Cheltenham Festival Tales

I'll go 1st



1st one - it was the Wed after 8/9 races with absolutely no luck ....not even a horse placed was wondering what the hell was happening.all that reading studying watching videos & still no clue what I was doing apart from questioning myself was starting to get the hump please let me get one in the 1st 3 if nothing else.

So left the bad Boys asked me what I was backing so they could take the piss even more said I didn't have a clue was gonna go down into the jungle & throw away another £80.So off I trod only a 26+ Runner handicap to solve walking studying racecards bookies prices not having a clue thought what will I do .....thought as couldn't hit a cows arse with a banjo think what the Mrs would do she is clueless & so was I.Number 4 that's what she always says back number 4.thought okay that's the plan looked at the name Your Special thought that's it that's the type of silly name she would back.dig deep in the pocket pull out a few £20s trudge around the ring find 40s bang have £20 ...carry on walking see 50s bang another score thought he would change the price I love to move a price me no he stands firm okay bang another Apple goes on.Walking off laugh to myself thinking should have thrown cash on the floor.Off they go my horse front rank told the boys they were laughing .....still up front going into 2nd circuit thinking it will stop on a minute .....but oh no keeps going .....still thinking this is my luck it will get chinned on run in....boys telling me I am going ok now I am thinking I know it will get chinned.....oh no strong driving bt Richard Harding & boom it holds on ......just goes to show studying antepost reviewing stats sometimes means sod all ....all you need is fortune to favor you ....that was a once in a lifetime

However there is more after numerous drinks the night before wake up hungover as usual if not more eating breakfast with the Post the boys ask me what my plan was that day - I said drink more only 1 bet ding give the money back once you got it


So they ask what was it I said lightening will,strike twice Richard Harding riding again for Ferdy Murphy again 1 bet £100 no more they laughed I didn't stuck to my guns £100 33s Hot Weld same story led all the way & held on.....

If I wasn't writing this I wouldn't believe it happened but it did doubt I will repeat it again ever but here is to trying

& against all advice I back win only no each away .....I once had a 100/1 jump the last hurdle in front thought my luck was in but got chinned that would have been a roar but alas as always they leg chinned should've had that one ew finished 3rd cost me £1250 no place part but hey that's the way we roll was dumb then slightly more thoughtful these days but not much.....

Bring it on that's why we love the best week of the year

I remember my 1st year of the festival, end up in the queens hotel chatting to a bird who in hindsight was way too good looking to be interested in a mere mortal, supermodel stuff, took me about 45 mins to realise she was a hooker, place was full of them, there's me thinking I'm Omar sharif.!!  I did get a quote, but you'd need a decent lucky15 up to even consider it.

Told this one before but....

I was on the Club lawn just before the Stayers Hurdle in 1999, getting set to watch the race when a rather portly gentlemen, with a big red boozers nose, heaves too next to me.

He had 'lunched well' and was very much four sheets to the wind.

Anyway, ever the boy scout I enquire as to his welfare, check he's more or less upright and then clock that he's got an owners badge and more to the point, he just about managed to convey his horse was running in the Stayers (World) hurdle next. He'd had a few  quid on it 'but it's a 40/1 shot and The Duke say's he's told Dickie just to keep shovelling and not get tailed off'

Anyway, off we go and sure enough, 'Dickie' and his mount are nowhere to be seen and as the leaders were coming down the hill on the second circuit, I think the commentator mentioned the horse was spotted somewhere near Tewkesbury, but that Dickie was still pushing and kicking

Next thing, they're coming up the hill and the bloody thing had only gone and spouted wings, Pegasus-like, and Sir Bufton-Tufton next to me began letting go a crescendo of filth that would make the front row of a Slipknot gig blush.

'GWAN DICKIE!!! MOVE THAT CNT!! GET THAT MOTHERPHOOKING CNT GOING!!! CNT!! HIT THE CNT!!!'

You get the picture.

