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Chit Chat
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15 Jan 10
20:29
Joined:
Date Joined:
03 Mar 09
i constantly feel as though im "touching cloth" but when i visit the toilet,nothing happens, pull up trousers leave toilet,only to get 100 yards away and feel like turtles head is popping out again!....this is very annoying,not to mention time consuming.....any ideas what the hell is going on?
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Replies: 52
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get to your gp you daft sod
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Irritable Bowel Syndrome.. special diet from now on mate.
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ajw, what is your diet like?
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Try bran. 4 heaped dessertspoonfuls switched up in a mug of water 3 times a day.
Start off with one mug a day and build up to 3 in a week. Sorted. |
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Try getting a toilet installed near the lounge - 100 yards is not a convenient convenience
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:^0
just dae it in the beaches of Kirkcaldy and feed the fishes |
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my diet is pretty appalling, but it always has been!....i am also becoming increasingly prone to sudden and unannounced urges to defacate!...these occur totally at random and are causing me quite a lot of inconvenience,not to mention the underpants being left looking like a ploughed field!....this has got to stop.......any remedies would be appreciated!
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:^0
I seen plenty of worms on the beach in Kirkcaldy when the tide was out! |
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Remedies schmemedies, armchair jockey wilson...you need 3 square meals a day and don't neglect the 2 veg in your meat and 2 veg.
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one hundred and eighty ! :^0 faaaaarrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttttttttttttttt :(
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i never eat vegetables they are vile!.....all i want is a decent turd.......is that too much to expect?
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at least the real Jockey Wilson got aff his armchair!
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How about prunes then armchair? Tinned prunes are quite nice...
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on a recent visit to the historic market town of wisbech i was forced to abandon my vehicle at the side of the road and squat in bushes like a defacating dog.....this is becoming humiliating....and it is only a matter of time, before i get myself caught defacating in public!
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ive never really fancied eating prunes!
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just get back tae throwing arrows eh mate?
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More red meat will do the trick.
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crohns disease
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i have previously been given fibogel sachets from the doctor...but that just makes matters worse,and usually ends up with me "following through" somewhere!
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why not sellotape a condom around your anus?, it should collect all the waste
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Emma Freuds (NAP)
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i also often get a really sharp nagging pain in the lower left hand of my stomach!
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fibogel will make u go more
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a couple of laxatives will do the trick ajw, you,ll s h i t thru the eye of a needle and pebbledash the bog wall both at once...
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im not always constipated...in fact quite the opposite....it usually exits like a flock of starlings!....its just that its not consistant...one day crapping for england...the next day nothing!
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crohns disease
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any blood/very dark stools?
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no blood in the water although there often is on the toilet roll/my fingers (when using cheap toilet roll)......stools are best described as being very sludgy!
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what is crohns disease...and how could i tell for sure whether i had it or not?
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crohns disease is not good
but I knew this was a fishing thread from the outset |
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If in doubt, go and see your doctor.
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At the risk of killing this thread have you ever considered going to your GP ?
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ajw, please, please sort out your diet.
The fact that your doctor is prescribing laxatives quite saddening, but then again, it's up to you to eat right. Please don't end up getting bowel cancer, it's really no fun for anyone. |
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this is definitely not a fishing thread!....ive been to my g.p about this problem on/off for the past 7 years!......never had anything diagnosed!....been for scans, had cameras poked up my backside!...but still no diagnosis!
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You are what you eat.
Better to be prunes and broccoli than screaming in agony. |
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the problem with my diet, is that i detest healthy foods!....they are bland,boring and tasteless!.....and the mcdonalds poundsaver menu,is terribly cheap!
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OK, ajw, I'm going to start a recipe thread for you because I know there are a lot of very good cooks on chit chat.
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you've got piles 1.01
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great fred lmfao
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