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madsimon
26 Nov 09 21:00
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Date Joined: 10 Jan 02
| Topic/replies: 2,349 | Blogger: madsimon's blog
players must remain quiet and orderly except when appealing as a quiet appeal will never be given out

Having 'tea' is always more important than playing cricket

There is a tension in the air a minute before 'tea' to see if it is at all possible to bowl another over before the great ceromony of 'tea' takes place . A clock is always shown -if it as a weathervane attached all the better

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Replies: 45
By:
Rampant Rabbit
When: 26 Nov 09 21:01
what do they have at tea? Is is scones and pastires and clotted cream and earl grey tea?

or is it musli heath bars and carrot juice?
By:
GrimReaper
When: 27 Nov 09 08:52
I stopped reading when you used the word "rules".
By:
good value losers
When: 27 Nov 09 09:39
:^0
By:
anyother
When: 27 Nov 09 09:44
don't mention clocks and weathervanes to the reaper mate .. you'd be mad to
By:
I Win All The Tim
When: 27 Nov 09 09:48
When hit by a plum LBW the batsman must either:
1. Look behind him and step forward, pretending not to notice.
2. Run forward regardless of where the ball lands

When players are running and there is a possible run out oppertunity, Bumble has to state "HE'S GOTTA GO"

During a half decent test match, commentators must state at least once "this is real cricket" and put down T20 cricket.
By:
I Win All The Tim
When: 27 Nov 09 09:50
Whenever a new player is brought into the team, the commentators must bring up when Strauss included Darren Pattinson in the squad, and what a huge mistake this was, dispite the fact he actually played better than most of the other bowlers.
By:
crookedarm
When: 27 Nov 09 15:38
England may only elect to take the final batting power play of an ODI if both batsman in a partnership have been at the crease for at least 10 overs and are 'in'. Otherwise it may only be taken at the last possible moment when a minimum of 8 wickets have been lost.
By:
chart rundown
When: 27 Nov 09 18:57
Slip fielders who drop the ball must remain lying on the ground motionless for at least 30 seconds.
Out fielders who drop easy catches must retrieve the ball and throw it back to the keeper ten times quicker than they normally would.
By:
good value losers
When: 27 Nov 09 19:02
whenever a bowler bowls a bad ball he must turn and stare accusingly at the footholds :^0
By:
unmatched yet again
When: 27 Nov 09 19:17
no matter how much of a chucker a bowler is the icc declare his action legal if he is from sri lanka
By:
Mellor
When: 27 Nov 09 21:09
when you have an lbw decision that is clearly missing leg stump, you must describe it as 'sliding' down leg. If you use any other verb, you will be shot.
By:
Mellor
When: 27 Nov 09 21:20
if you work for cricinfo and the bowler beats the outside edge, you are obliged to use a feline whisker analogy
By:
Lix
When: 27 Nov 09 21:20
Fast bowlers are either 'bang it in, hit the deck bowlers' or 'skiddy, kiss the surface' types.

There is no other type.
By:
Mellor
When: 27 Nov 09 21:22
Lix.
There are also wicket to wicket bowlers - the others just hurl it off the strip
By:
d13phe
When: 27 Nov 09 21:22
if an aussie/saffer claims a catch

stand your ground
By:
Lix
When: 27 Nov 09 21:25
Nah, wicket to wicket bowlers aint fast . they're just dobbers like colly, dwayne smith etc..
By:
Mellor
When: 27 Nov 09 21:31
i know - wasn't saying they are fast, just sayng they are tagged and named as such and not really sure what it means, apart from a phrase thought up by someone to describe a rubbish part time bowler that at some time, on some wickets may appear to be effective
By:
Innocent Bystander
When: 28 Nov 09 04:49
When Pakistan lose, someone will appear on here and say they threw the game
By:
mittheimp
When: 28 Nov 09 05:07
no.142

no matter how many times a bowler has been cleared as having a legal action, bitter cricket supporters from other nations must continually, to ad nausium, harp on about him having an illegal action, possibly coz they are too stupid to understand all the scientific evidence that supports his legality.
By:
Gin
When: 28 Nov 09 17:44
CMJ WILL stitch snipers up at least 5 times during any given test match.
By:
Gin
When: 28 Nov 09 17:47
There are ALWAYS good reasons as to why an asian team will win - reasons that absolutely DO NOT apply to non-asian teams in the same situation.

