The World Of Doubleagent

I don't think that'll have any influence on when this important email arrives EC ... conserve your energy .,..

i cant wait for the warmer weather
if i hear my missus complaing again, "LIH you have left the door open" "LIH you havent shut the window' i will .... dont know what. aaahhhh

Then she will be worried about the flies getting in

or out

the geckoes take care of the insects and the cats take care of the geckoes

and you take care of the Dove's.

thats true
breeding season at the moment

Welcome Disciples of WODA!.Guess what? I'm on the juice AGAIN.Back in the C0CKPIT and ready for some CHOOSDAY CHOONS!!

I'm kicking off with U2 and arguably their greatest ever CHOON 'The Unforgettable Fire'.

One of the greats Dolly Parton, inlands in the stream

Inlands? Was that CHOON in a movie?

Since OLDCROW can't be bothered to satisfy my inquiry I have now lost interest and have deleted the whole unfortunate series of posts from my memory.In my case that's not too difficult.
CHOOSDAY CHOON - U2 'I Will Follow'

http://youtu.be/FWexwyYr_gY

Chanteclare is a fellow booze hound!

Just a learner DA.

Hi Chante..... as you may have gathered, my musical tastes are wide and varied.....

Tex Perkins.... I just don't get it

Takin the piss outta Tex... not so bad

Hope I haven't told this before,

Many mooooons ago I found myself as a bar manager of a hotel in Fremantle.

The public bar was heavily populated with Aboriginals ( never seen one previously ) unless you count the

black and white documentaries shown at school.

Amongst this "interesting" mix of public bar personalities were twins, Norma and Daphne.

Taking a shine to me (as you would) they would "acquire" trinkets from retailers on their way to the pub and

with a semi-toothless grin, giggle, as they presented them to me.

THE DARK SIDE

As the day (pension day) rolled on, the jukebox would become all important for the drunken-dancing and sing-along

session that Tuesday afternoons demanded.

Islands In The Stream being played OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER with the twins leading others, in a

hugging, slurring, glass-raising, halitosis sufferers convention type singalong.



shudder, it's all coming back........that song chills me to the bone

My favourite poster has posted a post on WODA and what a post it is,indeed such a post must be posted forever in posterity!

Sounds like a classy joint Spoon.Did you ever get beaten up when refusing credit the day before pension day?
One day I was at the Crown Hotel Surry Hills at about 10am when a lady was asked to leave the premises.She did,reluctantly,and then stood,only just,on the footpath screaming,'you fvcking white cvnts go and get fvcked you come here and fvcking steal our land ya cvnts and now you won't even let us have a fvcking beer in our own country ya fvckin white cvnts' etc etc.
It was really quite amusing.

Did they have big tits spoon

Gotta love the Spoon.He posts and then he.....who knows what the fvck he does.Maybe a moth has caught his eye and he is chasing it around the house.Or he is cleaning and oiling his firearms.Perhaps he is involved in a complex mathematical problem,or maybe his medications have kicked in and left him paralysed in front of his computer,yearning to post some more but physically unable.Maybe reading WODA has given him an erection and he is frightened and confused by it's throbbing presence,terrified by it's wilful demands and unsure what to do about it.

EARLY... they were early thirties? looked like fifty I imagine their breasticles would have resembled

a pair of dugongs snuffling a sandbar.

DA, correct as usual, uncanny!! ,  I'm doing all of those things simultaneously

oh, and of course, I'm building a rocket

LOL!

Hey Spoon what do you think of Koreans? I've known about four of 'em and they've all been very nice.One in particular has become a real aussie.He follows league and rugby even cricket.When Aust play England over there he listens to it at night on the radio.
Their food is a bit sh!tty though.Spiced cabbage,fvckin hell!

How's it goin' Doubleagent ya fat cvnt?

Not good DA,thank you for asking,but I'm currently locked in FEUDS with every single member of the OZ forum except TeenBitch.

