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The one where an owl flew down Dobbo's chimney, wrecked the house and the insurance company wouldn't pay out, for me.
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Hey up,
Green is here with his words of Wisdom....
Green got his teeth mixed up with the donkey off the £3 a month advert.
Green is here with his words of Wisdom....
Green got his teeth mixed up with the donkey off the £3 a month advert.
The best thread ever was the one on the footy forum about some fella ( I can't remember who ) detailing how he claims benefit and bets it on here. He had the forum going mad, it was so funny.
Kobe I think his name was
Kobe I think his name was
Wizzy Izzy's Special Bets Night Out was a very funny insight. Shame I don't know how to retrieve it either
Shame really that so few people left on the forums there's not been a funny thread for about 4 yrs!
I perosonally enjoyed Each Way's public breakdown as he descibed how he'd saved his friend ina court case (and had the papers to prove it!)
I perosonally enjoyed Each Way's public breakdown as he descibed how he'd saved his friend ina court case (and had the papers to prove it!)
cider red on tours drunken rants on the cricket forum a few yrs back was very funny.
Not a thread but a series of threads but does anyone remember Fish night?
The whole forum was bombarded by fish type threads over the course of the night by loads of posters myself included, while the forum and the mods couldn't keep up. Quite a few bannings over it for the more serious culprits but was one of the funniest nights ever. The forum nearly crashed and at one stage I don't think there was a non fishy themed thread on the board.
The whole forum was bombarded by fish type threads over the course of the night by loads of posters myself included, while the forum and the mods couldn't keep up. Quite a few bannings over it for the more serious culprits but was one of the funniest nights ever. The forum nearly crashed and at one stage I don't think there was a non fishy themed thread on the board.
For Java:
trader pj Joined: 13 Nov 02
Replies: 3191 06 Dec 10 00:39
Dear ************* [NAME REMOVED]
With reference to your recent correspondence, we can confirm that there was an error in our system.
On the evening in question we were having some difficulty with the integretity of our P&L calculator.
We apologise for any embarrassment or inconvenience this may have caused you.
Your sincerely
************* [NAME REMOVED]
Betfair Customer Services
trader pj Joined: 13 Nov 02
Replies: 3191 06 Dec 10 00:39
Dear ************* [NAME REMOVED]
With reference to your recent correspondence, we can confirm that there was an error in our system.
On the evening in question we were having some difficulty with the integretity of our P&L calculator.
We apologise for any embarrassment or inconvenience this may have caused you.
Your sincerely
************* [NAME REMOVED]
Betfair Customer Services
loads of good uns
the original middle east sitcoms thread
the 'van' thread
noble warriors
the cider red on tour one
revels wanting to go halves on a setanta subscription
please rate my cyberskilzzzz
and many more.
the original middle east sitcoms thread
the 'van' thread
noble warriors
the cider red on tour one
revels wanting to go halves on a setanta subscription
please rate my cyberskilzzzz
and many more.
http://www.maniacworld.com/which-is-the-guilty-dog.html
Spiders and evolution was good. It certainly attracted the nutters.
good thread on horse racing at moment about peoples experiences working in betting shops.
There was one on footy forum i think where someone invited round to watch big plasma tv in area of Manchester
Some thread about the 'only uphill racing track/racecourse in the UK' ?
Revelz was legendary but Farthouse will never be beaten...
Revelz was legendary but Farthouse will never be beaten...
FARTHOUSE! 19 Mar 19:13
FARTHOUSE! 13 May 02:18
sorry about it but i just getting to learn the language ok- is the spelling alright for you. i am not only new to betfair but also new to a language. my uncle boris say i do very well.i am very good at darts and by complete accident i put in a f instead of a d as it next to on the keybord, so i am darthouse, please no farthouse. thank you from DARTHOUSE....!....!!..... !!!!!!!!!!!! by a way, what is fishing.i come along way in a short space of time... i am dutch, but pleas no questions about my homeland, but trust i from netherlands. my hero is raymond van barneveld.he is dutch also. sorry for bad word .i love you all.i will return when i get some money. goodbye.
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 14:02
no it is all seious as i say in the thread title.why you say help? it was a accident as i press d on a keybord instaed of a f as it is next to it on a keybord. when i see it i **** myself. i am a darting legend in netherland but now i move to birmingum in england and no no me, i a good fiend ofmy hero raymond van barnevald.he used to be a potsman in my homeland of netherland.he deliver all his letter in a van and i give him his knickname of 'van' and he now known as raymond 'van' barnevald.he like the knickname and it stuck. even his wife maria barnevald uses it now... she is maria 'van' barnevald a well.thankyou from DARTHOUSE!!!!, a close fiend of raymond 'van' barnevald
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 16:38
your right about it mate. when i was a tint boy at school in netherland my best fiend was a boy called marco basten.he was a very good at football, he score many great goals and we all new he woud make it big one day mate. his father was a grocer and use to pick him up every day from school in his grocers van so i give him the knickname 'van' and he like it and it stuck and now everybody no him as marco 'van' basten. even his wife maria basten like it use it and she now call herself maria 'van' basten. my uncle boris use to know a man called Vincent Gough. he was a very good at painting.one day he was painting the living room in our house and a ice cream van pulled up outside mate. vincent ran outside and bought me a ice cream. i said i wanted more than one ice cream so he bought me the whole van and i give him the knickname 'van' and he like it and it stuck and now everyone no him as vincent 'van' gough.even his wife maria gough like it and use it and she now call herself maria 'van' gough.
LarkyBear 14 May 19:18
Farthouse, are you very close to Dickk van ****? Or did you know him when he was Dickking Dykes
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 19:23
yes there **** alright. men are better. i remenmber one good player who was a man who not from netherland but use to have his holidays there as a boy. i became a fiend to him. his name was ian lendl.he love his tennis mate but hate his name ian and used to label himself i.lendl so nobody no it and only good fiends like me new his name was ian. anyway he became famous and won a big sum of money. he a millynaire yet he still not boast, he very humble. he not go clubbing people and no drive fast cars, no mate he drove around in a simple van. i decided to give him the knickname 'clay' because he liked playing on it, but he didn't like it, never used it and gave himself the knickname 'van' instead, liked it, used it and it stuck and from then on everyone called him I. VAN LENDL. his wife used it to by a way.
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 19:28
you have already guest about him mate. he dicked his dykes in a van. i caught him at it one night and give him the knickname 'van'. he didnt like it, didn't use it but it stuck and everyone call him **** 'van' ****'. you wont be surprised to know that his wife dont use it mate.
Don No1 14 May 19:54
What about ad-van-tage? Have any involvement in that?
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 20:27
no, thats just a word used in tennis as far as i no. it is when they are 40-40 and you have to get 2 points ahead to win a game and a player gets just the one point away.solomon said to me once what is duece in tennis. i said 40-40. he said it was 30-30 as well.and in a way he right becuase 30-30 is the same you need 2 clear points as with the advantage at duece.i did no a dutch lass once called ann taige. we made love in the back of a van and everytime i saw her after i thought of her in my head as anne 'van' taige but it wasent a knickname just somthing i thought to myself. by sheer coinsidents she was cousin to a dutch tennis star- the great betty van stove who was also a fiend of mine, a former miss holland at the 1975 miss world contest.she got elimated in the second round and decide to put all her efforts into becoming a tennis player instaed. she got to wimpelton final in 1977 and virginia wade beat her! you probably no her as betty stove but she was born betty van stove. when she was at school she was in the dutch junior hockey team. one day the van they was traveling inside it to a game it hit a lampost and she lost her front teeth. she got a fobier about vans from that day on and dropped the 'van' from her name.nice woman... nice teeth!
mattiem. 14 May 20:31
What about the South Pacific island of Vanuatu, Darthouse? Did you have any involvement in that?
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 20:40
yes mate untill i went there on my hollidays as a small boy it was known as plain 'uatu'.i am osbervant and notice that there were loads of vans parked on the beach and you can guess the rest
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 20:55
by a way- when i talk about dickk van **** and i say " it stuck", i mean it literally mate!
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 14 May 21:05
lol, what about the historical figure Ivan the Terrible?
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 21:18
ivan the terrible??? mate, he died centuries before i was born and vans werent even around in them days- the wheel had yet to be invented mate!!? but by a great coincidents my great great great great great great great great grandmother used to go out clubbing with him.one day he clubbed her over the head and she died.everyone in holland thought it was a terrible thing to do mate and they knicknamed him ivan the terrible!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie 14 May 22:04
Mr Fart
Your advice is needed on the Soccer forum regarding Van Nistlerooy. Please help them they don't know a lot.
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 22:18
my son johann use to go to school with him mate.he was like pele and madonna that he only had a sirname like some footballers do. his parents never give him a cristian name but they knicknamed him 'horse'.he was expelled from school for mooning at some lassies in the school football team van. my son give him a brand new knickname 'rude van' nistelrooy and he liked it better, used it and it stuck!
cannyscot 14 May 22:19
Good stuff, Farthouse....and were you the owner of the Ian Balding trained horse called Vanderlin? Perhaps you know how it was so called?
Hedgehunter 14 May 22:25
Johann? Cruyff, I've heard it all now!
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 22:31
mate, you wont be surprpised to no that it was ogirinally called derlin.i never seen the horse you talk about but a fiend of mine told me that everytime it was on the gallops and it saw a van driving by ,it went chasing after it despite the jockeys attemts to restrain it.when i heard about it mate i rang the jockey up and tolled him he ought to give it the knickname 'van'. anyway he tried it, the horse liked it and it stuck!
maybenextime 14 May 23:32
How about Herst Van Rental.
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 01:40
herst van rental? yes mate this is also as dutch connections. i tolled you about the former miss holland betty stove who went on to get a tennis runner ups at wimpelton in the certainry year 1977. well mate, after her tennis run dry she become a weight lifter.she got a big bicepts mate, tricepts also.. but still a grorgeous looking woman .but all the body building was makin her ill it was.her papa he say " i worry about my beautyfull betty, her strength'll be the death of her!" anyway she got so strong she started to lift vans instaed of weights and her papa her got so worried mate that he stumbled through is words and he said: " i really worrying about my betty,her st van rength'll be the death of her!" by a coincidents i was in the room at the time he say it and it give me the idea of a van rental name to compeat with salford van hire. so i gets on the phone to some fiends looking to go into buisness, they liked it used it and it stuck!
