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Evelyn Waugh wrote "I am not I; thou art not he or she; they are not they."
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Mr. Spear.
It has been a while since you posted so perhaps you are unaware of changes to the forum.
The forum is now used exclusively to cut and paste articles freely available in all forms of media for no apparent reason other than to bore the t1ts off anyone unfortunate enough to click on said post.
Please refrain from any independent thought. Such posts are now illegal on the forum.
Monica Monica
It has been a while since you posted so perhaps you are unaware of changes to the forum.
The forum is now used exclusively to cut and paste articles freely available in all forms of media for no apparent reason other than to bore the t1ts off anyone unfortunate enough to click on said post.
Please refrain from any independent thought. Such posts are now illegal on the forum.
Monica Monica
Hold fire, Whoopster.
Why not give this wacky independent thought thing a little rope and at least see how it works.
5 “We gotta get outta this place” The Angels
Sunday morning saw me removed bodily from Coogee Beach because I was scaring the Nippers. Laying face down in the sand with my trousers around my knees I’d apparently collapsed while urinating. It’d been a wild night. Boat races at Randwick Rugby club with some of TCs mates. That’s about all I can remember. At least the Champ had a cold one ready and waiting for me after my undignified exit from the beach. Sitting at the Oceanic looking at the view the Champ reminded me of some exciting news. One of his old school mates had a horse running the next day at Bathurst that was considered a certainty. This was good news indeed because we didn’t do too well at Randwick the previous day. TC’s best bet romped in at 6/1 and if that was our only bet everything would be cool. Unfortunately in our current state we weren’t doing too well at money management and had about 50 other bets that mostly lost. We could really use a certainty right now. Even if it was at Bathurst. And you never know maybe some country air might straighten us out a bit. We had another ten or so schooners and headed off to our homes. We arranged a time for TC to pick me up in the morning.
Monday I was out on the footpath early waiting to hear the rumble of the Champ’s Brock Commodore. He had a massive weekend a few months ago and bought this beast. He has only a hazy recollection of making the purchase and thinks he must have done it just to p1ss off his parents. Anyway a 1976 Holden Gemini sedan pulled up in front of me and I thought get this heap of sh1t outta here my mate will be here soon. The horn tooted. It WAS my mate! WTF? I got in and said where’s the Brock? He said,’Don’t you remember? I wrote it off a couple of weeks ago. This is my bothers car.’ Oh yes now I remember. Somehow TC had written off his car and damaged quite a few others while attempting to leave the carpark of the Doncaster Hotel at Kenso. He bolted from the scene jumped in a cab and reported his car stolen. The Police are investigating. I said,’I can’t be seen riding around in this steaming pile of sh1t. This is totally unacceptable.’ ‘We could always use your car.’ I shut up. My car was actually my neighbour’s car. A 1971 VW Beetle. This was NOT a cool car back then. I borrowed it from my neighbour,an elderly gent with terrible dementia who has completely forgotten he owns a car. The only time I remind him is when it’s time for him to get it re registered for me. Anyway I was pleased to see an esky in the back seat and four slabs of Tooheys. I’m a Thirsty Traveller! The next stop was the Blue Mountains Hotel at Lawson for a few schooies then the Donnybrook at Lithgow.
By the time we got to Bathurst we were cutting it fine. Went over to meet TC’s mate some sort of farmer cxnt in moleskins and a stupid hat. He seemed a nice enough bloke. Showed us where we could sleep. ‘So how long do you think you blokes will stay? Couple of weeks? Got a BnS Ball coming up soon.’ I said great. But I knew no one could put up with Burning Spear and The Champ for two weeks. We’d fxck it up long before then!! He looked very dubiously at the Gemini. ‘Mate you can’t be seen driving around here in that thing. People will think you’re a pair of P00Fs. We got a spare ute here you can use that. Better hurry. Not long till the race.’
We cracked a couple of coldies while the Champ fishtailed it out of there in a 1984 WB Ute. The roar of the 308 was all we needed as we went into battle!!
Sunday morning saw me removed bodily from Coogee Beach because I was scaring the Nippers. Laying face down in the sand with my trousers around my knees I’d apparently collapsed while urinating. It’d been a wild night. Boat races at Randwick Rugby club with some of TCs mates. That’s about all I can remember. At least the Champ had a cold one ready and waiting for me after my undignified exit from the beach. Sitting at the Oceanic looking at the view the Champ reminded me of some exciting news. One of his old school mates had a horse running the next day at Bathurst that was considered a certainty. This was good news indeed because we didn’t do too well at Randwick the previous day. TC’s best bet romped in at 6/1 and if that was our only bet everything would be cool. Unfortunately in our current state we weren’t doing too well at money management and had about 50 other bets that mostly lost. We could really use a certainty right now. Even if it was at Bathurst. And you never know maybe some country air might straighten us out a bit. We had another ten or so schooners and headed off to our homes. We arranged a time for TC to pick me up in the morning.
Monday I was out on the footpath early waiting to hear the rumble of the Champ’s Brock Commodore. He had a massive weekend a few months ago and bought this beast. He has only a hazy recollection of making the purchase and thinks he must have done it just to p1ss off his parents. Anyway a 1976 Holden Gemini sedan pulled up in front of me and I thought get this heap of sh1t outta here my mate will be here soon. The horn tooted. It WAS my mate! WTF? I got in and said where’s the Brock? He said,’Don’t you remember? I wrote it off a couple of weeks ago. This is my bothers car.’ Oh yes now I remember. Somehow TC had written off his car and damaged quite a few others while attempting to leave the carpark of the Doncaster Hotel at Kenso. He bolted from the scene jumped in a cab and reported his car stolen. The Police are investigating. I said,’I can’t be seen riding around in this steaming pile of sh1t. This is totally unacceptable.’ ‘We could always use your car.’ I shut up. My car was actually my neighbour’s car. A 1971 VW Beetle. This was NOT a cool car back then. I borrowed it from my neighbour,an elderly gent with terrible dementia who has completely forgotten he owns a car. The only time I remind him is when it’s time for him to get it re registered for me. Anyway I was pleased to see an esky in the back seat and four slabs of Tooheys. I’m a Thirsty Traveller! The next stop was the Blue Mountains Hotel at Lawson for a few schooies then the Donnybrook at Lithgow.
By the time we got to Bathurst we were cutting it fine. Went over to meet TC’s mate some sort of farmer cxnt in moleskins and a stupid hat. He seemed a nice enough bloke. Showed us where we could sleep. ‘So how long do you think you blokes will stay? Couple of weeks? Got a BnS Ball coming up soon.’ I said great. But I knew no one could put up with Burning Spear and The Champ for two weeks. We’d fxck it up long before then!! He looked very dubiously at the Gemini. ‘Mate you can’t be seen driving around here in that thing. People will think you’re a pair of P00Fs. We got a spare ute here you can use that. Better hurry. Not long till the race.’
We cracked a couple of coldies while the Champ fishtailed it out of there in a 1984 WB Ute. The roar of the 308 was all we needed as we went into battle!!
6 Zippy The Pinhead
The “certainty” we had come all the way to Bathurst to back had the most unflattering name of Zippy The Pinhead. I was outraged that such a beautiful and noble beast as the thoroughbred could be demeaned by this dreadful moniker. I got over it. Some of the older readers may remember the horse. HE went on to win a half dozen races in town. This was only his third start a maiden over 1200m. Half fit and half trying he’d run a fourth and a third at his previous two outings .He’d improved out of sight since and the stable were very confident. Jump to the front and LAW. TC told me his mate was reliable. When the money was on they collected. I said let’s check out Zippy for ourselves so we staggered over to the mounting yard. Whoa!! What a horse!! The fxcker is big. And black. So black he sometimes looks silver when the sun shines off him. He looks in top nick no sweating ears pricked looking around but calm. What a sensational looking animal. I’d love to punch whoever gave him that ridiculous name.
We left the yard feeling very confident. I only had a grand left in my Punting Bank. I tried not to think about how my once bulletproof bank had been reduced to chump change. Never would I put the lot on a horse but I knew I had to here. Once the grand was gone all I had left was Beer Money. About $7000 to last me a few weeks. Only joking!! I had beer money but fxck all really. Zippy opened at 5/2 and the bookies nearly got knocked down. Me and the Champ got on at the top odds before he was backed into about 10/9. We fetched a couple of coldies and went out to watch.
The gates crashed open and from barrier two Zippy went straight to the front. The sight of that big black horse with the number 1 on his saddlecloth bounding along in front was a thing of beauty. He was at least a length clear no one challenging. Maybe up on the bit a little. Nothing to worry about though. On the turn he was two in front and everyone else under the whip. If they had BF back then he’d already be 1.02. I looked back to the pack and saw a chaser emerge. Still not too worried. Zippy had a handy break. The other one was starting to knuckle down now. A horse called The Pompadour.Number 8. Where do these country dopes get these names? 50 to go and the jock was throwing everything at Zippy. The Pompadour was going faster but the post was nearing. They hit the line and I had no idea. I think our bloke just held on. The Champ was very confident. ‘Yeah he got there. Wouldn’t want another stride but.’ There was no replay to watch. Just had to wait for the numbers to go up. It was taking forever. Fxckin hurry up cxnt! Finally the numbers went up. 8 1 3.
FXXXXCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The “certainty” we had come all the way to Bathurst to back had the most unflattering name of Zippy The Pinhead. I was outraged that such a beautiful and noble beast as the thoroughbred could be demeaned by this dreadful moniker. I got over it. Some of the older readers may remember the horse. HE went on to win a half dozen races in town. This was only his third start a maiden over 1200m. Half fit and half trying he’d run a fourth and a third at his previous two outings .He’d improved out of sight since and the stable were very confident. Jump to the front and LAW. TC told me his mate was reliable. When the money was on they collected. I said let’s check out Zippy for ourselves so we staggered over to the mounting yard. Whoa!! What a horse!! The fxcker is big. And black. So black he sometimes looks silver when the sun shines off him. He looks in top nick no sweating ears pricked looking around but calm. What a sensational looking animal. I’d love to punch whoever gave him that ridiculous name.
We left the yard feeling very confident. I only had a grand left in my Punting Bank. I tried not to think about how my once bulletproof bank had been reduced to chump change. Never would I put the lot on a horse but I knew I had to here. Once the grand was gone all I had left was Beer Money. About $7000 to last me a few weeks. Only joking!! I had beer money but fxck all really. Zippy opened at 5/2 and the bookies nearly got knocked down. Me and the Champ got on at the top odds before he was backed into about 10/9. We fetched a couple of coldies and went out to watch.
The gates crashed open and from barrier two Zippy went straight to the front. The sight of that big black horse with the number 1 on his saddlecloth bounding along in front was a thing of beauty. He was at least a length clear no one challenging. Maybe up on the bit a little. Nothing to worry about though. On the turn he was two in front and everyone else under the whip. If they had BF back then he’d already be 1.02. I looked back to the pack and saw a chaser emerge. Still not too worried. Zippy had a handy break. The other one was starting to knuckle down now. A horse called The Pompadour.Number 8. Where do these country dopes get these names? 50 to go and the jock was throwing everything at Zippy. The Pompadour was going faster but the post was nearing. They hit the line and I had no idea. I think our bloke just held on. The Champ was very confident. ‘Yeah he got there. Wouldn’t want another stride but.’ There was no replay to watch. Just had to wait for the numbers to go up. It was taking forever. Fxckin hurry up cxnt! Finally the numbers went up. 8 1 3.
FXXXXCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7 The Railway Hotel Bathurst
We went immediately to the Railway Hotel to take stock. The pub is owned by former jockey Edgar Schofield. TC knows him and introduces us. Like all jockeys he is hideously ugly with a bitter disposition. And,needless to say he is a little runt. He disgusts me. TC refers to him as The Cxnt Of Misery. Once the pleasantries are over we get in the schooners. It's going to be a long post mortem I can tell. I am no longer a punter. The Champ is in a foul mood which is not like him at all. After a few hours of beer and JD and amphetamines we were feeling a bit better. We pondered on where we might head next. TC still had some punting cash so we weren’t totally out of business.
During the course of the evening The Champ managed to be evicted from the pub twice and I myself was thrown out once. Edgar had some difficulty enforcing these bans due to his diminutive stature and us not really understanding what was going on. My eviction I felt was totally unfair. It all began when a grossly obese gentleman invited us to join him in a counter meal. He was a vague acquaintance of the Champ. We both declined. Speed diminishes the appetite. In fact I wondered when I had my last meal. Anyway I had the pleasure of sitting and watching this fatty devour his mixed grill. He was chatting away quite animatedly until his meal arrived then he never said a word or even looked up until the plate was clean. He had a sip of beer and said,'I’ve got to keep my strength up for the rigors of Buggery’ and fixes me with an impertinent stare. I’m thinking what the fxck? Am I in the Taxi Club at 5am? I had a quick peek around to make sure. Then I started to hear a rumbling noise. Like standing on Wynyard station and hearing the approach of a train. Another quick glance around before I realised the noise was coming from the Fat Cxnt. Then he burped. This burp was not the usual kind of burp that might be admired in some cultures as a sign that the meal had been appreciated.This burp sounded like everything he had just eaten was about to reappear in distressingly altered form. A terrible and rancid odour emerged and drifted across the table toward me. Oh Mother of God!!
I tried to ignore it but it was impossible. I sat there submerged in this stench imagining I was in the presence of someone who had just turned himself inside out. I slumped in my chair to his obvious amusement then fell sideways to the floor and lay there. A few moments later I vomited up a good few schooners and JDs. That’s when The Cxnt Of Misery threw me out. As you can see it was totally unjustified.
I was standing at the bar with the Champ talking sh1t while Edgar cast a lugubrious shadow over us. Just then an absolute Goddess appeared behind the bar. She gave us a quick hello and the briefest of smiles. Then she turned back and reached up for something on a high shelf. I was speechless. She was wearing a small t-shirt and cut off jean shorts. Long hair kind of halfway between brown and blonde. She was up on her tippy toes . I could hear the ice in my JD and Coke shaking as my hand trembled. While I was staring at this vision Edgar was boring his little beady rat eyes on me,veins popping out all over his head. The Champ was staring at Edgar wondering if he might have to hit the little fellow to get him to calm down. Presently I became aware of Edgar’s face near mine as he said,'Oi!! That’s my daughter you're leering at.' I mumbled a sorry but I could barely stop looking. The Champ put his hand on Edgar's shoulder and said 'take it easy little man that’s a good looking girl you gotta expect blokes to have a little peek. No harm done.' 'I don’t take kindly sex fiends perving on my little girl.' 'Hang on a sec mate. She's hardly a little girl and it makes no business sense calling your customers sex fiends. I'm very tempted to throw you through that window you ugly little cxnt. Just get us some beers.' I think this was one of the times the Champ got thrown out temporarily.
I have little recollection of the rest of the night. We rampaged the joint taking over the jukebox,playing pool,I think TC may have had an altercation with Bathurst's only Maori resident. I got no idea how it all ended up. I knew we couldn’t stay in Bathurst long.
We went immediately to the Railway Hotel to take stock. The pub is owned by former jockey Edgar Schofield. TC knows him and introduces us. Like all jockeys he is hideously ugly with a bitter disposition. And,needless to say he is a little runt. He disgusts me. TC refers to him as The Cxnt Of Misery. Once the pleasantries are over we get in the schooners. It's going to be a long post mortem I can tell. I am no longer a punter. The Champ is in a foul mood which is not like him at all. After a few hours of beer and JD and amphetamines we were feeling a bit better. We pondered on where we might head next. TC still had some punting cash so we weren’t totally out of business.
During the course of the evening The Champ managed to be evicted from the pub twice and I myself was thrown out once. Edgar had some difficulty enforcing these bans due to his diminutive stature and us not really understanding what was going on. My eviction I felt was totally unfair. It all began when a grossly obese gentleman invited us to join him in a counter meal. He was a vague acquaintance of the Champ. We both declined. Speed diminishes the appetite. In fact I wondered when I had my last meal. Anyway I had the pleasure of sitting and watching this fatty devour his mixed grill. He was chatting away quite animatedly until his meal arrived then he never said a word or even looked up until the plate was clean. He had a sip of beer and said,'I’ve got to keep my strength up for the rigors of Buggery’ and fixes me with an impertinent stare. I’m thinking what the fxck? Am I in the Taxi Club at 5am? I had a quick peek around to make sure. Then I started to hear a rumbling noise. Like standing on Wynyard station and hearing the approach of a train. Another quick glance around before I realised the noise was coming from the Fat Cxnt. Then he burped. This burp was not the usual kind of burp that might be admired in some cultures as a sign that the meal had been appreciated.This burp sounded like everything he had just eaten was about to reappear in distressingly altered form. A terrible and rancid odour emerged and drifted across the table toward me. Oh Mother of God!!
I tried to ignore it but it was impossible. I sat there submerged in this stench imagining I was in the presence of someone who had just turned himself inside out. I slumped in my chair to his obvious amusement then fell sideways to the floor and lay there. A few moments later I vomited up a good few schooners and JDs. That’s when The Cxnt Of Misery threw me out. As you can see it was totally unjustified.
I was standing at the bar with the Champ talking sh1t while Edgar cast a lugubrious shadow over us. Just then an absolute Goddess appeared behind the bar. She gave us a quick hello and the briefest of smiles. Then she turned back and reached up for something on a high shelf. I was speechless. She was wearing a small t-shirt and cut off jean shorts. Long hair kind of halfway between brown and blonde. She was up on her tippy toes . I could hear the ice in my JD and Coke shaking as my hand trembled. While I was staring at this vision Edgar was boring his little beady rat eyes on me,veins popping out all over his head. The Champ was staring at Edgar wondering if he might have to hit the little fellow to get him to calm down. Presently I became aware of Edgar’s face near mine as he said,'Oi!! That’s my daughter you're leering at.' I mumbled a sorry but I could barely stop looking. The Champ put his hand on Edgar's shoulder and said 'take it easy little man that’s a good looking girl you gotta expect blokes to have a little peek. No harm done.' 'I don’t take kindly sex fiends perving on my little girl.' 'Hang on a sec mate. She's hardly a little girl and it makes no business sense calling your customers sex fiends. I'm very tempted to throw you through that window you ugly little cxnt. Just get us some beers.' I think this was one of the times the Champ got thrown out temporarily.
