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bigmo
06 Jun 11 19:28
Joined:
Date Joined: 23 Jul 03
| Topic/replies: 15,068 | Blogger: bigmo's blog
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ’Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.....

***************************************** *******************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

***************************************** **************************************

A boy asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?"

Granny replies, "f**k the pills, son, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"
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Report bigmo February 18, 2019 2:06 PM GMT
One would think that with all the money Paul McCartney has made from the music industry over the years he would put a little of it back into it, say by taking singing lessons.
Report bigmo February 18, 2019 2:08 PM GMT
I rang the police last night to report the wife had gone missing.
The officer asked, "what can you tell us about her"?
I said "she's an argumentative moody so and so that's made my life a complete misery"
He said "no sorry I meant a physical description"?
I said " imagine pat butcher wearing a Groucho Marx disguise and you've nailed it.
Report bigmo February 19, 2019 11:13 AM GMT
My 87 yr old mother gets her acronyms mixed up all the time these days. She popped into Greggs last week and asked for an LGBT sandwich.

Credit to Puncrock on Guardian comments
Report bigmo February 19, 2019 11:14 AM GMT
I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Report Hank Hill February 19, 2019 5:24 PM GMT
The deaf one Laugh

What game do anti vaxxers kids play? Marco Polio

Did you know that a cow that is talked to produces more milk? It's a case of in one ear and out the udder

Who won the Tour de France in 1940?

The Sixth German Panzer Division
Report bigmo February 20, 2019 11:32 AM GMT
Arthur is 85 years old.

He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so
bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes..... As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't
you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety-two. He can't help."

"He may be ninety-two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"

"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."
Report bigmo February 20, 2019 11:33 AM GMT
A rabbit goes into a cafe and orders a BLT toasted sandwich, he gobbles it down then asks for a cheese and ham toasted sandwich. He wolfs it down then asks for an egg toasted sandwich.

The greedy little thing throws it down his throat, pays and leaves.
As the cafe owner closes he sees the rabbit rolling around in agony and spewing his guts up.

The owner asks "What's up with you"?

The rabbit replies "Mixin' my toasties".
Report McCoy Carp February 20, 2019 1:55 PM GMT
Tramp goes into a DIY shop and asks for a bottle of White Spirit. The manager says, I'm not selling you that, you're going to drink it! No, says the tramp, what it is, is, I was lying in the gutter the other day and found an old paint brush & it reminded me of my former life as a painter and decorator before I fell on hard times. I want the white spirit to clean the brush up and make a new start. The manager, says I'm so sorry to have doubted you, I tell you what, you can have any bottle of White Spirit in the shop on me. That's jolly nice of you says the tramp, have you got a cold one?
Report bigmo February 21, 2019 12:03 PM GMT
I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Report bigmo February 21, 2019 12:04 PM GMT
I have discovered that my red Indian name is talking b0ll0cks.
Report bigmo February 21, 2019 12:04 PM GMT
Little known fact, before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to do their drinking at home.
Report Culvin February 21, 2019 3:59 PM GMT
Every Thursday ,I help out a great old fella , he must be 80 , if he's a day , at the local Church doing the gardening , and I just said to him before , "Wilf are you ok , doing heavy lifting " and he said " If I couldn't lift things that are heavy , I'd never go the toilet " . I was in bulk .
Report McCoy Carp February 21, 2019 8:28 PM GMT
Yeah, my doctor told me not to lift anything heavy, so now I have to sit down when I want a wee.
Report SlippyBlue February 21, 2019 8:35 PM GMT

Feb 21, 2019 -- 6:03AM, bigmo wrote:


I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.


Laugh

Report bigmo February 22, 2019 2:28 PM GMT
If Ryanair retains the most unpopular Airline trophy again next year, they will break the record set in 1945 by the Luftwaffe.
Report bigmo February 22, 2019 2:29 PM GMT
When archaeologists date cave paintings, do they factor in the gap between completion and when the wife started nagging the caveman to get it done?.
Report bigmo February 23, 2019 12:41 PM GMT
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom." The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the good father. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?"

"Up here - we go by results," says Saint Peter. "When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.”
Report bigmo February 23, 2019 12:41 PM GMT
As the manager of a women’s football team, I usually play with a flat back four.

I stick all the big breasted birds in midfield where they do more running around.
Report RacingCert February 23, 2019 7:24 PM GMT
Plans are already in place to bring Shamima Begum back.