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 01:48
he meant to say " her van strength'll ", but he said " her st-van-rength'll" by misstake.but he was upset at the time mate so you can undersand why he stumble his words.
cannyscot 15 May 07:05
More good stuff, Farthouse......but have you noticed that Clare Balding is connected to both Vanderlin and Van ****? Can you explain that?
gustav 15 May 08:55
What about Robin Van Persie, the young Arsenal wing man, how did he get his name?
Annoyed 15 May 11:07
Where did the Van Halen boys get their name from?
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 17:24
robin van persie is all a knickname mate. nobody no his real name but he lived in ajaz which is the capitol of netherland.as you may have guest he was infamous for stealin money from womens handbags. he robbed them in the street and made is getaway in a van. one day i see him in his van and and ring a dutch police and tell them the regitration number. they give chase in police vans and he get caught in a amsterdam side street.he given the knickname 'robin persie' becuase in holland they spell pursey as 'persie' you get me. i say he shoud be knicknamed 'van', so we in netherland get together and decide to stick the 'van' in the middle a well. he didnt like it, but we all used it and it stuck! now he play for arsenal he get paid a lot off money mate so he dont need to steal from handbags no more!!! but becuase of his knickname he cant hide from his bad past as a thief and now everybody no about him becuase in life you weep what you sow as they say mate and he will have to live with it!!!!
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 18:28
clare balding was one of the dykes that was reluctantly dicked in the back of the van.it was a 1st time experience for her and reportedly her last.it was thanks to the horse vanderlin formely known as derlin that she escaped. he was on the gallops and went chasing after the van she was being dicked in not realising it wasnt moving.becuase of this the horse went straight into the back of it and broke the back door off and clare excaped!!
cannyscot 15 May 18:33
More good stuff, Darthouse......anyway, regarding Van Morrison, it could be the case that he is a descendant of one of William of Orange's army who toured Ireland back in the 17th century. Could I be right?
Good luck with the darts competition, incidentally. Bully for you!! Look forward (as do many others) to your return to this thread!
layz 15 May 18:46
Ever meet a boxer named Eder Hollyfield Darthouse?
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 19:04
i not gone yet but just about to.van halen? yes i new them well but you maybe suprised to no that they have nothing to do with vans mate. they was also from ajax which is the capitol of netherland. they was ogrinally called van halen and the comets, one of the pioneers of dutch rock and role in the late 50s.there lead singer was micheal jackson. people think him an american but he ogrinally dutch from nethernetherland. he so dutch he call his ranch in america "netherland".there was 5 members of van halen and they was leter called the van halen five. then members keep leaving untill only one member left who is micheal jackson and he just call himself van halen.nobody no why mate, but no one can favom him out.he have a a lot of plastic surgery mate and he dont look dutch no more. he look more like a black man now!!
harry cripps 16 May 09:35
Quality .....NOW,I know why I(and a few others) organised Petitions with the Names of 800 Forumites on to get Befair to change their decision and save these fine Fora it was Odds-On(1/6 in fact) that they were going to ditch it,once we changed over to this Site a couple of years ago ............and on a darker note(sorry) the collective names on the Petitions(800+) contained 800+ support from The Soccer/Cricket/Darts/Chit-Chat Forums & others and the "Tennis" contribution in our darkest hour?.....NIL POINTS(as its the 50th Anniversary this Month of Eurovision )..........anywayz back to this....SUPERB
BillyBunnsLane 16 May 09:49
"..Van Halen & The Comets..."
Absolute classic PMSL..
FARTHOUSE! 16 May 19:34
eder holyfield? i think i no who you mean mate? he was a close fiend off mine and one of a sadist cases in boxing history.he was bought up in netherland by a very stricked family called Mister and Missus Field. but they didnt like him mate, they looked down on him. they didnt even give him a cristian name, just called him Master Field. and then they have a little girl and theres four off them - Mister Field, Missus Field, Master Field and Miss Field. they was a religous family and they didnt believe in having cristian names for no one. you no like you get potestunts which is opposite off catholics in some counties. well in holland they belonged to a religous group which was opposite to cristians - they called themselves the uncristians. there wasnt many off them but they took it serious mate and becuase of it they dont dish out cristian names and if they see a bible they grab it off you and set fire to it and they try and kill people what are cristians but only if they think no one will find out about it.apart from that they wasnt too bad.and they left potesunts and catholics alone becuase they wasnt opposite off them.i felt sorry for Master Field becuase he just wanted to get on with his life, but he was always getting into fights with cristians who picked on him becuase he was opposite off them. he wasnt really that uncristian and wished he had a cristian name but his parents woudent allow it- no mate! anyway i sugessed a knickname for him instaed. here are a list of some knicknames i sugessed to him: ROCKY FIELD , SUGAR RAY FIELD, DAVE BOY FIELD, SCRAPPER FIELD, SLUGGER FIELD, PUNCHER FIELD, HITMAN FIELD, CASSIUS FIELD, MOHAMMED FIELD, RAVINDER SINGH FIELD, JIMMY ARM FIELD, CHESTER FIELD, FRANK I. FIELD, DUSTY SPRING FIELD and many more, but he didnt like none off them and never used none of them mate. when is parents found out he was thinking off having a name in front of FIELD they went all funny about it and decided to punish him by throwing him out off the family home and forcing him to sleep in the outside verander every night untill he learned some respect.it was winter time and he got wet at night becuase there was holes in the roof mate and when it rained he got all wet through his pyjamers.when he tolled me all about it i sugessed a new knickname for him- VERANDER HOLEY FIELD and mate his face just lit up becuase he really liked it, used it and it stuck!! even his parents grew to like it to mate. as the years went by he became a real fighter and his manager shortened it to VERANDER HOLYFIELD. i think this is the geezer yous on about innit mate???
cannyscot 16 May 19:46
Vantastic, FH.....now what about Van Morrison....I'm sure you can enlighten us?
cannyscot 17 May 14:29
Hi Farthouse, what about doing a piece on someone with 2 vans i.e. Giovanni Van Bronkhurst?
Thankx in advance, mate.
FARTHOUSE! 17 May 17:27
funny you shoud mention GIOVANNI VAN BONKHORSE mate becuase he was my beast fiend when i was going up in my home town of ajax. back then he was known as simpley GIONI BONKHORSE.he good football always and no suprise to no one when he signed for arsenil.he have a long way to travel and lots off things to bring to engerland with him so he went down to the shops and bought a big van to put them all in. when he get to engerland he meet the arsenil manager mister arsenil wranker and he say to Gioni: " Thank yous for coming to Arsenil, have this van as a signing on gift mate!" so now he have 2 vans so i give him the knickname GIONI 2VANS BONKHORSE but he didnt like it and didnt use it, so i put one van in his first name and left the other in the middle so now he GIOVANNI VAN BONKHORSE and his face just lit up mate becuase he liked it, used it and it stuck and all other arsenil players they like it to mate! anyway last year mister wranker he say to him: " We dont need you here no more becuase you are **** so you can go mate... and give us the van back!!!" poor Van Bonkhorse he not happy becuase he want 2 vans as he drive one van and his wife Vanessa drive the other.yes mate she called Essa untill i give her knickname! but even though he only have one van he still call himself GIOVANNI VAN BONKHORSE becuase he like the knickname that i give him so much. He also rides stallions in his spare time but thats another story mate!!
FARTHOUSE! 19 May 18:19
van morrison? the man you on about i think i remember now but i getting a bit confused as it a long time ago and i do my best mate. ok, a man known as morrison come to netherland on is holidays in 60s with is couisin jim. he just plain morrison then as no one like him enough to call him by is cristian name and no one no it neither mate.at a time he had been in a band called the smurfs which had broke up. the problin with morrison was that he was a homersexual at a time when it was forbid and not acepted in society - the term used back then was 'one of them' and morrison was definiltey one of THEM!! in facked he so ashamed that he hid himself a way in is caravan mate.he lived on a caravan site you see. anyway when is fiend and couisin jim come to see him to write some new songs he woud all ways forget to close the caravan door behind him and morrison woud have to say " shut that door" but jim had a thing about DOORS and all ways left them open which meant that morrison woud have to light the fire to keep warm. one day jim and me tolled morrison not to be ashamed and tried to coach him to come out of the caravan and face the world. at the same time i tried to sugessed a knickname for him so that people woudent no he was one of THEM!! here are a list of some knicknames i sugessed to him in my efforts to keep it a secret: STRAIGHT MAN MORRISON, LADIES MAN MORRISON, MUSCLE MAN MORRISON, **** MAN MORRISON, **** MAN MORRISON, BREAST MAN MORRISON, ****** MAN MORRISON, BUTCH MAN MORRISON, BIG **** MAN MORRISON, I LOVE DOLLY MAN MORRISON, GIRLY MAN MORRISON, PRETTY BOY MORRISON, WOMEN ARE GREAT MAN MORRISON and many more, but he didnt like none off them mate and never used none off them - not one off them. anyway time past and he went back to live in ireland but 2 years later a penpal from ireland i had never seen before come to ajax to see me with hs mama and papa and i didnt no a name for any off them mate. the car they was driving a long in crashed and they had to walk the rest off the way to my house. before they went back the papa say he want to by a van to drive home in, but the mama say she wanted a morris minor.i sugessed that they make a vehicle thats half van and half morris minor so the papa he billed one with his own bear hands mate. when it his bilt i sugessed a knickmame for him - VAN MORRIS, and i knickname is son VAN MORRIS SON. the papa he hate is knickname, but the son is chubby little face it just lit up becuase he really liked is knickname so much that he used it and it stuck and every one call him by it from that day on.
