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26 Aug 10
01:45
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Date Joined:
01 Apr 10
What is the quickest time you have bedded a bird in from the time of knowing her?
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Was at an old school 21st (black tie, marquee etc).
The number of people who hadn't gone to bed was slowly dwindling and I got talking to this pretty blonde girl. She was studying French, and it was quickly apparent that she loved France, so I wheeled out every French cultural reference that my booze-addled brain could muster.
After about 20 mins, I was running out of steam and ideas and thought to myself, s0d this, I'm going to bed. So I said to her, 's0d this, I'm going to bed.' Much to my surprise, she asked if she could share my sleeping bag.
Only got up to what I believe is known as '3rd base' action though.
Found out the next morning she had a boyfriend in France, the dirty little minx.
The number of people who hadn't gone to bed was slowly dwindling and I got talking to this pretty blonde girl. She was studying French, and it was quickly apparent that she loved France, so I wheeled out every French cultural reference that my booze-addled brain could muster.
After about 20 mins, I was running out of steam and ideas and thought to myself, s0d this, I'm going to bed. So I said to her, 's0d this, I'm going to bed.' Much to my surprise, she asked if she could share my sleeping bag.
Only got up to what I believe is known as '3rd base' action though.
Found out the next morning she had a boyfriend in France, the dirty little minx.
I knew this bloke in the south of france and his record was two in one night.One of them had sent her friend over to ask him would he sort her mate out because they were leaving in the morning and she had been fancying him all week whilst on holiday.He said yes no problem ,he took her back to the yacht we were working on and did the business then after he had done her and she had gone home he came back out and went out on the pull again and pulled another bird and scored with her aswell.true story 
funny ol world. we praise all that yet if it had been a woman, she'd be an old slagg
Guy I was at uni with did something similar about three weeks into the first term. Took some girl back to her place, slept with her, she went to sleep. He was staring at the ceiling because he'd drunk too much Red Bull, so he went back out, picked up another girl and took that one back to his place.
I can't even remember his real name. Everyone, including the girls, called him 'TwoTimes'.
I can't even remember his real name. Everyone, including the girls, called him 'TwoTimes'.
Jeez Stretch, you're easily impressed!
I've got that many stories of high jinks when at Uni, that it's gonna be hard not to come across as a total bulls41tter, so it's important that I begin by pointing out that I was a singularly beautiful young man [;)]
For a period of 2 months I had 2 birds on the go that knew about each other and when they could and couldn't see me. It was only wednesdays that I saw them both, Jane in the afternoon, Rebecca in the evening. One evening Rebecca came up for air with the lament, "I know you see Jane on an afternoon, but in future would you mind washing it before you see me?".
For the record, I once did 3 at one ball, first sh4gged a fellow student in the toilets, second a BJ off another student in an empty room of the hotel, lastly some random milf in the gardens of the hotel, no idea where she came from.
I've got that many stories of high jinks when at Uni, that it's gonna be hard not to come across as a total bulls41tter, so it's important that I begin by pointing out that I was a singularly beautiful young man [;)]
For a period of 2 months I had 2 birds on the go that knew about each other and when they could and couldn't see me. It was only wednesdays that I saw them both, Jane in the afternoon, Rebecca in the evening. One evening Rebecca came up for air with the lament, "I know you see Jane on an afternoon, but in future would you mind washing it before you see me?".
For the record, I once did 3 at one ball, first sh4gged a fellow student in the toilets, second a BJ off another student in an empty room of the hotel, lastly some random milf in the gardens of the hotel, no idea where she came from.
LOL DML, I wasn't gelded, just wore em away.................
A friend of mine from uni came down to visit me a few months ago and we went out into town for a night out with a few other people. Come about 4am, he hadn't pulled and was getting desperate so he approached a girl who wasn't exactly the best looking. Within about 15mins she was with him in a taxi back to mine and on the journey she told him that she needed to be back for 5:30am (something to do with her kid), so he told the driver to come back around 5:15 to pick her up.
I was upstairs in bed at this point (I'd got back about half 3) and given as I didn't have a spare bed for him, he just bent her over my sofa and did the business.
