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I'm not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from
Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack.....she
hasn't even got a car!!
I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel
sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
Matt Lucas's ex-partner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be
distraught but on a lighter note, is now the only gay in the village.
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy ****" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my
thumb...!!
Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight
now."
*** Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The
girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka
with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full
of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.
Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the
starving people of the world. Told them to " **** Off". Anyone who fits into my
clothes isn't starving!!!
Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed
that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.
Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good
is that?
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm cabbages having
that!"
Man lost in a hot air ballon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer
and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b ' stard,
you're in that feckin basket!"
Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999.
Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her"
Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?"
CLICK,BANG
Paddy "OK, done that, what next?
Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack.....she
hasn't even got a car!!
I hate crushing pills up and putting them in my Gran's dinner. I feel
sneaky, but if I ever got her pregnant I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
Matt Lucas's ex-partner hanged himself this week. Matt is said to be
distraught but on a lighter note, is now the only gay in the village.
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
" Holy ****" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about sucking my
thumb...!!
Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.
A man asks "What's wrong?"
Boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"
Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight
now."
*** Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The
girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka
with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full
of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End.
Just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the
starving people of the world. Told them to " **** Off". Anyone who fits into my
clothes isn't starving!!!
Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed
that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut.
Turned on my SatNav and it said 'Bear Left' and there was the zoo. How good
is that?
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could
look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm cabbages having
that!"
Man lost in a hot air ballon over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer
and shouts to him, "Where am I?"
The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b ' stard,
you're in that feckin basket!"
Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999.
Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her"
Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?"
CLICK,BANG
Paddy "OK, done that, what next?
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Replies: 21
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*** Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The
girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End. Are you a lesbian feminist? |
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That's the olnt sort of feminist.
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only
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*** Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" . The
girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank vodka with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a wardrobe full of shoes and bags, stayed skinny and was never farted upon. The End. Sounds like me :) |
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quality crescit :^0
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Alexander - if you have genuinely reported this, then you need to steer clear of the forum and get a life
If not, and it was a joke, try making your jokes funny |
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I have just read MY joke again and loved it. Thank you, crescit, a female friendly joke at last!!!!
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was a sh.t joke. the poor ** didn't even get a sha.g ffs
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Maguire
REPORTED Jog On |
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not even a racist joke amongst the log, loads of people left unoffended imo.
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Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and drove a red ferrari and went fishing and hunting and played golf. He played pool a lot and drank beer and C.C. and ginger ale and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
the mens version |
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Thank you Father :)
. . And you are welcome annie. Have you had any advance on just the one blackbird? |
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Another nail in the coffin of the PC brigade!!!! Use a bigger hammer to hit the nail with next time. Pure class!!!!
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wtfru talking about gung?
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The Politically Correct brigade would have a fit if they saw this!
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No, crescit, I have not seen any since that blackbird :( Do you support Arsenal?
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sorry to hear about the lack of luck on the bird front annie :( Try bunging out a whole bag of seed so they can't help but see it when they're flying overhead
And yes I do indeed support The Arsenal |
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I bet £50 on Arsenal for the premiership just before their midweek game, because it looked an easy game to win and they then would have gone second in the league and their price would have gone down and I would have traded out. Unfortunately, the game was postponed and they then played Everton instead and drew! The best laid plans eh?
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hmm can see what you are saying re a short term trade but really wouldn't be betting on the Arsenal right now. Not without RVP and Song, no way will our scoring stats be the same in the second half the season, and we'll deff concede more without our only decent holding midfielder whilst he's away
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Yes, I agree crescit. Before the bet I had Arsenal at just a small green in the Premiership and I was not seeking to add to it - but I could not resist the supposedly good thing!!
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