How much would you pay to see lambs born at Sting's gaff?

And many other ridiculousnesses

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/xmas-auction09.do

I'd pay to watch him and evski in a slow spaffing race, they can go for hours and hours you know. Although, looking at Trudi, it'd take me a fair while too.

Id have the Tea with Fergie though

An art lesson with Tracey Emin? What a great prize.

An art lesson with Tracey Emin? What a great prize.

Unmade appointment.

My honest view of all of these

Lot 1: A picture of you with Daniel Craig taken by Sam Taylor-Wood - No thanks. Khunt

Lot 2: A pint with Guy Ritchie - Only reason would be to find out of Madge likes her back doors smashed in

Lot 3: An art lesson with Tracey Emin - Translated as spend a day throwing all your possessions around then taking a picture

Lot 4: Watch Test cricket at Lord's the Five way - Still not as good as SKY HD. Would miss Bumble too much, but not Botham

Lot 5: A chance for a child to be the Wasps rugby team mascot - Not a fan of egg chasing

Lot 6: Spend a day with Spurs - Standing on a touchline in the freezing cold with Harry 'Twitch, wot twitch' Redknapp don't appeal

Lot 7: See lambs born at Sting and Trudie Styler's country house - I'd have to turn up carrying a jar of mint sauce to make it worthwhile

Lot 8: Working Title could make you and/or your child a star - Pushy Britains got talent parent lot imo

Lot 9: Arrive at work in a Rolls... driven by Rowan Atkinson - Would like to see the look on them at the dole office when I turned up in that

Lot 10: Dinner for 12 cooked by Gordon Ramsay - Would'nt let that charmless fecker anywhere near my house

Lot 11: A tour of the Roald Dahl museum with his grand-daughter - Much prefer a tour of his grandaughter

Lot 12: Spend the day with Sir Richard Branson - Only if it was in his balloon so I could push the khunt out

Lot 13: A round of golf on a new course with our City editor - Who the fcuks their city editor. Why would I want to spend my day with him

Lot 14: Dinner for six cooked by Pierre Koffman - Again...he is??

Lot 15: Artworks from the original young guns of British art - Talentless daubs no doubt

Lot 16: Access all areas for Topshop at London Fashion Week - Possibility of chatting up models might make this one interesting

Lot 17: Go behind the scenes at Michelin-starred Locanda Locatelli - Great...stand in a kitchen in 95 degrees heat with people screaming

Lot 18: Meet Jonathan Ross, his guests, and his house band - No, No, and 4 more no's

Lot 19: Trip down the red carpet in a Marchesa gown - Dont think it would suit me

Lot 20: Meet Bob Geldof, the man behind Live Aid - Another khunt

Lot 21: A work by Britain's leading microsculptor - small is beautiful - Prefer ornaments that dont need a magnifying glass

Lot 22: Tea with the Duchess of York - Would there be toesucking involved as my athletes foot is getting worse

Lot 23: An exclusive trip to Louis Vuitton's headquarters in France - Went to France once...never again. Too many French people

Lot 24: A room in your house designed by Nina Campbell - I'm moving soon

Lot 25: Six weeks of work experience with the leading lights of the fashion world - 6 weeks Coffee making slave labour in other words.

[i]Its hard enough getting a table at the best restaurants in Gordon Ramsays empire, so getting him to cook dinner in your home for up to 12 guests counts as a once-in-a-lifetime coup. The leading chef and

erm yes, that would be why they're giving it away for other people's good...

i wasn't suggesting any motives

i was pointing out the result

Bob Geldof will be your companion on a springtime stroll around Battersea Park, complete with a go on the swings - if you're up for it - and a Mr Whippy ice cream. It's a rare opportunity to chat to a modern icon, one to one.