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alun2005
26 Apr 16 15:41
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Date Joined: 11 Jan 02
| Topic/replies: 38,816 | Blogger: alun2005's blog
Is there anything on the tickets to the venue which says you can't have a bag of Revels out in the open during normal play?
Pause Switch to Standard View When did this "No Sweets" rule come...
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Report wisewords April 26, 2016 5:29 PM BST
LaughLaughLaughLaughLaughLaughLaugh
Report ccd April 26, 2016 7:18 PM BST
The fine print on reverse instructs audience members that sweets must be extracted from wrappers between frames. However, they may be sucked and digested during normal play. Those attempting to eat crisps will be removed from the arena and executed.
Report gentlemanjohn April 26, 2016 7:34 PM BST
Actually i still have a crucible guide book from the 90s and it clearly states the penalty for a rustling crisp packet is a choice between spending an entire session listening to Dennis Taylor jokes through your earpiece or execution. Since nobody ever chose the former option it was quietly deleted sometime in the noughties.
Report ccd April 26, 2016 7:38 PM BST
The basement if crucible is full of dead bodies on account if this legislation. Dennis Taylor has been trying to cover it up saying they were old golf buddies of his covalescing in a special hospital somewhere.
Report gentlemanjohn April 26, 2016 7:46 PM BST
I have serious doubts its a mere coincidence that all those bodies are buried directly beneath Table One where all the monstrous kicks have been happening.
Report ccd April 26, 2016 7:48 PM BST
Haha. Yeah definately one for Mulder and Scully. Darn angry poltergeists!

I actually observe the sweet rule at home - makes me feel like I'm there.
Report gentlemanjohn April 26, 2016 7:58 PM BST
Its as good as Murphy and his polished balls anyway i reckon.

I'm forced to watch the snooker on my pc in the evenings as the tv is commissioned for soap operas, so i go into my little office and mount my PC on the green baize card table, a nice touch i think you have to agree!
Report alun2005 April 27, 2016 12:19 PM BST
I must say I'm quite warming to this new Year Zero Hardline Crucible that's currently prevailing, reminiscent of Pol Pot's Cambodia. Only this morning I've heard the referee barking instructions at various recidivists to stop taking photos, and some hapless stooge was instructed to close a door.

More of this please.

I'm saddened though to see they still HAVEN'T acted on one suggestion I made a few years back. I proposed that anyone entering the sacred portals of the Crucible in a replica football top should be escorted from the premises by gunpoint, and taken in a secure vehicle to a big detention camp a minimum of 150 miles from the venue, to be held indefinitely and without trail. At present I believe this scheme is only operated on Finals Night, instead of being rolled-out for the entire tournament. 

Any other evidence of the new Hardline Crucible, please add them here.
Report alun2005 April 27, 2016 12:21 PM BST
Just as I was finishing the above posting, the referee barked at someone to put his mobile phone away. I hadn't realised that on the ticket it would have said 'Mobile phones had to be kept undercover at all times'.

These Crucible tickets are rapidly becoming a literary epic with all the new instructions. No doubt printed on Size A4 paper.
Report ZenMaster April 27, 2016 12:33 PM BST
The BBC were contemplating coverage The Saudi Snooker Championships, but there was an incident of an old lady being dragged outside and flogged for holding a tube of smarties.
Report gentlemanjohn April 27, 2016 1:31 PM BST
Some encouraging signs there alun but I was worried the whole thing was in danger of descending into anarchy when I saw people waving "ton up" and even "nice shot" placards. Assuming they're not home made, it seems this activity is not only tolerated but actively encouraged. So penalising individual members of the audience simply wont be enough here. I believe heads must roll (literally, like down the crucible steps leading to the tables, like that scene in Apocalypto) at the top of the association to make sure this devilish scourge is stamped out for once and for all.
Report alun2005 April 27, 2016 2:33 PM BST
Couldn't agree more John. Thank you for this rare and lone voice of sanity. You are indeed a Gentleman sir.

The merriment, banner-waving and consumption of comestibles should cease (preferably encoded into English Law) at the very moment Rob Walker (or his stand in) leaves the arena after the intros. Then nothing but silence, with draconian measures taken to protect it.