FARTHOUSE! 23 May 19:45
two off you now aks about denise van outen.i dont really want to say becuase it shrowded in contervercy but i feel you ought to no a truth mate so i going to tell it as it is- ok. it is one off the sadist off all storys so lissun good and keeps it to yerself thankyou.denise van outen was born a male whoose called DENIS VAN OUTEN. he was abandon at childood by is parents and throne in a bullrushes mate.he come out off it and itchiked to ajax in netherland for is summer holidays. he just a toddler alike me, and me and him become mates mate.but he not alike the football, more the doll so i sugessed the sex change whitch was a big thing in them days mate. anyway he do as i sugessed and he have the chop and he then look alike a cute little girl and all the little ajax boys they chase after him to play the docker and nurses apart from me - i not chase becuase i no he the flippin docker mate and i sooner not go there - no mate! anyway she go back home and the years past by and he get a lot older and then one day he come back to ajax to see me is old fiend . she still have same mans name he was born with and he starting to get very worried in case people they find out about is passed and start to suspect he was born a man.he no i the only one who no is secret and as herd i am good at knicknames ( it just come easy to me it does!) and he get down and beg me for help.i tell her not to worry as is secret its safe with me and i no black male and i do me best to give her a name to insure that it stay the secret and to divert nosy people away from a facked that she is a flipping bloke who have the lamb chop and shove a oranges up is flippin jumper.here are a list of the names and knicknames i sugessed so no one ever suspect her was born a man: DENIS " BORN A WOMAN" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " ALL WOMAN" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " NO PENIS" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " THE ******" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " BIG ****" VAN OUTEN, MRS DENNIS, DENIS " PERIOD PERSON" VAN OUTEN and many more but he didnt like none off them mate and never used none off them- not flippin one off them. nether the less we stay good fiends and keeps in touch then 2 years later denis he come to ajax again and tell me he just brought the pink mini skirt along the way.i aks her how short it is and he say:"It is above the knees!" so in a instant i think off another new knickname for her - THE KNEES VAN OUTEN and this time she bloody love it mate and she use it and it just stuck.when she become famous she shorten it to DENISE VAN OUTEN becuse denise all so happen to be a womans name. i think this is the geezer yous on about innit mate!
green willow 19 Mar 19:26
Very, very funny.
reign in spain 19 Mar 19:30
brings back memories
engy-carlisle 19 Mar 19:32
class
redbag 19 Mar 19:40
ITS BACK YIPPEE
redbag 19 Mar 19:43
ive posted on soccer
redbag 20 Mar 11:43
up you go ttt
nestor 20 Mar 12:24
Absolutely superb. A forum masterpiece.
DONEMYLOT 20 Mar 12:48
The best ever, but like i said, i wish ol' Fartbag had not posted on here in propa English!!
redbag 20 Mar 16:49
i need the next installment farthouse
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 20 Mar 18:29
Just noticed this is back. Farthouse, you did one story with my name in after another forumite called me Big ste VAN o'connor. My one big moment of fame. Why haven't you included it in your 'best of' bits. I'm most offended!
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 00:59
DONEMYLOT 19 Mar 14:30
BUt, it sort of loses its appeal when ouve just had a conversation with a middle-class very English gent called |farthouse!
Sorry, I somtimes forget my roots.i am generaley dutch but i have been educated to speak better now. it as been 2 years in may mate and i of come along way in that time. i look and listen at Raymond Van barnevald and learn every day. all so his luverley wife maria van barnavald show me a few things.
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 01:00
steve i look for it ok
a bitofinterest 21 Mar 01:33
thought it was supposed to be funny?
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 01:58
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 26 May 21:07
What's with your post on the soccer thread re 'The team plays on?' Have you finally mastered the English language or are you just a fraud??????
riccardo 26 May 21:22
Oi, Big Ste Van O' Connor, give the guy some respect!
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 26 May 21:39
lol riccardo. I never spotted that. Ok Farthouse, here's one for you. How did I get my name- Big Ste Van O' Connor?
Charlie don't surf 27 May 06:11
You didn't.It is not Big Ste Van O' Connor but Ste VEN which sounds very German to me. The Dutch hate them- something to do with pinching push bikes in 1940 (and chucking them back in 1974)
hugster 28 May 21:13
ttt
harry cripps 30 May 23:27
Nudge required.
Huckerson 31 May 09:19
Hey, darthouse, what know you of Van diesel? I believe he is an actor, from Anderlecht, capital city of Brussels, country next to you? Did you name him? By a coincidence, I drive a diesel van!!
Derek Randall 31 May 17:40
ttt
Daymor 31 May 23:07
great thread i am enjoying it immensly got to keep it going one day it will part of forum folklore and bigger than the infamous everton transfer stuff cos everton just spent 8+mill and thats their transfer budget for next 5 years LONG LIVE THE FARTHOUSE HAIL HAIL
FARTHOUSE! 10 Jun 02:34
charlie, no you wong mate. is not german is dutch and i use to no him a long time a go so i want to tell you a story ok. when i was a littler boy i come a cross over to england to help on my uncle boris is farm in a livapool city senter.after leaving ajax uncle boris been farming in birmingum before this and had ackuired a bit off a bummie hacksent.when i get to livapool this his where i first sees the everton play mate, they beats mighty leeds 3 to 2, morissey rans riot on the wing and mighty leeds losses there long beaten record. at end off game bremer in tiers and manger revie storm a way. but any way has a was say in - my uncle boris he mary a livapool laddy call brender o' connor from east derby and together they runs a big farm in the city senter off livapool.my uncle he have to change is name to o' connor has hit his not to the licking off is wife brender and no one in livapool can pernounce it popper any way mate. boris he have the sex with brender and she bored him a small runt off a son who he dont like at all mate and speke down to and mate his so embarist and discustard by him that he dont even fukkin bovver to give this little runt a popper name has his so small that no one ever notice him any way and people think his not all there mate. any way has a time goes by and then one day the young o' connor lad his tolled by is dada: " Oi you! Go to the pig sty where you belong you steaming lump of stinking *****, then let outer the flippin pigs and taker them to the market or I getter the fukkin whip out from unnerderneather the fukkin bed and I whipper yer bare arse tiller you squeal liker the flippin pigs, yer useless gooder for nothing smelly little runt!" ( his also gotter the bitter off italiano in him yous unnnerderstand!) so any way the young o' connor lad he deside he better do has is dada teller him or else. but the young o' connor his a lazy fukker and he notter liker the walk so instaed he sticker the little piggies in the back off is uncles van and driver the van all a way to market even though is only 7 years off old. when he tolled me all about it i sugessed a knickname - PIG STY VAN O' CONNOR but he notter like has he say is name stinks! neder the less he deside to give it a try and he run to is dada and he did say: " Oh, dearest Dada. I am your cuddly and luverley little son PIG STY VAN O' CONNOR", but is dada he not hear him right and he think he say BIG STEVEN O' CONNOR in a tough bummie hacksent and he think is son is starting to beleave in himself and filling like a BIG man and he respecked that and start to fill guilty for not bovvering to give him a popper name so he start to use it and it just stuck and before to long every one down onner the farm is use it to. then every one inner livapool is use it. that is a longer time a go mate and big steven o' connor his now a middle aged old man but thanks to me every one thinker him big even though is still just a little runt. im offer to bedder now.
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 10 Jun 17:53
lol- I hope that isnt personal?
delfino 10 Jun 21:20
I was with the impression that schizofrenia is controlled by science,and all schizofrenic people live normally,but this darthouse here...makes me to have second thinking
TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL 11 Jun 11:30
" schizofrenia "" ? schizofrenia ?.......I've half a mind to correct your spelling
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TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL 11 Jun 11:35
Not Personal Steven....My Client needs a little "Poetic Licence!"....
FARTHOUSE! 13 Jun 11:47
currentley i in a libery in conway north whales by the key not far to landudno.one off the phew liberys that alouse access to betfair has many say hit his a bad thing mate.stopping here on holliday for a phew days at cadnant park bnb then back to holland park and hopefuley internet conection. no 'big man' is not personal just a facked off life. there is nothin wrong whith being on a small side. your dada he shoudder of acksepped you the way it is frommer a start innit mate.no delfi no , i not a schizofrenick and niether is DARTHOUSE!, i a shitzofrenick... hens the name FARTHOUSE! my sickiretrist give me this knickname after he analised my barrel problin - IBS ( Iritabull Barrel Sindrone). i did not like this knickname and substituted the F to a D to become DARTHOUSE! but like a said when i join the forum here i hit the wrong key on a keybord innit mate and it come out as FARTHOUSE! thankyou from FARTHOUSE! sorry i just done it again!
U.R.Wochuwyz 21 Mar 13:52
Great thread,DARTHOUSE.With your permission I can preserve it elsewhere.
Any news on Professor Helsing and his fiend Count Dracula ?
DONEMYLOT 21 Mar 13:54
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 20:02
you can preserve it. sorry but this professor bloke helsing is not someone i know but i will aks about.
FARTHOUSE! 13 May 02:18
sorry about it but i just getting to learn the language ok- is the spelling alright for you. i am not only new to betfair but also new to a language. my uncle boris say i do very well.i am very good at darts and by complete accident i put in a f instead of a d as it next to on the keybord, so i am darthouse, please no farthouse. thank you from DARTHOUSE....!....!!..... !!!!!!!!!!!! by a way, what is fishing.i come along way in a short space of time... i am dutch, but pleas no questions about my homeland, but trust i from netherlands. my hero is raymond van barneveld.he is dutch also. sorry for bad word .i love you all.i will return when i get some money. goodbye.
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 14:02
no it is all seious as i say in the thread title.why you say help? it was a accident as i press d on a keybord instaed of a f as it is next to it on a keybord. when i see it i **** myself. i am a darting legend in netherland but now i move to birmingum in england and no no me, i a good fiend ofmy hero raymond van barnevald.he used to be a potsman in my homeland of netherland.he deliver all his letter in a van and i give him his knickname of 'van' and he now known as raymond 'van' barnevald.he like the knickname and it stuck. even his wife maria barnevald uses it now... she is maria 'van' barnevald a well.thankyou from DARTHOUSE!!!!, a close fiend of raymond 'van' barnevald
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 16:38
your right about it mate. when i was a tint boy at school in netherland my best fiend was a boy called marco basten.he was a very good at football, he score many great goals and we all new he woud make it big one day mate. his father was a grocer and use to pick him up every day from school in his grocers van so i give him the knickname 'van' and he like it and it stuck and now everybody no him as marco 'van' basten. even his wife maria basten like it use it and she now call herself maria 'van' basten. my uncle boris use to know a man called Vincent Gough. he was a very good at painting.one day he was painting the living room in our house and a ice cream van pulled up outside mate. vincent ran outside and bought me a ice cream. i said i wanted more than one ice cream so he bought me the whole van and i give him the knickname 'van' and he like it and it stuck and now everyone no him as vincent 'van' gough.even his wife maria gough like it and use it and she now call herself maria 'van' gough.
