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02 Mar 08 12:36
Date Joined: 10 Jan 08
| Topic/replies: 132 | Blogger: Yahoo's blog
"If you hold your throw, you never know"
Pause Switch to Standard View John Gwynne- Favourite quotes
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Report Far From Trouble May 25, 2008 10:39 PM BST
I vote "If you hold your throw, you never know"

Report Yahoo June 11, 2008 1:27 PM BST
Report honestcl June 13, 2008 8:29 PM BST
Just sitting here with Gwynny and he's been chuckling at this thread while we watch Big Brother Eviction. I don't like BB myself but he insisted we watched as he had a bet. I asked what the best bet was to win a few quid. With a wry look in his eye he spoke with wisdom, "If you back Mario to go, you never know."
Report honestcl June 13, 2008 8:37 PM BST
Seems Gwynny is a non-stop betting man. He even bets on the weather. Just had 200 on Britain's hottest day and then a cool 500 on there being a White Christmas. As he said himself, "If you back snow, you never know"
Report honestcl June 13, 2008 8:59 PM BST
honestcl 13 Jun 21:29

Just sitting here with Gwynny and he's been chuckling at this thread while we watch Big Brother Eviction. I don't like BB myself but he insisted we watched as he had a bet. I asked what the best bet was to win a few quid. With a wry look in his eye he spoke with wisdom, "If you back Mario to go, you never know."


He's incensed. Kicking off big time after the shock of 1.03 Mario not getting evicted.

"That Scouse ho, has cost me my dough!!!!"
Report Howdi June 13, 2008 9:29 PM BST
standard dropped.
Report King Cally June 13, 2008 10:12 PM BST
standard maintained at **ing low imo
Report Princesse D'Anjou June 20, 2008 3:48 PM BST
On Steve Drowne for top jock at Ascot he just said "if you backed Stevo, you may win dough"
Report bigtime July 8, 2008 12:44 PM BST
On one occasion when Phil Taylor took a couple of ladies back to his caravan, he invited John Gwynne to accompany them asking him to lighten the mood with some light-hearted commentary.

The first lady went down on The Power, initially at a frenetic pace akin to Co Stompe at the oche, John observed, but after holding her position for longer than a leg in legends darts, the other girl grew restless and asked Oldham's finest son....

"Will he ever come?"

John responded: "If you hold your blow, you never know."
Report scottish_tipster July 8, 2008 5:01 PM BST
Eric Birstow once asked Mr Gwynne if he would ever come back from dartitis, John repiled "if you hold your throw, you never know".
Report spiller1 July 9, 2008 8:21 AM BST
For all those knowlegable people on this forum one does apologise in advance.

But for all those less knowledgeable people I felt it necessary to highlight the following:

In times gone by (most particularly the 1920's) it was customary for no foul language in public places.

It was common for the lads down the ale houses to get out of their trees on the strong hop ales. When this occured their tounges would become slack and the language would increase.

Well one day Lord Harry Crapington, well known govenor of the streets declared no more foul language.

The lads in the pub then devised what is know as buzz words; these are words with other meanings. (a sort of slang) Well one of these buzz words was "throw". The throw was actually another name for**

Now lets fast forward to the PDC a couple of moths ago:

Gwynne and Sid were in the modern day ale house (the wine bar) talking about the past and present.

All of a sudden they both overheard Muttley calling Bingo a w#nker.

Well this got them both talking about the subject og wa#king.

Sid turned to Gwynne and said I haven't done it in years cos the old boy won't play. To which Gwynne replied "if you hold your throw -you never know"

This is a true story.
Report spiller1 July 11, 2008 10:59 AM BST
I was actually asked if this was true. LOL
Report Far From Trouble November 2, 2008 11:32 PM GMT
thread of the year imo
Report spiller1 November 3, 2008 9:51 AM GMT
Agree - Congratulations to Yahoo for starting such a wonderful thread.


We still have a few months till 2009 but this thread will take some beating.
Report Far From Trouble November 16, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
I was discussing my fantasy football league team with him for a suitable choice for a defender, as I was stumped on who to pick.