I have little recollection of the rest of the night. We rampaged the joint taking over the jukebox,playing pool,I think TC may have had an altercation with Bathurst's only Maori resident. I got no idea how it all ended up. I knew we couldn’t stay in Bathurst long.
NEXT TIME...............................KYLIE!!!!!!!!
8 KYLIE
I woke up in the back of the ute. The ute was going about 100kmh at the time. Cool. I sat up with my back against the cab and watched the highway. Reached into the esky for an icy cold stubby. Soon I was swigging Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Vomiting over the side. Passing out. Waking up and doing it again. I had no idea where I was. No idea where The Champ was taking us. I didn’t care. All I cared about was drinking and stewing about how everything had all got so fxcked up. Sometimes I’d wake up in darkness then realise the Champ had put the tonneau cover over the back. I became entranced by the road. Watching it drift away behind me. White lines yellow lines sometimes cars or trucks behind us. Kenworths and Macks. It all became hypnotic. After a while I didn’t even have thoughts just vague feelings. And always the booze. The lovely booze.
I was laying awake but I hadn’t yet opened my eyes. I wasn’t ready for that yet. I had to think. Where was I? The back of the ute. Pretty sure about that. Is it moving? No. How do I feel? Do I need to vomit? Not at the moment. What’s the Champ doing? How the fxck do I know open your eyes and find out for yourself! I sat with my back against the cab,my usual position and decided to open my eyes. HOLY SH1T!!! Did you see that?? I shut my eyes. Fxck me you better lay off the drink this is getting bad. You’re hallucinating. The Champ looks just like a hot young woman. Try again. I opened my eyes. She’s still there!! Smiling at me. ‘Feeling better?’ ‘Ahhh ….yeah. I think.’ She sat there in the back of the ute facing me her back against the tailgate. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I had no explanation for her presence here and had a worrying feeling I was about to wake up from a dream. Then I had a moment of clarity. ‘Where’s The Champ,TC,you know,Greg Champion,my mate?’ ‘Oh him. I dunno. Last I saw he was on the floor in the Gents. We couldn’t move him.’ I see. This cleared up one thing but invited more questions. What Gents and who is ‘we’. I pondered that for a while. I was beginning to think I knew this woman from somewhere but I couldn’t remember where. Automatically I reached into the esky for another beer. We appeared to be parked at some empty sporting field. I looked up at the sky and wondered whether it was the beginning of the day or the end. I think the end. I wondered what the Champ is doing now. I thought about Melanie. Would I ever see her again? Doubt it. I wonder what my Mum would think if she could see me now.
I was nearly finished my second beer when I suddenly remembered there was somebody with me in the ute. I’d forgotten all about so lost I was in my own thoughts. When I looked at her I was somewhat disconcerted to see her staring at me. When our eyes met she flashed on a smile. Sh1t!! I hope she’s not from a cult or something. That might at least explain her presence. Maybe I should find out what’s going on here. ‘What’s your name?’ ‘I'm Kylie. Don’t you remember me? We met at the Pub? The Railway Hotel? My Dad owns it.’ YES! That’s where I’d seen her. The Daughter of The Cxnt Of Misery!! I see what’s happening now. This angel was afraid her father would kill me so she drove us to safety and is just waiting for Daddy to calm down. You gotta hand it to these bush types. They really look after people out here. I imagine this young woman has plenty of other things to be doing rather than playing Good Samaritan. I looked on her kindly. I smiled vaguely. I drank some beer and looked at her and smiled some more. She is Fxckin Hot pity she’s some kind of Do-Gooder. Oh well. Them’s the breaks.
‘Hey Spear I was wondering?’ Yeah what? ‘When are we gunna fxck?’
I woke up in the back of the ute. The ute was going about 100kmh at the time. Cool. I sat up with my back against the cab and watched the highway. Reached into the esky for an icy cold stubby. Soon I was swigging Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. Vomiting over the side. Passing out. Waking up and doing it again. I had no idea where I was. No idea where The Champ was taking us. I didn’t care. All I cared about was drinking and stewing about how everything had all got so fxcked up. Sometimes I’d wake up in darkness then realise the Champ had put the tonneau cover over the back. I became entranced by the road. Watching it drift away behind me. White lines yellow lines sometimes cars or trucks behind us. Kenworths and Macks. It all became hypnotic. After a while I didn’t even have thoughts just vague feelings. And always the booze. The lovely booze.
I was laying awake but I hadn’t yet opened my eyes. I wasn’t ready for that yet. I had to think. Where was I? The back of the ute. Pretty sure about that. Is it moving? No. How do I feel? Do I need to vomit? Not at the moment. What’s the Champ doing? How the fxck do I know open your eyes and find out for yourself! I sat with my back against the cab,my usual position and decided to open my eyes. HOLY SH1T!!! Did you see that?? I shut my eyes. Fxck me you better lay off the drink this is getting bad. You’re hallucinating. The Champ looks just like a hot young woman. Try again. I opened my eyes. She’s still there!! Smiling at me. ‘Feeling better?’ ‘Ahhh ….yeah. I think.’ She sat there in the back of the ute facing me her back against the tailgate. She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I had no explanation for her presence here and had a worrying feeling I was about to wake up from a dream. Then I had a moment of clarity. ‘Where’s The Champ,TC,you know,Greg Champion,my mate?’ ‘Oh him. I dunno. Last I saw he was on the floor in the Gents. We couldn’t move him.’ I see. This cleared up one thing but invited more questions. What Gents and who is ‘we’. I pondered that for a while. I was beginning to think I knew this woman from somewhere but I couldn’t remember where. Automatically I reached into the esky for another beer. We appeared to be parked at some empty sporting field. I looked up at the sky and wondered whether it was the beginning of the day or the end. I think the end. I wondered what the Champ is doing now. I thought about Melanie. Would I ever see her again? Doubt it. I wonder what my Mum would think if she could see me now.
I was nearly finished my second beer when I suddenly remembered there was somebody with me in the ute. I’d forgotten all about so lost I was in my own thoughts. When I looked at her I was somewhat disconcerted to see her staring at me. When our eyes met she flashed on a smile. Sh1t!! I hope she’s not from a cult or something. That might at least explain her presence. Maybe I should find out what’s going on here. ‘What’s your name?’ ‘I'm Kylie. Don’t you remember me? We met at the Pub? The Railway Hotel? My Dad owns it.’ YES! That’s where I’d seen her. The Daughter of The Cxnt Of Misery!! I see what’s happening now. This angel was afraid her father would kill me so she drove us to safety and is just waiting for Daddy to calm down. You gotta hand it to these bush types. They really look after people out here. I imagine this young woman has plenty of other things to be doing rather than playing Good Samaritan. I looked on her kindly. I smiled vaguely. I drank some beer and looked at her and smiled some more. She is Fxckin Hot pity she’s some kind of Do-Gooder. Oh well. Them’s the breaks.
‘Hey Spear I was wondering?’ Yeah what? ‘When are we gunna fxck?’
Melbourne City have just equalised having been 0 - 2 down against Brisbane Roar only a few minutes ago.
I think you'd like this video Burning Spear - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWWqvAA6ryU
Hi Joel, I'm well thanks - have just gotten rid of my partner until Monday afternoon and have no money to punt with.
Do you like this song Joel? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7Fuy0w02OQ
I think Stoke City will beat Crystal Palace by 1 - 0
and I think my team - Queen's Park Rangers will lost 1 - 2 at home to Huddersfield Town tonight.
My team Melbourne City has fought back from 2-0 down to be 2-2 with about 20 minutes to go
I know - I just said that.
What about this one? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H7AILnPoio
What about this one? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H7AILnPoio
I tried to watch the AFLW tonight but the fumbling and bumbling was too frustrating to tolerate.
Monica Monica agrees
Monica Monica agrees
Heidelberg United have just beaten Port Melbourne by 1 - 0 at Olympic Village
He must be talking to you two. I never upset anyone.
Kevin, is that you Kevin?
Kevin, is that you Kevin?
Not that I have seen, but I haven't watched all of them.
Here are tonight's First Division matches -
Arsenal v Hull City
Manchester United v Watford
Middlesbrough v Everton
Stoke City v Crystal Palace
Sunderland v Southampton
West Ham United v West Bromwich Albion
Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur
Arsenal v Hull City
Manchester United v Watford
Middlesbrough v Everton
Stoke City v Crystal Palace
Sunderland v Southampton
West Ham United v West Bromwich Albion
Liverpool v Tottenham Hotspur
Is Tanya from Chișinău which is pronounced Kish a now
Second Division:
Aston Villa v Ipswich Town
Brighton & Hove Albion v Burton Albion
Derby County v Bristol City
Fulham Athletic v Wigan Athletic
Leeds United v Cardiff City
Norwich City v Nottingham Forest
Preston North End v Brentford
Queens Park Rangers v Huddersfield Town
Reading v Barnsley
Rotherham United v Blackburn Rovers
Wolverhampton Wanderers v Newcastle United
Aston Villa v Ipswich Town
Brighton & Hove Albion v Burton Albion
Derby County v Bristol City
Fulham Athletic v Wigan Athletic
Leeds United v Cardiff City
Norwich City v Nottingham Forest
Preston North End v Brentford
Queens Park Rangers v Huddersfield Town
Reading v Barnsley
Rotherham United v Blackburn Rovers
Wolverhampton Wanderers v Newcastle United
Can't you guys do this somewhere else? I'm trying to write a story here.
