said that, I'm off to Nepal in November and don't plan to use poles when trekking there.
Report Tommy Toes March 28, 2012 2:56 AM BST
An excellent thread!

Rogerthebutler, what do you think Robert Peston would have to say on the matter?
Report Tommy Toes March 28, 2012 2:57 AM BST
- and belated happy birthday wishes to you!
Report rogerthebutler March 28, 2012 10:01 AM BST
Tommy Toes Joined: 20 Apr 04
Replies: 32979 28 Mar 12 02:56   

An excellent thread!

Rogerthebutler, what do you think Robert Peston would have to say on the matter?

You know, I'm pretty sure that's Dante's unexplored tenth circle of hell you've just described right there.

In fact the day Peston appears on the news, belming away about Walking Poles, it's the day the lassoo goes over the beam, I kick away the chair, get to do the funky chicken for a few seconds, then it's 'bag 'em and tag 'em' time and we give this world back to the Cockroaches.
Report Nocash March 28, 2012 10:39 AM BST
Ken Masters     27 Mar 12 15:22 
Still think the no-touch soap dispenser takes the cake in the pointless stakes.

Oops. It's only the dispenser that's no touch, that explains why I'm not smelling too sweet at the moment.
Report Ken Masters March 28, 2012 11:06 AM BST
You think walking poles are bad, check these lazy basturts

Report HH Sultan Vinegar March 28, 2012 11:35 AM BST
by the looks of the poor soul on the laft, one of them's dropped one too.
Report cooperman March 28, 2012 12:11 PM BST
Still tryin' to work out why the rider has walking boots and the walker has trainersConfused
Report Tommy Toes April 1, 2012 2:36 AM BST
Bang on about the Peston's Dante, Roger!
Report David Fishwick Minibus Sales April 1, 2012 2:43 AM BST
great thread
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