JOHNNY DRAMAS ****** ADVENTURES

The Girlfriend Experience      Part 2

Directly after meeting Two Can Dan and his cousin Vic and Jenny I contacted F**. It sounded like an easy gig and the money was good. Actually she was a bit peeved about taking on a customer for a week GFE style it would inconvenience regular bookings and such. But she agreed. The four of us met in the BeerGarden the following day. It was a success! Vic,and more importantly,Jenny,both loved F**. Drinks flowed and the conversation was breezy. Times and dates were agreed upon. I Texted Two Can that it was all on and everyone was happy. That was a Sunday afternoon.

On Tuesday afternoon I got a call from Jenny. I was momentarily thinking who the fxkk is this? She said she was a bit bored and lost since Vic was off having his GFE with F**. How about we meet up for a drink? Ok. We have a couple in the BeerGarden then she wants me to show her the naughty boy nightlife of *******. OK!! FXKKING HELL this BITCH IS WILD!!! We PARTY like crazy she jumps up in bars and dances with the girls and she dances GOOOD she's actually got a FIT BODY!! It's a crazy night followed by some more crazy days and nights. Jenny stays with me the whole time Vic is off having his GFE. I don't think I've ever had so much sex and booze in one week!! Ok maybe I have but you get the picture.

I asked what the fxkk is this all about? She said she loved Vic and all but he was just such a dud in the bedroom. She was hoping a Thai bird could open him up make him less inhibited. And I was just here to clean her pipes out a bit,so to speak!!

The four of us met up at the BeerGarden the following Sunday. I must say Vic looked like a new man. F** gave me a knowing look. Jenny was all over Vic. Almost teenagey. Very touching. We had a few drinks and everyone was lovey dovey. Well,not me and F**. We were professionals. We waved off Vic and Jenny as they walked down the soi. Vic squeezing one asscheek,and Jenny looking back to give me a playful wink and a tongue flash!


That's it for tonight Lads

Hope you enjoyed it

Cheers

Johnny Drama

great stuff!

crazy isn't it johnny

ah well .. i always love a read so hang in there JD

and take copies this time

if the moderators don't contact you then some grub here is probably complaining

get a dozen or so posts copied

then create a new title as per Spoon's excellent DA suggestion

and paste them right back in lol

all the best in the land of F U N

The 1st amendment gave us freedom of speech ffs

Nice story johnny..
Tony Adams is the sort of puss that won't get you into trouble..
Most of the other puss has been smashed many times over

GORILLA MONSOON!


You Buy For Me?


The idiocy and the greed and the innocence of the *****-Stunners is so great that sometimes it's comical. Sometimes it's endearing (shoot me). Example:
I had been squiring an *****-Stunner around town. And everywhere we went she would say, "You buy for me?". She couldn't say much else but she could say, "YOU BUY FOR ME?" At least 10 times per day. I bought. I bought her jewellery and clothes and shoes and gifts for moma, etc. It was fun. She was a dud in bed, a personality disappointment, and had no concept of reciprocity or customer service. So why was it fun? Because of the way she looked. She was every boy and man sex fantasy dream I had had from age 14 to age 53. Just being seen with her, just having her by my side was exciting. I couldn't take my eyes off her. When my arm was around her I was transported to another world. A happy place. But 10 times a day she would say, "You buy for me?" She was like a metronome. She was like a brainless parrot. It was as if you get to spend a week with Sophia Loren or Pamela Anderson. Who cares if they're not great conversationalists. But 10 times a day she would say "You buy for me?". She would say it without thinking or purpose. It was like a hiccup. It would just jump from her throat. Absolutely no thought. No filter between the brain and the mouth.
One day we were on our way to a Temple. To access ***** Rd. from a certain direction from the **** Hotel you have to first go down a parallel side street. On the left hand side it has some nice looking apartment-condo buildings. Large expensive housing units that would make nice homes. I was asking the taxi driver questions about the apartment-condos. My honey bunny turned to me and said, "You buy for me?"
You gotta love'em. Sometimes they're endearing (shoot me)!

well the glasses would have helped spot any imperfections in that window scene ... so at $10 a steal   

More GORILLA MONSOON!!

