Australian
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04 Aug 18
14:43
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Date Joined:
09 Apr 12
He didn't perform it. He received it. (I hasten to add) It was a situation of needs must. On his deathbed in 1980 he explained to me the circumstances. His wife,my Grandma,was unavoidably detained from fulfilling her matrimonial duties due to women's troubles. My Grandfather was well known for his squeamish stomach and refused to be in the same room as a woman suffering such unspeakable indignities.
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Later that evening (closing time) he returned from the Ancient Briton only to find his wife in the same unappealing condition. He sat down with a beer and weighed his options. He was horny. A few schooners and thoughts of the delectable barmaid at the AB had only made it worse. Denied entry to the front door he briefly considered an excursion down the back alley. He quickly dismissed this folly. Only P00fs done that. Also he knew Grandma would never agree.
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BOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!! He'd stick it in the GOB!!!!!!!!! EASY!
Apparently it happened. He was quite proud of it. Laying there dying of cirrhosis of the liver his face lit up when he described to me the first time Grandma sucked him off. I will always remember his blow by blow description of him convincing my Grandma to be the first ever woman to suck a c0ck. I won't divulge the whole transcript just my Grandma's responses. |
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Grandma: Of course I love you.
GM: I'd do anything to make you happy. GM: You want me to what???!! GM: You gotta be kidding me? GM: Are you outta your fxcking mind??? GM: Let me get this straight. You want me to put that disgusting looking thing that you p1ss out of in my mouth until you ejaculate?? GM: So what happens when you do your thing? GM: Spit or swallow?? Are you serious? Can you hear yourself? I think I want a divorce. You are sick. |
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Last night I was out on the front lawn enjoying a beer and admiring the collection when I decided to urinate on my favourite urination plant. I looked up and saw the most amazing firework I've ever seen. It was travelling quite quickly across the sky blazing away in a mostly green colour. I pondered on how a firework could travel horizontally when I'd only ever seen them ascend vertically. I also wondered at the distance travelled. It seemed a long way. Anyway I had Triple M Classic Digital pumping out some CHOONS so I soon forgot about it.
Today I see in the news that it was a meteor. Cool!! |
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Cool!
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I also thought it quite large for a firework but without knowing how far away it was it's difficult to judge. I didn't think it was a meteor because it was so low down in the sky. I imagined people reporting UFO's.
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I wonder where it was going
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It blew out. Extinguished. Just like a firework.
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It blew out. Extinguished. Just like a firework
Who ?--your grandfather----?....after your grandma did it!? |
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Lately I've been trying to work out the percentage of coins that have actually been tossed. I'm thinking more coins get tossed in western democracies where gambling is accepted and sporting contests use the coin toss or often people engaged in a Devils Threesome may toss a coin to decide who does what as opposed to Muslim countries where games of chance are frowned upon or Third World nations where coins are often eaten as a vital dietary requirement of zinc and iron and copper and lead. It's a monumental task.
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Who gives a toss
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 Very clever! |
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My wife is on a Sons Of Anarchy Binge. I am on a Beer Binge.
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Does Beer have a gender?
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Spent quite a long time uploading some photos yesterday only to discover zero result today. Very frustrating.
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KAMI, please never stop being you.
Your quite marvellous ridiculous musings give me reason to believe there's still a reason to believe in mankind! |
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Let's have a bit of Happy Talk from Captain Sensible, another wonderful bod!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWydBxScoWM |
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The Captain went one step too far for me with Happy Talk. Judging by the comments he sounds like a top bloke.
I always loved WOT!! Gotta love a pom! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qF-nbNSQaGc |
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Hello Kami, how are you?
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I have a bit of a dilemma
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Actually it's not really a dilemma, more of a predicament.
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No it's not even that, it might be a quandry
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*quandary
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Though I think it's not even that
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I'm listening.
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As you may or may not know, I have been in FNQ for the last month or so. Reading the cairns post there was a lovely Mongolian woman who kindly gave her mobile number in the paper each day. I was going to give her a call but didnt get a chance. Now that I am back home I was still reading the paper to see if she was still after the company I was willing to provide. She didnt appear for weeks but just today I saw an ad for a Russian girl who looks suspiciously familiar.
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If I had your way with words I could explain it better, but I'm starting to believe these escorts are not all they seem.
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Either that, or Russian ones are more popular than mongolians
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Why didn't you respond to the Mongolian while you were in FNQ?
Btw I just read that a couple of Australians won the Mongolian Derby!! |
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I wasn't alone when I was up there, however when I move up there I will.
They did indeed. Kieran Maher was supposed to go up there but broke his leg or something so had to pull out. I'll probably be spenidng Christmas up in Mongolia. You should come. When are you heading to England? |
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2020
What do you mean "move up there" |
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Bad Company - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kEDa6bXnA8
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Are you going to visit Tommy?
As you know I live in Melbourne. I want to move up the Cairns region. |
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Yes I hope to visit Tommy.
Cairns is my nightmare. |
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It's a nice place.
Why are you waiting til 2020? |
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I don't like hot weather.
The Rugby World Cup is in Japan in 2019. So I'll wait till 2020 the Wallabies tour the UK around October or November. Tour around the UK and watch a test match on Saturdays. Will be in Germany Austria Czecho (whatever that's called these days) before that. |
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Where are we going to stay in Japan? I know a good pub in Tokyo.
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Not going to Japan.
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Just got back from a big slap up Fathers Day lunch. Maccas!! I had a small McOz meal. I saw they were $5 and I thought that's a bargain but when I ordered it the girl said it's $5 before 2pm. Whatever. $10.20. I haven't had a McOz for years. It was good.
When I approached the counter I was elated to find it empty but just as I got there a little fellow of an ethnicity I've mentioned many times on this Forum jumped in front of me. I groaned inwardly. I have much experience of these people and knew this wouldn't be good. He didn't disappoint. Despite Maccas being around for about 50 years - no doubt the most famous fast food restaurant on the globe - this guy was totally FLUMMOXED by the menu choices. He made jerky gesticulations and asked questions so unintelligible the poor girl behind the counter stared back in wide eyed confusion. He was soon joined by his diminutive wife who, unable to offer any meaningful contribution, lapsed into treating me to a wide variety of stomach churning noises emanating from her nose and throat. It could've been worse. It could've been KFC. No one on the planet can understand the menu there. |