Why aren't you FEUDING with TeenBitch is it because she's been BANNED?

Nah,cause she's got BIG KNOCKERS! But I'm FEUDING with nearly everyone else.And I am being BESTED I tells ya.It's mortifying.Every Pinhead,knocked kneed,former student of Dubbo Boys High is making me,DOUBLEAGENT, look as STOOPID as There-IS-No-Spoon.

Sounds boring.Hey did you have your school reunion yet?

Nuh.But I rang one of me old mates and we decided to meet up and drink lots and lots of beer and talk about school and our adventures and then go to Village Kid's place and get him outta bed and in his wheelchair and push him through the darkened streets in a dangerous manner and laugh like HYENAS when he starts CRYING and BEGGING for us to take him home but instead we leave him on the M4 Motorway in the middle lane.

Unfortunately it didn't go like that.My school mate has turned into a BORING OLD CVNT who just complains about everyone he used to know and reciting word for word every argument he's ever had. I thought,forget VK,I'd like to throw this STOOGE into the harbour.
If only LAZZA was there to help me.

is it just my imagination or is Sam Newman, the fossil and CEO of the FARK, beginning to look like SHEMP.

I heard you've put on a bit of weight DA

if only you and your m8 had a few ripper schoolyard yarns to tell !! ...Like this one.
At junior high very's english teacher was Mr Rosenaahhl, a very correct and proper indian chap with a thick accent but with lovely proper english. Unfortunately short sighted and squinted around the front of the class wearing a coke bottle type pair of bifocals.
Very couldn't resist one morning as the strong aussie sunshine was pouring through the windows, he had his pencils in a tin box of scotch shortbreads the lid of which was quite a good reflector. Skilfully training the reflection in rosenaahls direction he couldn't quite nail it. A little white dot of light was tracing around the blackboard behiind the teacher and seemingly trying to follow his head. Some tittering was being heard around the class as the dot was homing in. Very just couldn't quite get it right... until.. bingo you fkn beauty... right into the left eyeball !! Mr Rosy suddenly staggered backwards into the blackboard with his arms suddenly clutching his left eye. An extraordinary outburst of laughter engulfed the class, honestly some of the girls must have been close to wetting themselves. Mr rosey composed himself and stood erect before the class and announced that he was going to see Mr atchison and have some discussion about this class Well he did go off and returned about an hour later very solemn. He stands before the class,which was now calm and trying hard to deliver some respect..... and announces that he has just had intercourse with the principal.
fk me..... off we go again...an unbelievable cacophany for the next five minutes.
Anyway.... the little genius somehow worked out who it was... and very had his first suspension from high school.

beautiful lol

now can we get back to the part of the story ... where the girls are about to wet themselves ... 

........ if i was confident of a lack of censorship and not wasting my time....it would be done

Great story VLTU.I like the part where the teacher stands erect in front of the class.

want to hear about the time a very young very got locked in the belfry ??

Yes.Keep 'em coming!

another unfortunate incident that resulted in young very going to school the next day with blue and purple marks all over his legs. The friendly assistant principal had turned up at his house after school to tell young very's parents that he might have some mental, or at least self control problems ........which he should be professionally counselled for. Why ?? just a fun loving kid making paper aeroplanes and flying them around the room when the teacher wasn't watching, one landed on the teachers desk as she was trying to mark some work..... that's all... and she walked straight over to his desk grabbed his arm and took him to the bell tower room. It was just behind the teachers desk in the corner of the second story room and was very narrow, cramped, dusty and had a winding stair case going up to the bell. All naughty boys had to be locked up in there until they'd had a good think about what idiots they had been. The bell tower had to be explored though... and after being locked in there for most of the morning was only natural to climb the stair case and look out over the city past the big bell. It was at that stage that young very was caught short, absolutely starting to bust for a pi..ss. You guessed it.... very thought it would be fun to see if he could make it out past the bell and into the void
I mean.... he had ot go somewhere....how on earth would he have known that people were walking past that exact spot 3 story's down and had already showered that morning.