Service


During my last 10 years in ******* I only had two sit-down meals in restaurants. That is typical for me. Each time was because I had a girl with me. Without the 'date' scenario I would have had no sit-down meals in restaurants! That would have been typical for me.
This is defensive behaviour on my part. The chances of receiving courteous customer service and the order being correctly prepared and correctly served in a typical small **** eating establishment is between slim and none. And slim just left town. If you request (demand) what you are paying for, the chances of the social situation escalating wildly and at great risk to you are greater than slim. Slim just came back to town. In short, unless it is a known situation (places I've successfully dined at before), I never eat in restaurants. Between eating off the street, Swensen's Ice Cream, hotel breakfast buffets (no ordering or food preparation required), and purchasing things at Foodland or the 7-11; all my needs are met.
When I relate this strategy to people they like to tell me what I am missing. I reply that I know perfectly well what I am missing. I am missing having my heart rate or my blood pressure shoot up. I'm am missing blindness from burst capillaries in my eyes as I try to get them to bring silverware. I'm missing a brain aneurysm or a stroke or a heart attack because when I asked for ketchup the entire staff disappeared. I'm missing dealing with **** racists who just want the money without providing goods or services. That's called theft. I'm missing social intercourse with low spark human beings who can't even pretend to care.
When I first started coming to ******** I solved these problems by just giving up, and eating whatever they brought and paying whatever they charged. Those days are over. I'm on vacation for life. It's supposed to be fun. I come to ******* with a need to eat and pockets full of money. None of the restaurants get my money. The man or woman sidewalk vendor gets my money (and tip). The food is fresh, the price is right, the service is fast, there is no bill padding or waitress attitude, and I can get a smile sometimes. Often ***** standing there waiting for their order will help me. No **** in a restaurant has ever helped me. Hotel buffets get my money. There is no middleman (waitress) so this works fine. The Swensen's on ***ch Road in ****** gets my money. They have the best customer service I have ever seen anywhere in *******. It would be called normal in the rest of the world. In fact, the experience is so positive, the establishment is so clean, and the service is so good; it's disorienting. You wonder if you are in ********.
When I started having relationships with Bargirls I thought this eating out situation might be solved. She would order. She would negotiate. Wrong. It turns out that BGs aren't anymore likely to receive the order prepared and served correctly. I also found out to my surprise that BGs aren't any better than me at negotiating with ticket agents or travel people or front desk clerks or retail sales people or catching and directing taxis and tuk-tuks. I once took an ***** stunner to ****** ***. She said she had a hard time understanding the people because they spoke *****. We were only an hour north of ****** by airplane. Jesus! So my 'guide' was useless. So as usual I had to do everything, including ordering food and trying to rustle up cutlery, napkins, condiments, salt and pepper, water, menus, etc. You'd think I was Eisenhower trying to organise D Day in these joints. All I want to do is eat. I was once in a brand new salad bar franchise on **** Road in *****. The place was clean, the food was fresh, and the price was right. After I paid at the register I asked them where they kept the plastic silverware. Academy Award winners couldn't have produced looks of greater incomprehension and astonishment. Apparently, I was the first person in the HISTORY OF THE ESTABLISHMENT who had ever asked for silverware. You would have thought my space ship had just landed on the seaside boardwalk and I had walked in from Mars or Neptune or maybe Uranus. So I took my salad across the road and sat on the wall and ate it with sticks.
So anyway, there it is Johnny. That's what I do for eating in ********. If you peek in at me some night in my hotel room and see me sitting on the bed dipping fried worms yoghurt cup, you know why. It works for me.

Just checking Johnny. It appeared to me that any name of any place in your story,is deleted and it seems very odd! Many of the gaps in your dialogue appear to be 'Thailand' or 'Thai' or the name of a bar or street etc and I was wondering if you were leaving gaps or Betfair mods were interfering? Anyway,keep up the good work, and hope you see the new year in with a bang - as it were.

A Day In The Life

Recently I was enjoying a cold Chang when I received a call from the Mamasan of a popular night spot. I was a bit surprised because it was still early and I couldn't imagine anyone needing my kind of help at this hour. It seemed she had a particularly unpleasant customer and asked if I could deal with it in my usual professional manner. Of course!