Straight away he said "If you pick Yobo, you never know"
Report Ron Nasty November 16, 2008 8:01 PM GMT
gary mac phoned dennis wise for some advice as leeds are in a bit of poor form. dennis suggested a new addition to the coaching staff.
gary asked if he had any ideas of former team mates who might fit the role, dennis replied "if you go with the flo, you never know"
Report Statattack November 16, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
thread is Different Gravy
Report Ron Nasty November 17, 2008 12:43 AM GMT
john was asked if the cowboys have a chance against the skins
"if you've got romo, you never know"
Report Far From Trouble November 19, 2008 12:04 PM GMT
Report Screw Loose November 19, 2008 12:21 PM GMT
I bumped into John a few months ago as I was crying outside an MTV Music Awards Show. I told him I had lumped my Befair balance on a mainstream American Rock group at 1.10 for the lifetime Achievement award after reading a PHREE MUNNEY FRED by John Odwyer, only to find out from fellow forumites that said poster couldnt pick his nose.

John, ever the gentlemen, told me: 'If you've backed Toto, you never know...'

Having been cheered up by John's kind words, I thanked him and ran back inside, only to see them beaten into 2nd place by Rick Astley. :(
Report spiller1 November 19, 2008 7:49 PM GMT
Report Far From Trouble November 22, 2008 11:11 AM GMT
just got off the phone with John, after discussing the card at Haydock today, as I was having doubts about the favourite in the 14.25.
He said "If you back Kauto, you never know"
I'm now lumping on, genius is Mr Gwynne
Report Ron Nasty November 22, 2008 5:03 PM GMT
funny that about kauto but he did get his football right today
i asked him if i should go to the bank and withdraw and put the whole lot on liverpool. he wasn't so sure about the team selection and told me that "if he doesn't pick alonso, it's a definate no no"
Report thegame November 29, 2008 8:13 PM GMT
With the X Factor final in a few weeks time John was asked who he fancied to take the crown and he replied:

"If you back Lorenzo, you never know"
Report Pendle Witch December 18, 2008 7:47 PM GMT
John was asked to be Father Christmas at a childrens party.
When they asked if they could have the presents they wanted, the maestro said
HO HO HO, You never know.
Report Ron Nasty December 19, 2008 3:43 AM GMT
do you live in pendle witch?

you might live near me

i have a feeling i may have an std, i asked john what the symptoms were. he said, "if you've been bummed by christiano, you probably allready know"
Report Howdi December 19, 2008 6:29 AM GMT
they get worse but legendary thread
Report BoyWonder07 December 19, 2008 6:50 AM GMT
I was talking about who has the greatest body of all time with my mate a couple of weeks back, the usual names Beyonce, Carmen Electra etc came up when out of nowhere John entered in a robe and slippers and uttered some words of divine insperation: 'if you've seen her show then its Marilyn Munroe'... i thought he made a great point.
Report Ron Nasty December 19, 2008 1:35 PM GMT
when asked what he thought of the maguire v burnett match at the snooker this week he remarked, "if you did your dough you wern't in the know"
Report EarlyBath December 19, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
Is the great man on tonight? Havent heard his dulcet tones. I didnt know he wouldnt show.
Report Far From Trouble December 30, 2008 10:22 PM GMT
Report Win only - Sp only December 30, 2008 10:24 PM GMT
Report tezley snipes December 31, 2008 12:00 AM GMT
On a recent trip to Norway I was in a bar and spotted a lovely looking tall gentleman giving me the eye. My mate spotted this and seemed to recognise this blond haired adonis from somewhere. Sensing I could get lucky, my mate said "if you hold Tore Andre never know"

Taxi for Tezley!
Report tezley snipes December 31, 2008 12:03 AM GMT
We then moved onto Japan, same scenario, this time the bloke eyeing me up was a little smaller. Cue afore-metioned mate "If you hold never know"
Report Far From Trouble December 31, 2008 12:05 AM GMT
I was discussing the Taylor/Stompe quarter final with him tonight at the Ally Pally - I asked him for advice on what to bet on.

He said "If you lump on Co, you never know"

cracks me up does Gwynny
Report tezley snipes December 31, 2008 12:08 AM GMT
Was speaking to him just the other day about the current plight of Man City. I think they should keep faith with the current squad but Gwynney had other ideas

"If they get rid of Jo, you never know"
Report Ron Nasty December 31, 2008 12:11 AM GMT
i dont know if iv'e used this one before but anyway

i was talking to john to get ideas on being an campaigner for world peace, but i'm not really sure if i'm cut out for the job. i have travelled the world like the post 2 up and explained this to john. having done so john thought i could do it, he said "if you've been cabbages yoko ono, you never know". :)
Report spiller December 31, 2008 8:13 AM GMT

Report Gerry Gows Lad December 31, 2008 8:20 AM GMT
Was at the pub quiz with John were asked for name of former Cuba leader, he said ' Hold on I know, its Fidel Castro'
Report Jeeves December 31, 2008 8:54 AM GMT
John Gwynne was at Goodison park on Sunday.