..any Bat's in there [;)]

nah.. but i thought about giving the bell a ring and sending some unsuspecting classes out for an early lunchtime, there was some sort of mechanical device attached to it and i got worried i might electrocute myself.

classic VLTU 

a natural bodily function ... especially onset when in a frightening situation

just sing along with the following i guess ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcNcKekZkwk

Sounds like you had a hectic childhood.No wonder you put your feet up nowadays!

not half as hectic as adulthood. The amount of work the govt. makes me do ... just to put my feet up is staggering. phew i feel tired right now... it must be time for a ..

Why is your can of beer on the ground?Were you laying down when this photo was taken?

hey, that's my ten dollar st vinnies coffee table ur talking about.

Sorry Very.Looking closer I can see you clearly have impeccable taste in home furnishings.

Give us some more of your stories.Go on!

would you like to know about the first time young very did something absolutely disgraceful and unforgiveable to a young girl in his class ??













ok... i thought so... but wait i hear the case is still open [;)][;)]

I was in,I think 5th class,when I went to the storeroom with two girls.One was hot the other a bit of a minger.First we decided to look at each other's privates.When that was done the hot one and I decided to have a pash.The minger wanted to stay and watch.No amount of persuasion or threats of violence could dissuade her.
I didn't mention that the hot one was about a foot taller than me.It wasn't much fun I can tell you.I felt like a girl reaching up to pash someone bent over me while the minger did little for my confidence staring at us and passing unflattering comments.

i was told u liked 5th class so much u when and did it again

The other day I went to the shops.Just get a few things,duck into the bank,that sort of thing.Regular readers of WODA will know that this can be a bit of a circus.Everyone wants to say hello to Doubleagent,there's much handshaking and backslapping,teenage boys shyly ask if I can help out at footy training,girls giggle and ask to get a photo,housewives ask my advice on the best cuts of meat in the butchers window,stray dogs follow me,perverts stalk me furtively massturbating,you know,just a typical day in the life of yours truly.

Anyway on this particular day I felt something was wrong.I thought I heard some snickering.I wasn't sure.I checked my attire,maybe I had buttoned up my shirt wrong.I checked the bottle of beer in my hand,maybe I had inadvertently brought a cheap brand outside.Actually it was a pint glass half full of Guiness,no one could say anything about that.Everything seemed fine.I shrugged and ignored my suspicions.

When I got home I realised the awful truth.My son alerted me to it by asking,'what's that' and pointing at my ass.To my total mortification I had a very long piece of toilet paper,beginning in the depths of my ass crack and coming out the back of my pants and flowing down to the floor like a horse's tail.I put my hands to my face and dropped to my knees in abject horror!

I'll have to find some new shops to go to.

My son's a good boy you know.I was totally disconsolate about embarrassing myself in front of all my fans but he cheered me up by telling me about other equally embarrassing things I'd done.Like the time while having a haircut I spontaneously and spectacularly VOMITED 10 litres of cheap champagne,spaghetti and blood everywhere.I don't go to that hairdresser anymore!Or the time I wandered into the back of the Franklins truck that had unloaded,just for a little nap, and ended up in a place I'd never heard of,Smeaton Grange.Hee Hee I'm still barred from Franklins - I have to give my shopping list and a $20 note to strangers to get my stuff.Or the time I went into the Real Estate agents,while I was on some fairly powerful Belgian beer, and signed some papers and somehow or other they reckon I bought a 2.5 million dollar house which I dispute though I have occupied it while the lawyers and my social worker sort it all out.

So you see,a bit of toilet paper,that's nothing!




Who am I kidding,I'll never be able to show my face again.

Hey DA you dirty assed little phaggott,I got a CHOON for you,BITCH.