Dickie only goes and gets this bloody no-hoper up in the shadow of the post to win by a short-head, with this old heart-attack on legs next to me going mental - I mean proper hats in the air, kissing me (let me tell you, it wasn't bad ) screaming gibberish before grabbing my hand (got all very ****-erotic hasn't it? It's a good job I am and always have been secure in my sexuality) and dragging me down the chute (that's not more ****-erotcism, you sick fks!) to help him and the rest of the Old Forrester Partnership lead up the winner into the winners enclosure.

And that was how I gatecrashed Anzum's win in the 1999 Stayers Hurdle.

Remember Anzums win well ......Dickie threw the kitchen sink at it....was amazing

Was in the queens hotel one year having the craic dancing away when one of the lads who was married just stopped took a good sup of his Guinness and said in typical Irish style Christ lads there are some yummy mummy's here tonight and went back dancing was a long night I can tell ye then lumped on big bucks the next day only four weeks to go happy days

My tale is less colourful than The Legend's or Roger's, but it was one of the defining moments of my betting education...

I went into the 2006 Festival more confident than normal (always a bad thing) but had a series of killer results. For example, I had backed Straw Bear at big prices to win the Supreme and he kicked on looking all over the winner, only to nearly fall at the last and then get chinned very close home. That set the tone. I then proceeded to see a series of tasty ante-post vouchers come up short by very narrow margins (I had two other double-figure seconds, and a third, as well as the inevitable no-shows or disappointments). On top of that I hadn't backed a winner at the midway point of Day Three and my bank had taken a battering. Next up came Non So, whom I had followed all season, and whom I had fancied since the week before. I was so low on confidence, and aware that I had very little in my wallet to get through the next day, that I had a paltry bet on him, so as to keep a couple of notes back for dinner that evening. He bolted up at 14-1 and my normal stake would have made a huge difference to my week. As it stood, my winnings barely made a dent, and I finished the week way behind.

It taught me not to shy away from getting stuck in at Cheltenham. Obviously nobody should ever bet with money they don't have, but if you can afford to let it go, it's worth paying an extra few quid to find out if you're right about one at a price, rather than keeping that safe and sound and leaving you open to missing out big time. You probably won't miss that extra few quid next week!

Very true.....tomdeane however on the other hand ....

Can remember being at Ascot for a Jumps meeting in Feb that's when I firs saw Rhinestone Cowboy.... Well fancied on its debut run ... It was held up behind them it cut them down like a knife thru butter .....roll on Chelt

Can't remember if I was winning or losing .....but remember my mate winning the race before ....borrowed £400 off him to add to my £400 ... Was convinced The Cowboy was the the best thing since sliced bread ......so all in £800 5/2 .... Was in The Cabbage Patch as the locals call it Best Mate enclosure ....telling the boys how good this horse was & to lump on.... To this day I believe Pizarro should have been thrown out

The lad I borrowed the £400 off had £100 on Pizarro 14s ....think by the time the Stewards had finished their enquiry it was in darkness half the crowd was on Cowboy the Fav they let the result stand.....happy fir my pal but was a hard pill to swallow

Tales of Cheltenham joys & pains - highs & lows

Highs
-my 1st festival week that year backed Upgrade One Man & Top Cees pretty sure they were all the same year
-my pal Backing Monsignor 50s in the Bumper I laughed when he told me to back it
- backing Ebaziyan £12@100s on here was only person cheering in Tatts
Best Mate tent singing You'll never Walk Alone after it's victory & no I aint a Reds Fan
Backed Silver Jaro 50s after seeing in run in the Pierse handicap couldn't beleivevthe Price

As you can see I like a decent price .....plenty have won over the years others I have missed whatsupboys 33s Creon 50s hussards colognes 33s that one I was gonna back but thought it couldn't win bcoz of its price that taught me a big lesson

Lows -

1year not picking a single winner ended 3k down

Rhinestone as mentioned above
My biggest antepost bet ever £800 built up over weeks & weeks of £40/60/80s on Carlingford Lough
£800 kicking king in the Arkle I think - after that I don't thin I ever backed it I had the hump that taught me another lesson always forgive a run / defeat if you were prepared to lump on there must've been a good reason
With that comment in mind Both the Cowboy & Carlingford have been backed to recover their losses saying that I didn't back Carlingfird fir either Irish Gold cup win.....big mistake
Backed a Nicky Richards 100/1 shot in Truimph should have bet ew but no not me win only thought it was Gina win coming to the last got beat into 3rd costly mistake that one again a lesson semi learnt