He told me her name the next day and we facebooked her...then I went into Tesco about a week later and she served me...I fancied saying 'you don't know me, but you've been bent over my sofa, you dirty b1tch'
I was upstairs in bed at this point (I'd got back about half 3) and given as I didn't have a spare bed for him, he just bent her over my sofa and did the business.
He told me her name the next day and we facebooked her...then I went into Tesco about a week later and she served me...I fancied saying 'you don't know me, but you've been bent over my sofa, you dirty b1tch'
New thread required "The uni days of Mr Orchard" more please . . .
I got a 'gentlemans degree', in history and politics. A miracle really, as I can remember very little of Metternich, on whom I wrote my dissertation and everything about boning a scorching mature student who turned out to be the mum of one of the lads on my course. He chased me around the union threatening to kill me/tell his dad. He did neither
He told me her name the next day and we facebooked her...then I went into Tesco about a week later and she served me...I fancied saying 'you don't know me, but you've been bent over my sofa, you dirty b1tch' Laugh
great stuff,there's something highly amusing bumping into a bird you or your mates have rogered when she'sin her "civvies"
I met a bird at V-Fest on Sunday during Prodigy. My mate asked her if she could take a picture of us lads and she seemed to take a shine to me. I remember dancing to Omen and she parked herself right in front of me, obviously wanting me to make a move. So I did. I started grinding up behind her, when she grabbed my hands and put them on her tits. Result. By the end of the song I had my hand down her knickers, and 10 minutes after that she was giving me a BJ by a fence. It was so surreal! During the whole encounter the only words I said to her were "You got a spare chewing gum?". Good times.
Speaking of which...
...my mate Neil pulled this girl on a night out, and went back to her place. The next day he came back with a smug grin on his face and said 'well, I can cross that one off the list'. The list was a number of things he wanted to try before the year was out, and it quickly emerged that 'that' was his (inexplicable) number one - getting rimmed by a girl.
So far, so what? Anyway, the next evening we went out to a comedy club for Alex's birthday (another friend who'd been with us the night before). We had tables booked right at the front of the stage, because we wanted to stitch Alex up.
All thoughts of that went straight out of the window when we rocked up and there sitting on the table next to us was Neil's girl from the night before, dressed up to the nines and clearly on a date. If Neil was a bit embarrassed, she looked absolutely horrified. The rest of us found it hilarious.
Everyone else in the place thought that we were a bit odd because we were practically p!ssing ourselves laughing the whole way through the evening, perhaps more when no-one was on stage than when a comic was up there. One of the guys, I can't remember who, kept miming some tongue action in her direction, which was perhaps a little harsh.
The poor couple left halfway through though. Funny evening though.
...my mate Neil pulled this girl on a night out, and went back to her place. The next day he came back with a smug grin on his face and said 'well, I can cross that one off the list'. The list was a number of things he wanted to try before the year was out, and it quickly emerged that 'that' was his (inexplicable) number one - getting rimmed by a girl.
So far, so what? Anyway, the next evening we went out to a comedy club for Alex's birthday (another friend who'd been with us the night before). We had tables booked right at the front of the stage, because we wanted to stitch Alex up.
All thoughts of that went straight out of the window when we rocked up and there sitting on the table next to us was Neil's girl from the night before, dressed up to the nines and clearly on a date. If Neil was a bit embarrassed, she looked absolutely horrified. The rest of us found it hilarious.
Everyone else in the place thought that we were a bit odd because we were practically p!ssing ourselves laughing the whole way through the evening, perhaps more when no-one was on stage than when a comic was up there. One of the guys, I can't remember who, kept miming some tongue action in her direction, which was perhaps a little harsh.
The poor couple left halfway through though. Funny evening though.
^^That is a hilarious story -tres droll , a real classic
I think my record for a total randomer was about 20 mins in an old club in Bolton.Was about 10 mins before 2am (when everything used to close) and we were about to go having not pulled when some drunken and very very pretty girl pulled me on the dance floor,within no time shes literally hands down my pants,utterly gaging for it.I pulls her to the side and says lets go round the back,we gets out through the fire door and down to a flight of stairs (leading to a basement flat or whatever) anyway shes striiped this white lacy dress thing of and im also naked (except mt socks !) not a word passing between us..bout 3 mins into the action someone p1sshead down the steps for a slash and not seeing us(were were about 7/8 steps down)starts p1ssing all over the show .She jumps up going beserk as she wasnt too happy being covered in p1ss.Anyway he fecks off and im still rock hard but she's cooled a bit by then so i manages to persuade her to finish me off(dont women know you should NEVER leave a gentleman half tossed?)
