In 1926. In Sydney. In Glebe. My Grandfather Invented Fellatio.

Later that evening (closing time) he returned from the Ancient Briton only to find his wife in the same unappealing condition. He sat down with a beer and weighed his options. He was horny. A few schooners and thoughts of the delectable barmaid at the AB had only made it worse. Denied entry to the front door he briefly considered an excursion down the back alley. He quickly dismissed this folly. Only P00fs done that. Also he knew Grandma would never agree.

BOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!! He'd stick it in the GOB!!!!!!!!! EASY!


Apparently it happened. He was quite proud of it. Laying there dying of cirrhosis of the liver his face lit up when he described to me the first time Grandma sucked him off. I will always remember his blow by blow description of him convincing my Grandma to be the first ever woman to suck a c0ck. I won't divulge the whole transcript just my Grandma's responses.

Grandma: Of course I love you.

GM: I'd do anything to make you happy.

GM: You want me to what???!!

GM: You gotta be kidding me?

GM: Are you outta your fxcking mind???

GM: Let me get this straight. You want me to put that disgusting looking thing that you p1ss out of in my mouth until you ejaculate??

GM: So what happens when you do your thing?

GM: Spit or swallow?? Are you serious? Can you hear yourself? I think I want a divorce. You are sick.

Last night I was out on the front lawn enjoying a beer and admiring the collection when I decided to urinate on my favourite urination plant. I looked up and saw the most amazing firework I've ever seen. It was travelling quite quickly across the sky blazing away in a mostly green colour. I pondered on how a firework could travel horizontally when I'd only ever seen them ascend vertically. I also wondered at the distance travelled. It seemed a long way. Anyway I had Triple M Classic Digital pumping out some CHOONS so I soon forgot about it.

Today I see in the news that it was a meteor. Cool!!

Cool!

I also thought it quite large for a firework but without knowing how far away it was it's difficult to judge. I didn't think it was a meteor because it was so low down in the sky. I imagined people reporting UFO's.

I wonder where it was going

It blew out. Extinguished. Just like a firework.

It blew out. Extinguished. Just like a firework

Who ?--your grandfather----?....after your grandma did it!?

Lately I've been trying to work out the percentage of coins that have actually been tossed. I'm thinking more coins get tossed in western democracies where gambling is accepted and sporting contests use the coin toss or often people engaged in a Devils Threesome may toss a coin to decide who does what as opposed to Muslim countries where games of chance are frowned upon or Third World nations where coins are often eaten as a vital dietary requirement of zinc and iron and copper and lead. It's a monumental task.

Who gives a toss

Very clever!

My wife is on a Sons Of Anarchy Binge. I am on a Beer Binge.

Does Beer have a gender?

Spent quite a long time uploading some photos yesterday only to discover zero result today. Very frustrating.

KAMI, please never stop being you.

Your quite marvellous ridiculous musings give me reason to believe there's still a reason to believe in mankind!

Let's have a bit of Happy Talk from Captain Sensible, another wonderful bod!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWydBxScoWM

The Captain went one step too far for me with Happy Talk. Judging by the comments he sounds like a top bloke.

I always loved WOT!!  Gotta love a pom!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF-nbNSQaGc

Hello Kami, how are you?

I have a bit of a dilemma

Actually it's not really a dilemma, more of a predicament.

No it's not even that, it might be a quandry

*quandary

Though I think it's not even that

I'm listening.

As you may or may not know, I have been in FNQ for the last month or so. Reading the cairns post there was a lovely Mongolian woman who kindly gave her mobile number in the paper each day. I was going to give her a call but didnt get a chance. Now that I am back home I was still reading the paper to see if she was still after the company I was willing to provide. She didnt appear for weeks but just today I saw an ad for a Russian girl who looks suspiciously familiar.

If I had your way with words I could explain it better, but I'm starting to believe these escorts are not all they seem.

Either that, or Russian ones are more popular than mongolians

Why didn't you respond to the Mongolian while you were in FNQ?

Btw I just read that a couple of Australians won the Mongolian Derby!!

I wasn't alone when I was up there, however when I move up there I will.

They did indeed. Kieran Maher was supposed to go up there but broke his leg or something so had to pull out. I'll probably be spenidng Christmas up in Mongolia. You should come. When are you heading to England?

2020


What do you mean "move up there"

Bad Company - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kEDa6bXnA8

Are you going to visit Tommy?


As you know I live in Melbourne. I want to move up the Cairns region.

Yes I hope to visit Tommy.


Cairns is my nightmare.

It's a nice place.


Why are you waiting til 2020?

I don't like hot weather.

The Rugby World Cup is in Japan in 2019.

So I'll wait till 2020 the Wallabies tour the UK around October or November. Tour around the UK and watch a test match on Saturdays. Will be in Germany Austria Czecho (whatever that's called these days) before that.

Where are we going to stay in Japan? I know a good pub in Tokyo.

Not going to Japan.