I asked him whether Fellaini will be any good.

John replied:

"If he shaves the 'Fro, you never know"
Report Jeeves December 31, 2008 8:59 AM GMT
I was out with friends and Gwynne before christmas.

we saw a fella in a wheelchair who was pretending to have no legs.

Gwynne knew this having seen him before on a previous night out.

When asked for spare change Gwynne flipped and shouted:

"If you have got legs you get no dough"
Report bushy December 31, 2008 10:52 AM GMT
I've been watching darts for many years and have always found it a fascinating sport to watch, mostly because of the psychological angle. A less-skilled arrowsmith can overcome a superior opponent through being stronger mentally, though of course a bit of luck always helps as well.

What really makes the drama of the sport work is that players take it in turns to start legs and so they'll usually be favourite when they "go first". The stronger player is of course very likely to win "his" legs but the weaker player is still often better than 50-50 to be victorious when he has "the darts". This dichotomy is, I believe, central to the sport's appeal.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was watching the other night when a commentator suddenly came out with something that brilliantly encapsulated everything I've written above. I'm not exactly sure who it was that uttered this gem, but I believe it may have been John Gwynne. What he actually said was:

[Edited by Betfair Customer Services]
Report max1million December 31, 2008 11:22 AM GMT
Yesterday's Yellowhammer pun came close but there was one time when he said "if you hold your throw, you never know" and that beat all, had to have hernia surgery after i stopped laughing :^0
Report trademark December 31, 2008 12:41 PM GMT
Sitting in the commentary box with Gwynny last night at the Pally when the brunette walk on girl comes over and starts giving me the eye. Now i'm no oil painting but I thought I may have a chance with her when Gwynny turned to me and said,
'If you ply her with Ouzo, you never know'.
Report bigtime December 31, 2008 1:05 PM GMT
Have only caught bits of tourny this year and havent heard JG utter the immortal line yet? Has he said it much?
Closest I heard was the other day when apparently there was "Nothing iffy.....about Smiffy"
Report Far From Trouble January 2, 2009 2:03 PM GMT
Report Far From Trouble March 9, 2009 12:27 PM GMT
I was sat down on a bench in town the other day, reading the Racing Post trying to solve the C0ral Cup, when I received a tap on my shoulder. To my surprise I turned round to see Gwynney stood there.
He said "If you back Psycho, you never know".
A shrewd man is Gwynney B-)
Report Dogster March 9, 2009 11:51 PM GMT
A welcome return for THE thread of the 21st century.
Report kirsner March 10, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
Report kirsner March 10, 2009 1:49 AM GMT
:( :O :S :P :S
Report Will I ever learn? March 10, 2009 4:10 PM GMT
I was doing a sponsored walk in the vast wastelands of Dubai recently.

Having been on said adventure for over 10 days I was starting to feel a little frisky and in need of a bit of action.

After a while I stumbled upon a tent with what looked like a young bird lying on the floor. On further inspection I was unsure if it was a man or indeed a female that I had been craving for, due to the ninja mask covering the face.

After a few minutes gazing at the tight figure hugging garment that was adorning the sleeping, potential beauty, I decided to leave.

Just as I was about to go I heard a voice shouting out from within a wicker basket.

I could be wrong, but I was sure it was the guy I used to hear on the darts.

"If you see a camel toe, give it a go!!"
Report Ron Nasty March 10, 2009 4:40 PM GMT
a friend of mine was talking to john and he asked him if he would win RON NASTY'S WILBURY WONDERLAND, TOMORROW @ 8PM ON CHIT-CHAT, he said he knows all the wilbury songs and quite a lot of dylan and petty too. john could only reply "if you know ELO you never know
Report Pendle Witch March 10, 2009 5:18 PM GMT
The Oxford/Cambridge boat race was fast approaching and the Oxford lads asked John for some advice.
"If you hold your row, you never know" was what he told them.
Report eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee March 11, 2009 4:36 AM GMT
I recently bumped into big JG at a CACSARA convention (the Cider And Central Southern African River Appreciation society.