No-one should be allowed to enter or leave once Rob departs ( preferably wearing Old Trusty) the stage. It's too bad if anyone keels over, or needs the toilet, they'll have to wait for treatment until ALL session frames are completed. On BOTH tables. All doors to remain locked and closed, with no-one to leave or make phone-calls in the mid-session interval. 

All these progressive measures should be outlined (amongst the many others) on the back and front of the tickets.

The sooner some much-needed discipline is introduced into this beleaguered event the better.  I haven't seen Apocalypto, but it sounds like they had the right idea.
Report ccd April 27, 2016 2:39 PM BST
Next year audience members will only be able to communicate with these signs. Cards bearing messages such as 'i'm enjoying the special atmosphere here at the crucible' and 'this arena really comes into its own at the one-table stage' will be issued at the door. The earpieces must remain on at all times - after play a voice will instruct them on there opinions and their interval behaviour.
Report gentlemanjohn April 27, 2016 3:30 PM BST
The head rolling in Apocalypto is purely sacrificial rather than penal, but I still believe it could have a role to play at the world championships. A new spectator guide book should be drawn up, running to 500 pages or so, and a set of multiple choice questions issued to every ticket holder before entry. The 10 worst scores then would be automatically selected for sacrificial head rolling before each day's play, ensuring those remaining have a better grasp of the various Crucible no-nos. (A particularly nasty set of questions would be given to season ticket holders, including several trick ones, just to get rid of the guy in the Coventry shirt).
Report alun2005 April 27, 2016 3:42 PM BST
I just hope 500 pages is big enough to contain this comprehensive set of rules, particularly when one considers the protocols regarding the "Frame-Ball Clap". That's surely a good 200 page thesis just in itself? Maybe sanity will prevail and the book will be printed in quite small text.
Report gentlemanjohn April 27, 2016 3:52 PM BST
My bad, when i referred to 500 pages, i didn't make clear that i was only referring to the index.
Report thepunter April 27, 2016 8:09 PM BST
Clapping should be forbidden as well. Cost higgins 2 frames this evening alone.
Report alun2005 April 28, 2016 12:56 PM BST
The day of the semi-finals dawns.

Is there ANYTHING, ANYWHERE as clean, pure and wholesome as a one-table Crucible situation?  The table presented in perfect condition, placed perfectly centre-stage in the silent and spotless auditorium.

I pray to Allah today that NOTHING is allowed to sully this perfection. There can be no possible excuse for noise, dirt or any other reckless act in such a Holy and Inviolable environment. Anything that DOES try to shatter this Heaven on Earth must surely face the full force of the sword.

Crucible Akbar !!
Report ccd April 28, 2016 1:50 PM BST
Ha! I think chair restraints should be brought in at this stage. They will be loosened by remote control to allow for a maximum of 4 hand claps at regulated moments of play.
Report alun2005 April 28, 2016 1:54 PM BST
And presumably tightened at anything resembling a 'frame-ball clap' moment?
Report alun2005 April 28, 2016 2:17 PM BST
Horrible horrible scenes as we hear a thuggish roar encouragement for Angles after his dreadful start.

The Cathedral of the Crucible is wasted on oiks like this. These nefarious recidivists are the same sorts who would go to another Yorkshire Holy Site, the sacred Betty's Tearooms of Harrogate, where they would be seated in beautiful clean surroundings, be fed delicious Scones and Butter, be watered with refreshing Yorkshire Tea, and at the end of their stay (after leaving a derisory tip) they would depart loudly, probably belching or breaking wind violently as they did so.

The sooner we have legalised euthanasia in the UK the better.
Report ccd April 28, 2016 2:24 PM BST
I just want to see the crucibilites or 'drudges' as they will be called battered into a state of mute contrition by a volley of legislation from on high. Best of order at the crucible should be exrcuciating to endure.
Report gentlemanjohn April 28, 2016 2:35 PM BST
I believe there is a device that can be fitted to people's palms that is designed to pump 3000 volts through on impact, such as clapping, and would work very well at the crucible. Seeing the fried husks of clapping offenders scattered around them, little puffs of smoke trailing towards the hallowed crucible ceiling, would certainly act as a deterrent for others tempted to follow suit. I hear it has been trialed very successfully in North Korea.
Report ccd April 28, 2016 2:36 PM BST
Pre-tournamount camps would be brought in to prepare the drudges for what will be a severe and unrelenting test of human endurance. I want JV to have to say "It's like Guantanamo Bay in here - and rightly so"
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