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A guy goes to the Local Council to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He answers 'Yes - caffeine'
'Have you ever been in the services?'
'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, 'Yes ...a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'
The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?'
'This is a council job,' the interviewer says.
'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our **, not really any point in you coming in for that.'
The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He answers 'Yes - caffeine'
'Have you ever been in the services?'
'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, 'Yes ...a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'
The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.
Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'
The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?'
'This is a council job,' the interviewer says.
'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our **, not really any point in you coming in for that.'
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i'm gonna tell that job at work (the council) tomorrow. like it
how is having no testicles a disability?
poorly thought out
0.1/10
poorly thought out
0.1/10
Carlos Tevez walks into Burger King and asks for two whoppers.
Young fella behind the jump says: ' OK , you're a better player than Maradona and better looking than Brad Pitt.'
Young fella behind the jump says: ' OK , you're a better player than Maradona and better looking than Brad Pitt.'
tallys is not bad , long jokes can make you look like a right knob if they fail
the joke should've said hewas ina wheelchair, had his balls blown off and was allergic to coffee. that way he couldn't STAND, scratching his balls drinking coffee
I'm surprised decaffeinated coffee isn't available at the Council premises too.
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
Then little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my mum has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
Then little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well my mum has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other
for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living
arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their
physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively-
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses and leaned
over towards her and whispered, 'Is that one word or two?'
for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation
regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living
arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their
physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively-
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses and leaned
over towards her and whispered, 'Is that one word or two?'
My dog kept getting up in the middle of the night and setting the house alarm off.
My wife told me to disable it, so I broke its legs with a golf club.
My wife told me to disable it, so I broke its legs with a golf club.
9/10 for charlie cant beat a good bit of animal cruelty IN A JOKE.
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