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26 Aug 10
01:45
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Date Joined:
01 Apr 10
What is the quickest time you have bedded a bird in from the time of knowing her?
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Replies: 113
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My record must be about an hour and no i didn't pay for it and yes she did have rounded heals
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ship ship shippety ship?
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6 months
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A few years back I was out in my students' union (OK a GOOD few years back), and naturally I was wasted and getting nowhere with any girl. Around 2am I decided to cut my losses and took this extremely average girl home. A week later I was faced with similar circumstances, and, having established she was generally up for it, I went to the same girl with a more direct approach, involving the car park outside. The cold night air must have sobred me up somewhat, a I realised mid-act, that this was not in fact the same girl, and I'd never met her before.
So about two minutes, although I shall disqualify myself on the grounds there was no bed involved. |
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around 2hrs
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I normally have to wait for the change
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I usually just tell them to keep it DML, saves on the bother, and they they have a pretty unpleasant job.
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I know a couple that when asked how they met, the girl will cheerily recount the tale of them meeting on a beach in Spain and within 20 minutes she was giving him a BJ having never met him before. I have heard her tell this story on various occasions in front of all manner of people seemingly oblivious to the picture it paints of her!
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Two minutes, was on the Cenotaph and her pi55ing on it really got me going.
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Its painful ginger monkey, but you know what they say, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your parents......
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Desmond
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Many years ago, at Uni, I was on wingman detail for my mate who had got himself latched onto a young lady. However, her mate was teetering in the hinterland between plain and minging and I was not at all disposed towards doing the decent thing by him. Rather, I watched amused from the other side of the room as he crashed repeatedly against the invisible buffer that is a girls plainer best friend. His beseeching looks were met with a smug, slow shake of the head. In the end, he sent over his intended target who asked if I would at least come and talk to the dodgy one.
It was with a heavy heart that I dragged myself across the room and opened with, "You look bored, fancy a sh4g?". The idea being to get a slap round the face and have fulfilled my duties. "I can't, time of the month." she countered with a smile. Hullo thinks 'little Dessie' (the swine has never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth), "Thats OK, you can just gimme a BJ". "OK".......... Golden moments. |
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Was at an old school 21st (black tie, marquee etc).
The number of people who hadn't gone to bed was slowly dwindling and I got talking to this pretty blonde girl. She was studying French, and it was quickly apparent that she loved France, so I wheeled out every French cultural reference that my booze-addled brain could muster. After about 20 mins, I was running out of steam and ideas and thought to myself, s0d this, I'm going to bed. So I said to her, 's0d this, I'm going to bed.' Much to my surprise, she asked if she could share my sleeping bag. Only got up to what I believe is known as '3rd base' action though. Found out the next morning she had a boyfriend in France, the dirty little minx. |
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Good stories, you two.
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Not fancy sliding in to 4th?
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No condoms
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5th not an option?
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Love Dessie's story
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I love baseball
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I knew this bloke in the south of france and his record was two in one night.One of them had sent her friend over to ask him would he sort her mate out because they were leaving in the morning and she had been fancying him all week whilst on holiday.He said yes no problem ,he took her back to the yacht we were working on and did the business then after he had done her and she had gone home he came back out and went out on the pull again and pulled another bird and scored with her aswell.true story
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funny ol world. we praise all that yet if it had been a woman, she'd be an old slagg
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Great stories History and Desmond
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Guy I was at uni with did something similar about three weeks into the first term. Took some girl back to her place, slept with her, she went to sleep. He was staring at the ceiling because he'd drunk too much Red Bull, so he went back out, picked up another girl and took that one back to his place.
I can't even remember his real name. Everyone, including the girls, called him 'TwoTimes'. |
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Jeez Stretch, you're easily impressed!
I've got that many stories of high jinks when at Uni, that it's gonna be hard not to come across as a total bulls41tter, so it's important that I begin by pointing out that I was a singularly beautiful young man [;)] For a period of 2 months I had 2 birds on the go that knew about each other and when they could and couldn't see me. It was only wednesdays that I saw them both, Jane in the afternoon, Rebecca in the evening. One evening Rebecca came up for air with the lament, "I know you see Jane on an afternoon, but in future would you mind washing it before you see me?". For the record, I once did 3 at one ball, first sh4gged a fellow student in the toilets, second a BJ off another student in an empty room of the hotel, lastly some random milf in the gardens of the hotel, no idea where she came from. |
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No wonder you eneded up gelded and jumping fences
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LOL DML, I wasn't gelded, just wore em away.................
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DO did u pass ur degree ? showing some bold type form
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A friend of mine from uni came down to visit me a few months ago and we went out into town for a night out with a few other people. Come about 4am, he hadn't pulled and was getting desperate so he approached a girl who wasn't exactly the best looking. Within about 15mins she was with him in a taxi back to mine and on the journey she told him that she needed to be back for 5:30am (something to do with her kid), so he told the driver to come back around 5:15 to pick her up.
I was upstairs in bed at this point (I'd got back about half 3) and given as I didn't have a spare bed for him, he just bent her over my sofa and did the business. He told me her name the next day and we facebooked her...then I went into Tesco about a week later and she served me...I fancied saying 'you don't know me, but you've been bent over my sofa, you dirty b1tch' |
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Fay Ripley ?
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New thread required "The uni days of Mr Orchard" more please . . .
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I got a 'gentlemans degree', in history and politics. A miracle really, as I can remember very little of Metternich, on whom I wrote my dissertation and everything about boning a scorching mature student who turned out to be the mum of one of the lads on my course. He chased me around the union threatening to kill me/tell his dad. He did neither
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He told me her name the next day and we facebooked her...then I went into Tesco about a week later and she served me...I fancied saying 'you don't know me, but you've been bent over my sofa, you dirty b1tch' Laugh great stuff,there's something highly amusing bumping into a bird you or your mates have rogered when she'sin her "civvies" |
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I met a bird at V-Fest on Sunday during Prodigy. My mate asked her if she could take a picture of us lads and she seemed to take a shine to me. I remember dancing to Omen and she parked herself right in front of me, obviously wanting me to make a move. So I did. I started grinding up behind her, when she grabbed my hands and put them on her tits. Result. By the end of the song I had my hand down her knickers, and 10 minutes after that she was giving me a BJ by a fence. It was so surreal! During the whole encounter the only words I said to her were "You got a spare chewing gum?". Good times.
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^^quality golf
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Speaking of which...
...my mate Neil pulled this girl on a night out, and went back to her place. The next day he came back with a smug grin on his face and said 'well, I can cross that one off the list'. The list was a number of things he wanted to try before the year was out, and it quickly emerged that 'that' was his (inexplicable) number one - getting rimmed by a girl. So far, so what? Anyway, the next evening we went out to a comedy club for Alex's birthday (another friend who'd been with us the night before). We had tables booked right at the front of the stage, because we wanted to stitch Alex up. All thoughts of that went straight out of the window when we rocked up and there sitting on the table next to us was Neil's girl from the night before, dressed up to the nines and clearly on a date. If Neil was a bit embarrassed, she looked absolutely horrified. The rest of us found it hilarious. Everyone else in the place thought that we were a bit odd because we were practically p!ssing ourselves laughing the whole way through the evening, perhaps more when no-one was on stage than when a comic was up there. One of the guys, I can't remember who, kept miming some tongue action in her direction, which was perhaps a little harsh. The poor couple left halfway through though. Funny evening though. |
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^^That is a hilarious story -tres droll , a real classic
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