Well this is the 'Other stuff too' mentioned in the Subject.
Are you talking to me Burning Spear?
I'm trying to write something here. It's the only thing about the forum that gives me any enjoyment. If you want to say stuff can you do it somewhere else? Please?
why don't you just agree to stop ignoring me then?
I'm trying to write something here. It's the only thing about the forum that gives me any enjoyment. If you want to say stuff can you do it somewhere else? Please?
Please?
Please?
are you going to answer my question?
We all make choices on whether or not we respond or converse with fellow forumites.
No biggy, each to their own. Nor do I think Anyone owe anyone an explanation .
Send him with pm's if you choose.
He's asked , very nicely, if his story thread could be left alone.
No biggy, each to their own. Nor do I think Anyone owe anyone an explanation .
Send him with pm's if you choose.
He's asked , very nicely, if his story thread could be left alone.
Here's a link to the White Pages website - https://www.whitepages.com.au/residential
TINS, I like you, but you probably would be better off not to get involved. I apologised to him ages ago for the thing that made him angry and he never accepted it.
that was when he asked me to apologise btw
Be a shame to deny him is only enjoyment on the forum .
I find "putting myself second" is always a rewarding experience.
I find "putting myself second" is always a rewarding experience.
Yeah, well that's not how I operate. I'm gunna drive him nuts until he either starts talking to me again, or leaves.
That's it from me on this thread .
I feel like I'm "tagging" on his "work"
Like those losers that tag over my train carriage murals that I spend hours on.
I feel like I'm "tagging" on his "work"
Like those losers that tag over my train carriage murals that I spend hours on.
lol, he'll thank me for this one day.
FFS, when you said train carriage - I thought you wrote train carnage.
9 Tinned Asparagus
What? The? Fxck? Did she just say that? And she kept looking at me like she expected an answer. I looked at her a bit more closely. Fxck me!! Gorgeous face. No pimples. Long blondey brown basically straight hair. White singlet. Nice lean tanned arms. Not big tits but still perky. Short cotton skirt. Long brown legs stretched out alongside me. She was one quality piece of ass. Best I’ve ever had anything to do with by far. So. Two questions came to mind. One. What is she doing here? Two. How old is she? I asked the second one first. ‘How old are you Kylie?’ I’m nearly 18. Ok. My brain struggled with that. What’s the age of consent? I think it’s 16. Maybe 15. No wait on I think it’s 18. Actually I’m pretty sure it’s different in the country. All the kids here are watching farm animals rooting from day one so they all try it out for themselves when they’re about 12. Oh fxck it. She looks old enough to me. I don’t care anyway. Send me to gaol. Who gives a fxck?
‘Well?’ She asked. ‘Well what?’ ‘I said when are we gunna fxck? You’re not Gay are you? Oh no I should have known. You and the big blonde haired bloke. Couple of f&gs. I should’ve seen it.’ ‘What? No! Of course I’m not Gay. I only fill in for them when they’re busy!’ My attempt at humour is a flop. The smile is gone. She still looks hot smile or no smile. I reach down and touch her leg. Her calf. Like everything else about her it’s perfect. I notice for the first time that she is also drinking. West Coast Cooler. Yewww!! She’s back to smiling. She slid her legs back her feet nearer her bum her knees bent. I had a wonderful view. She looked at me and smiled. It was a ‘you like?’ smile. Yes. I like. She flirted with me for a while getting increasingly outrageous. Then she climbed over and sat on me. Her little cotton skirt around her hips. Her singlet laying amongst the empty beer bottles in the tray of the ute. She moved in for the kiss. ‘YUCK!!! Your breath is FOUL! I am NOT kissing you no way.’ Fair enough. I can see where she’s coming from. Didn’t matter she stuck her titties in my mouth anyway. Grinding away on my crotch. My hands all over her. I don’t think I’ve ever been so horny in all my life!! ‘Get those pants off NOW!!’ I complied but I knew something was wrong. Despite having the hottest girl ever and being Insane With Lust my little soldier was totally unresponsive. Kylie slowly realised there was a lack of hardness down there during her gyration phase. Now it was confirmed. ‘Well that’s a bit of a disappointment.’ I said ‘maybe if you gave it a suck it might help?’ ‘I don’t think so. If you can’t get hard for this’ indicating her incredible body ‘then there must be something seriously wrong with you.’ She sat back against the tailgate looking at me and putting her singlet back on. ‘I suppose you have been drinking a lot lately. That can affect performance.’ I could tell by the way she said it and the way she looked at me she didn’t believe that for a minute. I didn’t believe it myself. Booze had stopped me coming loads of times but at least I always get hard.
Now I noticed a different look on Kylie’s face. It was a look that made me worried. I had ,for me, a rare insight into the future. Would fxcking this nearly 18 year old be worth all the hassles and nightmares that would no doubt be a part of it? I remember girls of that age back when I was that age. Absolute bitches. She would own me. We looked at each other while we drank. She still flirted. A slight upcurl in the corners of her mouth. She already owns me. I know it. And she knows that I know it.
What? The? Fxck? Did she just say that? And she kept looking at me like she expected an answer. I looked at her a bit more closely. Fxck me!! Gorgeous face. No pimples. Long blondey brown basically straight hair. White singlet. Nice lean tanned arms. Not big tits but still perky. Short cotton skirt. Long brown legs stretched out alongside me. She was one quality piece of ass. Best I’ve ever had anything to do with by far. So. Two questions came to mind. One. What is she doing here? Two. How old is she? I asked the second one first. ‘How old are you Kylie?’ I’m nearly 18. Ok. My brain struggled with that. What’s the age of consent? I think it’s 16. Maybe 15. No wait on I think it’s 18. Actually I’m pretty sure it’s different in the country. All the kids here are watching farm animals rooting from day one so they all try it out for themselves when they’re about 12. Oh fxck it. She looks old enough to me. I don’t care anyway. Send me to gaol. Who gives a fxck?
‘Well?’ She asked. ‘Well what?’ ‘I said when are we gunna fxck? You’re not Gay are you? Oh no I should have known. You and the big blonde haired bloke. Couple of f&gs. I should’ve seen it.’ ‘What? No! Of course I’m not Gay. I only fill in for them when they’re busy!’ My attempt at humour is a flop. The smile is gone. She still looks hot smile or no smile. I reach down and touch her leg. Her calf. Like everything else about her it’s perfect. I notice for the first time that she is also drinking. West Coast Cooler. Yewww!! She’s back to smiling. She slid her legs back her feet nearer her bum her knees bent. I had a wonderful view. She looked at me and smiled. It was a ‘you like?’ smile. Yes. I like. She flirted with me for a while getting increasingly outrageous. Then she climbed over and sat on me. Her little cotton skirt around her hips. Her singlet laying amongst the empty beer bottles in the tray of the ute. She moved in for the kiss. ‘YUCK!!! Your breath is FOUL! I am NOT kissing you no way.’ Fair enough. I can see where she’s coming from. Didn’t matter she stuck her titties in my mouth anyway. Grinding away on my crotch. My hands all over her. I don’t think I’ve ever been so horny in all my life!! ‘Get those pants off NOW!!’ I complied but I knew something was wrong. Despite having the hottest girl ever and being Insane With Lust my little soldier was totally unresponsive. Kylie slowly realised there was a lack of hardness down there during her gyration phase. Now it was confirmed. ‘Well that’s a bit of a disappointment.’ I said ‘maybe if you gave it a suck it might help?’ ‘I don’t think so. If you can’t get hard for this’ indicating her incredible body ‘then there must be something seriously wrong with you.’ She sat back against the tailgate looking at me and putting her singlet back on. ‘I suppose you have been drinking a lot lately. That can affect performance.’ I could tell by the way she said it and the way she looked at me she didn’t believe that for a minute. I didn’t believe it myself. Booze had stopped me coming loads of times but at least I always get hard.
Now I noticed a different look on Kylie’s face. It was a look that made me worried. I had ,for me, a rare insight into the future. Would fxcking this nearly 18 year old be worth all the hassles and nightmares that would no doubt be a part of it? I remember girls of that age back when I was that age. Absolute bitches. She would own me. We looked at each other while we drank. She still flirted. A slight upcurl in the corners of her mouth. She already owns me. I know it. And she knows that I know it.