LarkyBear 14 May 19:18
Farthouse, are you very close to Dickk van ****? Or did you know him when he was Dickking Dykes
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 19:23
yes there **** alright. men are better. i remenmber one good player who was a man who not from netherland but use to have his holidays there as a boy. i became a fiend to him. his name was ian lendl.he love his tennis mate but hate his name ian and used to label himself i.lendl so nobody no it and only good fiends like me new his name was ian. anyway he became famous and won a big sum of money. he a millynaire yet he still not boast, he very humble. he not go clubbing people and no drive fast cars, no mate he drove around in a simple van. i decided to give him the knickname 'clay' because he liked playing on it, but he didn't like it, never used it and gave himself the knickname 'van' instead, liked it, used it and it stuck and from then on everyone called him I. VAN LENDL. his wife used it to by a way.
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 19:28
you have already guest about him mate. he dicked his dykes in a van. i caught him at it one night and give him the knickname 'van'. he didnt like it, didn't use it but it stuck and everyone call him **** 'van' ****'. you wont be surprised to know that his wife dont use it mate.
Don No1 14 May 19:54
What about ad-van-tage? Have any involvement in that?
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 20:27
no, thats just a word used in tennis as far as i no. it is when they are 40-40 and you have to get 2 points ahead to win a game and a player gets just the one point away.solomon said to me once what is duece in tennis. i said 40-40. he said it was 30-30 as well.and in a way he right becuase 30-30 is the same you need 2 clear points as with the advantage at duece.i did no a dutch lass once called ann taige. we made love in the back of a van and everytime i saw her after i thought of her in my head as anne 'van' taige but it wasent a knickname just somthing i thought to myself. by sheer coinsidents she was cousin to a dutch tennis star- the great betty van stove who was also a fiend of mine, a former miss holland at the 1975 miss world contest.she got elimated in the second round and decide to put all her efforts into becoming a tennis player instaed. she got to wimpelton final in 1977 and virginia wade beat her! you probably no her as betty stove but she was born betty van stove. when she was at school she was in the dutch junior hockey team. one day the van they was traveling inside it to a game it hit a lampost and she lost her front teeth. she got a fobier about vans from that day on and dropped the 'van' from her name.nice woman... nice teeth!
mattiem. 14 May 20:31
What about the South Pacific island of Vanuatu, Darthouse? Did you have any involvement in that?
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 20:40
yes mate untill i went there on my hollidays as a small boy it was known as plain 'uatu'.i am osbervant and notice that there were loads of vans parked on the beach and you can guess the rest
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 20:55
by a way- when i talk about dickk van **** and i say " it stuck", i mean it literally mate!
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 14 May 21:05
lol, what about the historical figure Ivan the Terrible?
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 21:18
ivan the terrible??? mate, he died centuries before i was born and vans werent even around in them days- the wheel had yet to be invented mate!!? but by a great coincidents my great great great great great great great great grandmother used to go out clubbing with him.one day he clubbed her over the head and she died.everyone in holland thought it was a terrible thing to do mate and they knicknamed him ivan the terrible!!!!!!!!!!
Charlie 14 May 22:04
Mr Fart
Your advice is needed on the Soccer forum regarding Van Nistlerooy. Please help them they don't know a lot.
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 22:18
my son johann use to go to school with him mate.he was like pele and madonna that he only had a sirname like some footballers do. his parents never give him a cristian name but they knicknamed him 'horse'.he was expelled from school for mooning at some lassies in the school football team van. my son give him a brand new knickname 'rude van' nistelrooy and he liked it better, used it and it stuck!
cannyscot 14 May 22:19
Good stuff, Farthouse....and were you the owner of the Ian Balding trained horse called Vanderlin? Perhaps you know how it was so called?
Hedgehunter 14 May 22:25
Johann? Cruyff, I've heard it all now!
FARTHOUSE! 14 May 22:31
mate, you wont be surprpised to no that it was ogirinally called derlin.i never seen the horse you talk about but a fiend of mine told me that everytime it was on the gallops and it saw a van driving by ,it went chasing after it despite the jockeys attemts to restrain it.when i heard about it mate i rang the jockey up and tolled him he ought to give it the knickname 'van'. anyway he tried it, the horse liked it and it stuck!
maybenextime 14 May 23:32
How about Herst Van Rental.
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 01:40
herst van rental? yes mate this is also as dutch connections. i tolled you about the former miss holland betty stove who went on to get a tennis runner ups at wimpelton in the certainry year 1977. well mate, after her tennis run dry she become a weight lifter.she got a big bicepts mate, tricepts also.. but still a grorgeous looking woman .but all the body building was makin her ill it was.her papa he say " i worry about my beautyfull betty, her strength'll be the death of her!" anyway she got so strong she started to lift vans instaed of weights and her papa her got so worried mate that he stumbled through is words and he said: " i really worrying about my betty,her st van rength'll be the death of her!" by a coincidents i was in the room at the time he say it and it give me the idea of a van rental name to compeat with salford van hire. so i gets on the phone to some fiends looking to go into buisness, they liked it used it and it stuck!
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 01:48
he meant to say " her van strength'll ", but he said " her st-van-rength'll" by misstake.but he was upset at the time mate so you can undersand why he stumble his words.
cannyscot 15 May 07:05
More good stuff, Farthouse......but have you noticed that Clare Balding is connected to both Vanderlin and Van ****? Can you explain that?
gustav 15 May 08:55
What about Robin Van Persie, the young Arsenal wing man, how did he get his name?
Annoyed 15 May 11:07
Where did the Van Halen boys get their name from?
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 17:24
robin van persie is all a knickname mate. nobody no his real name but he lived in ajaz which is the capitol of netherland.as you may have guest he was infamous for stealin money from womens handbags. he robbed them in the street and made is getaway in a van. one day i see him in his van and and ring a dutch police and tell them the regitration number. they give chase in police vans and he get caught in a amsterdam side street.he given the knickname 'robin persie' becuase in holland they spell pursey as 'persie' you get me. i say he shoud be knicknamed 'van', so we in netherland get together and decide to stick the 'van' in the middle a well. he didnt like it, but we all used it and it stuck! now he play for arsenal he get paid a lot off money mate so he dont need to steal from handbags no more!!! but becuase of his knickname he cant hide from his bad past as a thief and now everybody no about him becuase in life you weep what you sow as they say mate and he will have to live with it!!!!
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 18:28
clare balding was one of the dykes that was reluctantly dicked in the back of the van.it was a 1st time experience for her and reportedly her last.it was thanks to the horse vanderlin formely known as derlin that she escaped. he was on the gallops and went chasing after the van she was being dicked in not realising it wasnt moving.becuase of this the horse went straight into the back of it and broke the back door off and clare excaped!!
cannyscot 15 May 18:33
More good stuff, Darthouse......anyway, regarding Van Morrison, it could be the case that he is a descendant of one of William of Orange's army who toured Ireland back in the 17th century. Could I be right?
Good luck with the darts competition, incidentally. Bully for you!! Look forward (as do many others) to your return to this thread!
layz 15 May 18:46
Ever meet a boxer named Eder Hollyfield Darthouse?
FARTHOUSE! 15 May 19:04
i not gone yet but just about to.van halen? yes i new them well but you maybe suprised to no that they have nothing to do with vans mate. they was also from ajax which is the capitol of netherland. they was ogrinally called van halen and the comets, one of the pioneers of dutch rock and role in the late 50s.there lead singer was micheal jackson. people think him an american but he ogrinally dutch from nethernetherland. he so dutch he call his ranch in america "netherland".there was 5 members of van halen and they was leter called the van halen five. then members keep leaving untill only one member left who is micheal jackson and he just call himself van halen.nobody no why mate, but no one can favom him out.he have a a lot of plastic surgery mate and he dont look dutch no more. he look more like a black man now!!
harry cripps 16 May 09:35
Quality .....NOW,I know why I(and a few others) organised Petitions with the Names of 800 Forumites on to get Befair to change their decision and save these fine Fora it was Odds-On(1/6 in fact) that they were going to ditch it,once we changed over to this Site a couple of years ago ............and on a darker note(sorry) the collective names on the Petitions(800+) contained 800+ support from The Soccer/Cricket/Darts/Chit-Chat Forums & others and the "Tennis" contribution in our darkest hour?.....NIL POINTS(as its the 50th Anniversary this Month of Eurovision )..........anywayz back to this....SUPERB
BillyBunnsLane 16 May 09:49
"..Van Halen & The Comets..."
Absolute classic PMSL..
FARTHOUSE! 16 May 19:34
eder holyfield? i think i no who you mean mate? he was a close fiend off mine and one of a sadist cases in boxing history.he was bought up in netherland by a very stricked family called Mister and Missus Field. but they didnt like him mate, they looked down on him. they didnt even give him a cristian name, just called him Master Field. and then they have a little girl and theres four off them - Mister Field, Missus Field, Master Field and Miss Field. they was a religous family and they didnt believe in having cristian names for no one. you no like you get potestunts which is opposite off catholics in some counties. well in holland they belonged to a religous group which was opposite to cristians - they called themselves the uncristians. there wasnt many off them but they took it serious mate and becuase of it they dont dish out cristian names and if they see a bible they grab it off you and set fire to it and they try and kill people what are cristians but only if they think no one will find out about it.apart from that they wasnt too bad.and they left potesunts and catholics alone becuase they wasnt opposite off them.i felt sorry for Master Field becuase he just wanted to get on with his life, but he was always getting into fights with cristians who picked on him becuase he was opposite off them. he wasnt really that uncristian and wished he had a cristian name but his parents woudent allow it- no mate! anyway i sugessed a knickname for him instaed. here are a list of some knicknames i sugessed to him: ROCKY FIELD , SUGAR RAY FIELD, DAVE BOY FIELD, SCRAPPER FIELD, SLUGGER FIELD, PUNCHER FIELD, HITMAN FIELD, CASSIUS FIELD, MOHAMMED FIELD, RAVINDER SINGH FIELD, JIMMY ARM FIELD, CHESTER FIELD, FRANK I. FIELD, DUSTY SPRING FIELD and many more, but he didnt like none off them and never used none of them mate. when is parents found out he was thinking off having a name in front of FIELD they went all funny about it and decided to punish him by throwing him out off the family home and forcing him to sleep in the outside verander every night untill he learned some respect.it was winter time and he got wet at night becuase there was holes in the roof mate and when it rained he got all wet through his pyjamers.when he tolled me all about it i sugessed a new knickname for him- VERANDER HOLEY FIELD and mate his face just lit up becuase he really liked it, used it and it stuck!! even his parents grew to like it to mate. as the years went by he became a real fighter and his manager shortened it to VERANDER HOLYFIELD. i think this is the geezer yous on about innit mate???
cannyscot 16 May 19:46
Vantastic, FH.....now what about Van Morrison....I'm sure you can enlighten us?
cannyscot 17 May 14:29
Hi Farthouse, what about doing a piece on someone with 2 vans i.e. Giovanni Van Bronkhurst?