When I asked him for advice on my next trip, JG mused

"If you drink Strongbow, sail the Limpopo"
Report Far From Trouble June 29, 2009 11:59 PM BST
Report AIDSMcGUG June 30, 2009 2:24 PM BST
Report Far From Trouble December 19, 2009 6:21 PM GMT
Report Jeeves August 16, 2010 3:28 PM BST
I asked John Gwynne about the possibility of Kirk Shephard actually winning a leg in a one sided final recently.
Among the fine pearls of wisdom offered throughout the match he came up with this cracker:
"If you hold your throw you never know"

I cryed tears of joy and I think I creamed my kecks a little.....
Report Miami2017 August 18, 2010 1:58 PM BST
In the 70's, Lionel Richie was experiencing a crisis of confidence. At the time, Mr John Gwynne was working as a psychiatrist. He approached a sullen Richie in his dressing room, who couldn't even be bothered to do his hair before a show. John handed him a comb and said "If you comb your fro, you never know".
Report Win only - Sp only August 18, 2010 5:57 PM BST
An old favourite, love the way the original poster also posts a few later to indicate it was a gag all along Laugh
Report onehundredandeighty August 19, 2010 12:49 PM BST
My favourite ever thread by a mile
Report Far From Trouble December 14, 2010 11:30 AM GMT
Report Far From Trouble December 14, 2010 11:33 AM GMT
I was working as Santa in a grotto on Saturday afternoon when lo and behold John Gwynne walks in and comes over to me! Starstruck, I couldn't think of a word to say, until John piped up:

"If yo ho ho ho, you never know"
Report Randle P. McMurphy December 14, 2010 4:48 PM GMT
Love it! Laugh
Simplistic Gwynne. hahaha
Report darkie returns December 17, 2010 9:32 PM GMT
On Lloyd match just been said"If you hold your throw then you never know". By Harrington to Gwynne
Report Far From Trouble December 18, 2010 12:22 AM GMT
Report Randle P. McMurphy December 18, 2010 10:29 AM GMT
I was at a christmas party with my good friend John Gwynne when i noticed a gorgeous girl.
John turned to me and said "if you get her under the mistletoe you never know"
Report i think i have a problem December 18, 2010 8:06 PM GMT
i love the way gwynne tries to say every sentance in one breath no matter how long!
Report Beat-Nick December 22, 2010 4:44 PM GMT
I Think He Shud Say "This thread shud go, Dont Ya Know"!!!
Report Nilsson Schmilsson December 22, 2010 6:34 PM GMT
i was playing a christmas handicap game last night and i was struggling to say the least. Luckily i have john's number so gave him a ring during the piss break.  He told me about about a new technique being used at the Ally Pally that improves ones play as well as **** up the opponent. he thought i should give it a go and he told me "if you strike a blow, you never know" 

it worked and i went on to win 3-2 Grin
Report darkie returns December 29, 2010 10:35 AM GMT
Report Alearm December 29, 2010 2:01 PM GMT
John Gwynne favourite line:

"If you hold you throw, I believe you never know"
Report Nilsson Schmilsson October 6, 2011 4:37 PM BST
a couple of years ago a favourite player of mine was trapped in his hotel after london had experience the biggest snowfall since kingdom come. the problem was that he was due to play his first round match of the world championship against young dutch fatty toon greebe that very same night.

He sought the advice of Gwynne about what he should do as he faced elimination without even tickling one bit of tungsten. John after a few minutes mulling over the dilema with a glass of wine gave him the best advice he's ever received...

'if you trek through the snow, you never know'

(the last post on page 3 brought back some bad memories Cry )
Report Lori October 6, 2011 6:58 PM BST

That one NS?
Report Nilsson Schmilsson October 6, 2011 10:46 PM BST
Laugh thats the one, i remembers it well
Report viva el presidente! October 6, 2011 10:53 PM BST
"I resign, and promise never ever to come back."
Report DartsnBooze October 8, 2011 6:39 AM BST
Hahaha Lori. The pic says it all. It's good to see the return of this old chestnut Grin
Report Nilsson Schmilsson December 27, 2011 4:34 PM GMT
Report DartsnBooze December 27, 2011 4:37 PM GMT
haha Nilsson, i was also looking for this thread Grin
Report onehundredandeighty December 27, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
Silly Grin
Report STEPTOES YARD December 27, 2011 4:46 PM GMT
loris pic of part flagging down a taxi was the highlight of that xmas for me

