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Psychic Mutley
07 Jun 11 10:50
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Date Joined: 11 Apr 10
| Topic/replies: 5,317 | Blogger: Psychic Mutley's blog
If you wanted to have a day that you did the most hideous farts, what would be the perfect diet to achieve this?
Pause Switch to Standard View A perfect diet for a day of farting?
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Report thedikler June 7, 2011 10:55 AM BST
Try a full packet of trio biscuits they always worked for me.
Report everythings gone green June 7, 2011 11:21 AM BST
Cook cabbage and sprouts and make gravy from the water.

Pour gravy over roasted onions and the cabbage and sprouts.

Enjoy
Report bix June 7, 2011 11:30 AM BST
There was a thread on here recently about a man who had died from inhaling methane after too much farting so beware.
Report kavvie June 7, 2011 11:32 AM BST
8 pts of guiness the previous night.breafast of two fried eggs and beans.lunch of sausages and fried onions.enjoy your evening.
Report bix June 7, 2011 11:37 AM BST
Man dies in his sleep from breathing in his own farts


A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn’t have been fatal, but the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating ‘this deadly gas.’"
Report Psychic Mutley June 7, 2011 11:50 AM BST
Some excellent advice but I don't want to get alcohol involved. Off to the sprouts and cabbage shop for me then, with Trio biscuits for pud.
Report everythings gone green June 7, 2011 11:51 AM BST
The roast onions have a synergistic effect with the brassicas.
Report bix June 7, 2011 11:56 AM BST
Why would anyone want to do this?
Report sparkmaster. June 7, 2011 11:59 AM BST
Am afraid that story is an urban legend bix.

Although has anyone heard from Mr Winkle lately?
Report bix June 7, 2011 12:12 PM BST
You are probably right Sparkmaster. I copied it from another thread.
Report cooperman June 7, 2011 2:07 PM BST
Sauerkraut.................@rsehole like a windsock.
Report HH Sultan Vinegar June 7, 2011 2:17 PM BST
..if you're not counting mild & bitter interspersed with pickled eggs, I'd say a large amount of dried apricots.
Report Make my hay June 7, 2011 3:03 PM BST
RYVITA - Sweet Onion Crispbread, Crispbread infused with the distinctive tang of sweet onion. High in fibre and high in taste!

Mutley just eat 1 packet of that stuff in one go and I guarantee you you'll do the most stinkiest farts you could  ever imagine. I know what I'm talking about, I've had  past experience with this. Sad
Report BillyBunnsLane June 7, 2011 3:11 PM BST
Shame about the alcohol restriction as Marstons Ped plus Pickled Onion Monster munch would have done the job.

Instead, try Diet Coke and Mentos sweets (better google it first)

;)
Report Coachbuster June 7, 2011 3:14 PM BST
marmite and then generous amounts of sugary food
Report danniellasmincepies June 7, 2011 3:17 PM BST
anything containing dried onion
Report Prima Donna June 7, 2011 3:18 PM BST
All dried fruit, esp' figs and apricots all topped off with some ripe bananas served with a large serving of muesli,OMG that is a recipe for 'mega disaster'!!!Be warned only consume this if you can guarantee nobody will be at home smoking for 24 hours!Laugh
Report everythings gone green February 3, 2014 12:24 AM GMT
Quorn sausages Blush
Report tambhoy5 February 3, 2014 12:30 AM GMT
red lentils are a must
Report Dr Crippen February 3, 2014 10:59 AM GMT
From Spitting Image.
Alistair Burnet delivering a newsflash.

''Tonight just after ten o'clock during his act at his Manchester club, Bernard Manning farted.

The auditorium was immediately evacuated and emergency services were called in.
Survivors were taken to Manchester infirmary.

If you had any friends or relatives in the audience the emergency number to call is...''

End of the newsflash.
Report FOYLESWAR February 3, 2014 11:22 AM GMT
batchelors Mexican beanfeast ! abut 20 years ago I ate 1 of these for the 1st and last time ,it was for me  and anyone in the same room as me absolutely devastating ,after about an hour of consuming the said product I started farting about every 5-10 mins no loud noises more a quiet  prolonged   hisss .......     but what they lacked in sound they more than made up with smell ,it was absolutely hideous and made my 10 year old daughter who was in the same room watching tv  burst into tears , and they hung around longer than the jehovas witnesses  ,it was so bad I could hardly stand it ! and the missus got the raving hump and it caused an almighty row .
fortunately for the family but not so lucky for my friend I was going night fishing that evening  and the farts seemed to be getting stronger " maturing with age possibly " and were absolutely rank ,and we shared a bivvy (like a tent and very confined ) not the best place to be for him anyway , after him sampling about 3 of the by now pungent guffs he also had the right hump and slept out of the bivvy and braved the elements rather than face the dreaded aroma . I don't know if these delights are still available but they also came in other " exotic flavours like Colombian beanfeast etc , I never tried one again as the missus wouldn't buy anymore and she would in all probability divorced me or murdered me in my sleep .
Report zorrostrikes February 3, 2014 11:26 AM GMT
sprouts - bacon and beans, by mixing the meat in with the already gaseous veg you tie up your stomach for twelve hours. Using just the veg the stomach would clear it within four. Maximum gas output achieved.
Report kenny mann February 3, 2014 1:35 PM GMT
fantastic to see PM back
Report Aunty Post February 3, 2014 2:05 PM GMT
I don't normally get involved with sordid subjects, but I am reminded of an incident last year where
a woman died following her husbands blowing off in bed. with her trapped under the covers!