Well according to one forumite anyway ;)
By:
Super Vixen
When: 28 Nov 09 18:06
Whenever Malinga comes on to bowl, within 5 seconds of his first ball someone will post "How can he be allowed to bowl - he chucks it!"

And my personal favourite...

When Hawkeye shows an LBW shout hitting - I repeat HITTING - leg stump, some commentator will say excellent decision there, ball just clipping leg....
By:
michael knight
When: 28 Nov 09 18:28
When a fielder claims a bump catch it's 'against the spirit of the game'; when a bowler makes an lbw appeal knowing full well the ball pitched outside leg it's just 'part of the game'.
By:
Lori
When: 28 Nov 09 18:58
- If a delivery goes down legside in a limited overs game, the Keeper must take a diving catch and then appeal loudly in an attempt to make the umpire forget the wide.

- If a batsman hits the ball towards the ropes in the air in a match where the commentators are merely pretending to be at the ground, the correct way to relate this to the scorer is to shout "It's in the air" really loudly as if it wasn't blindingly obvious.
By:
the butterfly collector
When: 28 Nov 09 19:05
every 4 or 5 years england will have a good 6 months in one dayers an everyone will start saying now they are a proper one day team before embarking on a run that sees them win 2 of the next 20 internationals
By:
anyother
When: 28 Nov 09 19:44
anyone posting búll** on the ckt forum will bee seen to by the forum mafia ((( :0 )))
By:
timbo86
When: 28 Nov 09 21:30
When Paul Collingwood is 5 not out out off 18 balls in a 20/20 match he must be described as nuggety!!!
By:
Greaves Machine
When: 28 Nov 09 22:01
Any messages relayed to Pakistani batsmen during drinks breaks are from bookies and not their captain or management.
By:
michael knight
When: 28 Nov 09 22:04
unwritten rule no 98745 - all pakistani captains and management ARE bookies.
By:
Jontyblade
When: 28 Nov 09 22:07
the ball will be called a cherry or a pill ( god knows why )
By:
anyother
When: 29 Nov 09 00:12
cos its red and round perhaps ?
By:
naive
When: 29 Nov 09 07:24
if any of you know the works of the mighty Peter Tinniswood, you might enjoy "the crimson rambler".
By:
thehoops
When: 29 Nov 09 09:15
a new nut - thats what i use for a new cricket ball
By:
bigjoe
When: 30 Nov 09 08:05
Always rejoice in injun loss .... never rejoice a win for them :)
By:
smeagors
When: 30 Nov 09 10:01
:)
By:
smeagors
When: 30 Nov 09 10:15
:(
By:
roland of gilead
When: 30 Nov 09 10:42
As an Englishmen, cricket match celebrations should escalate in the the following order of importance;

3. England beat any team bar the australians.

2. Australia lose any cricket match in any form.

1. England beat Australia.
By:
Smalltime Punter
When: 30 Nov 09 10:57
Whenever Ian Bell/Owais Shah/Ravi Bopara/whoever is batting at 3 for England fails*, at least one of the following solutions will be leapt on by the forum with the alacrity of a lion that has just spotted a three-legged antelope:

1. Bring back Ramprakash. This will continue to be the preferred option until, and quite possibly after, he is dead.

2. Move KP up to 3. Obviously his weak points (driving at full, swinging deliveries, and getting in a mess against fast bouncers) are less likely to be tested out there...

3. Pick Rob Key and make him captain.

* 'Failure' is deemed to be not scoring at least one hundred in every three innings. Making a crucial 70-odd in an Ashes decider counts for nothing. And it's no good trying to get ahead of the game with 3 hundreds in consecutive matches - that gets you 2 games grace, max.
By:
Waugh of the worlds
When: 30 Nov 09 15:38
No. 553
When hitting the ball out of the middle of the bat it will be referred to by the commentators as being hit out of the screws or out of the meat or a cracker.

No. 554
When begining a test match in Australia, England shall begin proceedings by bowling the first ball to second slip.
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