Lets talk sex

but was it enjoyable lozzy?

I expect a mature and interesting discussion by the way.

on the living room settee with someone's wife while the husband was sleeping in the bedroom(sober)

perhaps not strange but dodgy

Not strange, just disgraceful.

punter,

Was that dodgy or doggy ?

just dodgy

fallon, maybe it was attracted to your worm?

did she finish you off fallon?

I once had a good fυcking in the woods, until I heard a shotgun, had to put a stop to it

blimey what a thread

Do censorship rules not apply to you punter?

I cant type **ing

doesnt look like iit

fυcked a woman on a beach once, not a good idea

A sandpit is not a beach

tut tut

fõck
cõnt

Just testing

lol

should be ashamed punter lol

regarding the living room incident?

well I didn't ** on anybody

still , and sex on the beach dearly me

Strangest place - Redditch

Glossy :^0

17 foooked gfriend , she gets p1ssed fooked her mate , then had both when they sobered up ...............happy days

pulled a chick, went down on her, and her clung tasted and smelt like turd

Sounds like a slip of the tongue

haha, think she was a front wiper tbh

Glad she found you for a change, imo. :^0

thats a foul thought, hope that doesnt ever happen to me

its ok, i like poo

so you just went and carried on?

of course

lucky for you, you found your ideal partner that night

haha, sure did. nah i made my excuse's and chucked her out

Thats the spirit :)

whats ur strangest EE?? the whole of the gooners team and wenger and rice, with wilson watching??

:^0

I pulled an Eastern European lass last summer. Her English wasnt great but she was a real stunner.

Went back to hers and the morning after her dad walks in on us......

Not a nice thing to happen I can assure you.

Especially as he was as big as Nikolai Valuev!

I love my Eastern European sorts :)

probably the strangest places for me;
a packed dorm room in japan. i think the fans hid the noise.
a graveyard, needs must and lets face it the occupants have a boring existence there.
a display conservatory in b&q.

Great stuff Ghamsty.

What u do eboue?? give him the same treatment u gave the daughter?

I shat myself whilst he shouted at his daughter.

Was very sureal.

did u run for your life?

No.

I just lied on her bed with the covers over me.

Gave her one then snuck out the back door.

quality stuff

back of a taxi with a girl i met in the pub.

this must be the only thread where ladycakes never mentioned what she was doing

U soon got over your ex then ////////////////////

strangest place ive ever had sex was barnsley.

any other 2009 freds?

Not a strange place but I once actually placed a bet whilst shagging a bird I'd been seeing for about a week.

I'd basically put a massive bet on over 3.5  goals in a Barca match, like about a months salary. She had come round unexpectedly because 'I missed you' (too clingy !) and I mentioned to her that I wanted to watch the football, that it was my favourite team Barcelona, who I loved as I thought the city was great and adored the culture (you know the normal absolute pack of lies you tell at the beginning when you are pretending to be someone you arent)but Id have it on just in the background as it was 'great to see you'.

Reluctantly she agreed but we got chatting and she started asking me lots of questions about he city, where Id never been which was awkward, anyway Barca went 1 up early and scored again after about ten minutes. We then started getting it on about 25 minutes into the match, and we were on the settee when Barca went 3-0 up shortly after

Now I am one of lifes layer offs of bets and particularly cos it was a massive bet I was desperate to protect myself.

However, we were literally mid shag so I couldn't exactly stop and say 'hang on a minute I just want to lay my bet off', as obviously  I shouldn't have even been aware of what was going on in the match as far as she was concerned.

The alternative was to sort of speed it up and shoot my load quickly, nip to the bathroom and lay off the bet, but at the start of the relationship you like to pretend you are a bit of a stallion and actually care about her being satisfied.

I saw my laptop nearby so said to her "Shall we watch a bit of porn whilst we're shagg1ng", she was a bit unsure but agreed.

So quick as a flash I switched her into doggy style and got the laptop so she couldn't see the screen, went onto betfair and laid off to guarantee not losing my stake.

I then quickly put Redtube on and passed her the laptop to put in front of her and then carried on as before but with a satisfied feeling knowing that the bet was safe and she was none the wiser.

Footnote: Barca conceded a goal shortly after half time, though my own clean sheet was long gone by then.

Lol brilliant mc560. P1ssin myself

multi-tasking

Getting a BJ from a Mecca cashier who was under the counter, while I was serving a customer in the morning before racing started.

Escaping from an upstairs window in my undercrackers and shirt with the rest of my clothes in a bundle under my arm, when a husband came home early from night  shift. Falling over and landing in a bed of nettles nearly two feet high. My best mate thought it was hilarious as the nettles were in his grandads garden (he had the downstairs flat) and he was supposed to have cut them down for him two weeks before this happened.

Servicing a young filly in the second reception room in her parents house, while her parents watched television in the other room, when the family dog, a german shepherd, came in quietly, and stuck his cold nose up my arse crack.

Pulled into a lay-by in Essex at about 2-00 a.m. when the bird I was with decided to start groping my meat and two veg while I was driving, after that I didn't want to wait until we got home. Suitably mounted on my beef lance, we started our performance and the windows soon steamed up, then there was a knock on the window and a torch shining in. I wound down the window and a member of the Essex Constabulary asked her if she was okay. She said she was, and then he asked me 'Why did you park in this lay-by?' I answered, laughing,'Have a guess.'  It was only then that he said I had pulled in behind a parked 20 foot container, and did I see it before I puiled in to the lay-by. I replied 'Of course I did.' He then said it had no cab on the front, and was in danger of being stolen, or opened and robbed. 'I was a bit too busy for that.' I smiled. 'I've got your number.' he said, smiled at my bird and said 'Goodnight miss.' and went on his way.

You are a sad lad, John, what have you gained from posting that on here? Goodnight.

Servicing a young filly

groping my meat and two veg

. Suitably mounted on my beef lance,



Dreadfully written.
Which 1970's mag. did you  pick this crap up from.?  Colonel Blimp type, trying too hard to sound  down and dirty. Must be in your sixties !

is emma spencer due servicing? X

Ye would have to be a midget and speak with an Irish lilt to get in Emmas cabbage patch..

As i only qualify on one count, no chance for me either..

Facts
16 May 14
04:00 Joined
Servicing a young filly
groping my meat and two veg
Suitably mounted on my beef lance,
Dreadfully written.
Which 1970's mag. did you  pick this crap up from.?  Colonel Blimp type, trying too hard to sound  down and dirty. Must be in your sixties !

62.
What were you doing at 4-0 a.m. apart from reading 40 year old soft porn mags?

Confessions of a taxi driver.