Thankx in advance, mate.
FARTHOUSE! 17 May 17:27
funny you shoud mention GIOVANNI VAN BONKHORSE mate becuase he was my beast fiend when i was going up in my home town of ajax. back then he was known as simpley GIONI BONKHORSE.he good football always and no suprise to no one when he signed for arsenil.he have a long way to travel and lots off things to bring to engerland with him so he went down to the shops and bought a big van to put them all in. when he get to engerland he meet the arsenil manager mister arsenil wranker and he say to Gioni: " Thank yous for coming to Arsenil, have this van as a signing on gift mate!" so now he have 2 vans so i give him the knickname GIONI 2VANS BONKHORSE but he didnt like it and didnt use it, so i put one van in his first name and left the other in the middle so now he GIOVANNI VAN BONKHORSE and his face just lit up mate becuase he liked it, used it and it stuck and all other arsenil players they like it to mate! anyway last year mister wranker he say to him: " We dont need you here no more becuase you are **** so you can go mate... and give us the van back!!!" poor Van Bonkhorse he not happy becuase he want 2 vans as he drive one van and his wife Vanessa drive the other.yes mate she called Essa untill i give her knickname! but even though he only have one van he still call himself GIOVANNI VAN BONKHORSE becuase he like the knickname that i give him so much. He also rides stallions in his spare time but thats another story mate!!
FARTHOUSE! 19 May 18:19
van morrison? the man you on about i think i remember now but i getting a bit confused as it a long time ago and i do my best mate. ok, a man known as morrison come to netherland on is holidays in 60s with is couisin jim. he just plain morrison then as no one like him enough to call him by is cristian name and no one no it neither mate.at a time he had been in a band called the smurfs which had broke up. the problin with morrison was that he was a homersexual at a time when it was forbid and not acepted in society - the term used back then was 'one of them' and morrison was definiltey one of THEM!! in facked he so ashamed that he hid himself a way in is caravan mate.he lived on a caravan site you see. anyway when is fiend and couisin jim come to see him to write some new songs he woud all ways forget to close the caravan door behind him and morrison woud have to say " shut that door" but jim had a thing about DOORS and all ways left them open which meant that morrison woud have to light the fire to keep warm. one day jim and me tolled morrison not to be ashamed and tried to coach him to come out of the caravan and face the world. at the same time i tried to sugessed a knickname for him so that people woudent no he was one of THEM!! here are a list of some knicknames i sugessed to him in my efforts to keep it a secret: STRAIGHT MAN MORRISON, LADIES MAN MORRISON, MUSCLE MAN MORRISON, **** MAN MORRISON, **** MAN MORRISON, BREAST MAN MORRISON, ****** MAN MORRISON, BUTCH MAN MORRISON, BIG **** MAN MORRISON, I LOVE DOLLY MAN MORRISON, GIRLY MAN MORRISON, PRETTY BOY MORRISON, WOMEN ARE GREAT MAN MORRISON and many more, but he didnt like none off them mate and never used none off them - not one off them. anyway time past and he went back to live in ireland but 2 years later a penpal from ireland i had never seen before come to ajax to see me with hs mama and papa and i didnt no a name for any off them mate. the car they was driving a long in crashed and they had to walk the rest off the way to my house. before they went back the papa say he want to by a van to drive home in, but the mama say she wanted a morris minor.i sugessed that they make a vehicle thats half van and half morris minor so the papa he billed one with his own bear hands mate. when it his bilt i sugessed a knickmame for him - VAN MORRIS, and i knickname is son VAN MORRIS SON. the papa he hate is knickname, but the son is chubby little face it just lit up becuase he really liked is knickname so much that he used it and it stuck and every one call him by it from that day on.
FARTHOUSE! 23 May 19:45
two off you now aks about denise van outen.i dont really want to say becuase it shrowded in contervercy but i feel you ought to no a truth mate so i going to tell it as it is- ok. it is one off the sadist off all storys so lissun good and keeps it to yerself thankyou.denise van outen was born a male whoose called DENIS VAN OUTEN. he was abandon at childood by is parents and throne in a bullrushes mate.he come out off it and itchiked to ajax in netherland for is summer holidays. he just a toddler alike me, and me and him become mates mate.but he not alike the football, more the doll so i sugessed the sex change whitch was a big thing in them days mate. anyway he do as i sugessed and he have the chop and he then look alike a cute little girl and all the little ajax boys they chase after him to play the docker and nurses apart from me - i not chase becuase i no he the flippin docker mate and i sooner not go there - no mate! anyway she go back home and the years past by and he get a lot older and then one day he come back to ajax to see me is old fiend . she still have same mans name he was born with and he starting to get very worried in case people they find out about is passed and start to suspect he was born a man.he no i the only one who no is secret and as herd i am good at knicknames ( it just come easy to me it does!) and he get down and beg me for help.i tell her not to worry as is secret its safe with me and i no black male and i do me best to give her a name to insure that it stay the secret and to divert nosy people away from a facked that she is a flipping bloke who have the lamb chop and shove a oranges up is flippin jumper.here are a list of the names and knicknames i sugessed so no one ever suspect her was born a man: DENIS " BORN A WOMAN" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " ALL WOMAN" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " NO PENIS" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " THE ******" VAN OUTEN, DENIS " BIG ****" VAN OUTEN, MRS DENNIS, DENIS " PERIOD PERSON" VAN OUTEN and many more but he didnt like none off them mate and never used none off them- not flippin one off them. nether the less we stay good fiends and keeps in touch then 2 years later denis he come to ajax again and tell me he just brought the pink mini skirt along the way.i aks her how short it is and he say:"It is above the knees!" so in a instant i think off another new knickname for her - THE KNEES VAN OUTEN and this time she bloody love it mate and she use it and it just stuck.when she become famous she shorten it to DENISE VAN OUTEN becuse denise all so happen to be a womans name. i think this is the geezer yous on about innit mate!
green willow 19 Mar 19:26
Very, very funny.
reign in spain 19 Mar 19:30
brings back memories
engy-carlisle 19 Mar 19:32
class
redbag 19 Mar 19:40
ITS BACK YIPPEE
redbag 19 Mar 19:43
ive posted on soccer
redbag 20 Mar 11:43
up you go ttt
nestor 20 Mar 12:24
Absolutely superb. A forum masterpiece.
DONEMYLOT 20 Mar 12:48
The best ever, but like i said, i wish ol' Fartbag had not posted on here in propa English!!
redbag 20 Mar 16:49
i need the next installment farthouse
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 20 Mar 18:29
Just noticed this is back. Farthouse, you did one story with my name in after another forumite called me Big ste VAN o'connor. My one big moment of fame. Why haven't you included it in your 'best of' bits. I'm most offended!
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 00:59
DONEMYLOT 19 Mar 14:30
BUt, it sort of loses its appeal when ouve just had a conversation with a middle-class very English gent called |farthouse!
Sorry, I somtimes forget my roots.i am generaley dutch but i have been educated to speak better now. it as been 2 years in may mate and i of come along way in that time. i look and listen at Raymond Van barnevald and learn every day. all so his luverley wife maria van barnavald show me a few things.
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 01:00
steve i look for it ok
a bitofinterest 21 Mar 01:33
thought it was supposed to be funny?
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 01:58
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 26 May 21:07
What's with your post on the soccer thread re 'The team plays on?' Have you finally mastered the English language or are you just a fraud??????
riccardo 26 May 21:22
Oi, Big Ste Van O' Connor, give the guy some respect!
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 26 May 21:39
lol riccardo. I never spotted that. Ok Farthouse, here's one for you. How did I get my name- Big Ste Van O' Connor?
Charlie don't surf 27 May 06:11
You didn't.It is not Big Ste Van O' Connor but Ste VEN which sounds very German to me. The Dutch hate them- something to do with pinching push bikes in 1940 (and chucking them back in 1974)
hugster 28 May 21:13
ttt
harry cripps 30 May 23:27
Nudge required.
Huckerson 31 May 09:19
Hey, darthouse, what know you of Van diesel? I believe he is an actor, from Anderlecht, capital city of Brussels, country next to you? Did you name him? By a coincidence, I drive a diesel van!!