10 Pretty In Pink
We’re at Dubbo Dogs. I don’t know what day it is. I don’t know nuthin’ lately. Kylie drives us around. I learn that she hasn’t even got a licence. She’s on her L’s. She drives pretty good but she can’t park. I’m no help I’m too bombed. Actually she’s pretty wasted herself. I sometimes wonder about the wisdom of being in a V8 ute (which neither of us actually own) with a learner driver that is a long way off being sober and has no idea how to reverse park. But I don’t give a ****!! When I sit there next to her on the bench seat stroking her thigh and GUZZLING STUBBIES while we eat up the Highway I’m just in Heaven! Under The Milky Way on full volume. No one on the entire Planet is having more fun than me!!
Anyway. Dubbo Dogs. We’re looking at the form. I haven’t got a clue. I only know the basics regarding dogs. Don’t fxck them! Apart from that nada. Kylie gets all excited. ‘Check this out. It’s an Omen Bet. A dog called Pretty In Pink is starting from Box 8. The pink rug. That’s my all time favourite movie. I’m backing that.’ I say,’it says here in the form “down the track it’s last three starts. Prefer others.” Sounds sh1t.’ She says, ‘There’s one more part to the Omen.’ She lifts up her little skirt to reveal her Pink panties. I look around in a panic to make sure nobody noticed. Only about 500 other blokes. But you know what? What can I say? I’m skint and Kylie has THOUSANDS she’s nicked off her old man,The CXNT OF MISERY. She says she’s having $100 each way. It’s 16/1. I imagine how much BOOZE I could buy with $200. Fxck it.
They put the dogs in the boxes. Kylie says ‘rub my panties for luck’ thrusting my hand under her skirt. I’m just a slave. Is there such a thing as a voluntary slave? The boxes open and on the first turn about five idiot dogs crash into each other!! Pretty in Pink due to the wide alley misses the skirmish and is second down the back. Cruises to the lead in the straight. I’m dumbstruck. My hours and hours of studying horses and form and framing markets and all the other sh1t I’ve done and I’ve got a Punting Bank of ZERO DOLLARS and Kylie just plucks a 16/1 winner literally out of her ass because that terrible movie is one of her favourites. I despair.
I also despair when I return from a slash to see her laughing it up with some grubby looking cxnt at the outdoor bar. She’s got her arm on his shoulder and he’s got his arm around her waist. Sometimes dropping a bit lower. I’m looking around for any iron bars lying around that I can use to CRUSH HIS SKULL! They’re whispering in each other’s ears for fxcks sake!! I’ve never been more jealous. I feel about 12 years old. Eventually she makes her way over to me still laughing but then suddenly turns deadly serious. ‘Here you take this thousand and I’ll take the other. We’ve gotta back the favourite here. Don’t ask any questions just do it.’ Ok. It’s not my money. We get the 2k on a 4/5 then watch the checks win by 8 lengths. Fxcking Hell. Another $1600 in the kitty. I can’t keep up with her. A couple of races later she watches the dogs as they walk out on the track. ‘Look at number 4. Isn’t he beautiful? I just love him. I’ve got to back him.’ I said ‘They all look the same. They’re all greyhounds ffs. Some are just different colours. It’s not as though you’ve got a greyhound and a Labrador and a Foxy or a Staffy. They’re all the fxcking same!!’ Doesn’t matter she doesn’t care what I say she loves this dog and she’s backing it. $100 each way. The fxcker is 33/1. I couldn’t believe it when it sneaked into third. I’m stoked about the cash,naturally,but I can’t help feeling even more of a loser.
We walk out to the carpark to get in the Champ’s mate from school’s ute. After we ignore the hotdog seller Kylie turns and puts her arms around my neck and kisses me. She reaches down and rubs the tackle. Then she says,’ How many people you think were there tonight?’ I dunno. About a thousand. ‘How many you think were male?’ I dunno. About 999. ‘Well answer me this Spear. I reckon everyone of those 999,from the littlest boy to the oldest pensioner was getting a stiffy for me. Everyone except you.’
We’re at Dubbo Dogs. I don’t know what day it is. I don’t know nuthin’ lately. Kylie drives us around. I learn that she hasn’t even got a licence. She’s on her L’s. She drives pretty good but she can’t park. I’m no help I’m too bombed. Actually she’s pretty wasted herself. I sometimes wonder about the wisdom of being in a V8 ute (which neither of us actually own) with a learner driver that is a long way off being sober and has no idea how to reverse park. But I don’t give a ****!! When I sit there next to her on the bench seat stroking her thigh and GUZZLING STUBBIES while we eat up the Highway I’m just in Heaven! Under The Milky Way on full volume. No one on the entire Planet is having more fun than me!!
Anyway. Dubbo Dogs. We’re looking at the form. I haven’t got a clue. I only know the basics regarding dogs. Don’t fxck them! Apart from that nada. Kylie gets all excited. ‘Check this out. It’s an Omen Bet. A dog called Pretty In Pink is starting from Box 8. The pink rug. That’s my all time favourite movie. I’m backing that.’ I say,’it says here in the form “down the track it’s last three starts. Prefer others.” Sounds sh1t.’ She says, ‘There’s one more part to the Omen.’ She lifts up her little skirt to reveal her Pink panties. I look around in a panic to make sure nobody noticed. Only about 500 other blokes. But you know what? What can I say? I’m skint and Kylie has THOUSANDS she’s nicked off her old man,The CXNT OF MISERY. She says she’s having $100 each way. It’s 16/1. I imagine how much BOOZE I could buy with $200. Fxck it.
They put the dogs in the boxes. Kylie says ‘rub my panties for luck’ thrusting my hand under her skirt. I’m just a slave. Is there such a thing as a voluntary slave? The boxes open and on the first turn about five idiot dogs crash into each other!! Pretty in Pink due to the wide alley misses the skirmish and is second down the back. Cruises to the lead in the straight. I’m dumbstruck. My hours and hours of studying horses and form and framing markets and all the other sh1t I’ve done and I’ve got a Punting Bank of ZERO DOLLARS and Kylie just plucks a 16/1 winner literally out of her ass because that terrible movie is one of her favourites. I despair.
I also despair when I return from a slash to see her laughing it up with some grubby looking cxnt at the outdoor bar. She’s got her arm on his shoulder and he’s got his arm around her waist. Sometimes dropping a bit lower. I’m looking around for any iron bars lying around that I can use to CRUSH HIS SKULL! They’re whispering in each other’s ears for fxcks sake!! I’ve never been more jealous. I feel about 12 years old. Eventually she makes her way over to me still laughing but then suddenly turns deadly serious. ‘Here you take this thousand and I’ll take the other. We’ve gotta back the favourite here. Don’t ask any questions just do it.’ Ok. It’s not my money. We get the 2k on a 4/5 then watch the checks win by 8 lengths. Fxcking Hell. Another $1600 in the kitty. I can’t keep up with her. A couple of races later she watches the dogs as they walk out on the track. ‘Look at number 4. Isn’t he beautiful? I just love him. I’ve got to back him.’ I said ‘They all look the same. They’re all greyhounds ffs. Some are just different colours. It’s not as though you’ve got a greyhound and a Labrador and a Foxy or a Staffy. They’re all the fxcking same!!’ Doesn’t matter she doesn’t care what I say she loves this dog and she’s backing it. $100 each way. The fxcker is 33/1. I couldn’t believe it when it sneaked into third. I’m stoked about the cash,naturally,but I can’t help feeling even more of a loser.
We walk out to the carpark to get in the Champ’s mate from school’s ute. After we ignore the hotdog seller Kylie turns and puts her arms around my neck and kisses me. She reaches down and rubs the tackle. Then she says,’ How many people you think were there tonight?’ I dunno. About a thousand. ‘How many you think were male?’ I dunno. About 999. ‘Well answer me this Spear. I reckon everyone of those 999,from the littlest boy to the oldest pensioner was getting a stiffy for me. Everyone except you.’
11 Hollywood Nights
We decide to stay in the best Hotel room that Dubbo has to offer. It’s still pretty sh1t but we could both do with a break from the back of the ute. I am in desperate need of an emergency shower. After my shower I’m feeling pretty good. I crack open a can of Tooheys and take a long slurp. Then I mix up a JD and Coke and down it in one. Kylie goes into the bathroom after me. My imagination is running wild. I quickly mix up another JD and Coke and SLAM it. Fxck yeah!! How good is this? I’m with a smoking hot nearly 18yo in the best Great Western Hotel in Dubbo and she’s in the bathroom getting all ready for me. I mix up her JD and Coke for her for when she comes out. She’s developed a taste for them. We’ve got loads of cash. Actually I’ve got about $36 but Kylie has squillions. Suddenly I feel a little tingle. I don’t know if it’s the thought of the squillions or possibly that incredible teenage ass but I can definitely feel a STIFFY developing. YES!! AT LAST! ABOUT TIME!!
Kylie comes out of the shower totally naked and without even looking at me flops on the bed and holds out her hand for her JD and Coke. I am THROBBING!! She says, ‘You know,I’ve been thinking . When I saw you at Dad’s Pub I thought you were just fantastic. Good looking,really funny and just totally out there and wasted I could see you just didn’t give a fxck about anything. I imagined that I’d jump in that ute with you and we’d cruise around going wherever we wanted and fxcking each others brains out and getting drunk and stoned and just living life,you know,until I ran out of money or I found someone better. But it’s not been like that at all.’
My THROBBER wasn’t THROBBING with quite the same urgency.
