The Lagerhound Lay might be returning ...

I'm having trouble viewing your post.

What would you suggest? :)

Yeah, gotta thank Betfair. I never deserved a lifetime ban anyway.

Tell me about it. Here's a quick reminder from Boxing Day 2008 about a nag that disappeared into oblivion:

When William T Shatner got the call in '96 to return to the big screen for yet another Star Trek movie, he famously replied: "Of course. I'll do it one more time. I'll do it for posterity, for the joy of acting, for the fans and for six million quid"

Well he got his money but things just weren't the same. The spaceship was all proper, the Klinglys had gone soft, the slaphead captain bloke didn't dip his wick in every multi-minjed alien in the cosmos and the pointed ears fellow didn't show for fear of being upstaged by that pasty faced robot. (That's 'pasty' as in pale and insipid, not 'pasty' as in the luncheon of choice for Cornish tin mining simpletons).

"Why are you telling us this Londis?" I hear you ask, your collective voices echoing through the valleys of North Welshland.
I'll tell you.

It's because it's Christmas and I promised to do the business one more time for The Faithful. Not just that though, but because my son asked: "Daddy, why don't the people on Betfair get given your free money anymore?" and because I want to save you boys and girls from 2009 and all of that poverty.

I have a lay for you today to make it a Boxing Day to remember. A little known horse at a little known course. (Could be a Glen Campbell lyric could that) She's trading at just over 'levels you demons' and as such, (start pirate voice here) there be profits in them hills. (That's hills like mountains, not hills the famous booklies)

(Stop the pirate voice now, we're getting serious)

The Lagerhound Lay - Kate O'Starr - Kempwood 14:30 (half two-ish)

I know what you're thinking straight away. "Cheese Race". You'd be right. A three furley cheese race to be exact. I thought I'd take the trouble to hunt down a cheese race especially for Nestor. Not only that it's a gradient one (grd 1).

For those of you who had better things to do this summer (like work while you actually had a job), I'll just remind you about
cheese races and gradient ones in particular.

These races are like greyhound races for horses that like cheese. Instead of a rabbit, there's an electric bit of cheese with wheels. They drive it (Caerphilly of course) past the starting blocks and when the horsies get a sniff of the cheese they run after it. The nag which reaches the cheese first wins (and gets a free lunch of cheese).

As I said, this particular cheese race is a gradient one, which means that the cheese gets driven down a slope. This makes it go faster so only (allegedly) good horses can enter.

Now it just so happens that most people think that Kate O'Starr is a good horsey, but she isn't. I've watched him twice and she didn't do too well. He lost at the Chelmsford festival to some fat carthorse that wanted the cheese more and then a few weeks back it 'fell over' (otherwise known as 'getting the trip') rather than come third to two no-hopers (Snoopy something which I didn't back) and Tamara Blue (Which I did. I'm not cross though. Honest.)

Anyway, call me thick, but if it couldn't beat them before, why should it beat them now? Has it grown an extra leg? No. Has it got a greater penchant (look it up Welshie) for cheese? Nope. Has it got a load of other horses to beat when it couldn't win a 2 horse race at Chelmsford? Yes.

Sorry Kate O, you have about as much chance of winning this as Douglas Bader in Strictly Factor on Ice wearing a blindfold.

Perhaps the jockley man provides a clue. Maybe Lesley Piggley has also come out of retirement to bring this one home. Nope. The riding chair will be occupied by Ronnie Walsh, half brother of Joe Walsh who might have been in American 'Kings of Bland' band, "The Eagles". That could have been Joe Jackson though, but I think he was a snooker player. I don't really know.

Breeding might give a pointer to the short odds on this animal, but I don't think so. Daddy is 70's comic and all round Elvis loving/nazi saluting failure, Freddie Starr and Mummy is 80's wizard-sleeved mascara overdoing 'should have slept with Bodie' actress Kate O'Mara.

Now if you are telling me that the equine offspring of a third rate 'two trick pony' comedian and a sultry looking Susan George wannabee can be first to the cheese in a gradient race against top quality stallions then you are clearly mad enough to be trusting my judgement.

So, for one last time I've given you a selection. I'm Londis Lagerhound and I've just missed Wallace and Gromit.

;)

They will ban you again.

Well they said not, as long as I was good.

why were you banned?

Could be a worse comeback than Alex Higgins

Counterfeiting is illegal...

You have a backlog of 81794 chit chat computer problems to sort out, so chop chop.

Garlic Bread
The Quiz Leagues are about to start up a new shorter season
Are you interested ? if so ,head to the Header soonest . :-)

there is also the FA Quiz Cup thread ... :-)

Not sure I can commit to doing regular quizzes, what with being a lazy sod. Shall enterthe ad-hoc ones though.

Thanks for the post and good luck to all of the shrewdies with today's lay.

No I didn't mate. I did check as Reyes asked me to look.

Perhaps you'd like to try again: londislagerhound@googlemail.com

I'll get right onto it.