I quickly blows an industrial load of relish all over the show and by now shes dressed and back up the steps as i'm wiping my knob.She then dispaears into the night and i decide to get a kebab.Im only in the kebab house when i looks down to see i'm literally covered in sp_unk..id inadvertebtly shot most of my load all over my trousers...ah happy days
I quickly blows an industrial load of relish all over the show and by now shes dressed and back up the steps as i'm wiping my knob.She then dispaears into the night and i decide to get a kebab.Im only in the kebab house when i looks down to see i'm literally covered in sp_unk..id inadvertebtly shot most of my load all over my trousers...ah happy days
About 3 years ago was chatting to a bird online for about a week. At the end of the week she phoned up, "hi how are you" blah blah blah. We were arranging a date, when the conversation turned to sex, like it does. So i invited her round and within 10 minutes i was up it.
Quicker than a ferret down a rabbit hole or a rat up a drain pipe popup
I was drunk and there is a taxi ride involved so I can't give a time scale, but it was my record I think.
In some dodgy club after having had 10 dbl vodkas and about 5 pints of lager. A really attractive girl in fancy dress was on the dancefloor (not actually sure what I was doing on the dancefloor as I wasn't exactly Mr Co-ordinated at that point), me & a mate spot her at the same time & both walk towards her.
He got there first & she pushed him away looking at me. That was all I needed to know & so without saying a word I just grapped hold of her & kissed her. Next thing I know I'm in a taxi back to hers.........
Next morning I wake up next to a girl who wasn't nearly as attractive as I'd previously thought. This was a bit of a shock to the system as I would normally only go for pretty girls. I was in Swansea & had no money to get home & was stuck in the house for 2 days until I got something sorted.
It gets worse, go out on p!ss in Bristol as a one-off visit & she's out there too. Manage to avoid her & go to a club in St Paul's & she turns up there too. I spent the night hiding. She's in the toilets speaking to a girl she knew was a friend of mine asking where I was??
ffs, record time shags can come back to haunt you, be warned.
In some dodgy club after having had 10 dbl vodkas and about 5 pints of lager. A really attractive girl in fancy dress was on the dancefloor (not actually sure what I was doing on the dancefloor as I wasn't exactly Mr Co-ordinated at that point), me & a mate spot her at the same time & both walk towards her.
He got there first & she pushed him away looking at me. That was all I needed to know & so without saying a word I just grapped hold of her & kissed her. Next thing I know I'm in a taxi back to hers.........
Next morning I wake up next to a girl who wasn't nearly as attractive as I'd previously thought. This was a bit of a shock to the system as I would normally only go for pretty girls. I was in Swansea & had no money to get home & was stuck in the house for 2 days until I got something sorted.
It gets worse, go out on p!ss in Bristol as a one-off visit & she's out there too. Manage to avoid her & go to a club in St Paul's & she turns up there too. I spent the night hiding. She's in the toilets speaking to a girl she knew was a friend of mine asking where I was??
ffs, record time shags can come back to haunt you, be warned.
i am sure you lot are making it up as you go along. [:D]
[:D]
Larrence, If I was making mine up she'd have been gorgeous the next morning & I'd have stoked her flatmates too. Sadly that wasn't the case!
Dave fair play.
My quickest moment was in kavos greece, grafting all might come back to the hotel lobby at 5 in the morning chatting to this fit bird for half an hour and inviting her back to my room at 5.30, by the time i got to the bedroom i past out, i said to her in the morning how was it for you.[:D]
My quickest moment was in kavos greece, grafting all might come back to the hotel lobby at 5 in the morning chatting to this fit bird for half an hour and inviting her back to my room at 5.30, by the time i got to the bedroom i past out, i said to her in the morning how was it for you.
[:D]
Slightly off topic but as i was reminiscing about old shags, reminds me of the time i picked someone up at a club at the end of the night.
Went back to hers, did the business and left in the morning.