Anyway I head over there and meet up with Li,the Mamasan of the bar. Li is a Chinese lady,studiously fair in her dealings with customers,and me,and has built a reputation in the industry for integrity and honesty. That's a rare thing in Bangkok!! We are of a similar age,and though she is no stunner,she has a nice body and is an interesting and intelligent woman and I like her a lot. I sense the feeling is mutual,though I'm not %100 sure. Sometimes I think she wants to get it on,sometimes I think I am way off the mark. Anyway...

She points over to the back and I spot him instantly. Bald,huuuge gut,tattoos from ar8sehole to breakfast time. Standing over a small geezer,pointing him in the chest,swigging a bottle of lager. Swaying on his feet. The few girls that were there at that time were giving him a wide berth. I'd seen his type before. Millions of them. When I went over to him I was a bit surprised to see that the geezer he was berating was someone I knew. A Village Irregular!! Two Can Dan. You  should've seen the look of relief on his face. 'Johnny Drama thank God you're here!' The fat bald guy slowly turned around and tried to stare me out. He didn't give away much but I could tell by a couple of blinks that he was a bit surprised. Li had asked me that if at all possible could I take anything unpleasant outside. I thought this geezer might be manageable but now that I was up close I could see that he was extremely drunk,and extremely belligerent. He puts out his hand and says 'Orright mate? Wouldn't happen to be a Man City fan would you?' Part of me thinks just say yeah,Man City,and get the cxnt out of here but I've spent too many afternoons at Highbury to say such a thing and so I reply,Nah mate,Arsenal.' He flashes me a mean look and downs the shot he has in front of him.

I say to him 'dude wheres your shirt? This is a nice place here,got to wear a shirt.' He looks at me like I'm mad. He says 'why don't you and your girlfriend fxck off back to Lundun you pair of queens before I give you both a slap' pointing with a thumb at Two Can Dan which is a bit pointless because he has already legged it! Ok...I pretend my phone is ringing and I answer it. 'Johnny Drama...hey State how you going...you what...really...six girls...after dark models....course I'm up for it...I dunno...I spose I can ask this geezer here...no problem...see ya soon.' I look over at the cxnt and I can see he's been eavesdropping. I say 'thats a mate of mine he's got a party going down with some real babes. Wants me to come along. You interested?' "FXCK YEAH". 

Looks like I'd achieved my goal. Got this obnoxious obese tattooed monster from Manchester out of the club without incident. Just as Li had asked. Job done. We're on the way out when this imbecile  starts spitting at people,hurls his beer bottle and charges towards Li screaming 'You FXCKING LITTLE CXNT I KILL YOU' . Li ran for her life while I swung a haymaker at the Munchunian from behind. That had little effect except to make him turn his attention to me. He picked up a billiard ball from the table and chucked it at me and missed but the second shot got me in the chest and MAAAAAAN it FXCKING HURT!! I went straight for him then and put a left jab on him that he just shook off. These Manchester cxnts they're nearly always on drugs. He swung some shxt punches he didn't have a clue. Just a big bully used to getting his own way. FXCK THIS! THIS CXNT IS GONE! I just went up and used that 24 stone belly as a punching bag. Like Rocky pounding in the meat locker. Gotta give the cxnt credit,he stayed upright for a while! But BOOM! He went down like an old Oak Tree. The ground shook! All the punters,all the girls,even Li gave a cheer when the obnoxious sub human hit the deck. Only problem was he then vomited up about ten litres of booze!! Fxck it STANK!!! A few people wanted to give him the slipper while he was out but that's not my style. For all I know he might be a terrific bloke when he's sober. He was out of line and he copped his serve that's it. End of.

Li was extra nice after the show I put on. She wasn't the least concerned the the ten litres of regurgitated booze all over the floor. I think I even heard the word 'hero'. Apart from my fee she took me out to dinner as well. Perks of the job!

love ya work as always Johnny ...

let us all know if Li has thatglint in her eye next time you see her

JOHNNY DRAMA        The Old Flame

Part 1  Happy Days

It may come as a surprise to many readers that the Johnny Drama they know and love was not always a  sophisticated urbane gentleman, ready to help a friend and dealing with the innumerable crises in Bangkok with aplomb. No. I was once a complete fxck up! In fact it's only since I arrived in Bangkok that I seem to have found my place in the world. Here,among some of the worst examples of European expats anywhere on the globe I stand head and shoulders above all. Here I am a respected member of the community. A face on the manor,as it were. Anyway,this story takes us back to my younger days when I was not quite the man I am now.