Cardiff City are arranging the flight,
Prince Philip is picking her up at the airport,
The McCann's have agreed to adopt the baby,
and Dianne Abbott is organising the logistics.
Report bigmo February 25, 2019 3:14 PM GMT
To the lady in front of me driving home this morning

It's a speed bump, not a land mine
Report bigmo February 25, 2019 3:15 PM GMT
I'm not that happy about it, but I have a new job where I greet people and have to say very cheerfully, "Welcome to PC world !"

It's at the airport welcoming new immigrants into this country.
Report bigmo February 25, 2019 3:23 PM GMT
Union bosses are blaming Brexit as Honda plans to shut down its Swindon plant in 2022.


Swindon's MP Justin Tomlinson insisted the decision was not down to Britain's departure from the EU and Honda are leaving by their own Accord.
Report bigmo February 26, 2019 10:34 AM GMT
Dear Sky Sports

Could you please ensure that Graham Sounness is a pundit on every football match you broadcast?

With his friendly personality and charm, I feel the more he is in the studio the better

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Sounness.
Report bigmo February 26, 2019 10:35 AM GMT
I enrolled in a course entitled “Basic Origami for ****wits”. You’re probably thinking “Why?”
Well, the answer is twofold...
Report bigmo February 27, 2019 3:17 PM GMT
I've just tried some of the Elvis Costello's new Mediterranean sausages. They were wonderful. I think olive salami is here to stay.
Report bigmo February 27, 2019 3:17 PM GMT
HOUSEWIVES: Save money on expensive technology gadgets by changing your name to Alexa and obeying random instructions from everyone in your household.
Report bigmo February 28, 2019 12:34 PM GMT
Chelsea's manager Kepa gives himself a rest before the big game against Fulham...
Report bigmo February 28, 2019 12:35 PM GMT
First Date:
Her: Lets exchange numbers.
Me: won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
Report bigmo March 1, 2019 10:21 AM GMT
A couple from Tim Vine

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one

“Velcro? What a rip-off”
Report bigmo March 1, 2019 10:22 AM GMT
I've just met a girl who's rubbish at multiple choice tests.

She ticks all the boxes.
Report bigmo March 3, 2019 7:30 AM GMT
I'm fed up with people criticising the police force for lack of diversity.

What other employer actively seeks to give jobs to people with learning disabilities?
Report bigmo March 3, 2019 7:30 AM GMT
Just got back from my father-in-law's funeral.
Amazing man, war hero, entrepreneur, and father to three beautiful, intelligent daughters.
And the fourth one I married.
Report bigmo March 4, 2019 12:58 PM GMT
I've messed up everything I've tried to do in my life so tonight I decided to slash my wrists.
Cut my thumb opening the packet of razor blades.
Report bigmo March 4, 2019 12:59 PM GMT
I remember when I picked up this piece at the village hall discotheque, took her for a walk in the woods afterwards. I'm not saying she was ugly but it didn't take her long to find truffles!
Report bigmo March 5, 2019 5:47 PM GMT
Dear Mr Postman, could you deliver this bridesmaid dress for me.

The address is:

Liverpool Football Club
Anfield Road
Liverpool
L4 OTH

Yours sincerely,

Pep Guardiola.
Report bigmo March 5, 2019 5:48 PM GMT
Now that Radio 2 has dropped Michael Jackson's music, I think it's time I went public about what  Ed Sheeran did to me.
Report bigmo March 5, 2019 5:48 PM GMT
It's a little known fact, that in the 1980s statistically, girls called Eileen spent more on dry cleaning than girls with any other name.
Report bigmo March 5, 2019 5:49 PM GMT
Knock Knock

Who's there!
Eileen!
Eileen who?

Eileen Don your door-bell and broke it!
Report bigmo March 6, 2019 4:24 PM GMT
I was booked into a swanky hotel for a business trip. I was laying spreadeagled on the bed stark naked when the chambermaid came in
.
.
.
eventually.
Report bigmo March 6, 2019 4:25 PM GMT
Alexis Sanchez is out injured for 4-6 weeks.

Man.Utd. fans are gutted.

They thought they'd heard 46 weeks.
Report bigmo March 6, 2019 4:25 PM GMT
Don't ever let 80s star Paul Young leave a hat at your house.