Three weeks later i'm in the same club, my mate points out Carole from 3 weeks earlier. I think, i don't really want to speak to her if i can help it. I manage to nearly go through the night avoiding her when our paths cross. I think, i better say hello, so i say "alright Carole" She says "alright......where do i know you from?"
Went back to hers, did the business and left in the morning.
Three weeks later i'm in the same club, my mate points out Carole from 3 weeks earlier. I think, i don't really want to speak to her if i can help it. I manage to nearly go through the night avoiding her when our paths cross. I think, i better say hello, so i say "alright Carole" She says "alright......where do i know you from?"
Around two hours in a place called Jetsets in Manaus, Brazil, awoke in a panic because i couldnt remember the way back to the ship.....
Wonderful night though.............
Wonderful night though.............
great stuff popup.
tbf, I could walk past some women in the street tomorrow & would have no idea whatsoever if they were a one-nighter from the past!
tbf, I could walk past some women in the street tomorrow & would have no idea whatsoever if they were a one-nighter from the past!
dave, i am surprised you could get past them on the same side of the road, they must have extended the pathway.
The thing is also about Carole is that my mate came back with me that night and kipped on the sofa. We must have seen Carole about 5 or 6 times after that in the same club. My mate used to go and talk to her sometimes. She still didn't have a clue that we went back to hers one night.
Feck knows what she was on that night.
Another funny one recently, met another bird on the net (so much easier than going to a pub/club)
Went round her house and stayed the night. Phoned my mate the next day to tell him what i got up to. He said "what's she like" I said "she's alright nothing special, have a look on my friends list on facebook"
He rings me 5 minutes later and says "i think i know her"
Turned out he sha88ed her six months ago
Feck knows what she was on that night.
Another funny one recently, met another bird on the net (so much easier than going to a pub/club)
Went round her house and stayed the night. Phoned my mate the next day to tell him what i got up to. He said "what's she like" I said "she's alright nothing special, have a look on my friends list on facebook"
He rings me 5 minutes later and says "i think i know her"
Turned out he sha88ed her six months ago
can't believe the amount of sloppy seconds, thirds and fourths on this thread, are you sure we have not all been with the same bird. [:D]
[:D]
Steady one Larrence, the waistline might be a bit bigger than when I was rolling, but it's not that bad!
I'll leave out names to protect the guilty, but I was told a good story about a major sports tour in the 1990s:
Word spread that birds were getting "roasted" on a regular basis, so one of the coaches got a senior pro to keep him informed about what was going on. Anyway, one morning the player walked up to the coach and confirmed that it had happened the previous night. "How many players?" "Eight."
"Eight?! For fúck's sake! Who are these girls?"
"Well last night's girl has just served you breakfast."
Word spread that birds were getting "roasted" on a regular basis, so one of the coaches got a senior pro to keep him informed about what was going on. Anyway, one morning the player walked up to the coach and confirmed that it had happened the previous night. "How many players?" "Eight."
"Eight?! For fúck's sake! Who are these girls?"
"Well last night's girl has just served you breakfast."
When you say "quickest time" =
although I worked in the same building complex I didn't really know any of the 3 I had on one Christmas eve.
at 2pm and 5pm and midnight.
the last one (3) I asked out around 4pm to a party that night - and I offered number 2 a lift home that afternoon after the works afternoon do - and had it away in her place - and then had to rush to shower and pick number 3 up for our night out at the party. - nowadays i would need that 7 hour gap to recover.
although I worked in the same building complex I didn't really know any of the 3 I had on one Christmas eve.
at 2pm and 5pm and midnight.
the last one (3) I asked out around 4pm to a party that night - and I offered number 2 a lift home that afternoon after the works afternoon do - and had it away in her place - and then had to rush to shower and pick number 3 up for our night out at the party. - nowadays i would need that 7 hour gap to recover.
so scissors what was the scenario with the first bird you had at 2pm ?
i was very merry in a club in Torquay. Staggered up to this average looking girl, said hello and snogged her face off. asked her if she fancied a walk down to the beach. she says yes and we got as far as the park over the road. she gave me a quality blowie in a park bench. at one stage some old bloke walked by walking his dog. she never stopped tho. from hello to action was about 15 minutes.
