HELLO, good afternoon & welcome to my latest blog. I’ve always found that following Henry Hill’s sage-like words of wisdom have stood me in good stead for most things. He once told me: “Never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut.”
I’ve since added one more thing to the above: “Never hire plastic shoes.”
Tour guides in Turkey are a bit like internet search engines – they never take you where you want to go at the first time of asking. I somehow ended up on a gorge walk through Saklikent gorge in Turkey the other week and as I didn’t want to damage my pair of John Lobbs I was forced to borrow the most ghastly pair of plastic rhythms you’ve ever seen in your life. Couple this with the fact that I’d upset some of the locals down the road in Dalyan only a few weeks prior and I ended up with some shocking blisters having to kick the living daylights out of three loons who’d been sent over on a Dolmus to sort me out. If you’ve never been on a gorge walk, I have three pieces of advice for you: “Don’t do it if there’s any chance you’ll be followed by a trio of Turkish troublemakers, make it look like an accident when you give them a hiding and never hire plastic shoes.”
Having narrowly escaped a crack on the skull with Akira’s bowler hat the other day, I’m feeling quite lucky. I’ve since made it up with him by sorting him and his mates out with some top quality salt and talcum powder. They’re into sumo – a nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat.
Onto this weekend’s sporting action and there’s a cracking bet in Serie A. Sassuolo (couldn’t score in a house of ill-repute/bottom of the league) play Inter (won 3-0 on their last Serie A away trip). Back Inter @ 1.84 for an easy wallet-improver.