Memories these are a few ....loads more if. Sit & think

Alan Brazil ending up in a ditch and missing his radio show (nap)

first year I went was 1998, managed 2 hook up with 2 guys at my local dog track who I knew went to cheltenham every year and persuaded them to take me think I was barely 18, one of them had a relation in cheltenham who always put them up.


they always missed the first day and went weds and thurs, french holly, one man, and florida pearl I was convinced couldnt get beat and had various double and trebles, and backed them singly aswell, then backed the last 3 winners that day wandering light 12/1, super coin 15/2, got talking to some isishman in the bar who told me ruby walsh was the best jockey in ireland even thou I had never heard of him and backed alexander banquet at 10/1 as I thought joe mac was rather short we didnt have the irish coverage like we do now, think I won about 11K that day, went out in Cheltenham that night, ended up in a club time and buskers I think it was called, 4K stuffed inside pocket, jean pockets bulging, 16 bottles of budweiser and umpteen jd and cokes, must have spent a monkey over the bar girls were coming on to me left right centre, local girls all go out in there short skirts and high heels trying to get what they can out of the invasion, cant believe to this day I wasnt mugged.

Done about 2K on gold cup day, thursday as it was back then, then we drove back to fakeham the friday and done 900.

what a week that was, ill never forget it

What did everyone do on 'Windy Wednesday' in 2007 was it, when racing got cancelled and all the Wednesday races put back to Thursday and Friday.

It was bloody brilliant. Think I went to Oxford dogs

We had booked the cottage so thought feck it we'll go for a week on the lash.... that'll be the foot and mouth year. Went to Stratford on Monday on the way down and we did'nt have a winner between us. Went to the racecourse and everything was ready, heartbreak city...Worst 'Cheltenham' ever!

the windy wednesday was brilliant atmosphere around the pubs in town in the afternoon loads of drinking and singing with the irish, remember watching 20k poker pots in the queens

Oh wow, what a question.

Highs: well, I never thought I'd see anything like it again after Istabraq's 3rd Champion Hurdle win, but we did!! Best Mate's 3rd Gold Cup! Wow, Wow, WOW! Never in my Cheltenham life (going nearly 30 years now ) has the place erupted like that. Bloody amazing!! Unbelievable. We all had £100 on the nose and it was breath-taking, not the winning necessarily but being part of history that day. Tears, cheers and a million beers :-)

Lows: That cheating little git called Jamie @@@@er on Pizarro bouncing Rhinestone 3 times. Tw&T! Conversely to the above, never heard Cheltenham boo as much ever.

Best bets: Anzum 40/1, Oiseau De Nuit 40/1 (brother's idea) & Kadi to get up my first ever Cheltenham Patent.

Worst bets: have you got all night?

Brilliant story Roger. Bringing back wonderful memories for me because I was on big time, for me, ante post. How many times do you ever think a 33-1 shot is a certainty on soft ground? Of course I was sweating buckets as the ground dried out and I was a little downcast on the day but nobody was shouting louder from the top of the hill because even though he was ten lengths down I knew he was just about close enough. Quite a dollop of that went on to Sir Talbot in the County.

Ok so we have gone back thru the years what will make the memories this year -

Here are a few to look at -

Cole Harden to retain World Hurdle ....danger will be Whisper each way

Monksland - RSA

Smashing - RyanAir

Havent been for ages now, last time was at the 06 Paddy Power when exotic Dancer won.  ended up in a fierce session witn a few off here , including the famous "Janov" ended up so ratarsed that i was even unable to work a mobile phone and told a barman to ring a cab for me to stagger back to the hotel.

last year was a mare..win only A/P bets on Thomas Crapper 16s, Bouvreuil 16s, Eastlake 14s, Top Notch 12s

Windy Wednesday!

