How much would you pay to see lambs born at Sting's gaff?

And many other ridiculousnesses

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/xmas-auction09.do

Whilst 'Every breath ewe take' 'King of Pain' and 'Wrapped around your finger' play in the background.

I'd pay to watch him and evski in a slow spaffing race, they can go for hours and hours you know. Although, looking at Trudi, it'd take me a fair while too.

A pint with Guy Ritchie.

How sad must you be to spend your money on that!

Id have the Tea with Fergie though

I suppose there are a few people out there who would pay good money to tell Guy Richie to his face that he is a tw@t.

An art lesson with Tracey Emin? What a great prize.

Window Cleaning with Peter Crouch, I'd pay a monkey to do that.

An art lesson with Tracey Emin? What a great prize.

Unmade appointment.

"You and a friend will attend a recording of cheeky chappie Graham (Norton)s show, learn how a chat show works and tour the studio with a producer, then share a glass of wine with Graham and his guests in the Green Room after the show. This prize is for two (2) people only for a maximum of three (3) hours. The prize must be taken between April - June 2010. The individuals are responsible for transport to and from the venue. "

I've bid £5,000,000 on Redbag's behalf.

My honest view of all of these

Lot 1: A picture of you with Daniel Craig taken by Sam Taylor-Wood - No thanks. Khunt

Lot 2: A pint with Guy Ritchie - Only reason would be to find out of Madge likes her back doors smashed in

Lot 3: An art lesson with Tracey Emin - Translated as spend a day throwing all your possessions around then taking a picture

Lot 4: Watch Test cricket at Lord's the Five way - Still not as good as SKY HD. Would miss Bumble too much, but not Botham

Lot 5: A chance for a child to be the Wasps rugby team mascot - Not a fan of egg chasing

Lot 6: Spend a day with Spurs - Standing on a touchline in the freezing cold with Harry 'Twitch, wot twitch' Redknapp don't appeal

Lot 7: See lambs born at Sting and Trudie Styler's country house - I'd have to turn up carrying a jar of mint sauce to make it worthwhile

Lot 8: Working Title could make you and/or your child a star - Pushy Britains got talent parent lot imo

Lot 9: Arrive at work in a Rolls... driven by Rowan Atkinson - Would like to see the look on them at the dole office when I turned up in that

Lot 10: Dinner for 12 cooked by Gordon Ramsay - Would'nt let that charmless fecker anywhere near my house

Lot 11: A tour of the Roald Dahl museum with his grand-daughter - Much prefer a tour of his grandaughter

Lot 12: Spend the day with Sir Richard Branson - Only if it was in his balloon so I could push the khunt out

Lot 13: A round of golf on a new course with our City editor - Who the fcuks their city editor. Why would I want to spend my day with him

Lot 14: Dinner for six cooked by Pierre Koffman - Again...he is??

Lot 15: Artworks from the original young guns of British art - Talentless daubs no doubt

Lot 16: Access all areas for Topshop at London Fashion Week - Possibility of chatting up models might make this one interesting

Lot 17: Go behind the scenes at Michelin-starred Locanda Locatelli - Great...stand in a kitchen in 95 degrees heat with people screaming

Lot 18: Meet Jonathan Ross, his guests, and his house band - No, No, and 4 more no's

Lot 19: Trip down the red carpet in a Marchesa gown - Dont think it would suit me

Lot 20: Meet Bob Geldof, the man behind Live Aid - Another khunt

Lot 21: A work by Britain's leading microsculptor - small is beautiful - Prefer ornaments that dont need a magnifying glass

Lot 22: Tea with the Duchess of York - Would there be toesucking involved as my athletes foot is getting worse

Lot 23: An exclusive trip to Louis Vuitton's headquarters in France - Went to France once...never again. Too many French people

Lot 24: A room in your house designed by Nina Campbell - I'm moving soon

Lot 25: Six weeks of work experience with the leading lights of the fashion world - 6 weeks Coffee making slave labour in other words.

'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'

Spend half a day with former Ground Force presenter Charlie Dimmock, trimming her herbacious border and fashioning a water feature at Cadbury World near Birmingham or somewhere.

Current bid £44

[i]Its hard enough getting a table at the best restaurants in Gordon Ramsays empire, so getting him to cook dinner in your home for up to 12 guests counts as a once-in-a-lifetime coup. The leading chef and

Some people have far too much money for their own good.
6k. I'd make them dinner all week for that.

erm yes, that would be why they're giving it away for other people's good...

Dont kid yourself Canary. There not giving it away for other peoples good. They're doing it to show off to their friends.

i wasn't suggesting any motives

i was pointing out the result

London Zoo Pet's Corner with Ray Mears and Gino Di Campo.

Spend 4 hours in the petting house before enjoying a special 3 course meal in a nearby wooded area.

Current Bid : £230

Bob Geldof will be your companion on a springtime stroll around Battersea Park, complete with a go on the swings - if you're up for it - and a Mr Whippy ice cream. It's a rare opportunity to chat to a modern icon, one to one.

N.B If Bob is unavailable we have the right to draft in George Michael at the last minute although a 20% discount will apply to all vegetarians.