Apparently the fat slob had pigged out on Indian food, including a load of Onion Bhajis etc.

They say she would have been dead within thirty seconds!
Report kenny mann February 3, 2014 2:44 PM GMT
RIP
Report Aunty Post February 3, 2014 2:56 PM GMT
Let RIP!
Report stinnkymonkey February 3, 2014 10:01 PM GMT
Stumbled across this a couple of years ago after wondering the same thing myself.


OK - after years of experience I can assure you the following is guaranteed to produce the most noxious farts imaginable. This is not for the faint of heart.....

You will need the following:

4 brussell sprouts
8 cabbage leaves
1/4 cup of 'three beans' mix
12 dried apricots
2 prunes (only two otherwise you're going to end up with a case of 'follow through' on your farts!)
1 boiled egg
1/2 bottle of warm beer
1/2 clove of garlic
and last but not least

1 xenecal tablet (this is a weight loss tablet available from the pharmacy. It causes your intestines to not absorb fats. It has amongst other things, a particularly nasty side effect of producing gas)

The procedure:
Start with the clove of garlic and glass of water. The clove of garlic should be of a size that you can swallow in one gulp with a large glass of water. Make sure it's sliced in half and there are no sharp edges. Swallow the clove with a full glass of water; then swallow the xenecal tablet.

Wait ten minutes. This is crucial.
Next, take the cabbage, and cook in the microwave. Don't over cook it. It needs to be about 3/4s cooked for maximum effect. You can let this cool. Cook the brussel sprouts by the same method, cooking them about 3/4's of the way.

Consume both together.

Next, the boiled egg. Salt to taste; consume with a 1/2 glass of water to wash it down.

now the three bean mix. This stuff is usually found in 'bean salad' You can cover this with a liberal coating of french salad dressing which will make it really tasty AND add to the effect as the oil in the salad dressing won't digest and will have the effect of turning your farts truly nuclear.

All right, finally; eat the prunes, and appricots and wash this all down with the 1/2 glass of warm beer.

For the next hour or so, drink a full cup of water every 15 minutes. This helps to force your concoction through your guts rather than letting it all backup and burp out.

Now --- wait. Give it about an hour or two. Three at most.

Then -- go to ikea. This part isn't necessary but I can assure you from personal experience, is highly rewarding!! Let me tell you about my experience in the childrens toy section: First, that 'bloated feeling' began to wash over me. As I was walking through the store (which as you probably know is one enormous maze) I had that distinct feeling that gas was going to pass..... In the childrens section i thought "Hmmm this looks like a good place to play 'evacuate the building' As the fart approached my anus, i swear to God it felt like it was on fire. I could literally feel this super heated gas pass.... and I immediately knew it was going to be deadly from the temperature alone.....

A nano second later I had to quickly leave the childrens section. The stench was unlike ANYTHING i have ever experienced! imagine sulphur, eggs, boiled cabbage and HOT DEATH with strong garlicy overtunes all mixed in one.... And this fart did NOT dissipate. It was almost as if it clung to the walls.

I watch in absolute delight as people would enter the childrens section and --- like running into an invisible brick wall -- Stop dead in their tracks
One guy yelled out "What the F*ck was that?!?"

You will continue to drop these little easter eggs for the next hour or so -- easily. I must warn you though... if you are sensitive to prunes you'll want to stay close to the facilities.

Good luck and happy farting
Report kenny mann February 4, 2014 1:20 AM GMT
Laugh
Report Stow_judge February 4, 2014 12:35 PM GMT
I used to work with used to enjoy farting to such an extent that he purposefully swallowed whole lumps of food, rather than chewing them to smaller lumps. He reckoned it produced more gas and hence superior farts.
Report danniellasmincepies February 4, 2014 12:48 PM GMT
sniff
Report Deltâ February 4, 2014 12:56 PM GMT
FOYLESWAR

great stuff that Beanfeast wasnt it - remember it well here - nothing quite like it in the wind stakes

http://www.britishcornershop.co.uk/beanfeast-bolognese-style


I have left it alone since too  - but saw a Beanfeats pate the other day and curiosity got the better of me - tried it - pretty dull but no wind!


http://www.vbites.eu/food/products/108-beanfeast-pate-150g
Report cooperman February 5, 2014 1:21 PM GMT
Report stickyvicky February 5, 2014 1:44 PM GMT
^^^Grin

I find when abroad a plate of Calamari does the trick.
Rank nose stinging flatulence produced everytime.
Report Dr Crippen February 5, 2014 1:58 PM GMT
Have any of you experts ever sh!te yourselves while straining to deliver a show stopper?
Report squares February 5, 2014 3:19 PM GMT
going by this afternoon's efforts - my dog's diet
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