He'll try and claim your property.
Report bigmo March 7, 2019 5:20 PM GMT
I had my first parachute jump today and I was terrified.
This guy strapped himself to me and we jumped out.
As we plummeted he said, "So how long have you been an instructor?"
Report bigmo March 7, 2019 5:21 PM GMT
A duck walks into a shop and says "got any bread?"
The shopkeeper replies certainly this is a bakery, after all, what type of bread would you like"
The duck says "I've well messed this joke up haven't I ?".
Report McCoy Carp March 7, 2019 5:32 PM GMT
A blind bloke from our local pub did a sponsored parachute jump. I asked him how it went, he said, "fantastic, the most invigorating thing I've ever done. Mind you, the dog didn't think much of it."
Report bigmo March 8, 2019 9:13 AM GMT
Jakko and Altti finish a hard day of work logging in the forest and decide to go to a bar. They sit together in total silence drinking shot after shot of vodka.

After a few hours of this Jakko is pretty merry, raises his glass and says "Kippis!" (a Finnish Toast)

Altti gives him a reproachful look and says "are we here to talk, or drink?"
Report bigmo March 8, 2019 9:14 AM GMT
A lot of people were confused at the grand opening ceremony of my ribbon-repair business yesterday!!
Report bigmo March 9, 2019 10:31 AM GMT
I introduced the new guy to everyone in the office.
I said "everybody this is Chris he's going to be working with us, he may have difficulty understanding us he's a Mongol"
At which point Libby the feminazi lept up and ranted "you're an utter disgrace to describe Chris that way, I would have said Chris has downs syndrome and learning difficulties".
Then Chris head-butted Libby square in the face.

Guys from Ulaanbaatar don't take insults lightly.
Report bigmo March 9, 2019 10:31 AM GMT
I have half a mind to get another lobotomy!
Report bigmo March 9, 2019 10:38 AM GMT
The absolutely brilliant Welsh nicknames people have been sharing

And it's all thanks to a faux pas from Donald Trump


John Melfyn
Report bigmo March 9, 2019 10:39 AM GMT
Don't know why that copy/paste didn't work.Sad
Report bigmo March 9, 2019 2:15 PM GMT
Today is international sandwich makers day.
Report kincsem March 9, 2019 3:30 PM GMT
Rodney Dangerfield's biography has a joke every page.
I solved my drinking problem.  I joined Alcoholics Anonymous.  I still drink, but I use a different name.
I told my landlord I want to live in a more expensive apartment.  He raised my rent.
My wife was never nice to me.  On out first date, I asked her if I could give her a kiss on the cheek.  She bent over.
Report bigmo March 10, 2019 11:07 AM GMT
Oldie but goldie.


The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an audience, and as they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack "Dopey, my son", says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question thinks for a moment, and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs
burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back and says, "Your extreme holiness! Are there ANY dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world?"
After consulting with his advisors, the Pope responds, "I'm sorry my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling, laughing and pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:







"Dopey sh@gged a penguin!"
"Dopey sh@gged a penguin!"
Report bigmo March 10, 2019 11:08 AM GMT
Avoid the motorways near the N.E.C during Crufts 7-10 March, it’ll be nose to tail everywhere.
Report boxingthefox March 10, 2019 11:43 AM GMT
A woman goes into labour with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father.

He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Report Mick Sturbs March 10, 2019 3:17 PM GMT
boxing....LaughLaughLaugh
Report bigmo March 11, 2019 1:03 PM GMT
I have half a mind to get another lobotomy!
Report bigmo March 11, 2019 1:03 PM GMT
I had to tell my wife to cut down on her drinking as she was ruining her liver.

And her onions were getting pretty ropey too, to say nothing of the mash.
Report McCoy Carp March 11, 2019 1:23 PM GMT
Paddy is at weekly confession, when he asks the Priest, "Father, what have I got to do in order to get to heaven?" The priest replies, "My son, you need to show faith & discipline and that you can mend your ways. If you can go a month without alchohol, gambling and sex you will have passed God's test and be admitted to heaven."

A month later and he's back at confession and the Priest asks how it has gone. "It was the hardest month of my life" he replies. The factory bell would go and all the lads would head to the pub and I had to abstain - but I managed it. Same with the gambling, the lads would get the cards out on our lunch break, and I had to say no. Every night I had to walk home, pass the bookmakers and not go in - but I managed it.

What about sex, asks the Priest? "I got to the 29th day", says Paddy, "when there she was, my missus, short skirt, high heels, fishnet stocking, bending over the freezer. It was too much, I had to have her, there and then."