The Jam - Going Underground.

lol don't do the a.se wrap thing to often though, you'll start a trend... i know they'd go for it where i live and it would stop some untidiness rolling into my front yard every now and then. Theres something magnetic about an open space park and people caught short in this burb. And why do the local slu  er women need to change personal items so regularly in my park and why does the wind blow everything into my front yard all the time and not my neighbours

I would love your 'burb Very.I'm often needing a quick 'evacuation' while outdoors and that vacant bit of land sounds ideal.

Another CHOON for the CHOON-HOONS! Actually this one is for me old mate Very.

The Bureau - Only For Sheep


Chorus - 'Cos when you're at work you're a sheep'YEAH!!

we need english teachers badly down here. The latest black can on the park fence this morning is horrible english.

Sheral is a sl.ut
Lick her puss sie
F..k her in the asre

once the words are longer than four letters the trouble seems to start.

Are you acquainted with this,ah,SHERAL?

hahahaha....... want a date ?? nah sorry they forgot to put the phone number on the fence.

Very, do you think Debbie Harry from 'Blondie' looks hotter in the 'Atomic' video or the 'Dreaming' video?

I wonder if Sheral is that hot?

I've been thinking about buying a property lately and sometimes scan the real estate sites for somrthing that interests me.It's a bit voyeuristic looking inside other people's places.It is sometimes obvious what their ethnicity is.
I'd say less than one in twenty places I look at has a book in it,let alone a bookcase.

can't say i've had anything other than very basic thoughts going on when debra harry is on the box so couldn't answer but one thing for sure is you could walk around this burb for a fortnight and never see a blonde.... and if you did she'd be phillipina or from saigon and used a bottle of peroxide to look western. Whats that baby elephants name from melb. zoo ?? that's probaqbly the best tip i could give for what sheral looks like if she's an kealban.

How's it going DA?

Not good.I currently have a HOUSE-PEST staying with me.I'll tell you about it soon but right now I've gotta have a shower.The housepest has finally vacated the rain room after being in there the last 45 minutes.God knows what takes him so long.

Rain room Exotic shower you got there

Spurning Bears the interloper??

Nah Spoon this dude is a genuine blast from the past.He rang me up sounding incoherent and unintelligible,just as I remember him,and while saying something about 30 years since we went to school and other sh!t he somehow invited himself over for a p!ss up.
I was a bit alarmed when he rolled up with a rather large bag,and then proceeded to tell me he'd been riding the couch circuit the last few years.I wanted to chuck him out there and then,but I do detest a scene,and just as he knew and I knew it would,he's been staying with us for 'a few days'.
We used to call him Chrome Dome but this name now seems inapropriate for various reasons.It's like going back to 1986.He used to crash at our share house and bludge our beer and food and drugs and money and never leave.He is like a stoner out of the movies.He barely says anything sensible just laughs a big dumb laugh that makes you wanna punch his face in.He lives on our lounge,drinks beers from the moment he wakes up,which is never before Gary Cooper time.Whenever he resumes the perpendicular I know he's going out,and whenever he goes out he asks me for money.
He LOVES pot.I said to him no pot smoking in the house or in front of my kids.Actually my 'kids' are 20 and 18.No problem he says.That lasted two days before we walk into the other lounge to find him bonging on like Cheech and Chong.He laughs his stoner laugh you just can't stay mad with him too long.
Actually my boozing has quadrupled since he showed up.My kids love him.They think he's a complete retard.On the few occasions he speaks coherently it's only to tell old stories of MY worst behaviour back when I was a colt.One time was like a sitcom-I had to literally jump up and put my hand over his mouth to stop him revealing a particularly embarrassing anecdote!

Needless to say Mrs Doubleagent despises.