Derek Randall 31 May 17:40
ttt
Daymor 31 May 23:07
great thread i am enjoying it immensly got to keep it going one day it will part of forum folklore and bigger than the infamous everton transfer stuff cos everton just spent 8+mill and thats their transfer budget for next 5 years LONG LIVE THE FARTHOUSE HAIL HAIL
FARTHOUSE! 10 Jun 02:34
charlie, no you wong mate. is not german is dutch and i use to no him a long time a go so i want to tell you a story ok. when i was a littler boy i come a cross over to england to help on my uncle boris is farm in a livapool city senter.after leaving ajax uncle boris been farming in birmingum before this and had ackuired a bit off a bummie hacksent.when i get to livapool this his where i first sees the everton play mate, they beats mighty leeds 3 to 2, morissey rans riot on the wing and mighty leeds losses there long beaten record. at end off game bremer in tiers and manger revie storm a way. but any way has a was say in - my uncle boris he mary a livapool laddy call brender o' connor from east derby and together they runs a big farm in the city senter off livapool.my uncle he have to change is name to o' connor has hit his not to the licking off is wife brender and no one in livapool can pernounce it popper any way mate. boris he have the sex with brender and she bored him a small runt off a son who he dont like at all mate and speke down to and mate his so embarist and discustard by him that he dont even fukkin bovver to give this little runt a popper name has his so small that no one ever notice him any way and people think his not all there mate. any way has a time goes by and then one day the young o' connor lad his tolled by is dada: " Oi you! Go to the pig sty where you belong you steaming lump of stinking *****, then let outer the flippin pigs and taker them to the market or I getter the fukkin whip out from unnerderneather the fukkin bed and I whipper yer bare arse tiller you squeal liker the flippin pigs, yer useless gooder for nothing smelly little runt!" ( his also gotter the bitter off italiano in him yous unnnerderstand!) so any way the young o' connor lad he deside he better do has is dada teller him or else. but the young o' connor his a lazy fukker and he notter liker the walk so instaed he sticker the little piggies in the back off is uncles van and driver the van all a way to market even though is only 7 years off old. when he tolled me all about it i sugessed a knickname - PIG STY VAN O' CONNOR but he notter like has he say is name stinks! neder the less he deside to give it a try and he run to is dada and he did say: " Oh, dearest Dada. I am your cuddly and luverley little son PIG STY VAN O' CONNOR", but is dada he not hear him right and he think he say BIG STEVEN O' CONNOR in a tough bummie hacksent and he think is son is starting to beleave in himself and filling like a BIG man and he respecked that and start to fill guilty for not bovvering to give him a popper name so he start to use it and it just stuck and before to long every one down onner the farm is use it to. then every one inner livapool is use it. that is a longer time a go mate and big steven o' connor his now a middle aged old man but thanks to me every one thinker him big even though is still just a little runt. im offer to bedder now.
bIG sTEVEN o'cONNOR 10 Jun 17:53
lol- I hope that isnt personal?
delfino 10 Jun 21:20
I was with the impression that schizofrenia is controlled by science,and all schizofrenic people live normally,but this darthouse here...makes me to have second thinking
TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL 11 Jun 11:30
" schizofrenia "" ? schizofrenia ?.......I've half a mind to correct your spelling
Page: Previous 1 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
TOTALLY PROFESSIONAL 11 Jun 11:35
Not Personal Steven....My Client needs a little "Poetic Licence!"....
FARTHOUSE! 13 Jun 11:47
currentley i in a libery in conway north whales by the key not far to landudno.one off the phew liberys that alouse access to betfair has many say hit his a bad thing mate.stopping here on holliday for a phew days at cadnant park bnb then back to holland park and hopefuley internet conection. no 'big man' is not personal just a facked off life. there is nothin wrong whith being on a small side. your dada he shoudder of acksepped you the way it is frommer a start innit mate.no delfi no , i not a schizofrenick and niether is DARTHOUSE!, i a shitzofrenick... hens the name FARTHOUSE! my sickiretrist give me this knickname after he analised my barrel problin - IBS ( Iritabull Barrel Sindrone). i did not like this knickname and substituted the F to a D to become DARTHOUSE! but like a said when i join the forum here i hit the wrong key on a keybord innit mate and it come out as FARTHOUSE! thankyou from FARTHOUSE! sorry i just done it again!
U.R.Wochuwyz 21 Mar 13:52
Great thread,DARTHOUSE.With your permission I can preserve it elsewhere.
Any news on Professor Helsing and his fiend Count Dracula ?
DONEMYLOT 21 Mar 13:54
FARTHOUSE! 21 Mar 20:02
you can preserve it. sorry but this professor bloke helsing is not someone i know but i will aks about.
First one which springs to mind is the Amazing fact Chain Letter which is still going.
Apart from that there was the one about a bloke's missus who was introduced to feeding the ducks.
And of course the one by the sorely missed SDK who persuaded some poor unfortunate that there were several different levels of Betfair membership,described what they were and what you had to do to progress through them doing which entitled you to a better Christmas hamper. Lasted several days if I remember right.
Apart from that there was the one about a bloke's missus who was introduced to feeding the ducks.
And of course the one by the sorely missed SDK who persuaded some poor unfortunate that there were several different levels of Betfair membership,described what they were and what you had to do to progress through them doing which entitled you to a better Christmas hamper. Lasted several days if I remember right.
Do wah has had some classic's like Red Telephone Boxes and 4 legged Cows.
Two I recall were the "Ninja Warrior" [I eat 2 chickens from Morrisons every day for my tea],and the guy who wanted advice on asking a girl out from work
Think I just laughed even harder at Darthouse's thread this time round 
The Izzy Wizzy one was pure comedy gold, I just hope it was true and that he really was outside Covent Garden tube station wearing a sign saying 'Betfair meet up point'.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Someone posted "Please rate my cyberskills"
That was very very funny
Someone posted "Please rate my cyberskills"
That was very very funny
its a shame i cant see kenilworths thread about the 3 carling cup games
but he didnt recently tip unders in a game that finished 4-4
but he didnt recently tip unders in a game that finished 4-4
probably tmo, but his recent "teams with nothing to play for" was another classic.
8 teams and none of them won on that thread
then he claimed he didnt tip anything
then he claimed he didnt tip anything
Most of the classics are mentioned !
Teabagheads laying donkeys in pretty pink or yellow jackets on the beach is missing though
Teabagheads laying donkeys in pretty pink or yellow jackets on the beach is missing though
tommy toes learns how to use a mobile phone in running..truly hysterical stuff from sparkmaster
travelling man 12 May 11 23:13
First one which springs to mind is the Amazing fact Chain Letter which is still going.
Apart from that there was the one about a bloke's missus who was introduced to feeding the ducks.
And of course the one by the sorely missed SDK who persuaded some poor unfortunate that there were several different levels of Betfair membership,described what they were and what you had to do to progress through them doing which entitled you to a better Christmas hamper. Lasted several days if I remember right.
lol, vaguely reember that.
First one which springs to mind is the Amazing fact Chain Letter which is still going.
Apart from that there was the one about a bloke's missus who was introduced to feeding the ducks.
And of course the one by the sorely missed SDK who persuaded some poor unfortunate that there were several different levels of Betfair membership,described what they were and what you had to do to progress through them doing which entitled you to a better Christmas hamper. Lasted several days if I remember right.
lol, vaguely reember that.
Do wah Diddy's I REALISE YOUR TRYING TO DO YOUR BEST FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS thread is still there on page 4 of Site Feedback.
Do wah Diddy 22 Nov 10 18:45
TO THE MAN OR LADY WHO READS THESE FEEDBACK THREADS,HAVE YOU GOT ANY SPARE BETFAIR PENS THAT YOU DONT NEED AS I COULD DO WITH A FEW
ITS NOT TO WRITE BETS OUT WITH THEM ,I JUST LIKE STICKING THINGS IN MY EARS
Do wah Diddy 22 Nov 10 18:45
TO THE MAN OR LADY WHO READS THESE FEEDBACK THREADS,HAVE YOU GOT ANY SPARE BETFAIR PENS THAT YOU DONT NEED AS I COULD DO WITH A FEW
ITS NOT TO WRITE BETS OUT WITH THEM ,I JUST LIKE STICKING THINGS IN MY EARS
Not sure if it was a thread, or just a posting. However, I still smile at "Why is giving birth to a baby considered a miracle but taking a massive dump isn't?"
simple but still has me smiling, the bloke on snooker forum, during the dull higgins v mcleod match, mcleod wouldnt try for any pots all match just playing safety, anyway this chap said, did mcleod have a beard at start of this match, classic during in running at the time
ttt
People were talking about the funniest thread ever, and I thought I might drag this out of the archives.
People were talking about the funniest thread ever, and I thought I might drag this out of the archives.
For me, the funniest threads were
i) the series of Bombay TV clips charting the ups and downs of carsten19's fraught quest to obtain his betfair pro-punter licence.
ii) the Impressions thread - had me completely in stitches. Some guy posts youtube clips of 'his mate' doing impressions of famous people, and asked for chit-chat's opinions. One poster quickly started posting typed impressions, and the original guy got furious that his thread was being derailed.
i) the series of Bombay TV clips charting the ups and downs of carsten19's fraught quest to obtain his betfair pro-punter licence.
ii) the Impressions thread - had me completely in stitches. Some guy posts youtube clips of 'his mate' doing impressions of famous people, and asked for chit-chat's opinions. One poster quickly started posting typed impressions, and the original guy got furious that his thread was being derailed.
The Magic Flea 12 May 11 13:48
there was one about cats and antifreeze which was a real corker
I LIKE ALBION AND FRESH ARE IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOTS
there was one about cats and antifreeze which was a real corker
I LIKE ALBION AND FRESH ARE IRRESPONSIBLE IDIOTS
Everything's Gone Green
12 May 11 15:38
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A bloke with two accounts was advertising his tipping service with one chat name and singing its praises with the other chat name.
Except he got them mixed up.
12 May 11 15:38
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| Topic/replies: 12,322 | Blogger: Everything's Gone Green's blog
A bloke with two accounts was advertising his tipping service with one chat name and singing its praises with the other chat name.
Except he got them mixed up.
Isner vs Levine on the tennis forum a few years back was a classic. The scoreboard was the wrong way round... every mug and has mother claimed free money, only to end up skint. The best bit was on the second post of the thread a guy had picked up what was going on and told everyone it was wrong because the odds were messed up. They all called him a tw*t and carried on regardless. Karma. A wonderful thing at times.
History Maker
For me, the funniest threads were
the Impressions thread - had me completely in stitches. Some guy posts youtube clips of 'his mate' doing impressions of famous people, and asked for chit-chat's opinions. One poster quickly started posting typed impressions, and the original guy got furious that his thread was being derailed.
that was rogerthebutler doing impressions on his keyboard, which was hilarious
For me, the funniest threads were
the Impressions thread - had me completely in stitches. Some guy posts youtube clips of 'his mate' doing impressions of famous people, and asked for chit-chat's opinions. One poster quickly started posting typed impressions, and the original guy got furious that his thread was being derailed.
that was rogerthebutler doing impressions on his keyboard, which was hilarious
I thought it might be roger, but wasn't entirely sure!
that was a great read that thread granpa
Thread goes from people rightly feeling smug about getting great prices and falling over themselves to get on to panic that something aint right to horror that scores the wrong way round
Thread goes from people rightly feeling smug about getting great prices and falling over themselves to get on to panic that something aint right to horror that scores the wrong way round
Yes Steptoes, reading granpa's comment made me laugh, and if you can laigh and you weren't there it must have been a cracker.