The ones i like is when you're chatting to bird for the first time and she starts telling you things like "i don't do one night stands"
Then a couple of hours later she's on her back with her knees behind her ears.
Then a couple of hours later she's on her back with her knees behind her ears.
The ones i like is when you're chatting to bird for the first time and she starts telling you things like "i don't do one night stands"
Then a couple of hours later she's on her back with her knees behind her ears.
Always a giveaway..any bird whose thinking on those lines is a great even money shot to be pounded senseless within the next few hours!
Then a couple of hours later she's on her back with her knees behind her ears.
Always a giveaway..any bird whose thinking on those lines is a great even money shot to be pounded senseless within the next few hours!
Yep, you're probably right. What i've learned over the years is that women know that you are trying to get into their knickers. What they don't like is when you make it too blinking obvious!
the best one night stand i had was just after i took off her knickers, she asked me to put them in my mouth so i could taste them...i knew she'd be a cracking sh@g after that
Great thread.
There seems to be a common theme of alcohol. Has anyone done similar sober?
There seems to be a common theme of alcohol. Has anyone done similar sober?
Was just thinking if there could be a "without alcohol market"
To my shame many years ago as a market trader i secured a nosh of a possibly mentally ill (though half decent looking bird) she'd wander round smiling at people and i simply returned the smile a few times then like the brazen handsome young buck i was basically went over to her and said "do you wanna come upstairs to my van"!!(as you do!)Se followed me up(followed by half of Rochdale market come to watch!) and i was "smoked" in the back seat of my old ex BT maestro van!!with a crowd of cheering onlookers...terrible BJ as well an alsation could of done better i'm sure.
Felt pretty disgusted after id splattered her though.After that she'd be fairly regular (not with me again though) and most of the degenerates had her in various places from lifts,storerooms,a wooden storage box and even a skip!
Classy she was!
I'd say from smile to BJ about 15mins
To my shame many years ago as a market trader i secured a nosh of a possibly mentally ill (though half decent looking bird) she'd wander round smiling at people and i simply returned the smile a few times then like the brazen handsome young buck i was basically went over to her and said "do you wanna come upstairs to my van"!!(as you do!)Se followed me up(followed by half of Rochdale market come to watch!) and i was "smoked" in the back seat of my old ex BT maestro van!!with a crowd of cheering onlookers...terrible BJ as well an alsation could of done better i'm sure.
Felt pretty disgusted after id splattered her though.After that she'd be fairly regular (not with me again though) and most of the degenerates had her in various places from lifts,storerooms,a wooden storage box and even a skip!
Classy she was!
I'd say from smile to BJ about 15mins
I remember travelling across Australia from Perth To Sydney on the Indian Pacific train about 20 years ago, i travelled in economy class and the train took around three days from start to finish.
The train used to stop at some stops for a couple of hours and a few of us piled into the nearest bar, anyway these couple of girls got on a a party was had with Guitars and sing songs, one of the girls seemed a bit strange looking in that she didnt look all there at all, after i went asleep(Ok was bladdered) she apparently treated a couple of the lads to a BJ.
When she woke up in the morning there was clearly something wrong as she looked crazed and kept muttering to herself, She then bit the Guard and was chucked off the train at Port Augusta..............
The train used to stop at some stops for a couple of hours and a few of us piled into the nearest bar, anyway these couple of girls got on a a party was had with Guitars and sing songs, one of the girls seemed a bit strange looking in that she didnt look all there at all, after i went asleep(Ok was bladdered) she apparently treated a couple of the lads to a BJ.
When she woke up in the morning there was clearly something wrong as she looked crazed and kept muttering to herself, She then bit the Guard and was chucked off the train at Port Augusta..............
I met this bird in a shop and she was trying a top on and she asked me whether it looked nice or not i said yes especially with that lovely figure you've got(they were massive)as you do like .Well a bottle of Tia maria and a taxi ride later i had done her quicker than you could say Jack Robinson
Reading this thread has worried me a tad! I've done none of this drunken 'escapadery' with women. I've always gone for the respect-her-and-hope-she'll-be-a-long-term-companion route, and yes I regret it quite often.
Oh, and TTT, in case any new logger-inerers to this thread have a fine story to add.
Oh, and TTT, in case any new logger-inerers to this thread have a fine story to add.