Lol, sounds mighty kind of you, DA

Chrome Dome is driving me nuts.Today I caught him using my toothbrush - I didn't know he brushed his teeth.He wants to sit with me while I watch the races.He knows nothing about horses or gambling just asks really dumb questions.I think he is hoping to annoy me so much I abandon the computer so he can get on it to watch porn.
A good housepest should be entertaining when required,unobtrusive at other times and must never leave a mess.He strikes out on all three.A boring retarded cvnt,no amount of ignoring him or being rude to him will get the message through to him.He lays around with an ever increasing number of empty beer bottles surrounding him but is up like a flash when dinner is ready.Then he stuffs himself,groans while holding his gut and lumbers back to the lounge.

He has no property,few possessions,no loans,no debt except what he 'borrows' off his 'mates' and not a fvcking worry in the world.One of the reasons I hate him is because I'm a bit jealous!

With friends like that who needs LESBIANS?

Ahhh DA, I see the champagne is kicking in.

champagne? is it an "occasion?"

Here I sit at WODA HQ,reaching out to WODA disciples across the world.It is often said these days by deluded lefties that we are all equal.Well I know,and so do the poor souls that stand outside WODA HQ,looking up in awe,that there are WODA disciples in this world and then there are the other humans.

'The Sun shines,
Having no alternative,
On the nothing new.'

It's been a busy night.I work away at the keyboard,a construction workers hardhat on my attractive cranium,a can of beer on either side and a plastic tube running to my mouth.A WODA flunky changes the empties over to fullies.An apprentice WODA flunky empties the piss bucket under the desk.

Another WODA flunky is cataloguing my tongue depressor collection.In the background the house band,'Electric Shock To The Testicles' is pumping out some ball tearing CHOONS.
There's not a moment to lose.The world awaits my text expostulations with bated breath,for hardcore WODA fans there is nothing else.

Holy SH1T!! A WODA flunky has been to the video shop and brought back GHOSTBUSTERS II. I gotta go!!!

Who you going to call

LOL!

I can't believe you're still going OLDCROW it's a marathon effort!

He's off the leash lol

He's crashed for sure!

It's a slow night so I'll tell a story from the DA archives.


'The time DA slept with his mates girlfriend'.


Her name was Lorraine and she was about 7.5/10.She'd been my mate's girlfriend for about 4 or 5 years.She got kicked out of her flat and came to stay in my share house for a couple of weeks till she found somewhere else.Anyway,she loved a drink,and so do I so after getting smashed for a few nights we beacame increasingly close.We'd sit right next to each other on the lounge,then hold hands,then touch each other up.The other blokes living there pulled me aside and said,'what're doing that's Andy's girlfriend' but I brushed away their concerns.Anyway we started fvcking.We were very guilty about it the first morning when we sobered up.Didn't stop us doing it again.And again.One of my mates dobbed us in and there was a big scene.They broke up and we weren't mates for about five years.

I've never felt all that guilty about it.Your only young once.They weren't married and never would have been.Too much is made of fidelity.Young people,male and female,should get as much as they can.One day you won't get any.You only live once.I don't regret fvcking her,but I'd regret it if I hadn't!

Your "lodger" is doing your missus in every room of the house when you "go for a walk"

It's cool though

Where do you go Spoon?I could've done with an intelligent mate tonight but you just go MIA all the time.You're not doing your best mates girlfriend on the side are you?

MIA - Guilty as charged

Intelligent mate? I see you have the trots boys ( hope you speak Hopplish ) and LE seems up for a chat

Never do that, might think about it......... but never, no.

hey doublecup, would u regret it if i told u, that u had a nice house?

I wouldn't regret it Loggy,I'd just wonder what 11 herbs and spices you were on?

Beddy bye time for me.Best wishes to all me mates out there!

Despite WODA basically being in hiberation these days I'm still kept busy with speaking engagements and appearances across the globe.I am inundated with emails from WODA fans wanting to know when I'll be in town for example:

'Hey Doubleagent when are you going to be in Sunderland? The real ale is on me!

Sincerely yours,
Geordie Hater.


P.S  I could shatter your skull with my abdominals.