Recently I received an email from a friend back in the UK. An alarming email indeed. He told me that an ex girlfriend of mine,Vanessa,was heading out to Thailand shortly. He mentioned to her that I was living here now and suggested that she look me up. To his surprise (and my utter horror) she thought this was a great idea and insisted he give her my details.  She was due in two days! FXCKIN HELL!!

Ex girlfriend is a description just barely sufficient to describe our relationship. Besotted doesn't even come close. She was my first love and when it was over I was affected in the most horrible way. When I met her I wasn't doing too badly. During the day I had a job selling used motors. At night I was doing door work at some clubs and generally a bit of hired muscle from time to time. I wasn't as big as I am now,it takes years to put on this much bulk not to mention the occasional chemical assistance but I was still a big lad. I'd done a bit of boxing as well so I was quite handy. In one of the clubs I sold ecstasy tabs. I wasn't on a percentage worse luck just got paid a bullseye which was still a nice little earner. Things were looking up. Then I met Vanessa!

She was in the club one night with a group of friends and marched straight up to me and asked to buy some pills. I was a bit put out to be honest. How did she know I sold pills? Was I that much of a stereotype? Oh look at the big muscly guy he must be the pill seller. Actually I was the pill seller. I know that. Yeah ok it doesn't make much sense but you know what I mean! She was FXCKING HOT! A uni student wearing some funky gear and her hair in a weird style. She tried to hide her posh accent by dropping her aitches and swearing a lot. She was actually very cool. I'd never met a bird like her before. I never met anyone like her!

Pretty soon we were inseperable. It was one of the few times in my life I had my own gaff. Most of my life I've been a couch surfer,bunking down at friends and relatives places until they get sick of me and throw me out. It was funny how I got it. A geezer owed these blokes some cash on account of some drugs he was selling. He got the drugs,probably used them himself or gave them away and never paid up. Dumb as fxck. Anyway I went over to his flat to hold him upside down and shake some money out of his pockets. He was skint,and stoned,and so scared when he saw me he literally wet his pants!  While I was looking around his digs for anything of value I thought to myself this is alright. Might have some of this. So I told the cxnt to fxck off and don't come back. So I got myself a flat. Had Bob Marley posters all over it and stank of pot but it was mine! After a while Vanessa was staying there more or less permanently.

It was the happiest I'd ever been. Snuggled up in my little love nest. The sex was incredible. I'd never lived with a bird before. There were problems though. Not that I recognised them as problems at the time.  Vanessa was a prodigious user of pills. Not to mention booze. She sometimes did outrageous things that were frankly,dangerous. Sometimes I didn't know what the hell she was talking about especially when she had her uni friends over. Which was a lot. No doubt they enjoyed the free ecstasy that she was providing. That actually I was providing. We'd get on massive binges and I'd miss work at the car lot,so often that the guv gave me the chop. I was so ashamed. That was my first proper job. My Mum was dead proud. Now I'd lost it. Vanessa didn't give a fxck. Thought it was hilarious. She said to me 'you're better off out of it Johnny. You don't want to become Arthur Daley do you".  I dunno. I always liked Arthur Daley!

One day I decided on doing a bit of home handyman work. The toilet was playing up so I decided to take off the lid thing and see what I had to do to fix it. Fxcking Hell I found a plastic bag with 1200 quid in it. The stoner must have forgotten all about it! Later that day when Vanessa got home I showed it to her and had a laugh. She was all for keeping it. Insistent really. Pleading,begging. Sure,I'd thought about keeping it. For about a nanosecond. And if I did keep it I wouldn't tell Vanessa about it. Johnny Drama's No1 rule of criminal conduct. If you do something dodgy never tell no cxnt about. Not your best mate or your brother or even your mum. Not even the bird your fxcking twice a day! The way Vanessa's gums flapped I might as well put it on the six o clock news. What about if the stoner sobers up one day and thinks 'hey Ive got 1200 nicker stuffed down the bog' and then I'm in all sorts. Now I can beat about 98% of the population in a fight but some of these geezers you just do not mess with. Some are great blokes to have a drink with.But  they could tear me to pieces. Literally. So no,I didn't keep the cash. When I returned it to it's rightful owner he gave me a ton so I was happy. Rather have a hundred and sleep at night than 1200 and be a nervous wreck.