She continued. ‘You spent two days in the back of the ute drinking sleeping and vomiting. Who does that? Gee that’s a fun date. Since then I’ve gotten to know you a bit and you’re a real case. You’re just about the worst ALCO I’ve ever seen and remember,I grew up in a Pub.’ I was too startled to defend myself. My hopes of a post shower fxck seemed dashed. ‘You’re a Speed Freak,you talk sh1t,and for a bloke that apparently makes a living from punting I’ve never seen you anywhere near a winner. Have you ever done one decent thing in your whole life?’ ‘I haven’t molested any children. I don’t think.’ SH1T!! This wasn’t going to plan at all. My Throbber was just a memory. I suddenly realised I was at the whims of a teenage girl. She had God knows how much cash,10k maybe? While I had $36. I couldn’t even pay for the room. I was in a very precarious position here. I had to be smart.
FXCK smart!!
But once again I’d underestimated Kylie. She finished off her drink and put it down and looked at me in a way no female has ever looked at me before. She said, ‘Spear. Come over here and rub that big HARD C0CK all over my face. I wanna be your little bitch. Come on. Put it on my lips.’ I stood there helpless. My Throbber was now like tinned asparagus. I didn’t know what to say. I was on the verge of tears. She turned onto her side dismissing me. She turned on the TV and ignored me. Eventually after a sh1tload more drinks I got in the single bed. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my whole life.
I woke in the dawn hours. The blankets were off but I was warm. Kylie was snuggled up against me her arm around me. ‘Don’t worry baby I’ll take care of you.’
We decide to stay in the best Hotel room that Dubbo has to offer. It’s still pretty sh1t but we could both do with a break from the back of the ute. I am in desperate need of an emergency shower. After my shower I’m feeling pretty good. I crack open a can of Tooheys and take a long slurp. Then I mix up a JD and Coke and down it in one. Kylie goes into the bathroom after me. My imagination is running wild. I quickly mix up another JD and Coke and SLAM it. Fxck yeah!! How good is this? I’m with a smoking hot nearly 18yo in the best Great Western Hotel in Dubbo and she’s in the bathroom getting all ready for me. I mix up her JD and Coke for her for when she comes out. She’s developed a taste for them. We’ve got loads of cash. Actually I’ve got about $36 but Kylie has squillions. Suddenly I feel a little tingle. I don’t know if it’s the thought of the squillions or possibly that incredible teenage ass but I can definitely feel a STIFFY developing. YES!! AT LAST! ABOUT TIME!!
Kylie comes out of the shower totally naked and without even looking at me flops on the bed and holds out her hand for her JD and Coke. I am THROBBING!! She says, ‘You know,I’ve been thinking . When I saw you at Dad’s Pub I thought you were just fantastic. Good looking,really funny and just totally out there and wasted I could see you just didn’t give a fxck about anything. I imagined that I’d jump in that ute with you and we’d cruise around going wherever we wanted and fxcking each others brains out and getting drunk and stoned and just living life,you know,until I ran out of money or I found someone better. But it’s not been like that at all.’
My THROBBER wasn’t THROBBING with quite the same urgency.
She continued. ‘You spent two days in the back of the ute drinking sleeping and vomiting. Who does that? Gee that’s a fun date. Since then I’ve gotten to know you a bit and you’re a real case. You’re just about the worst ALCO I’ve ever seen and remember,I grew up in a Pub.’ I was too startled to defend myself. My hopes of a post shower fxck seemed dashed. ‘You’re a Speed Freak,you talk sh1t,and for a bloke that apparently makes a living from punting I’ve never seen you anywhere near a winner. Have you ever done one decent thing in your whole life?’ ‘I haven’t molested any children. I don’t think.’ SH1T!! This wasn’t going to plan at all. My Throbber was just a memory. I suddenly realised I was at the whims of a teenage girl. She had God knows how much cash,10k maybe? While I had $36. I couldn’t even pay for the room. I was in a very precarious position here. I had to be smart.
FXCK smart!!
But once again I’d underestimated Kylie. She finished off her drink and put it down and looked at me in a way no female has ever looked at me before. She said, ‘Spear. Come over here and rub that big HARD C0CK all over my face. I wanna be your little bitch. Come on. Put it on my lips.’ I stood there helpless. My Throbber was now like tinned asparagus. I didn’t know what to say. I was on the verge of tears. She turned onto her side dismissing me. She turned on the TV and ignored me. Eventually after a sh1tload more drinks I got in the single bed. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my whole life.
I woke in the dawn hours. The blankets were off but I was warm. Kylie was snuggled up against me her arm around me. ‘Don’t worry baby I’ll take care of you.’
Next Time!!!...................................there is no next time
Maybe you could regale us with some Thailand adventures 
It's not much of a reply but I suppose it's better than nothing.
Of course he has.
Anyone else ?
Anyone else ?
12 Back To Bathurst
I wasn’t convinced that a return to Bathurst was such a good idea. For a start there was bound to be an angry father there. Also the Champ might not be too happy about me skipping out on him. Not to mention his mate who owned the ute. I felt it was best we avoid the joint. NSW is a big place. We could go anywhere. Kylie was adamant. She’d been tipped a horse for Saturday night at Bathurst trots and she was determined to go there and back it. She didn’t give a fxck about any of the concerns I’d raised. Her father was just a memory to her. She couldn’t care less. So what could I say? I had nothing. No money. I hadn’t even fxcked her. She was The Boss.
Do you think I cared? Driving that ute on the Mitchell Highway sipping an ice cold Tooheys , one hand on the wheel with Kylie pressed against me on the bench seat with her hand on my leg and listening to some great Midnight Oil on the radio was absolute heaven. My chopper making an impressive tent in my shorts I begged Kylie to touch it. The little bitch wouldn’t!! What a mindfxck she was!! Even when we got to Bathurst and checked into a Motel room she still fxcked me around. I said ‘come on! I'm hard for fxcks sake you've been carrying on about it for a week let's go.' To which she replied,'I've got stuff to do. I’ve got to go to the bank. I can’t be bending over and letting you fxck me whenever you feel like it. I’m not a piece of meat. Go and have a w&nk if you’re so horny.’ I was stunned. Speechless. What planet am I on? Have I missed something here? Ever get the feeling you’re being screwed over?
I was sick of having no cash. I came up with an idea that might fix that. I got Kylie to drive us out to the property where The Champ’s mate lived. It was a longshot but worth a try. We parked away a bit and I walked in. Jackpot!! I couldn’t believe it. The Champ’s Holden Gemini was parked just where I’d last seen it. I’m guessing it hasn’t even moved. I get in and lower the sun visor and get the keys. The rego papers are in the glove box I already checked them out on the way up here. Fire it up and I’m out of there. Less than an hour later I’ve sold it for $500 cash in hand. At last a Punting Bank!! Did I feel guilty? Nah. The Champ would’ve done the same to me. Anyway it’s his brother’s car and he’s just a cxnt. The Punting Bank is all that matters.
I wasn’t convinced that a return to Bathurst was such a good idea. For a start there was bound to be an angry father there. Also the Champ might not be too happy about me skipping out on him. Not to mention his mate who owned the ute. I felt it was best we avoid the joint. NSW is a big place. We could go anywhere. Kylie was adamant. She’d been tipped a horse for Saturday night at Bathurst trots and she was determined to go there and back it. She didn’t give a fxck about any of the concerns I’d raised. Her father was just a memory to her. She couldn’t care less. So what could I say? I had nothing. No money. I hadn’t even fxcked her. She was The Boss.
Do you think I cared? Driving that ute on the Mitchell Highway sipping an ice cold Tooheys , one hand on the wheel with Kylie pressed against me on the bench seat with her hand on my leg and listening to some great Midnight Oil on the radio was absolute heaven. My chopper making an impressive tent in my shorts I begged Kylie to touch it. The little bitch wouldn’t!! What a mindfxck she was!! Even when we got to Bathurst and checked into a Motel room she still fxcked me around. I said ‘come on! I'm hard for fxcks sake you've been carrying on about it for a week let's go.' To which she replied,'I've got stuff to do. I’ve got to go to the bank. I can’t be bending over and letting you fxck me whenever you feel like it. I’m not a piece of meat. Go and have a w&nk if you’re so horny.’ I was stunned. Speechless. What planet am I on? Have I missed something here? Ever get the feeling you’re being screwed over?
I was sick of having no cash. I came up with an idea that might fix that. I got Kylie to drive us out to the property where The Champ’s mate lived. It was a longshot but worth a try. We parked away a bit and I walked in. Jackpot!! I couldn’t believe it. The Champ’s Holden Gemini was parked just where I’d last seen it. I’m guessing it hasn’t even moved. I get in and lower the sun visor and get the keys. The rego papers are in the glove box I already checked them out on the way up here. Fire it up and I’m out of there. Less than an hour later I’ve sold it for $500 cash in hand. At last a Punting Bank!! Did I feel guilty? Nah. The Champ would’ve done the same to me. Anyway it’s his brother’s car and he’s just a cxnt. The Punting Bank is all that matters.