-a-long-term-companion route. *
Anti-spam I'm guessing.
Anti-spam I'm guessing.
Not a thread for men with 17 year old daughters, but thanks anyway.
Pulled a 41yr old last night...time from meeting to sex was around 2hrs
Went to the pub with 2 mates, got chatting to these 2 women, one was mid twenties, one was early forties.
There weren't any spare seats so as the 41yr old was stood next to me chatting, I said that if I was a gent I would give up my seat to an elderly lady, but that I wasn't, so she'd have to stand or sit on the arm of the chair. Obviously she then sits on my lap and tell her the story of trying it on with the 62yr old at my sisters wedding and she was absolutely howling with laughter. Chatted for about half an hour, then they went inside to the bar for a bit. On our way out, me and my mate told the pair of them we were off and were they coming...obviously they followed...went back to my mates and before you could say 'do you want a bacardi mojito' i had her bent over the sink in the bathroom
Quality night and unexpected as we only went out for a quiet drink
She was in great nick for 41, tbf.
Went to the pub with 2 mates, got chatting to these 2 women, one was mid twenties, one was early forties.
There weren't any spare seats so as the 41yr old was stood next to me chatting, I said that if I was a gent I would give up my seat to an elderly lady, but that I wasn't, so she'd have to stand or sit on the arm of the chair. Obviously she then sits on my lap and tell her the story of trying it on with the 62yr old at my sisters wedding and she was absolutely howling with laughter. Chatted for about half an hour, then they went inside to the bar for a bit. On our way out, me and my mate told the pair of them we were off and were they coming...obviously they followed...went back to my mates and before you could say 'do you want a bacardi mojito' i had her bent over the sink in the bathroom
Quality night and unexpected as we only went out for a quiet drink
She was in great nick for 41, tbf.
The mention of a bathroom sink had me in stitches
Good work Freshy,i'm hathering your about 25 ish? when i was in mid 20's to early 30's i quickly moved on from the bimbo-esque 18-25 yr olds to the early 30's + ladies.Being younger than them (but not too young) was always a good head start and they were almost without fail far dirtier and better than their younger counterparts.
Though on a seperate note i note i must warn you there's only room for ONE official forum swordsman[;)]
Though on a seperate note i note i must warn you there's only room for ONE official forum swordsman[;)]
27 a week on Thursday.
In all honesty, I've not slept with loads of girls, just above the 20 mark, and about 7 or 8 of those have been in the last year.
Got a girl coming over tonight, an 18yr old virgin who is gagging for it. She's not too bad looking, surprised she's a virgin, tbh, but I've had it confirmed from her friend. Obviously I expect there are a few cynics on here who don't believe all this, but in all my years on here (under this name and my last one) I've never been known to lie.
In all honesty, I've not slept with loads of girls, just above the 20 mark, and about 7 or 8 of those have been in the last year.
Got a girl coming over tonight, an 18yr old virgin who is gagging for it. She's not too bad looking, surprised she's a virgin, tbh, but I've had it confirmed from her friend. Obviously I expect there are a few cynics on here who don't believe all this, but in all my years on here (under this name and my last one) I've never been known to lie.
in all my years on here (under this name and my last one) I've never been known to lie.
Quality sarcasm from MF
Quality sarcasm from MF
...up the Dale!!!
Once pulled a bird at a club half cut and proceeded to be pulled into a 69 later back at hers. She had a tiny bit of wet tissue paper in her pubes. Not a great start.
Wot was it wet with?
If I was MrFresh I'd be somewhat concerned about taking an 18 yr old virginity aged 27. If her dad finds out it could get messy.
p iss i expect! think she had wiped herself not that carefully after going to the toilet
when I was a teenager on a night out we were walking past the local park on the way to get a take-away when some young ladies in the park who were clearly drunk beckoned us over, I picked the one that looked the easiest and after probably only 30 minutes of meeting her we were at it in the doorway of the public toilets (which thankfully were closed at that time of night), how romantic?
i have a sober one which there seems to be very few of.