Part 3   Reunion

After a day of getting used to the idea of seeing Vanessa again I started to look forward to it. Started to imagine how it would be. How we would be together again,happy here in paradise. Have you ever done that? Imagined how things could be? Like when you're a kid imagining you're going to be a football star. But not just the star part,all the details as well. Like killing it in your local team and getting in the junior rep teams. Then the Arsenal scouts spot you and put you in the Youth Squad. And you're there at your kitchen table signing the contract and your Mum's dead proud and she tells everyone about it. And then you actually play football and you're a total wally.

That's what it's like with Vanessa. I dream about how great it's going to be. I mean why would we she come all this way to see me if it wasn't beacause she realised she'd fxcked it up and now she wanted to be with me and make everything right? Of course a little voice inside me knew this was all bollocks. Anyway she'd been in contact and I said I'd meet her at the beergarden where the Village Irregulars hang out. It's mostly respectable,just a few freelancers during the day and if things weren't going well then one of the Lads could step in and help.

When she walked in I recognised her instantly. She still looked great! The cute little bob was gone and now she had long hair. I could tell she had an expensive hairdresser. She was still in good shape,obviously a bit thicker than she was all those years ago but still good. My heart gave a leap as I got up to welcome her. It was only then that I noticed another woman behind her. A very attractive brunette with a surly demeanour and a lot of jewellery. 'Johnny this is Jen,she's my partner.' I shook her hand and tried to smile and not collapse on the ground in the foetal position!! Partner? PARTNER????!!!!  WHAT THE FXCK IS GOING ON HERE?  Vanessa says 'You look absolutely huge Johnny! What happened to you? Are you on those roid thingys?'  I can't answer her straight away because I am occupied by chugging down an entire bottle of Chang in one go! I smile weakly and say 'oh you know,you lift steel for 20 years you get pretty big' and then belch loudly which makes Jen turn away in disgust.

It turns out Vanessa and Jen have come to Thailand to centre themselves spiritually. To awaken their souls to Eastern auras. When Vanessa heard I was in Bangkok she knew I'd be the perfect guide for them so that they could study the Western Man while he depravely gorged on the less fortunate and therefore more spiritual women of the East. Jen was apparently doing a thesis on it. Old Jen didn't say much and none of it flattering. Stuff like 'I can just feel we are surrounded by peedoes' while giving me a stern look. I said 'actually I never met a peedo here. I suppose there must be some. I dunno.' An answer that she seemed to think beneath contempt and Vanessa piped in with 'Naivety is no virtue Johnny' and I'm starting to think I got to get the hell out of here!! I see State Of Maine heading towards me with a couple of beers and I nearly sigh with relief but his radar is up - he spots the two western vipers and does a u turn! Cxnt!

My sanitised version of my life here isn't going too well either. I told them that I'm not a hoor monger but they're finding it very hard to believe. Especially when the occasional girl walks  by lets out a shriek and runs over saying 'Johnny Drama!' I mumble about how they are clients of mine that I look after but I see they are not buying it. Jen opines in a rare moment of verbosity 'you really should see a therapist Johnny. I mean look at you. Obviously a narcissist with extreme body issues. Wouldn't be surprised if there was some overcompensating going on for small penis syndrome. No doubt latent h0n0sexual tendencies as well'. Beam me up Scotty! Then I have a brainwave. How would the two lesbian feminist academics like to meet a real bargirl? Get inside her head. Find out what makes her tick. They are very interested. I phone Faa and 15 minutes later she joins us.