"That's it," said the Priest, "you'll be banned from heaven forever now." "I should think so," says Paddy, "I've been banned from Tescos as well."
Report boxingthefox March 11, 2019 8:31 PM GMT
Who else thinks the ampersand looks like a dog dragging it's @rse across the carpet, Laugh & & &
Report bigmo March 12, 2019 5:55 PM GMT
There are strong arguments on the topic of energy resources, the need for clean energy quickly, in the light of global warming and the need for better sources of power than burning fossil fuels.
I know one thing Solar power isn’t going to happen overnight.
Report bigmo March 12, 2019 5:55 PM GMT
A lot of people wouldn't know this looking at my wife, but she's a very decorated athlete.  In fact, thanks to her, her side has never once been defeated.

They use her as an "anchor" and tie the end of the rope around her at tug-o-war.
Report boxingthefox March 13, 2019 12:26 PM GMT
I've written a letter to the Royal Mail to complain about my post being stolen. To make sure they see it, I've put it inside a birthday card.
Report bigmo March 13, 2019 12:56 PM GMT
Did you hear about the two Dyslexic, Gay Physicists?

They liked to show each other their Hadrons.
Report bigmo March 13, 2019 12:57 PM GMT
I've bought a copy of Heston Blumenthal's new cookbook: "How To Spend Four Hours messing Around In The Kitchen Just To Boil An Egg."
Report bigmo March 13, 2019 12:57 PM GMT
My wife can't find her hair clips but she remembers what I said 6 months ago at 5:30 pm.
Report ditchbert March 14, 2019 1:20 PM GMT
The wife shouted down from upstairs Have you seen my cocaine.
Yes I shouted back was'nt he in that film Zulu.
Report bigmo March 14, 2019 5:12 PM GMT
Every full moon my mate likes to frequent gay bars and nightclubs and pick up men.

He's a ****wolf.
Report bigmo March 14, 2019 5:12 PM GMT
My wife can't find her hair clips but she remembers what I said 6 months ago at 5:30 pm.
Report boxingthefox March 14, 2019 6:04 PM GMT
Guy and his wife in a restaurant looking at the menu in French and the wife says "I'm having an affair" the guy handing the menu back to the waiter says I'll have the affair as well.
Report boxingthefox March 14, 2019 6:05 PM GMT
"can you describe the snake that bit you" 
"yes it was like an angry rope"
Report bigmo March 15, 2019 6:03 PM GMT
Had an accident?

Not your fault?

You're obviously a woman.
Report bigmo March 15, 2019 6:03 PM GMT
If someone makes their fortune in ships we call him a shipping magnate.

If someone makes their fortune in oil
We call them an oil magnate.

What do you call someone who makes his fortune selling fridges?
Report peckerdunne March 15, 2019 6:06 PM GMT
gwon then

A fridge magnate.
Report boxingthefox March 16, 2019 11:16 AM GMT
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.

I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

What's the difference between my ex and the titanic? The titanic only went down on 1,000 people.
Report bigmo March 16, 2019 1:23 PM GMT
A new Eskimo restaurant has opened up near me, so I thought I would pop in and give it a try. The waiter apologised that the menu had not yet arrived from the printers but he could recall the menu to us. That's fine I said, please do.
OK said the waiter, today we have whale meat, whale meat, whale meat or the Vera Lynn.
Whats the Vera Lynn? I asked
The waiter replied, Whale meat again!
Report bigmo March 16, 2019 1:24 PM GMT
"My wife says I have two faults. Apparently, I don’t listen . . . . and something else.”
Report bigmo March 16, 2019 1:24 PM GMT
If whales are so intelligent why do they swim near Japan?
Report bigmo March 16, 2019 1:24 PM GMT
Jokes on you, I got my degree in gender studies while there were still only two of them.
Report boxingthefox March 17, 2019 11:09 AM GMT
Last night I was gazing up at the stars and thinking...............


Where the f**k is my roof!.
Report workrider March 17, 2019 12:13 PM GMT
Laugh
Report bigmo March 17, 2019 1:28 PM GMT
The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and still isn't as sensitive as Salah's legs in the penalty box!
Report bigmo March 17, 2019 1:28 PM GMT
Hopalong Happychopper walks into the saloon and the bartender says
"Howdy stranger, ain't seen you in these parts, so you must be here to watch the hanging".
Hopalong looks the bartender menacingly in the eyes and replies.
"Nope, but seeing we're talking who are you hanging"?
The bartender says " Well ain't you heard cowboy, we gonna string up Brown paper Rattler mighty high even the angels are gonna hear his neck break".
Hopalong asks " Why they call him Brown paper Rattler"?
The bartender says "Why old Rattler wears a brown paper Stetson, a brown paper waistcoat and even right down to brown paper socks".
Hopalong then asks "So why you hanging him"? and the bartender replies.
"For rustling".