years ago i lived in tenerfie. my mates and i when we were working punting timeshare on the streets used to chat up girls who walked past. one day i got talking to this good looking german girl. she had a mischievous glint in her eye and i thought fook it, if you dont shoot you dont score. told her i wanted to f*ck her and she should take me back to her apartment. she declined my offer saying apartment was unavailable. i then romantically suggested the toilets of a bar near where i worked. she agreed saying she was going sunbathing forst tho. 15 mins later she was back and i took her downstairs to the toilets. she sucked me off and then i lifted one leg up and nailed her. wasnt my best performance but who cares....
came out onto the street and continued with my day. about 20 mins later my girlfriend appeared unexpectedly and i nearly had a heartattack. she had day off work so had come to see me. was aclose shave
a few weeks lateragain chatted up a girl in street. told her there was a wet tshirt competition did she want to enter. she was gorgeous and had massive fake tits. tried to get her to get her tits out on the street. she said she wouldnt in the street. i was taking the mickey saying she was a **** and she was saying if you knew what i did for a job you wouldnt be saying this. i was thinking porn start, stripper or escort. or prob all 3!
anyway this culminated in her saying come back to my apartment and i will show you. so off i walk with her already getting a lob on even though i havent touched her yet. unfortunately my manager was watching the whole incident and called me upo and informed me if i went with her would cost me a lot of money in a fine! so i didnt. an hour or so later the same girl is back wearing a white tshirt and no bikini. i proceed to pour a bottle of water over her. i then told her there was no wet tshirt competition. she took this in her stride and saidd i had to take her for drinks that evening.
enroute to towen to meet her and get irate call from girlfriend. i had locked her out of flat so had to return! then had a massive row with better half and never got to nail the porn star!!
happy days when i had cheek and some balls!
years ago i lived in tenerfie. my mates and i when we were working punting timeshare on the streets used to chat up girls who walked past. one day i got talking to this good looking german girl. she had a mischievous glint in her eye and i thought fook it, if you dont shoot you dont score. told her i wanted to f*ck her and she should take me back to her apartment. she declined my offer saying apartment was unavailable. i then romantically suggested the toilets of a bar near where i worked. she agreed saying she was going sunbathing forst tho. 15 mins later she was back and i took her downstairs to the toilets. she sucked me off and then i lifted one leg up and nailed her. wasnt my best performance but who cares....
came out onto the street and continued with my day. about 20 mins later my girlfriend appeared unexpectedly and i nearly had a heartattack. she had day off work so had come to see me. was aclose shave
a few weeks lateragain chatted up a girl in street. told her there was a wet tshirt competition did she want to enter. she was gorgeous and had massive fake tits. tried to get her to get her tits out on the street. she said she wouldnt in the street. i was taking the mickey saying she was a **** and she was saying if you knew what i did for a job you wouldnt be saying this. i was thinking porn start, stripper or escort. or prob all 3!
anyway this culminated in her saying come back to my apartment and i will show you. so off i walk with her already getting a lob on even though i havent touched her yet. unfortunately my manager was watching the whole incident and called me upo and informed me if i went with her would cost me a lot of money in a fine! so i didnt. an hour or so later the same girl is back wearing a white tshirt and no bikini. i proceed to pour a bottle of water over her. i then told her there was no wet tshirt competition. she took this in her stride and saidd i had to take her for drinks that evening.
enroute to towen to meet her and get irate call from girlfriend. i had locked her out of flat so had to return! then had a massive row with better half and never got to nail the porn star!!
happy days when i had cheek and some balls!
forgot to say both these in cidents happened between 1 and 3 in the afternoon and all involved sober. me working, girls on way to beach.
I do take it that this girlfriend was just a bit of fun?
Had a works party on Saturday night. Due to a lack of forthcoming action from other quarters I ended up taking a rather big girl home. We had left the party and gone onto a club she tagged along with me and a few of my mates. She's relatively new to work and already has a bit of a reputation. I can remember putting 3pound in the condom machine but it chewed my money I was seething.