Now it's my turn. I sit back and watch the two lesbian feminist academics get all flirty and giggly with Faa who is an attractive and well spoken woman. Unfortunately Faa deflates a few feminist balloons especially when the mental cases start raving about Imperialism and rape. Unfortunately Faa can't stay long and when she goes I notice both women watching as she walks away. I say 'Do you want me to ask Faa if she can put you guys down for an appointment? I'm sure she'd be up for it.' The pair of them explode with indignation!! Jen says 'Oh you'd love that Johnny wouldn't you? You're probably imagining it all now. Conducting the lesbians while you decide which one you want to fxck first.'  WOW!! Is Jen reading my mind? That's EXACTLY what I was imagining!! And then Vanessa pipes up 'We're not some neanderthals that rape their way across a continent and pay a few baht to ease their conscience.'  Fxking Hell!!  I'm beginning to wonder what I ever saw in this woman. In fact the more I think about the more I realise what a bitch she was back in the day.

Then something very odd happens. Vanessa gets up to go to the Ladies. I notice she still likes to knock back the booze even if she has given up the c0ck. As soon as she's gone Jen grabs my phone and punches in her number. Then she leans over puts one hand on my crotch and plants a kiss on me. Tongue and all!! FXCKING HELL!! She sits back down and says 'call me' under her breath as Vanessa comes back. Vanessa says what have you been talking about while I was away and Jen replies 'just telling Johnny how much his bullshxt masculinity repulses me and hopefully one day every Western man in Bangkok will have his balls cut off.'  All this while she's rubbing my thigh under the table!! And then Vanessa says something even more surprising. With a little glint in her eye she says 'I dunno. I think that would be a shame. I seem to remember that Johnny Drama had very nice balls!'  FXCKING HELL!!!!!

I'm sorry Lads but there is one bit of that story that is not true. I put it there to help you understand how the day was going but it is factually incorrect. When I said that I was with Vanessa and Jen and bargirls raced over to me and shrieked 'hey Johnny Drama' that is so untrue that it is bugging me. If a bargirl that you knew in any capacity saw you with a western woman she wouldn't say boo to you. You could walk past her in the street and she would give no indication of recognition. I just put that in there to emphasise how I felt.

I had a funny thing happen the other night. A taxi pulled up and two Russian geezers got out and had obviously not paid the fare or not enough because the driver was screaming blue murder. The Russians were just laughing in that scornful way that really pisses me off. I said 'here hold this' and pushed a can of lager into a young lady's hands and dealt with it with two punches. Both body shots. I rarely hit the head it just hurts your hands too much. One body shot is all it takes most of the time. The taxi driver was delighted! Raced over and had his hands in the pockets getting his fare. And a bit extra no doubt. Fxck I hate Russians!

great reading again Johnny ... and Jen .. give her one and then fk both of em off lol 

I LOVE A MASSAGE!

I get a massage at least four times a week. It's one of the best things about living here,in my opinion,that I can get a good massage for a fraction of the cost back in the west. I hardly ever had a massage back home. Now it's part of my routine. There's nothing like a good rubdown when you have sore muscles from lifting. Finding the right masseuse was a real problem however. It took me about two months. What I didn't want was an inept rubdown from an amateur and then be asked if I want a happy ending. Sure that's fun and I had quite a few on my quest until I eventually found the right person. Her name is Sun and she is an angel. I like a good massage but I'm not so much into the Thai style stuff where they stretch your hamstrings to breaking point and do all manner of other tortures that are in no way pleasurable. I just like the bog standard stuff and Sun is an expert. Not once has she touched my c0ck or invaded my ass crack and that's the way I like it. She is a fairly unattractive woman in her mid 30s although I think she has quite a nice chassis. Her manner is professional,almost stern,and despite me seeing her innumerable times she retains an air of formality. There is no chit chat. She goes about her work silently which suits me just fine. When I leave and pay she always gives me the most charming wai.

Recently however things have changed a bit. Sun has started to chat to me during the massage. It's very alarming. She is about the worst chatter I've ever come across. It's clearly an effort for her. I had a terrible sinking feeling that Sun was either going to ask me if I wanted extras or she might just come straight out with a request for money. After about a week I knew it was coming. The chat had inevitably led to her telling me about the terrible financial position she was in. Then she touched me in a place she never had before and asked me if I wanted extras. I could tell by the look on her face that she did so reluctantly and I had no intention of changing the nature of our relationship so I said no. At the end of the session I said to Sun if you've got some problems then maybe I can help. Meet me for a coffee and we'll see if we can work something out.