13 Saturday Night
A fair crowd at Bathurst trots on a summers evening. Kylie was looking stunning. Jeans so tight she needed a coathanger through the zip to do them up. Not the fashion in Sydney back then but no one complained! I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Nor could anyone else. Even the women were checking her out. I was just about to get some drinks in when The Champ appeared from nowhere and thrust a cold one in my hand. ‘Where you been mate? Haven’t seen you in ages.’ He was completely toasted. He didn’t even realise I’d been gone for a week. He bought Kylie a drink and had no idea who she was. He did a Haka for no apparent reason. I told him I sold his brother’s Gemini for $500 which he thought hilarious. Kylie told him about her Hot Tip for race five. Forgotten Toliver. The Champ was mad keen for it. Apparently he’d been on a winning streak since Zippy The Pinhead. Great. Everyone’s backing winners except me!
I put the whole $500 on Forgotten Toliver on the nose. 4/1. This was it. I decided if he lost then I’d turn my back on punting. What’s the point? I couldn’t see Kylie sticking with me much longer either. I think if this loses I’ll just slink off. Backdoor it. No scene. No unpleasantness. It’ll be better that way. The thing with Kylie has been great. I wish I could’ve fxcked her but it doesn’t matter it’s still been amazing. She’ll hate me pretty soon that’s inevitable. Better to get out now.
These were my thoughts as the mobile gathered speed. Forgotten Toliver was in barrier 4 and was expected to lead. My head dropped when he came out like a slug and dropped back through the field. The booming voice of The Champ could be heard across the racecourse. ‘YOU SAID THE CXNT WOULD LEAD!!!!’ Even the indomitable Kylie was looking shaken. At the bell Forgotten Toliver was about one out four back on that small Bathurst track and I had my head in my hands. I sat back down. I didn’t even want to watch. Then Kylie gave me a jab. ‘Here he comes.’ I stood up. He’s out three wide. He was moving. Something slow in front of him he hooked four wide. He’s charging around that bend five wide!!! FXCK ME!! We’re up screaming for him!! Halfway down the straight he’s hit the front!!! FXCK YEAH!!! $2000 thank you very much!! The Champ celebrates by falling over. Kylie jumped up on me and wrapped her legs around me while I held her up by her ass. Let’s go home!
A fair crowd at Bathurst trots on a summers evening. Kylie was looking stunning. Jeans so tight she needed a coathanger through the zip to do them up. Not the fashion in Sydney back then but no one complained! I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Nor could anyone else. Even the women were checking her out. I was just about to get some drinks in when The Champ appeared from nowhere and thrust a cold one in my hand. ‘Where you been mate? Haven’t seen you in ages.’ He was completely toasted. He didn’t even realise I’d been gone for a week. He bought Kylie a drink and had no idea who she was. He did a Haka for no apparent reason. I told him I sold his brother’s Gemini for $500 which he thought hilarious. Kylie told him about her Hot Tip for race five. Forgotten Toliver. The Champ was mad keen for it. Apparently he’d been on a winning streak since Zippy The Pinhead. Great. Everyone’s backing winners except me!
I put the whole $500 on Forgotten Toliver on the nose. 4/1. This was it. I decided if he lost then I’d turn my back on punting. What’s the point? I couldn’t see Kylie sticking with me much longer either. I think if this loses I’ll just slink off. Backdoor it. No scene. No unpleasantness. It’ll be better that way. The thing with Kylie has been great. I wish I could’ve fxcked her but it doesn’t matter it’s still been amazing. She’ll hate me pretty soon that’s inevitable. Better to get out now.
These were my thoughts as the mobile gathered speed. Forgotten Toliver was in barrier 4 and was expected to lead. My head dropped when he came out like a slug and dropped back through the field. The booming voice of The Champ could be heard across the racecourse. ‘YOU SAID THE CXNT WOULD LEAD!!!!’ Even the indomitable Kylie was looking shaken. At the bell Forgotten Toliver was about one out four back on that small Bathurst track and I had my head in my hands. I sat back down. I didn’t even want to watch. Then Kylie gave me a jab. ‘Here he comes.’ I stood up. He’s out three wide. He was moving. Something slow in front of him he hooked four wide. He’s charging around that bend five wide!!! FXCK ME!! We’re up screaming for him!! Halfway down the straight he’s hit the front!!! FXCK YEAH!!! $2000 thank you very much!! The Champ celebrates by falling over. Kylie jumped up on me and wrapped her legs around me while I held her up by her ass. Let’s go home!
14 The Best Western Hotel Bathurst
Home was the BWH. As soon as we got in the door Kylie insisted on a shower. I didn’t mind. This would be nicer if we were all lovely and fresh. Just as in Dubbo I pounded a few beers and JD’s. I even brought a JD into her while she was in the bathroom. She got out and then it was my turn. I paid particular attention to scrubbing ballsack and anal regions. Brushed my teeth. Had a swig of beer straight after. Put talcum powder on my toes. When I’d finished I went out and sat on the chair.
Kylie lay on the bed looking at me. She had a towel just barely covering her. Her lovely long hair spread out on the pillow around her. She slowly removed the towel. Those magnificent teenage titties pointing at the ceiling. I sipped my Jack Daniels with relish. My Throbber was out there showing exactly how I felt. She traced her fingers around her tits then slid them lower. Parting her knees and looking straight at me. Straight at my C0CK. She couldn’t take her eyes off it. ‘OH FERFXCKSAKES SPEAR GET OVER HER AND FXCK ME!!!!!’ Before she even finished her sentence I was in that Wet Wet puss. KILL ME NOW MY LIFE WILL NEVER GET BETTER THAN THIS!!!
The next day finds Kylie and me sitting at the bar of the Imperial Hotel Bathurst celebrating our win on Forgotten Toliver and also our bedroom antics of the night before. We are like newlyweds. Touchy feely giggly and generally sickening to be with. The Champ stayed for two drinks and left us to it. I’m not too happy about us drinking in Bathurst. I feel it’s an unnecessary risk what with Kylie’s Dad in the town. With my masculine resurgence I feel I now have the upper hand in the relationship me being an alfa male and Kylie being a teenager but somehow despite my reservations I still find myself in the Imperial Hotel Bathurst. I remember having my hand on Kylie’s thigh and leaning in to tell her she sucks C0CK better than any woman I’ve ever known when suddenly I hear a loud screech. I turn around to see Edgar Schofield,the father of Kylie,and Cxnt Of Misery and accompanying him and apparently the source of the Screech an ugly middle aged Dragon by the name of Dot. I am determined to retain a dignified air and ignore these rude pests. I get in the drinks.
A schooner of New,a middy of New and two JD and Cokes please (me)
Kylie what the fxck are you doing with this man? He’s a total fxck up I’ve seen him at the Pub. He’s a mate of Greg Champion. Greg Champion is about the biggest lunatic in New South Wales so you can imagine what this dxckead is like. (Cxnt of Misery.COM)
Oh for Crissakes Edgar stop looking through your rose coloured glasses. Kylie’s a SLUT. Everyone knows it. (Dot)
**** you calling a SLUT,CXNT? (Kylie)
The Barman is just staring. “Any chance of those drinks mate?” (Me)
She’s Not A SLUT!! You know she’s only 15? (COM)
What? No way. She’s got her learners. (Me)
Actually I don’t have my learners. But I’m not 15 I’m 16. Trust you Dad to not to even notice I’ve had a Birthday. Too busy fxcking this old Boiler.’ (Kylie)
You nasty little Cxnt (Dot)
**** you calling a CXNT,SLUT? (Kylie)
SIXTEEN????!! (Me)
Home was the BWH. As soon as we got in the door Kylie insisted on a shower. I didn’t mind. This would be nicer if we were all lovely and fresh. Just as in Dubbo I pounded a few beers and JD’s. I even brought a JD into her while she was in the bathroom. She got out and then it was my turn. I paid particular attention to scrubbing ballsack and anal regions. Brushed my teeth. Had a swig of beer straight after. Put talcum powder on my toes. When I’d finished I went out and sat on the chair.
Kylie lay on the bed looking at me. She had a towel just barely covering her. Her lovely long hair spread out on the pillow around her. She slowly removed the towel. Those magnificent teenage titties pointing at the ceiling. I sipped my Jack Daniels with relish. My Throbber was out there showing exactly how I felt. She traced her fingers around her tits then slid them lower. Parting her knees and looking straight at me. Straight at my C0CK. She couldn’t take her eyes off it. ‘OH FERFXCKSAKES SPEAR GET OVER HER AND FXCK ME!!!!!’ Before she even finished her sentence I was in that Wet Wet puss. KILL ME NOW MY LIFE WILL NEVER GET BETTER THAN THIS!!!
The next day finds Kylie and me sitting at the bar of the Imperial Hotel Bathurst celebrating our win on Forgotten Toliver and also our bedroom antics of the night before. We are like newlyweds. Touchy feely giggly and generally sickening to be with. The Champ stayed for two drinks and left us to it. I’m not too happy about us drinking in Bathurst. I feel it’s an unnecessary risk what with Kylie’s Dad in the town. With my masculine resurgence I feel I now have the upper hand in the relationship me being an alfa male and Kylie being a teenager but somehow despite my reservations I still find myself in the Imperial Hotel Bathurst. I remember having my hand on Kylie’s thigh and leaning in to tell her she sucks C0CK better than any woman I’ve ever known when suddenly I hear a loud screech. I turn around to see Edgar Schofield,the father of Kylie,and Cxnt Of Misery and accompanying him and apparently the source of the Screech an ugly middle aged Dragon by the name of Dot. I am determined to retain a dignified air and ignore these rude pests. I get in the drinks.