Here it is in all its glory:
http://community.betfair.com/tennis/go/thread/view/94186/23789282/levine-vs-isner-in-play-match?post_id=427987298#427987298
A marvellous read. Note that on page 1 the poster Mugz Bunny says twice that he thinks the score board is wrong and gets called a mug. The hilarity really kicks off when Betfair don't settle instantly and the penny slowly drops as to what has actually happened. I know I shouldn't laugh at people losing money but that thread is comedy gold!
http://community.betfair.com/tennis/go/thread/view/94186/23789282/levine-vs-isner-in-play-match?post_id=427987298#427987298
A marvellous read. Note that on page 1 the poster Mugz Bunny says twice that he thinks the score board is wrong and gets called a mug. The hilarity really kicks off when Betfair don't settle instantly and the penny slowly drops as to what has actually happened. I know I shouldn't laugh at people losing money but that thread is comedy gold!
will look tomorrow, will copy and paste so I don't lose it.
GranpaChook.
Isner vs Levine on the tennis forum a few years back was a classic. The scoreboard was the wrong way round
Just to clarify, which scoreboard was it? The one on the court presumably.
Isner vs Levine on the tennis forum a few years back was a classic. The scoreboard was the wrong way round
Just to clarify, which scoreboard was it? The one on the court presumably.
probably daft question but want to be sure as i think i'm going to enjoy reading this.
nah mate, would have just been a tennis website scoreboard
nobody had pics they were just reacting to the scoreboard
nobody had pics they were just reacting to the scoreboard
The official online scoreboard that the ATP uses for all it's matches. The score it was saying was correct but the names were the wrong way round. So if it said Isner won a point or a game what was actually happening was the opposite and Levine was winning the point. The match was some crappy tournament with no pictures so people betting on it only had the scoreboard to go on, other than the courtsiders who must have made enough money to buy a country.
gotcha thanks chaps.
small sample, i couldn't wait.
UMAGA
08 Jul 08 18:53
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It be hilarious if this scoreboard was fake
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bigjonh
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its got2 be the bot
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111111111111
111111111111
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someone is giving money away
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leefee
leefee
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hey guys....could you imagine if the odds went like this in everymatch tomorrow? ;) lol
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Johnymac
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Do you believe levine has broke Isner So many times ?
No me neither the scoreboard will be right
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Martin Gale III
Martin Gale III
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lol at whoever programmed himself this "bot" - some serious self-foot shooting :D
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leefee
leefee
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still 1.05....
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realhalford
realhalford
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1.05 free money for everyone ...
small sample, i couldn't wait.
UMAGA
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It be hilarious if this scoreboard was fake
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bigjonh
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its got2 be the bot
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111111111111
111111111111
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someone is giving money away
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leefee
leefee
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hey guys....could you imagine if the odds went like this in everymatch tomorrow? ;) lol
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Johnymac
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Do you believe levine has broke Isner So many times ?
No me neither the scoreboard will be right
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Martin Gale III
Martin Gale III
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lol at whoever programmed himself this "bot" - some serious self-foot shooting :D
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leefee
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still 1.05....
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realhalford
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1.05 free money for everyone ...
dawsy
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Just stuck 13k on Isner :D
oh dear, poor chap
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Just stuck 13k on Isner :D
oh dear, poor chap
The Jackie and Vanders debacle on the footie forum .
Jackie used to post decent football tips and on this particular occasion tipped up a particular south american team ( forget the name ) . Most of the forum were on , everything was going well , and with minutes to go they were 2-0 up . Vanders came on to say something along the lines of " cheers Jackie , great tip , just opened a bottle of wine to celebrate "
You can guess the rest ( FT 2-2 ), and Vanders was held solely responsible for f****** the bet and came in for some seriously hilarious and concentrated forum abuse. He was very apologetic to be fair ...
This was the same Vanders who passed on horse racing tips from the infamous "landlord" , im sure some of you will remember . :)
Jackie used to post decent football tips and on this particular occasion tipped up a particular south american team ( forget the name ) . Most of the forum were on , everything was going well , and with minutes to go they were 2-0 up . Vanders came on to say something along the lines of " cheers Jackie , great tip , just opened a bottle of wine to celebrate "
You can guess the rest ( FT 2-2 ), and Vanders was held solely responsible for f****** the bet and came in for some seriously hilarious and concentrated forum abuse. He was very apologetic to be fair ...
This was the same Vanders who passed on horse racing tips from the infamous "landlord" , im sure some of you will remember . :)
Thanks chaps, some truly hilarious material had me in tears! 
dambuster told a cracking story about how his grandad had some amphibious vehicle thing and his dad decided to try and cross an estuary that was, iirc, 2 or more miles wide and it was only meant for canals and rivers and it fell apart and the coastguard had to save him. Quite a funny story anyway (it had a happyish ending though I suspect the amphibious vehicle expired) but the way he told it was brilliant. The rest of the thread was crap.
First time i have seen that farthouse van thread, brilliant
fack me, nearly 2 years since i started this.
Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
It's worrying that in those 2 years there haven't been any funny threads worthy of mention. 
I captured some good uns on my website a few years ago including one or two mentioned on this thread
http://www.smashiton.com/others/Betfair_Great_posts.htm
Professional Sports people you have played
quincey 14 Feb 10:04
My mate once went in boxing ring with Bomber Graham at butlins,a few others went in ring first Graham put his hands behind his back and you had to try and hit him no one got close.Ginge went in ring put gloves on then when Bomber Graham wasn't looking he went over and started hiting him funniest thing ever, he landed 2 or 3 good shots then Graham nearly knocked Ginge out with a punch and he got thrown out the ring LEGEND
http://www.smashiton.com/others/Betfair_Great_posts.htm
Professional Sports people you have played
quincey 14 Feb 10:04
My mate once went in boxing ring with Bomber Graham at butlins,a few others went in ring first Graham put his hands behind his back and you had to try and hit him no one got close.Ginge went in ring put gloves on then when Bomber Graham wasn't looking he went over and started hiting him funniest thing ever, he landed 2 or 3 good shots then Graham nearly knocked Ginge out with a punch and he got thrown out the ring LEGEND
there was one i remember where this guy told a story about him and his mate named bulldog.very funny.
Oggsbog sorting each way out was funny. Each Way maintained he regularly conversed with Bert and he liked him.
oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:03 PM BST
As far as I know, the only contact you had with bert was through his TGOSAR thread - certainly not with bert himself, whom I am fairly confident had departed these shores long before your arrival.
Of course, I stand to be corrected, in which case I will fall on my sword. As far as I know, the only contact you had with bert was through his TGOSAR thread - certainly not with bert himself, whom I am fairly confident had departed these shores long before your arrival.Of course, I stand to be corrected, in which case I wi
Report • Quote • Block User cannyman • October 24, 2006 11:05 PM BST
I've got to agree with that oggsbog, and as Poppydog once kindly said (on this thread I think) I have an excellent memory. I've got to agree with that oggsbog, and as Poppydog once kindly said (on this thread I think) I have an excellent memory.
Report • Quote • Block User each way • October 24, 2006 11:06 PM BST
what are you people like , what do you want from me!!!!!!!!
I never spoke to bert , madness , i also spoke to banquo's ghost ........
fall on your sword , get your head out your arse idiot.. what are you people like , what do you want from me!!!!!!!!I never spoke to bert , madness , i also spoke to banquo's ghost ........fall on your sword , get your head out your arse idiot..
Report • Quote • Block User clarkson • October 24, 2006 11:07 PM BST
Probably better to use some sort of big spoon or forcep combo to get his head out of his @rse. Probably better to use some sort of big spoon or forcep combo to get his head out of his @rse.
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:09 PM BST
I'm quite happy to throw this out to those who are still in contact with bert on another forum and am happy to apologise if my version of events proves untrue.
I would hope you make the same commitment each way. I'm quite happy to throw this out to those who are still in contact with bert on another forum and am happy to apologise if my version of events proves untrue.I would hope you make the same commitment each way.
Report • Quote • Block User J P McEnroe 81 • October 24, 2006 11:10 PM BST
Lol ,Bert liked me ,no he didn't ,yes he did ,no he didn't.:^O:^O:^O Lol ,Bert liked me ,no he didn't ,yes he did ,no he didn't.:^O:^O:^O
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:10 PM BST
Thank you for your contribution Clarkson.
I would humbly suggest, however, that if I were ever to embark on the process of removing my head from my arse, we would be talking some serious HGV hardware. Spoons just wouldn't get the job done. Thank you for your contribution Clarkson.I would humbly suggest, however, that if I were ever to embark on the process of removing my head from my arse, we would be talking some serious HGV hardware. Spoons just wouldn't get the job done.
Report • Quote • Block User recluse • October 24, 2006 11:11 PM BST
I have to say that I am completely positive that ew was posting at the same time as bert. I have no doubt at all. Obviously it doesn't mean I am correct though. I have to say that I am completely positive that ew was posting at the same time as bert. I have no doubt at all. Obviously it doesn't mean I am correct though.
Report • Quote • Block User clarkson • October 24, 2006 11:12 PM BST
I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping. I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping.
Report • Quote • Block User each way • October 24, 2006 11:13 PM BST
rolmfao
commitment , this isn't up for discussion , i used to caht to bert ok , fact..
if he post ab dsays deep down he dispised me i will be hurt and wonder why his misses stuck up for me and told the lads they were ganging up on me which they were , they didn't like that..
you do what ever you need to do oggs , your laughable in your persuit of what ???
tell me what yu want from me ? rolmfao commitment , this isn't up for discussion , i used to caht to bert ok , fact..if he post ab dsays deep down he dispised me i will be hurt and wonder why his misses stuck up for me and told the lads they were ganging up on me which they were
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:14 PM BST
I can't decipher that at all, each way.