She came back I had to do the deed bareback
[:(]
Back to work on Wednesday, dreading it she's not exactly discreet either. [:(]
Will I ever learn
She came back I had to do the deed bareback
[:(]Back to work on Wednesday, dreading it she's not exactly discreet either. [:(]
Will I ever learn
was a serious gf who deserved better. i realised this shortly after these incidents and we split up.
ok tiptopcat
I enjoyed reading your stories, just that you mentioned this girlfriend a couple of times so I thought you were playing fire with fire
I enjoyed reading your stories, just that you mentioned this girlfriend a couple of times so I thought you were playing fire with fire
no worries pf. reread my stories and they seemed a little arrogant. if you work in a club 18-30 resort there is lots of opportunity. i have plenty of mates who have slept with 3 girls in anight. my record was only 2 :(
never been massively talented with wmen but racked up a fair few over the years. my mate who is a lot better than me picked up a hot bird in the supermarket, persuaded her back to his for supper and things went from there....
that is talent!
never been massively talented with wmen but racked up a fair few over the years. my mate who is a lot better than me picked up a hot bird in the supermarket, persuaded her back to his for supper and things went from there....
that is talent!
just re-read my own posts and I didn't realise it made me look so serious!
all I meant was, yea I can imagine those places can be a shag-fest , so why have a girlfriend?
I have a mate in Falkirk, he used to play for Rangers when he was 16, and he would tell me that he'd shag bird all the time while having a girlfriend
and I would say to him........."shagging loads of birds is good, but why do you have a girlfriend??" and he would tell me "cos I love her"..........pure bu11shit right enough
all I meant was, yea I can imagine those places can be a shag-fest , so why have a girlfriend?
I have a mate in Falkirk, he used to play for Rangers when he was 16, and he would tell me that he'd shag bird all the time while having a girlfriend
and I would say to him........."shagging loads of birds is good, but why do you have a girlfriend??" and he would tell me "cos I love her"..........pure bu11shit right enough
well i loved her and she was an amazing girl but we got together in englkand and moved to tenerife. after 18 months opf watching all my mates pull effortlessly i was starting to get itchy feet. temptation was constantly in front of you with some pretty hot girls. this led to me cheating a few times and so i dumped her. went to ibiza and did loads of sleeping around but in realioty i messed up best relationship i ever had for meaningless s*x with slags. you always think the grass is greener but often it isn't. so i guess karma got me in the end.
did get hold of some hotties in ibiza tho ;)
did get hold of some hotties in ibiza tho ;)
I want to tell people this story, and although it doesn't sit right on this fred, it's as good as anywhere else.
I went out with a bint for a year in 2000 and 2001. She was quite tidy, had a nice figure and a great set of cans. But she was also thick as fúck.
My mate's missus set us up and they still work together (though my mate's missus can't stand her these days). My mate told me the other day, "Reports suggest your ex Nicola is now 'a very big girl'. Well, a fat **** actually."
!!!!!
I went out with a bint for a year in 2000 and 2001. She was quite tidy, had a nice figure and a great set of cans. But she was also thick as fúck.
My mate's missus set us up and they still work together (though my mate's missus can't stand her these days). My mate told me the other day, "Reports suggest your ex Nicola is now 'a very big girl'. Well, a fat **** actually."
!!!!!
I went out for a night in Standish a couple of years ago and pulled this sort in the Globe, after I bought her a pint of mild. She took me in the bogs, took my keks down without kissing me and rimmed me, then took my load on her face. She went back to the bar and she finished her mild off. I don't know if it was froth or **** on her top lip as I kissed her good night.
She moved down south a while after and got a job where a lad I know has been trying to get stuck into her. He's failed miserably and the thing is she's this easy.
She moved down south a while after and got a job where a lad I know has been trying to get stuck into her. He's failed miserably and the thing is she's this easy.
^ "I kissed her goodnight"
They say romance is dead.
They say romance is dead.
Unfortunately, I can't do smileys on this computer - cos AgentR would be getting plenty of them!
Looking through old posts and came across this thread, quality stuff.
About 15 year ago in shagaluf me and a mate pull two birds on the 2 mile walk back to the hotel i gets a bj off the bird im with on a bench makes my excuses and she gets a cab, my mate takes his back to the next room fecks her brains out, she wants to go back to meet her mates so he gets her a cab. Im going down to the hotel bar a few before it shuts he said not for me i say im smashed. There was a single mum there with a toddler from Peterhead of all places, he buys her a couple of vodkas she invites him back to her room saying the nipper will be asleep in no time, after a quick snog she undoes his flys the dirty fecker still had the condom on from the other bird full of spunk and hanging off the end of his knob, needless to say she threw him out.
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