Yeehaw older than the gold in them there mines...don't make me come back now
Ye hear.
Report boxingthefox March 17, 2019 3:07 PM GMT
I saw the human Torch today when I was filling up my car and I asked him for an autograph an ignorant fec**r just rolled around on the ground screaming.
Report boxingthefox March 17, 2019 3:07 PM GMT
and the*
Report bigmo March 18, 2019 4:18 PM GMT
Just had a dealer try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.

Obviously a sham rock.
Report bigmo March 18, 2019 4:19 PM GMT
Every time my missus complains about my lame puns, I spike her food and trigger her food intolerance.

She's a gluten for punishment.
Report bigmo March 18, 2019 4:19 PM GMT
MARRIED MEN: If your freezer is on the blink, stick the ice cubes down the wife's knickers so they don't melt.
Report boxingthefox March 18, 2019 10:22 PM GMT
New restaurant opened near me called karma. there's no menu you get what you deserve!.
Report bigmo March 19, 2019 12:32 PM GMT
Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.
Report bigmo March 19, 2019 12:32 PM GMT
Diane Abbott has described her appearance on Question Time as a ''horrible experience''. On the bright side, it could have been worse; she could have been on Countdown.
Report McCoy Carp March 19, 2019 1:27 PM GMT
Have you heard about the little purses the Rabbi's make out of the discarded foreskins from circumcising? When you rub them they turn into a suitcase.
Report FIGJAM March 20, 2019 12:44 PM GMT
Text from John to his next door neighbour:

Hi, George, I've got a confession to make. I've been worried about it for a few months and have been trying to
get up the courage to tell you face-to-face, so I'm telling you in this text as I need to let you know.
The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night.
In fact, probably much more than you do.
I haven't been getting it at home for months, although I know that is no excuse.
I hope you'll accept my sincere apology.
Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Regards, John

Neighbour’s Response: 
George, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door and shot John dead.
He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a large drink and sat down on the sofa.

George then noticed another text on his phone from John

Second Text Message:
Hi, George, John here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text.
I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned spell-check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife". 
Bloody technology, it'll be the death of me.
Report bigmo March 21, 2019 12:49 PM GMT
“If you're surprised that Facebook sells your data, then you're the reason why packets of peanuts have 'may contain nuts' written on them.”
Report bigmo March 21, 2019 12:51 PM GMT
The Germans and Americans were reaching a stalemate in WWI.
In World War I there was trench warfare, and neither the Americans nor the Germans could get the upper hand. They were reaching a stalemate. One day, an American came up with a plan that would win them the war.

This private explained his plan to his trench mates, and they figured, "Why not? It's not like we have any better ideas." The next day, an American soldier called out, "Hans!?" A German popped up and shouted back, "Ja?!" Boom, the German was shot dead. The next day the Americans shouted again, "Hans?!" "Ja?!" Shot dead. This process continued over the next couple of days. The Germans were losing large numbers and were now finally catching on.

The Germans had an emergency meeting. They thought they could come back from the heavy losses using the same tactics as the Americans. Thus, a German asked, "What is a popular American name?" "John!" replied another. The next day, the Germans decided to execute their plan. A German shouted, "John!?" An American called back, "Is that you Hans?!" "Ja!" And that is how the Americans won WWI.
Report bigmo March 21, 2019 12:52 PM GMT
After incorrectly inserting my pin 3 times, I heard the unmistakable pained groans of my wife from behind me.

This voodoo doll is amazing!
Report steerforth March 21, 2019 2:33 PM GMT
Germans and Americans in trench warfare!!? if you're gonna cut and paste off American pages, surely not too hard to do a quick edit to protect our sensitive ears!
Report boxingthefox March 21, 2019 3:12 PM GMT
Well done bigmo, keep up the good work please, God knows we need cheering up more than ever. Happy

Thank you steerforth, we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view, keep posting your great jokes......................hold on a minute.Crazy
Report bigmo March 22, 2019 8:25 AM GMT
Sadly my obese parrot has died from overeating.

At least it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
Report bigmo March 22, 2019 8:26 AM GMT
If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would come 4th to save walking up to the Podium.
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