John Cooper Clarke in London tomorrow night

who?

what spiderman said.

ffs max.

Do something worthwhile with your Friday night and spend it on this site:

http://www.johncooperclarke.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=36&Itemid=56

they sound like a right couple of northern monkeys. surely this is just a wind up?

probably some "urban poet" from salford or some sort of sh.it. bet he's a right c.unt

Margaret Thatcher looks stunning yes, but why no nipples in the daily express? better known than Pam Ayres Oh I wish I'd looked after me teeth!

pos, what kind of creature bore you?

Whoisthiselves 29 Jan 21:02
Margaret Thatcher looks stunning yes, but why no nipples in the daily express? better known than Pam Ayres Oh I wish I'd looked after me teeth!

:)

Mikael D'Haguenet 29 Jan 21:04
pos, what kind of creature bore you?

:^0

I must go down the sea.....

violent virgin vigilantes verging on the vindictive

he is from Salford..i wonder if he knows Do wah Diddy?

Readers Wives

Make a date with the brassy brides of Britain
The altogether ruder readers' wives
Who put down their needles and their knitting
At the doorway to our dismal daily lives

The fablon top scenarios of passion
Nipples peep through holes in leatherette
They seem to be saying in their fashion
'I'm freezing Charlie - haven't ya finished yet?'

Cold flesh the colour of potatoes
In an Instamatic living room of sin
All the required apparatus
Too bad they couldn't fit her head in

In latex pyjamas with bananas going ape
Their identities are cunningly disguised
By a six-inch strip of insulation tape
Strategically stuck across their eyes

Wives from Inverness to inner London
Prettiness and pimples co-exist
Pictorially wife-swapping with someone
Who's happily married to his wrist

:)

Haiku

To-con-vey one's mood
In sev-en-teen syll-able-s
Is ve-ry dif-fic

:^0

Kung Fu International

Outside the take-away, Saturday night
a bald adolescent, asks me out for a fight
He was no bigger than a two-penny fart
he was a deft exponent of the martial art
He gave me three warnings:
Trod on me toes, stuck his fingers in my eyes
and kicked me in the nose
A rabbit punch made me eyes explode
My head went dead, I fell in the road

I pleaded for mercy
I wriggled on the ground
he kicked me in the balls
and said something profound
Gave my face the millimetre tread
Stole me chop suey and left me for dead

Through rivers of blood and splintered bones
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone
pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile
and with a broken index finger, I proceeded to dial

I couldnt get an ambulance
the phone was screwed
The receiver fell in half
it had been kung fud

A black belt karate cop opened up the door
demanding information about the stiff on the floor
he looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po
he said

What's the " a sniff, a bang and a wimpy" one called ?

A great one

**

Like a Night Club in the morning, youre the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected **-house, youre clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrows
are lousy coz of you.

You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain

Youre certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag.

Youre like a dose of scabies,
Ive got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale... Grimm!

People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
Id consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
Youve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.

Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat our smartie,
youre no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptives face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race

You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.

You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
Youre heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.

Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna**.

What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They cant find a good word for you,
but I can...
**.

T W A T

what he just said

And of course...

Evidently Chickentown

The **íng cops are **íng keen
To **íng keep it **íng clean
The **íng chief's a **íng swine
Who **íng draws a **íng line
At **íng fun and **íng games
The **íng kids he **íng blames
Are nowhere to be **íng found
Anywhere in Chickentown

The **íng scene is **íng sad
The **íng news is **íng bad
The **íng weed is **íng turf
The **íng speed is **íng surf
The **íng folks are **íng daft
Don't make me **íng laugh
It **íng hurts to look around
Everywhere in Chickentown

The **íng train is **íng late
You **íng wait you **íng wait
You're **íng lost and **íng found
Stuck in **íng Chickentown

The **íng view is **íng vile
For **íng miles and **íng miles
The **íng babies **íng cry
The **íng flowers **íng die
The **íng food is **íng muck
The **íng drains are **íng **éd
The colour scheme is **íng brown
Everywhere in Chickentown

The **íng pubs are **íng dull
The **íng clubs are **íng full
Of **íng girls and **íng guys
With **íng murder in their eyes
A **íng bloke is **íng stabbed
Waiting for a **íng cab
You **íng stay at **íng home
The **íng neighbors **íng moan
Keep the **íng racket down
This is **íng Chickentown

The **íng train is **íng late
You **íng wait you **íng wait
You're **íng lost and **íng found
Stuck in **íng Chickentown

The **íng pies are **íng old
The **íng *****are **íng cold
The **íng beer is **íng flat
The **íng flats have **íng rats
The **íng clocks are **íng wrong
The **íng days are **íng long
It **íng gets you **íng down
Evidently Chickentown

:D

and I thought friggin in the riggin was low brow.

the reason Nico moved to Manchester.It killed the daft bint.

Great live, especially in Manchester, the first time i saw him was on OGWT ,whispering Bob days, and he did Beasley Street, i was hooked .

Tex - I'm a northerner (originally from Wigan, but I grew up in Manchester), so maybe I "get" him better than most. But I saw him in London last year and the place was bouncing.

we were going to see him and frank last week in york but he called it off due to illness! A right sickener

anyone seen John Otway , always a top show

RLKP - I know a couple of lads (both northerners) who want to see JCC, but they're both unavailable tomorrow. However, the longer the night has gone on, the more I want to go and see him tomorrow.

Tex - I'm a northerner (originally from Wigan, but I grew up in Manchester), so maybe I "get" him better than most. But I saw him in London last year and the place was bouncing.

In Aberdeen we appreciate him, it's what he says, with a bit of how he says it.

Can you answer my previous query ?

M & P, seen him support Be Bop Deluxe years ago, my fav was " I married a Monster from Outer Space".

Goth - I've just had a look on Google and the line you mention is on here - credited to "Attila the Stockbroker":

http://www.shining-wit.net/rick/poetry/index.html

RLKP - when I saw him, he was supporting The Fall and The Buzzcocks.

I knew a bit about JCC and I liked what I'd heard, but he was brilliant. The Fall was a nightmare cos Mark E Smith (not for the first time) was fúcked. The Buzzcocks were good. But JCC was the highlight of the show.

Cheers, f##cked up memory.
Attila was a southern (poor mans) version of JCC iirc. Might be wrong though, hazy recollections.
Ta.

M & P, i fancy Wakey later today +2, Quins on paper are gash and Luke Dorn is out,Wakey are no world beaters but +2 is good value, i reckon Quins need the start.Im on .

Cheers, RLKP. I'll have a small bet on that.

I go to Harlequins a couple of times a year (usually when Wigan or Warrington are there), but I'm going to a non-league footie game tomorrow. I'll definitely be there sometime in June or July.

If youre ever up in Leeds let me know, small music venue called the Brudenall has stuff like JCC on.You seen Otway ?

I've not seen Otway, but having seen your other music posts I rate your tastes, if you know what I mean.

I will give you a shout if I'm near Leeds. I lived there from 1997-2000 and 2001-02, and two of my best mates live there. My mum's in Manchester, so the next time I go up north I might take a diversion and go via the wrong side of the Pennines ;)

Hope you got on max, a long hard season for Quins