Want to try again? I can't decipher that at all, each way.Want to try again?
Report • Quote • Block User cannyman • October 24, 2006 11:16 PM BST
clarkson 25 Oct 00:12
I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping.
LOL clarkson 25 Oct 00:12 I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping. LOL
Report • Quote • Block User each way • October 24, 2006 11:20 PM BST
can't you go back to trying to be my mentor oggs , you were less annoying ...
nobody gives a ferk do they ? lolol..
ew:):) can't you go back to trying to be my mentor oggs , you were less annoying ...nobody gives a ferk do they ? lolol..ew:):)
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:26 PM BST
Never wanted to be your mentor E/W. Did want to give you a chance.
Still think you have something about you. But I guess, because you're such an **, that will remain buried forever, and you can spend the rest of your life justifying yourself on internet fora.
Good luck to you.
oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:03 PM BST
As far as I know, the only contact you had with bert was through his TGOSAR thread - certainly not with bert himself, whom I am fairly confident had departed these shores long before your arrival.
Of course, I stand to be corrected, in which case I will fall on my sword. As far as I know, the only contact you had with bert was through his TGOSAR thread - certainly not with bert himself, whom I am fairly confident had departed these shores long before your arrival.Of course, I stand to be corrected, in which case I wi
Report • Quote • Block User cannyman • October 24, 2006 11:05 PM BST
I've got to agree with that oggsbog, and as Poppydog once kindly said (on this thread I think) I have an excellent memory. I've got to agree with that oggsbog, and as Poppydog once kindly said (on this thread I think) I have an excellent memory.
Report • Quote • Block User each way • October 24, 2006 11:06 PM BST
what are you people like , what do you want from me!!!!!!!!
I never spoke to bert , madness , i also spoke to banquo's ghost ........
fall on your sword , get your head out your arse idiot.. what are you people like , what do you want from me!!!!!!!!I never spoke to bert , madness , i also spoke to banquo's ghost ........fall on your sword , get your head out your arse idiot..
Report • Quote • Block User clarkson • October 24, 2006 11:07 PM BST
Probably better to use some sort of big spoon or forcep combo to get his head out of his @rse. Probably better to use some sort of big spoon or forcep combo to get his head out of his @rse.
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:09 PM BST
I'm quite happy to throw this out to those who are still in contact with bert on another forum and am happy to apologise if my version of events proves untrue.
I would hope you make the same commitment each way. I'm quite happy to throw this out to those who are still in contact with bert on another forum and am happy to apologise if my version of events proves untrue.I would hope you make the same commitment each way.
Report • Quote • Block User J P McEnroe 81 • October 24, 2006 11:10 PM BST
Lol ,Bert liked me ,no he didn't ,yes he did ,no he didn't.:^O:^O:^O Lol ,Bert liked me ,no he didn't ,yes he did ,no he didn't.:^O:^O:^O
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:10 PM BST
Thank you for your contribution Clarkson.
I would humbly suggest, however, that if I were ever to embark on the process of removing my head from my arse, we would be talking some serious HGV hardware. Spoons just wouldn't get the job done. Thank you for your contribution Clarkson.I would humbly suggest, however, that if I were ever to embark on the process of removing my head from my arse, we would be talking some serious HGV hardware. Spoons just wouldn't get the job done.
Report • Quote • Block User recluse • October 24, 2006 11:11 PM BST
I have to say that I am completely positive that ew was posting at the same time as bert. I have no doubt at all. Obviously it doesn't mean I am correct though. I have to say that I am completely positive that ew was posting at the same time as bert. I have no doubt at all. Obviously it doesn't mean I am correct though.
Report • Quote • Block User clarkson • October 24, 2006 11:12 PM BST
I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping. I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping.
Report • Quote • Block User each way • October 24, 2006 11:13 PM BST
rolmfao
commitment , this isn't up for discussion , i used to caht to bert ok , fact..
if he post ab dsays deep down he dispised me i will be hurt and wonder why his misses stuck up for me and told the lads they were ganging up on me which they were , they didn't like that..
you do what ever you need to do oggs , your laughable in your persuit of what ???
tell me what yu want from me ? rolmfao commitment , this isn't up for discussion , i used to caht to bert ok , fact..if he post ab dsays deep down he dispised me i will be hurt and wonder why his misses stuck up for me and told the lads they were ganging up on me which they were
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:14 PM BST
I can't decipher that at all, each way.
Want to try again? I can't decipher that at all, each way.Want to try again?
Report • Quote • Block User cannyman • October 24, 2006 11:16 PM BST
clarkson 25 Oct 00:12
I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping.
LOL clarkson 25 Oct 00:12 I think peachboy may have him mixed up with one time poster Bret, the ginger dental technician from wapping. LOL
Report • Quote • Block User each way • October 24, 2006 11:20 PM BST
can't you go back to trying to be my mentor oggs , you were less annoying ...
nobody gives a ferk do they ? lolol..
ew:):) can't you go back to trying to be my mentor oggs , you were less annoying ...nobody gives a ferk do they ? lolol..ew:):)
Report • Quote • Block User oggsbog • October 24, 2006 11:26 PM BST
Never wanted to be your mentor E/W. Did want to give you a chance.
Still think you have something about you. But I guess, because you're such an **, that will remain buried forever, and you can spend the rest of your life justifying yourself on internet fora.
Good luck to you.
They have all gone to bed Kenny & I have known you too long to start insulting you 
What was the thread when people started E - mailing Attheraces & started asking daft questions, people were posting the questions to ask on here & E - mailing the programme & several got read out, I was on the floor in stitches, they read one of mine out but cannot remember what it was about now.
scented cheek peices to help the horse concentrate or something pumpy, not got that quite right but hilarious as you say, although they suspected something eventually.
chuckling away just thinking about that, must be 7 years ago?
kenny with respect, I started to get dizzy after the first couple of sentences.
LOL Kenny, yes that does ring a bell, about five years ago I reckon
No, definitely longer than that, Pumpy - I'd say 7 is pretty close.
It was Don Giovani, Pumpy - same chap who started the pub.
He was the one doing most of the e-mailing - to hilarious effect!
He was the one doing most of the e-mailing - to hilarious effect!
No, it wasn't saved from Fred77 after May 2010, Pumpy
Shame but saying that SF found the yesteryear thread though it is a read only
Kenny, I'm going to put everyone on here on an English grammatical gig. I always stick up for you lot on other forums.
Arsenal v Chelsea League Cup Final the 'free money' available on 1st scorer. A thread that went from 'joy' to 'what?' to '****!'. Best thread ever!
Honourable mention to the guy who posted as 'adult friendfinder'
Honourable mention to the guy who posted as 'adult friendfinder'
Was that the one that the moneysaving expert people tipped up?
The FARTHOUSE thread re-produced on page 2 by billy hill is brilliant.
For some reason, I always remember the one some guy wrote about meeting a *ahem* "rather large" lady on a night out - when they got home he was doing the business while she was bent over and she carried on eating her packet of chips!
Another one:
http://community.betfair.com/cricket/go/thread/view/94046/23434114/ive-just-come-home-p1ssed-rom-the-pub?post_id=418278410#418278410
[b]Cider Red on Tour 01 Dec 06 02:01 Joined: 26 Sep 01 | Topic/replies: 33 | Blogger: Cider Red on Tour's blog
to be honest went down pub straight from work, threw guts up walking home, pulled a semi-disabled bird (definatly another story), got in and just had my tea, jacket potato and steak and kidney pie with bwown sauce whilst sitting on my bed, spilt the steak and potatoe pie on my duvet (with the brown sauce)so me mums gonna think i had an accident.**ed the bed due to drink six weeks ago so im in big trouble whatever.
i think your right, a bans on its way (from betfair and my house)[/b]
http://community.betfair.com/cricket/go/thread/view/94046/23434114/ive-just-come-home-p1ssed-rom-the-pub?post_id=418278410#418278410
[b]Cider Red on Tour 01 Dec 06 02:01 Joined: 26 Sep 01 | Topic/replies: 33 | Blogger: Cider Red on Tour's blog
to be honest went down pub straight from work, threw guts up walking home, pulled a semi-disabled bird (definatly another story), got in and just had my tea, jacket potato and steak and kidney pie with bwown sauce whilst sitting on my bed, spilt the steak and potatoe pie on my duvet (with the brown sauce)so me mums gonna think i had an accident.**ed the bed due to drink six weeks ago so im in big trouble whatever.
i think your right, a bans on its way (from betfair and my house)[/b]
trader pj 01 Dec 06 02:10 Joined: 13 Nov 02 | Topic/replies: 6,503 | Blogger: trader pj's blog
did you get anywhere with the girl?
Cider Red on Tour
Cider Red on Tour 01 Dec 06 02:25 Joined: 26 Sep 01 | Topic/replies: 33 | Blogger: Cider Red on Tour's blog
got a kiss waking her home depsite the sick (1 mile detour in cold winds) add to the fact my mate jumped on her last week add to the fact shes a bit backwards (probably more than a bit) a little dissapointing yet will be happy in the morning i didnt.
did you get anywhere with the girl?
Cider Red on Tour
Cider Red on Tour 01 Dec 06 02:25 Joined: 26 Sep 01 | Topic/replies: 33 | Blogger: Cider Red on Tour's blog
got a kiss waking her home depsite the sick (1 mile detour in cold winds) add to the fact my mate jumped on her last week add to the fact shes a bit backwards (probably more than a bit) a little dissapointing yet will be happy in the morning i didnt.
Didn't each way and TheMentallyUnstableDrHuxleyPig have a thread where they started fighting over who was the better looking and e.w. wanted a £500 bet to the winner based on the votes each garnered much to the amusement of us all? I think I've remembered that right although it was many years ago.
2 spring to mind.
One about some bloke's missus "feeding the ducks" and another where SDK wound up some poor chap about Christmas hampers. Lasted about 4 days before some sod spilt the beans
One about some bloke's missus "feeding the ducks" and another where SDK wound up some poor chap about Christmas hampers. Lasted about 4 days before some sod spilt the beans
The one about the wizard casting spells had me in hysterics.
God those names take me back. DONEMYLOT? Redbag? What ever happened to those guys?
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