P.S.S  I love you man!'

lol dont no about this

LOL LOL!! That post is sheer genius Doubleagent!! On the strength of that I will have a look at the rest of your thread...I've got plenty of time...

I know what I want to be when I grow up

The Victoria Racing Club (VRC) today announced a new five year broadcast agreement with the Seven Network, ensuring Australia’s premier racing event, the Melbourne Cup Carnival, will continue to be shown live on free to air television throughout Australia until at least 2018.

The agreement, which extends the VRC’s longstanding relationship with the Seven Network, also sees autumn’s Super Saturday, featuring the Lexus Newmarket Handicap and Darley Australian Cup, on free to air until at least 2019.

The announcement comes as the Seven Network has secured a separate landmark deal with the racing industry-owned broadcaster TVN to broadcast all major horse races annually, including Flemington’s Sofitel Girls’ Day Out featuring the Makybe Diva Stakes, Melbourne Cup Carnival Preview Day featuring the Turnbull Stakes, Black Caviar Lightning Day and Australian Guineas Day.

VRC Chairman Michael Burn welcomed the announcement.

“Racing’s fans and participants will all benefit from the landmark new broadcasting arrangements, which will provide vastly improved free-to-air exposure for the thoroughbred racing industry,” Mr Burn said.

“The VRC is delighted that the outstanding relationship we enjoy with the Seven Network will continue for a further five years at least.

“The Melbourne Cup Carnival is regarded as Australia’s largest sporting, fashion, social and cultural celebration and it is important that as many Australians as possible will continue to be able to tune into the coverage on free to air television.

“No fewer than nine Flemington racedays will now enjoy free to air coverage on the Seven Network, which has enhanced its position as Australia’s premier free to air racing broadcaster.

The extension of live free to air television coverage will allow the VRC to maximise exposure for its corporate partners.
“The VRC is fortunate to have the support of a loyal portfolio of sponsors, and it is therefore important that comprehensive broadcasting arrangements are in place,” Mr Burn said.

“Along with the VRC’s arrangements with TVN, the agreement we have reached with Seven ensures that this objective has been achieved.”

Read more: http://www.justhorseracing.com.au/general-news/breaking-news/media-releases/... #ixzz2Hx2smy2X

Catch Me - I've no idea why you've used this thread to make that post but I have enjoyed a little trip down memory lane!

'There is no sadder sight than a sober Bulldog'.I like that. The Village Kid era was quite good.

huh ?

Yeah, DA..I also re-read the opening page , like the opening of a movie, saccharine background

tune( strong on violin) as the camera view descends over a seemingly average suburban landscape. 

POLTERGEIST springs to mind

Wonder what happened to DoubleAgent

Anyone know?

MI5 only pay for results in the end .... got reconstituted, oooohhh uhhmmm is the word redundant ?? or did he jsut get bored

Spoon apparently he is locked out.

It's a shame that Da Judge and Sea The Stars posts have been deleted on here. Some GOLD stuff from those two as I recall.

sniff ....those two...

such a beautiful thing.....

till the love was gone!!!

I don't know if STS is like that all the time but he was definitely out there once he loosened up!!

loosened up their shhit slinging arm ??

They were like No-1 from the Wacky Races once the honeymoon ended.

http://www.dan-dare.org/Dan%20FRD/WackyRacesCarsAndDrivers.htm

I didn't realise they had a falling out. Shame. They could never be in the same room together though. No man made structure can accomodate such cranial capacity!!

I like this one,


DA : Greetings all from WODA HQ.Doubleagent has gone and left me in charge for the day.It's a big responsibility but I'm looking forward to the challenge.

DA :Wow that's fantastic news DA.I can't believe Doubleagent left you in charge.I mean think about it,there you are in the pilot's seat,at the nerve centre,astride the entire globe like a Master of the Universe,danger lurking at every turn,the pressure the anxiety the frenetic activity-what's been happening so far??!!

DA : Nuthin'.