Survival Tips

Its a good job i carry a spare hosepipe with me just in case.

Yeh, like you'd have a hosepipe handy.

I sell hosepipes if you are interested

A condom can hold an enormous amount of water, if you're caught in a desert, at an oasis, have an urgent lunch appointment some distance from the oasis and don't mind drinking spvnky water.

have you found my stash, minj?

A wet suit gives good protection from stomach acid if you're swallowed alive by a whale.

The urine of a healthy man is sterile and can be drunk if you're in dire need of water. Female urine is unlikely to be sterile for reasons that need not concern us here.

Regarding the hose pipe problem...The intelligent ones will use the shower hose or the hose from from one of thos shampooing thingies.
The sarcastic ones are gonna die. Goody! :D

If you ever find yoursel in Harlem, New York, wearing nothing but a sandwich board proclaiming 'I hate n i g g e r s', make sure you have a gun taped to the inside of a board.

If your plummeting down in a falling lift at 3,000 miles an hour simply jump up just before it hits the bottom and you will be ok.

wur :^0 :^0 :^0

Tru. I saw that in the 'Road Runner' cartoons.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Worst-Case-Scenario-Survival-Handbook-Handbooks/dp/0811825558

good book on such things