The year before a few of us lads hired a minibus to attend the first day of the festival ... Amaretto rose (?) let us all down in the first before Detroit City decided not to turn up for the champ hurdle.. But we had a good day!

The following year - same bunch plus a couple of others decided we'd try the Wednesday and as we all know - they called it off. 12 blokes - £300 worth of booze in a mini bus half way to Cheltenham..after a long debate we decided we'd go to Huntington along with the other 70000 ppl! We arrived and were made to wait in the car park as the wind wasn't just causing issues at cheltenham! Finally the meeting got the go ahead... We queued hours for a drink and extra supplies of stock were ferry'd in from the local supermarket - still charged £4 a can labelled 'must not be sold seperatly' but we didn't care..

Started to have a punt with a little bit of luck then decided to have an interest bet of £5 ew on a 50/1 shot called standupandbecounted.. To this day Im still not sure why this particular bookie layed him at this price .. He was a lot shorter everywhere else

Mate of mine who was in a rush asked my selection and followed suit. After the first circuit he was bowling along in front and like so many others expected him to blow up at any moment. Half a circuit to go and he was still there ..I turned to my mate and referenced the fact if this horse won he would be forever indebted to me.. 2 jumps to go and he's getting tired ... And the fav is reeling him In like a professional fisherman ... Last jump he duly gets over and it's a race to the line.. Angle from where we were made it impossible to tell until then some other race goer pulled his headphone from his ear and looked me and muttered the words 'it won'

We were jumping around like we'd just won the scoop 6!

Lord Windermere Gold Cup

We go Festival Tues-Thursday come back to London Fri Am get train back for 12.39/1pm decided on a Boozer then watch last day there with a few sherbets.

After watching LW win this RSA I was convinced he would run a big race in the Big One.had a few early bets nothing too big but thought 10/1 to Los. Was far too big ....so had a few quid here & there & few quid @50s well thse season his runs were too bad to be true had given up the ghost on them.To be fair he turned up in the race a virtual unmentioned horse.   Having a few beers in a packed boozer one if pals had a big bet riding £500 Bobs Worth bullish as ever he thought it was a done deal......the race was off ....in the back of mind was the get on Lord Windermere but never to the day did I ever think it would play let alone win......Cheltenham never ceases to throw up amazing unthought off results never right off horses especially ones with festival form....

Windy wednesday we ended up at huntingdon it was windy there to and it was lucky to go ahead. It was evident they were not expecting the thousands like me who had the same idea. I managed a chat after racing with choc thornton and asked him for a blot for the rest of the meeting,he gave me Franchoek and said it was bomb proof. I had a few winners and had my biggest ever bet of £600 at tips against and was so daft l wasnt even nervous,watched the race and celestial halo beat it,will never forget that feeling of emptyness and numbness as l watched rerun after rerun in disbelief. From that day on l swore never again lump on good things.........years later still like wee lump on.

Whatever happened to that b######d Celestial halo.......lol

A non horse related Cheltenham tale..... 2007 never been to the festival before so 5 of us decided the week before to try get some digs and tickets for the Thursday and Friday . All local hotels fully booked so we ended up getting fixed up B and B in a farmhouse about 15 miles out of Cheltenham....problem was how to get to and from Cheltenham after the racing and town centre ale drinking activities after racing. Lady who owned the B and B said the old boy next door might act as taxi so the arrangements were made and the pleasant and smiling old boy duly dropped us off on both days ( no pick up though as we planned to get back pretty late) ......the gold cup 2007 probably is still the most heart stopping memory for me as Kauto star eased to the front, belted the last but held off exotic dancer for a big win for all of us..... Saturday morning came and time to settle the bill for B and B .....and the taxi.... 30 pounds for the taxi.....sounds great thinks me......each .....ah not so great......per day...... Pants down, bend over and one up the back pipe from the smiling carrot cruncher.......we laugh about it now but it did take a bit of gloss off a great trip......have been every year since and now trust Liz Coe to sort digs close to town thus avoiding extortionate taxis