Ok everyone knows Johnny Drama doesn't drink coffee so when I met up with Sun I had a lager. Sun explained to me the problem. Her son had taken out a loan for a motorbike and now he'd fxcked off somewhere with his girlfriend and left Sun to sort out the repayments. And we're not talking a finance company or a bank it's some dodgy loan shark or something. The threats to Sun are becoming unbearable,the money the cxnts want is unrealistic and she is beside herself. Requests for money from girls in this scene are ten a penny but I knew that Sun was %100 kosher. I agreed to help.

I stayed a couple of days at Sun's place waiting for a visit from the creditor. Man it's an eye opener. You don't know how lucky you are to be born a westerner until you see how the othe half live. Anyway eventually we get a visit from the man in question. He knocks on the door and I open it up. Little cxnt with his mate sitting in a car out the front. He looks very surprised to see me. I explain that from now on I am representing Sun and he will have to have any further dealings through me. Now I know everyone out there wants to hear about how I punched fxck out of him but that's not the way it went down. I've been around long enough to know when I'm out of my depth. I've known geezers like this all my life. They may have been in London and this is Bangkok but they're exactly the same geezers! I had no choice. I asked them to meet me in the Beergarden the next day. So we met. And I paid Sun's debt for her. We all smiled and shook hands and had a couple of Changs.

Yeah I know what you're thinking and you're right. I'm a MUG!! But at least I get free massages now!!

always a pleasure to find a good masseur in a 3rd world country, four for the price of one back home.

Orright Lads? Got a story for you. Stay tuned!

Part 2     FANTASIA

I suggested we move the chat over to the Village Irregulars beergarden so I could get away from the low grade skanks and hawkers that had been pestering me. Despite Elvin Hankok III being a man of means back in Georgia here in Bangers he was the target of every scammer out there. Even the Indian tailors had him in their grip! After a couple more Changs Elvin got to the real reason he wanted to see me. Apparently he was considering buying a bar here and maybe getting Poh to manage it for him while he was away. Just a little place called Fantasia. The gentleman from the Village Irregulars suggested that I should suss it out for him,make sure everything was kosher. I said to him 'firstly Elvin under no circumstances would you get Poh to manage a bar for you unless you were prepared for it to disappear in a week. Your best bet is to run it yourself or get a western manager to run it for you. I can ask around for you if you like. Secondly I never heard of Fantasia.Where is it? Who is the geezer selling it?'  Elvin described the location. I asked a few of the Irregulars that were there but none of them had heard of it either. 'The gentleman's name is Reginald Ottaway. Very nice Brit. He's a bit like you Johnny but not as big.' Reginald Ottaway?! Couldn't be. It's a name I knew from a long time ago but was too big a coincidence. I think we better go and check this Fantasia out.

Later that evening Elvin takes me to Fantasia. I confess I never seen the joint before. But there's a million bars here. I send Elvin in and hang back for 10 or 15 minutes. I am reluctant to go in just in case someone recognises me. I told Elvin not to speak to me inside. Finally I duck inside and take a seat towards the back and order a lager. There's  some nice looking girls here and quite a few punters for a small joint. A couple of girls are with Elvin and he is loving it,drinking and roaring out his huge laugh. One punter I recognise and I find it alarming. I don't know his name but he's one of those poor expats that are on the bones of his arse,no money to get home and basically living off the kindness of strangers. Seeing him here doesn't inspire me with confidence. The mamasan looks particularly hard faced. And then I see him. Reginald Ottaway. He was a bit heavier and a bit older but it was him alright. He is carrying some bottles out to put behind the bar. I swoop under the table and pretend to tie my shoelaces before getting up and making an exit,giving Elvin a little nod.

Reginald Ottaway eh? Reg. Acid Head Reg! A villain from London who I doubt has ever done a day's graft in his life. Thief,conman,sometimes a bit of muscle but not for anything serious. Sold a bit of drugs and dabbled himself at one stage hence the nickname. He was a man who had spent his life on the fringes of society. If you shook his hand you'd have to count your fingers but having said that he wasn't a bad bloke. I've known hundreds like him. One thing was for certain. He was not a man that Elvin Hankok III should have anything to do with.