Just got back from a big slap up Fathers Day lunch. Maccas!! I had a small McOz meal. I saw they were $5 and I thought that's a bargain but when I ordered it the girl said it's $5 before 2pm. Whatever. $10.20. I haven't had a McOz for years. It was good.

When I approached the counter I was elated to find it empty but just as I got there a little fellow of an ethnicity I've mentioned many times on this Forum jumped in front of me. I groaned inwardly. I have much experience of these people and knew this wouldn't be good. He didn't disappoint. Despite Maccas being around for about 50 years - no doubt the most famous fast food restaurant on the globe - this guy was totally FLUMMOXED by the menu choices. He made jerky gesticulations and asked questions so unintelligible the poor girl behind the counter stared back in wide eyed confusion. He was soon joined by his diminutive wife who, unable to offer any meaningful contribution, lapsed into treating me to a wide variety of stomach churning noises emanating from her nose and throat.

It could've been worse. It could've been KFC. No one on the planet can understand the menu there.

Both terrific establishments. KFC menu is not hard at all, I used to order the 3 piece feed box which is quite nice. These days I tend to order the Zinger box. Upsized of course.

When you have the first piece of KFC it's like My God this is SOOOOO Good. Then by piece three you're thinking My God this is SOOOO Greasy and disgusting I can't have anymore.

Have you completed your Coles Mini Shop collection yet Kami?

Completed and sold on Gumtree for $1450.

SUCK SH1T SERENA

I watched the MELTDOWN again. What a despicable human being. I feel sorry for the actual winner of the US Open - probably the best moment of her life - being robbed of her glory by this disgusting shameless self aggrandiser. It's pathetic that she's not called out and really grilled by someone -anyone - to really answer for her behaviour.

SUCK SH!T SERENA!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine winning the US Open and being in tears and apologising for beating the BUSH PIG? It's just disgraceful.

Apparently the boss of the USTA said Serena had displayed class and sportsmanship!! These people are living in some kind alternate world where reality doesn't matter. I despair for the future of humanity.

Shouldn't that be sportswomanship. Sexist!!

I was thinking that too!

Peter Corris died the other day. If you've never had the pleasure of reading a Cliff Hardy novel I strongly suggest you try it.

I was so happy to see the All Blacks lose and then I had to watch the Wallabies.

I'm thinking of buying everything I need for the rest of my life right now. At 2018 prices not 2028 or 2038 prices. 30 years hopefully. So I'm going to buy about 100 undies,50 t-shirts,30 track pants,30 shorts,5000 rolls of toilet paper,200 cans of baked beans,one condom,100kg laundry detergent,300 bars of soap,100 pairs of socks.


Any suggestions greatly appreciated!!

Bonds has 40% off at the moment

Please join the campaign to Free Billy

Who the fxck is Billy?

Billy 'Slats' Slater

or Billy 'The Kid' Slater

Oh yeah. He's very guilty but I think they should let him play - it's his last game and it's a GF and he's been one of the greatest players of all time.

Btw Bonds 40% off is still more expensive than Kmart.

They are more fashionable though.

Ever notice how these sexual harassment or similar charges that are 30 years old are always against really famous dudes? I never hear of someone accusing Horny Bob Matthews,retired bus driver from Lidcombe of getting his willy out at the drive in circa 1981 and strongly suggesting Sharon Prefect Jones give it a suck. Nor do I hear about poor Sharon's decades of torment and turmoil at being a victim of the patriarchy.

Good to see Easts win the GF. Slater getting off his shoulder charge problem was just ridiculous. He's the best fullback I've ever seen but I don't like him much. Plays dirty and has an attitude.

I nearly got the double but Collingwood let me down.

Thought I might buy a pack of refill razors in Coles the other day. Nearly had a stroke when I saw the cxnts wanted 35 or 40 bucks for the little fxckers!!!! WTF?? Eventually I found a pack of disposables for $4.95. That's more like it. Those six disposables will last me at least two years.

I've bought two packs of undies and a pack of socks at KMart. I'm on my way to financial security.

I'm a bit worried about dropping off the perch before my estimated time. Imagine this:

Doctor: I'm sorry Kamikazee. I think you've only got a couple of weeks. A month at the most.

Me: NO FXCKIN WAY!!! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!!! I'VE STILL GOT 150 PAIRS OF UNDIES I HAVEN'T USED YET!!?

I received an email from Repco yesterday advising me of their Black Friday sale. I glanced down at the date on the computer and saw it was the 23rd not the 13th. Hmmmm. Anyway today I was at the shops and saw Black Friday sale specials signs around various joints and I started getting really WTF? I've never heard of Black Friday before. Has some marketing guru invented a new day just to sell sh!t?? Unbelievable.

Its a yank think for the day after Thanksgiving........

So it's a marketing idea just to sell sh!t. Thought so.

Yep and Cyber Monday is on Monday too!
And then Christmas sales!
And Boxing Day!