pathetic isnt it CryLaugh
Report Nilsson Schmilsson December 27, 2011 4:58 PM GMT
only slightly
Report patches December 27, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
years ago john used to bet in my bookies also used to phone a few bets through , nice bloke , i also sponsored a darts night with him , his saying was you've got to be innit to winnit , he also said when i'm famous i'ii say if you hold your throw you never know.Grin
Report patches December 27, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
years ago john used to bet in my bookies also used to phone a few bets through , nice bloke , i also sponsored a darts night with him , his saying was you've got to be innit to winnit , he also said when i'm famous i'ii say if you hold your throw you never know.Grin
Report DartsnBooze January 1, 2012 5:48 AM GMT
I was on the bus to town when an old drunk jumps aboard without paying. The driver lets him off the fare and carries on, but some of the old ladies start to bitch n moan. Out of nowhere John Gwynne appears and politely tells the ladies, "if you drink your booze you're bound to lose, but if you hold your dough you never know."  Coat Grin
Report onehundredandeighty January 1, 2012 11:07 AM GMT
I was due to drive to London to visit some relatives for the festive period but really fancied a drink and didnt particularly feel like driving there so went down the local for a swifty when i bumped into Gwynney.I told him the situation to which he replied "If you drink the schloer,you can drive to Bow"

Report frogamatic January 1, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
I was trekking in the arctic when the ice I was on broke off and I was cast adrift. Starving hungry and desperate,  I spotted a polar bear floating by on another iceberg. He smashed a hole in the ice with his giant paw, put his head in the hole and came up with a fish. "If I do that will I catch a fish too?" I asked him hopefully. He replied

"if you holed your floe, you never know"
Report DartsnBooze May 9, 2012 3:14 PM BST
Off topic...I'm looking for the brilliantly funny thread detailing the old days of working in a bookies that was linked her. A pointer would be much appreciated.

In the meantime here's this beauty again! Grin
Report Nilsson Schmilsson June 2, 2012 7:47 PM BST
while many are not very hopefull about englands chances at the euros, gwynny is optimistic, he said 'if you have defoe you never know'
Report DartsnBooze March 21, 2013 1:16 PM GMT
Any excuse to bring this old diamond back. Get posting Grin

Sky Sports has decided to slowly faze out uncle Gwynne by giving him less and less air time.
Like most darts commentators he grates with outlandish bollocks.

He gave us the immortal catch phrase "If you hold your throw you never know."
Sky's own (clean) version: "You're way to old now off you go."

I enjoyed his darts ramblings for many years. It's not the end as he still reports on football matches in the north.
Report Nilsson Schmilsson March 23, 2013 3:52 PM GMT
john's assignment for this weekend has been postponed, when asked if it might be off next weekend too he said, 'if there's lots of snow you never know' Cry
Report STEPTOES YARD July 28, 2013 8:09 PM BST
If yer hold yer throw, its time to go ...
Report Nilsson Schmilsson July 28, 2013 9:00 PM BST
when asked what an unsporting c**t may do to try and put his opponent off on a crucial double in a major final, john words of wisdom were, 'if you give a sarcastic clap, he may flap'
Report Far From Trouble July 28, 2013 9:09 PM BST
Great thread Grin

Would say my favourite is "If you hold your throw, you never know"

Surprised this hasn't been mentioned yet tbh
Report DartsnBooze December 26, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
I caught the great man uncle gwynne on the box this evening. He was doing a roll call for the charity golf event featuring ex footballers associated with soccer saturday on sky sports. I lip read him saying "it's far easier to score a goal, than putt a ball into a hole."

Happy Christmas John! Grin
Report DartsnBooze December 22, 2014 3:57 PM GMT
ttt with Sir John of Gwynne Cool
Report STEPTOES YARD December 18, 2016 9:12 PM GMT
Wonderful to hear Uncle John on comms this afternoon,. HOO HOO HOO
Report marychain1 December 19, 2016 4:50 PM GMT
I remember once when John came out with the classic comment of "If you hold your throw, you never know". Legendary.
Report wondersobright December 19, 2016 7:26 PM GMT
perhaps I am mistaken but I thought JG had packed in comms for the darts??

pleased to see him doing them Happy
Report STEPTOES YARD December 19, 2016 8:45 PM GMT
Yes wonder, pretty sure he said he was packing up couple of years back.

Great to hear him on again.
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