ok females....here is tonights special offer from the armchair!

I think the fact you sh1t your pants on a daily basis will turn a few off

hth

should change your user name to commode jocky wilson, you could do with a sh1thouse strapped to your asre

very funny though aint laughed that much for a long time

ajw is a legend. you'll never live down some of your pantshi.tting stories from laast night. superb.

yes..i have had dates spoiled by this affliction as well...including a particularly messy episode in a tent!....but thats another story.

new groundsheet sir

the funny thing is,that my doctor says that its a case of mind over matter and that if i stop thinking that im going to sh1t myself then i will stop doing it!!!!......not really sure how that one works!

is he suggesting that i get some sort of subconcious kick out of soiling my underpants?....because i can assure him that i do not.

are you honestly honestly for real armchair. all those stories are true?

even if they are not they made me laugh

the saddest part of this sorry tale is that yes...these are all true and honest recollections!.....lets face it, id hardly pretend to have a problem with sh1tting myself would i?....its not really going to gain me many admirers is it?

with a name like armchair jockey wilson, it's not that surprising

Bush shaper to royalty signing in. ;)

singing "one man went to mow" whilst staring out the living room window watching the waves come in, in Kirkcaldy

why not go out surfing? it'll be good for the blubber

gonna read them again now, will be even funnier if i believe they are true.

i mean in an interview ffs. and the guy just said clean yourself up in the toilet. that is class.

the interviewer was a south african bloke...and there was more than a hint of disdain in his voice!.....it was really awkward, because i knew that he knew that id crapped myself, but neither of us bothered to bring it up until the interview had finished!..........imagine my wifes reaction when i returned home from the interview....."did you get it?".............".no love, i ruined it by sh1tting myself"......didnt earn me any brownie points!!!

brownie points a poor expression in this instance imo!

i did think that after id written it tbh!

the funniest exchange ive had came at a petrol station in nottingham,....i went into petrol station to pay for fuel and buy a topic, paid for goods and left....felt biting pain as i walked towards my van, so continued around the side of the petrol station and preceded to strain one out against the side of the building,..next thing (whilst in full strain),i hear "bloody hell what goes on here?"....the asian shop assistant is standing there with a firkin enormous silver dipstick in his hand..(he had come out to dip his fuel tanks)..he prods the dipstick towards me as i helplessly strain away!....."fook off with that thing will you"..i protest,..."you are like a dirty dog" he replies!.....i finish dumping pull up underpants and stroll past him..."where are you going?"..he asks......"well i take it you sell toilet roll?"............the look on his face was firkin priceless!!!

I can't believe you're for real mate, but I'm gonna prtend you are because it is so funny. Fair play on getting a wife though and being so frank about it.

you are a dirty fat sweatty sock, you have more chance of pulling a muscle than a woman

cheers burt....you do wonders for my self-esteem!....im not a sweaty sock at all!

as for the wife................it didnt last!

you ever thought about becoming a sperm donor jockey..

i dont exactly think people would be queueing up for my sperm!......what would i have to do?...ham shank into a plastic bag or something like that?

for ur thai bride?

buzz off back to the barn tawny

touch a nerve sweetie?

you'd need to get aff yer tartan covered settee and leave yer darts behind for starters!

i must point out here that my user name is a tribute to john thomas wilson!.....and that i am not him!....nor am i scot, nor can i play darts!...ive only been to kirkaldy once and indeed have only met jocky on one occasion (when he fell and spilt his head open after beating me at darts!)

yes but you are still a fat w@nker so that's close enough you filty sweatty**

burt.....why the bile towards me?.........what have i done to upset you?

go and have a bath you ** pig

Burt needs a hug...

burt.......im afraid i cannot take a bath, as i only have a shower.....however i can assure you that i shower twice daily and i would request that you do not judge me by my toilet habits!.....this is an affliction which im neither proud of or happy about!....but whats the point of hiding it and pretending it doesnt happen?.........im sorry if it offends you!

he don't deserve the bile, but a mistake calling yersel armchair jockey wilson

a jockey wilson that got off the armchair was bad enough!, but one who happily admits he's an armchair jockey wilson is oh how do we say it in the south? "oh lawdy lawd , gawd, my gawd!, cor! luvva duck"

if you only shower how do you wash below your 8 bellies?

he can always take the shower head off it and stick it up near him

must have a long flex

im amused ! i am truly amused!.....i never expected anyone to take my user name so literally!.......how can i change it?

armchair jockey wilson!! 18 Jan 01:17
im amused ! i am truly amused!.....i never expected anyone to take my user name so literally!.......how can i change it?

'fraid so!, and I don't know!