Does anyone live in Durham?

Roger Whittaker left the place years ago.

Chester Le Street has a station.

I'm not going to Durham, Ontario ffs!

Does it? My niece said the funeral was 15 miles from a station.

Mountset crematorium, Chester Le Street.

Is it not both a town and a street?

I can obviously check with British Rail or whatever it's called now, but would appreciate some advance info.

Address:
Ewehurst Road
Dipton
Stanley
DH9 9JP


Tel - 03000 269 714

Theres a direct train from Leeds to Chester-le-street every two hours.

It's on the A692, and looks to be roughly 8 miles from Chester Le Street station.

Go on the A693 through Stanley.

Ah, that's useful pants', cheers.

For £500 (pensioners rates) I'll get up early and chauffer you there in my car.

I can get a taxi for less than half that.

Aye and wae a mair pleasanter driver as weel.

Chauffeur & minder - luxury car - what do you want - blood ffs?

Aye and wae a mair pleasanter driver as weel. Wink

You're too old to mind your manners , spelling'.

Thought I'd done everything right with the wife .
Birthday tomorrow. Present duly bought and left on dresser with card as per norm.
What's that? she asks
Yer birthday present for tomorrow says I all smug.
Very good she says adding as she walks away only 9 days too early.

F*cking cheek, it's £550 now.

I'm well behaved, ask Pumphol, Josey Wales, Sevenone, Studyform, Galloping Carrott, Gogoidle, Fenway, Paddy Hair, SDK, Curious Cat, Aspro, TheCoat, mad mad moon, Buffy, Donemylot, and there may be others. 

This forum is only anonymous for halfwits with no friends, like that akabula bloke

From my memory trains don't call in that often at Ch-le-Street station.

Most of them you've mentioned are getting counselling.

multiple bookies, an artist, a hotel owner, a pub owner, a shop owner and a film star are among that lot.

Trains from York to Chester Le Street start at about 6.30 am, they are usually every 2 hours but increase at Peak times to Every Hour?,

Chester Le Street is on the Mainline, so can be accessed from 7.30 am to about 10.30 pm

gods own country, well apart from the general broke ar&e nature of much of it

Thanks sid', but I appear to have the destination wrong.

Funeral is on the outskirts of Dipton, about 10 miles from Durham, then it's on to the golf club, and then my sister's at Stocksfield in Northumberland.

So I'm getting a train to Durham from Leeds, and a taxi to the crematorium.

Looks like I'll get a train back from Newcastle after a taxi there from Stocksfield.

Won't have much change from £200

spellingandgrammarchecker   
14 May 15 00:15 
Address:
Ewehurst Road
Dipton
Stanley
DH9 9JP
Tel - 03000 269 714

^^^  That's the address of the Mountsett Crematorium.

On satellite view it's not in Ewehurst Road, it's on the main road, the A692.

Only a hundred yards difference though.

New price includes collection from your home, then to funeral, golf club and a visit to your sister, then back home the same day. 

Not £1200

Not £1100

Not even a grand

Not even £900

It's bargain week.

No tips required, I'll feed myself at a steak house, AND you get the choice of CDs to play in the car for the journey, and it takes 6 at a time. You can even have hip-hop, and I'll wear ear plugs.

All in, a dirt cheap once only offer of £775.

I'll even pay my own speeding tickets (should I get any) can't be fairer than that.

chester le street has a station, not all trains stop there

the station has a ticket office and is found under chester - le - track

the staff are always most helpful and you can phone them on 0191 387 1387



buses run from chester le street , and are about 5 minutes walk from the station

Stocksfield has a station as well.
Northern Rail run trains into Newcastle every hour.
It only takes 30 minutes and costs about £6.
Probably quicker than a taxi into the city centre.

stockfield is renowned as a swingers village btw

If you're travelling on your own, get a train as far as Darlington then take buses from there.

.
http://www.networkonetickets.co.uk/tickets/explorer-tickets

Just £9.70 all day in the area you are looking at.

You'll have BPSA afterwards ( bus passenger sore arse ) but you might anyway if stocksfield is as dodgy as morpeth says.

THE PINK PANTHER

Durham Durham
Durham
Durham Durham Durham,Durham Durham

DEE DEEDLY DEE DEE

morpteh macken

stocksfield is renowned as a swingers village btw


ha ha, I distinctly recall you telling me that about 7 vyears ago.


Thanks guys, but I have to do it my way as far as travelling is concerned. I need to be at the crematorium by 11.30 am

forum comic

New price includes collection from your home, then to funeral, golf club and a visit to your sister, then back home the same day.

I get a lift to golf club and a lift to my late sister's house.

£100 quid and you're on.

or 100 quid or £100

sorry kenny mann,didnt read you were off to a funeral

£100 quid?

Re-arrange these words into a well known phrase:   

off

fack

no prob's Greg.

Northern monkeys turning down 100 bar for a days work. What is the world coming to?

ha ha, I've now got a lift back from Newcastle,just have to get to Durham from Leeds, then a taxi to funeral for 11.30am.

pantsonfire
Northern monkeys turning down 100 bar for a days work. What is the world coming to?

I'm not a norverner, facking cheek.

I have no moustache, curly perm or flat cap, and I don't race pigeons.