A schooner of New,a middy of New and two JD and Cokes please (me)
Kylie what the fxck are you doing with this man? He’s a total fxck up I’ve seen him at the Pub. He’s a mate of Greg Champion. Greg Champion is about the biggest lunatic in New South Wales so you can imagine what this dxckead is like. (Cxnt of Misery.COM)
Oh for Crissakes Edgar stop looking through your rose coloured glasses. Kylie’s a SLUT. Everyone knows it. (Dot)
**** you calling a SLUT,CXNT? (Kylie)
The Barman is just staring. “Any chance of those drinks mate?” (Me)
She’s Not A SLUT!! You know she’s only 15? (COM)
What? No way. She’s got her learners. (Me)
Actually I don’t have my learners. But I’m not 15 I’m 16. Trust you Dad to not to even notice I’ve had a Birthday. Too busy fxcking this old Boiler.’ (Kylie)
You nasty little Cxnt (Dot)
**** you calling a CXNT,SLUT? (Kylie)
SIXTEEN????!! (Me)
The abbreviation of who are you is apparently too rude for the Betfair censors. Absurd.
Sorry just who are. It's pathetic. Really pathetic.
Unless we I missed it---what is the colour of Kylie npples-----she is always having a shower or topless etc --but no mention of their colour --- and it would be informative to know----
BTW --this info is Thebas bait
BTW --this info is Thebas bait
Pathetic is a bit of harsh self assessment in our opinion.
Puerile and juvenile sure, but not pathetic.
Monica Monica
Puerile and juvenile sure, but not pathetic.
Monica Monica
We mere mortals can only dream of posting literary greatness such as "Monica Monica".
I'm with Joel.
Whoopi....
Reflect
Whoopi....
Reflect
15. Orange
I’m in a brothel in Orange at the insistence of the Champ. He reckons a session here will get thoughts of Kylie out of my system. I must admit I have been moping a bit since I lost her. He dropped me off about an hour ago and promised to pick me up after I FILL my boots. I am at present Filling those boots.
I am pounding a lady doggy style without much enthusiasm and wondering if I have any Speed left.I could really use a SNORT. I suspect the lady currently being pounded has fallen asleep. Her head is jammed against the mattress and her eyes are shut. A necrophiliac would pay extra for this. I’m losing what little interest I ever had. The odour from her nether regions are none too pleasant either. Eventually I stop pumping. She wakes up and says,’That’ll be an extra 20’ and collapses again. This bitch is in a serious heroin episode. When I selected her I thought she was the best of a bad bunch but still thought she looked pretty good. Now the more I see the less I like. She is just a junkie. Probably a good sort in her 20s but a decade of abuse and she has gone downhill. Lovely tits though. Not big but a great shape. We really are a pair of losers. I give up fxcking her and tell her to finish me off by hand. I squeeze a tit while she goes at it. At first she is enthusiastic but after a while her hand slows down and her head drops. Then her head hits my hip and her hand stops completely. WTF? Her head pops up and she starts jerking again. I concentrate on coming. I squeeze her tit. I look at her. I try to imagine how hot she must have been before she became a junkie. I crack open another can of Tooheys. Then I get a EUREKA!!
I start thinking of Kylie! Within 30 seconds I’ve SPURTED!!!
‘Hey what the fxck? Haven’t you got any like ahh..radar or something so you know when you’re gonna come? That sh1t’s all over me…fxckin ****…
I watched in fascination as the Wh0re,while still holding my C0CK and covered in come started to nod off again. The eyelids slowly drooped. Then the head went down. Slowly slowly till it was touching her chest. I got up off the bed and had a shower. When I got out and dried myself and got dressed she was still on the bed fast asleep. I thought about what to do. Should I just leave her and go? Nah…that seemed a wasted opportunity. I have a look around the room and for the first time notice there is a mini bar. JACKPOT!! I start cracking cans of Tooheys and downing those little bottles of liquor. I am ASTOUNDED that they have such a thing as this in a brothel in Orange. Imagine all theCrazy C0Ckies and AG College students coming here running amok on complemenatry booze!! Anyway I’m pounding Bourbon when I notice my little angel has a wallet over there amongst her things. She is currently snoring sounding much like the 3801 steam locomotive ascending from the Hawkesbury River Bridge. I check out the wallet and see there is several hundred dollars inside. I take $100. I’m not a thief. Just taking back what I gave her. Let’s face it she was sh1t. She doesn’t deserve my money. Fxck her. I drank some more mini bar Booze then waited outside for the Champ to pick me up.
I was out there a while. The brothel is in a fairly respectable residential area. I had some more cans then went to sleep on the footpath. Bliss!
I awoke to a terrible cacophony of screaming and pain and kicking and fighting!!. The slut from the brothel must have realised I’d taken what I was owed from her wallet (she said $1500 but that’s absurd) and was screaming and kicking me while I was on the ground just as The Champ arrived to pick me up so he got in a fistfight with their security monkey and it was just a totally undignified scene. I climbed into the back of the ute with the previously somnolent wh0re grabbing my leg looking like a particularly enthusiastic extra from the Walking Dead!!
The Champ fishtailed it out of there and we added Orange to our list of Towns Never To Be Revisited!!
I’m in a brothel in Orange at the insistence of the Champ. He reckons a session here will get thoughts of Kylie out of my system. I must admit I have been moping a bit since I lost her. He dropped me off about an hour ago and promised to pick me up after I FILL my boots. I am at present Filling those boots.
I am pounding a lady doggy style without much enthusiasm and wondering if I have any Speed left.I could really use a SNORT. I suspect the lady currently being pounded has fallen asleep. Her head is jammed against the mattress and her eyes are shut. A necrophiliac would pay extra for this. I’m losing what little interest I ever had. The odour from her nether regions are none too pleasant either. Eventually I stop pumping. She wakes up and says,’That’ll be an extra 20’ and collapses again. This bitch is in a serious heroin episode. When I selected her I thought she was the best of a bad bunch but still thought she looked pretty good. Now the more I see the less I like. She is just a junkie. Probably a good sort in her 20s but a decade of abuse and she has gone downhill. Lovely tits though. Not big but a great shape. We really are a pair of losers. I give up fxcking her and tell her to finish me off by hand. I squeeze a tit while she goes at it. At first she is enthusiastic but after a while her hand slows down and her head drops. Then her head hits my hip and her hand stops completely. WTF? Her head pops up and she starts jerking again. I concentrate on coming. I squeeze her tit. I look at her. I try to imagine how hot she must have been before she became a junkie. I crack open another can of Tooheys. Then I get a EUREKA!!
I start thinking of Kylie! Within 30 seconds I’ve SPURTED!!!
‘Hey what the fxck? Haven’t you got any like ahh..radar or something so you know when you’re gonna come? That sh1t’s all over me…fxckin ****…
I watched in fascination as the Wh0re,while still holding my C0CK and covered in come started to nod off again. The eyelids slowly drooped. Then the head went down. Slowly slowly till it was touching her chest. I got up off the bed and had a shower. When I got out and dried myself and got dressed she was still on the bed fast asleep. I thought about what to do. Should I just leave her and go? Nah…that seemed a wasted opportunity. I have a look around the room and for the first time notice there is a mini bar. JACKPOT!! I start cracking cans of Tooheys and downing those little bottles of liquor. I am ASTOUNDED that they have such a thing as this in a brothel in Orange. Imagine all theCrazy C0Ckies and AG College students coming here running amok on complemenatry booze!! Anyway I’m pounding Bourbon when I notice my little angel has a wallet over there amongst her things. She is currently snoring sounding much like the 3801 steam locomotive ascending from the Hawkesbury River Bridge. I check out the wallet and see there is several hundred dollars inside. I take $100. I’m not a thief. Just taking back what I gave her. Let’s face it she was sh1t. She doesn’t deserve my money. Fxck her. I drank some more mini bar Booze then waited outside for the Champ to pick me up.
I was out there a while. The brothel is in a fairly respectable residential area. I had some more cans then went to sleep on the footpath. Bliss!
I awoke to a terrible cacophony of screaming and pain and kicking and fighting!!. The slut from the brothel must have realised I’d taken what I was owed from her wallet (she said $1500 but that’s absurd) and was screaming and kicking me while I was on the ground just as The Champ arrived to pick me up so he got in a fistfight with their security monkey and it was just a totally undignified scene. I climbed into the back of the ute with the previously somnolent wh0re grabbing my leg looking like a particularly enthusiastic extra from the Walking Dead!!
The Champ fishtailed it out of there and we added Orange to our list of Towns Never To Be Revisited!!
I remember these two from back in the day. Good blokes to have a drink with but you didn't want to get mixed up in any of their sh1t. Nutjobs.
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